Scared of having a boy

[FallingOffRocker]

I am quite scared to post this message as I think I can predict some of the responses ... but here goes. I am about 36 weeks pregnant now, and all through my pregnancy I have been trying to supress strong feelings of wanting a girl rather than a boy. Now that it's so close, I am suddenly really really scared that I won't be able to love a boy at all. To be honest I sometimes wonder if I will feel maternal at all, but on the whole I can imagine myself loving and adoring a little girl, whereas when I try to visualise having a boy I just feel a bit ... nothing. I KNOW absolutely that the first priority is a healthy baby, and also how very very lucky I am to be pregnant at all, and that this feeling is irrational. But I don't know quite how to deal with it (I've been trying to for nearly 9 months now!) or even why I feel this way. Has anyone else felt like this? Can you reassure me that I will love a little boy, however ridiculous that sounds?

Can I ask what concerns you particularly about having a boy? WHat qualities do you think a girl will possess that a boy doesn't? What is it about a boy that makes you think you won't bond with him? Also, is this your first child?
TIA!

you're not being unreasonable if that is what you're worried about - is there any reason why you'd prefer a girl (ie were you an only child/with sisters)? Have you heard stories re boys being nightmares etc etc ? I am sure that you are likely to deal with whatever you have and love it but was just wondering where the strong preference comes from.

First of all, you are not unusual, so please don't be scared.
Lots of people have similar feelings, often they are proved wrong when the baby is born, but it is good to acknowledge and be prepared.
No advice but others will be able to help

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I really really really wanted a girl, and didn't find out the sex of the baby, so. like you I was dreading having a boy.

I had a boy and now I can't ever imagine having a girl or what it would have been like. Ds is sooooo affectionate and lovely and I would never ever swop him for a girl.

Now I'm ttc no. 2, and would really rather like another boy (although girl would be just as nice!)

Don't worry - you will love a little boy as much as a litle girl! But I do know how you are feeling right now.

I'm in a similar situation. I already have a dd and am now expecting a boy (actually, nobody knows that so shh). I genuinely didn't mind this time and thought it was a boy but Dh was convinced it would be a girl and is finding it a bit strange coming to terms with it. I think his view stems from having a 'troublesome' older brother and remembering what he and his brother got up to without his parents' knowledge as a child/teen but also from already knowing what to do with a girl and being confident in dealing with females; he seems to feel we've done a pretty good job with our dd (and I agree ) but isn't convinced he could do as good a job with a boy. TBH I'm turning a blind eye to it because I know he's a fantastic dad and it will turn out fine in the end- as of course it will for you. Everybody has nerves and it could be that this is the way yours are presenting themselves. Incidentally, I couldn't envisage myself with a boy first time or a girl this time so it could be that you don't feel much when you think about boys because you know subconsciously that it's a girl.... Either way, you will love your baby, promise.

Yes, I can reassure you that you will most definitely love your baby if it's a boy. And you will one day look back and see how very little difference it made (in the beginning at least)

Girl newborns and boy newborns are pretty much exactly the same in looks, temperament and gorgeousness! You won't look at him and think "oh no, a boy" you'll think "oh wow, a baby!"

I wanted a girl desperately, I cried when I found out he was a boy, but I realise now my reasons for feeling that way were almost all about wanting to dress a baby in little pink cute frilly clothes, and decorate a bedroom in fairies and muslin drapes.

The reality of a baby is that regardless of gender they puke and get poo on all their clothes, you won't want to be fiddling with fussy buttons and ironing frills so they'll probably end up living in babygrows for the first few months anyway, and they'll want to be in your bedroom for quite a long time so you'll probably not decorate it with princesses and hearts, unless that's what you like anyway!

And if you're imagining that you won't have anything in common with a boy, you WILL have things in common with YOUR boy! And most things you would do with a girl you can still do with a little boy, like baking and stuff. You don't have to have a house full of guns and monsters and dull blue clothes.

Your concern will be his welfare and you'll think he's beautiful and amazing no matter what. After a few weeks they start to look at you with such love in their eyes, you won't even remember longing for a girl. And anyway, it won't be your only opportunity to have a child, will it? There's always next time, if this one turns out to be a boy.

I was the same, it's all that:

"a son's your son til he meets his wife,
a daughter's your daughter for the rest of your life"

crap that worried me. I found out at 20 wks (in case it was a boy and I was disappointed - ) and it was - and I was really happy.

I love him to bits and can't imagine having a girl. (Not that it wouldn't be great too!)

We're not finding out this time around, I'd be really pleased if I got another boy!

I can understand how you're feeling, but really, don't worry. Wait til you hold your baby and those hormones kick in...

And besides, boys rock. I have 2 and they are fab.

fallingoffrocker, i desperatly wanted a girl with my 2nd pregnancy and hoped and hoped that baby would be a girl..............he wasnt! BUT i bonded with him instantly and can honestly say i felt the most imense love for him the instant i saw him (i didnt have this with ds1...PND as it turned out..) i never gave having a girl a 2nd thought after that and am now very proud to be a mum of 2 teenage boys,gorgeous that they are too! check out my profile!
of course you will love your child regardless of sex,so please dont worry just enjoy being a mummy!

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You will love a boy. I reckon you've just got near-birth irrational fears. You're in a highly emotional state.

Is this your first baby?

Don't be scared, when we are pregnant ALL kinds of thoughts pass through most of our minds!

If it's any help, I am same stage as you, and I accidently found out the sex.. I have heard so many stories about scan errors, I still view the baby as a baby, not because I particuarly want one sex over another, their health is my main wish, tbh, what is to be will be, when the cards are dealt out for me.

I personally went through a, I would be an awful mum to a girl mind set and wound myself up imagining the teenage years (I am so when I think of the hell I put my parents through at times.. I am not particularly known for my femininess either, so the whole how would I cope with a girl really bothered me. Fortunately DH was really supportive when I told him my worries and he knew straight away who would be doing things like hair etc, if we did have a girl. I also have numerous female friends who are good role models and at the end of the day every baby is different and that will be part of the fun/frustration (dare I say it!) of learning about the new member to our family.

Don't worry yourself too much, I think you'll be ok,

Thanks everybody - I wasn't expecting responses so quickly! I feel a lot better already! I do know in my heart that I'm being irrational. I think it must be because I come from a family of girls and am close to my sisters, and have mainly nieces, all of whom I adore. My nephews happen to live overseas and so I adore them from afar - I don't really know them as such. So perhaps that's why ... but thank you for all your messages, it's so comforting to know that I'm not a total nutter having these thoughts!

I am in same postion too, I know I am having a girl and I "knew" before I was told also, but I still can't help really worrying that they might have got it wrong and have nightmares about giving birth and it's a boy! I know, I know, I feel dreadful feeling like this and I do believe that if it does happen, I will love them anyway because I have a ds already. But I know what hard work boys seem to be, more when they get to school than when they are babies, (although toddler boys tend to be rougher and less calm aswell.) I work in an infants school as a TA and the boys are harder work generally speaking than the girls; tend to be more noisy/rough/silly/disruptive also needing to be organised more and given help with ideas for games to play. Of course they are great fun and full of energy too, and no two children are the same; I really wouldn't be without mine, but I do feel I would need a lot of time and space to get my head around the idea of another one!

I think, tbh, a lot of women want girls, certainly for their first cild, as they imagine themselves more readily with girls and often identify more easily with them. I was the same before having dses. When we found out ds1's gender I had a brief deflated 'oh' moment, because I'd always imagined myself with a girl first. But that passed very quickly and very soon I was delighted. I have two boys now and with ds2 I was absolutely thrilled. Tbh, I find it very difficult to imagine having girls now too, although we would like a third child someday. I think boys possibly sometimes do have more physical energy than girls, but they do not have to be 'rough' and into guns! ds1 is 2.7, exceptionally sweet and loving, has always had the full range of toys (toy cooker, dustpan and brush, tea set, train set, baby doll, wooden cars) and as a result enjoys all sorts of things.

I will second panic pants.

I spent whole first pg longing for a girl. Felt a bit ambivalent when ds was born...and now can't even bear to write that! He was wonderful, gorgeous amazing, cuddly, cute and I LOVED HIM TO BITS and still do

2nd pg I wanted another boy, and got gorgeous gorgeous dd instead. Love them both to little mint balls.

I have read that girls are more highly prized than boys in Western culture, and I know a lot of my friends wanted girls.

But when I think of ds at 3 with his Thomas the Tank obsession, he was wonderful.

As will yours be, whatever the gender!

Also, aren't boys meant to be more loving and cuddly? I know some people say this, and ds was certainly more cuddly than dd

Can I just say that boys are a delight and I'm sure you'll fall in love with him,if it is a boy !!

ds is as affectionate and cuddly as anything,even at 10 - he's gentle and sweet and adorable !

In my younger days, before the long years of not wanting DC at all, I had always kind of assumed I would have a daughter. Yet when I found out I was PG within a few days of getting the BFP I was just so, so convinced that it was a boy. I used to have these incredibly powerful mental pictures of a little blond boy running across a field. THe scans were always inconclusive 'baby's knees are in the way, dear' - and the 2nd thing Isaid when DS popped out was, 'I told you he was going to be a boy.' And I was thrilled.

It's OK to feel the way you are feeling, and you will love your baby when s/he arrives, whatever the gender.

Ooh I've been there.

Boys terrified me. I've been a girl, I already had a girl. Boys were that complete unknown (Psycho thinks her boys scared me, but it wasn't that, it was just that completely different species thing).

When DS was born it did take a while to adjust - I had always had this image in my head of two daughters (all my side of the family have 2 girls at least for the first 2), and there was an element of grieving for that lost child.

Don't get me wrong, I loved DS, but he wasn't what I had pictured.

I then had one night, I saw him sleeping in his crib, and I suddenly welled up with love for my son. Not my baby. Not the non-girl. For my little man.

He is so so different from DD - he bashes and he climbs and he turns everything into a sword (even at 22 months), but he is loving and caring and has the most mischievous grin that he gets away with way more than DD ever would have.

I remember talking to my mum about some mythical future with my DD having a relationship like I have with my mum (yes, I know I can't predict that, but it would be nice), and how you don't have that same girly closeness, and she pointed out the benefits of a big manly son to come and give hugs etc.

If I go for a third, I think I can honestly say that I would be happy with either sex - they have their pros and cons. When DS is climbing up bookshelves I think a girl would be better, but when DD throws a hissy fit because her hairclips are wrong I opt for a boy!

You feel guilty for feeling like this. You will feel guilty if you have a boy during those first few weeks getting your head round it, but you will get your head round it. I wouldn't swap my little man for anything in the world.

(well, I lie - right now he is on offer free to a good home so I can get a few hours sleep )

I was also slightly disappointed when I discovered that I was having a little boy instead of a girl. All my DH's friends and family have boys - every single one of the kids are boys - so I wanted a girl to be different and to give the family a wee girl. Unfortunately that was not to be but I am now starting to look forward to the rough and tumble that I will be able to have with my son.

Theonly problem I now have is the MIL who insists on spending every phone call to me bemoaning the fact that I am not having a girl and that is starting to really annoy me.

Hi

Just to say I am in the same position (37 weeks, don't know sex as hospital policy is not to tell and I didn't want to know anyway), and have always thought that I would rather have a girl (even before I became pregnant). I have been trying (partly subconsciously I think) to think of this baby as a boy at least as often if not more often than I think of it as a girl, to avoid getting too certain that it is one or the other. I am sure when it arrives that I will be happy either way, but I know how you feel as part of me is worried that I will be disappointed (even momentarily) if it turns out to be a boy.