Scared of having a boy

[FallingOffRocker]

I am quite scared to post this message as I think I can predict some of the responses ... but here goes. I am about 36 weeks pregnant now, and all through my pregnancy I have been trying to supress strong feelings of wanting a girl rather than a boy. Now that it's so close, I am suddenly really really scared that I won't be able to love a boy at all. To be honest I sometimes wonder if I will feel maternal at all, but on the whole I can imagine myself loving and adoring a little girl, whereas when I try to visualise having a boy I just feel a bit ... nothing. I KNOW absolutely that the first priority is a healthy baby, and also how very very lucky I am to be pregnant at all, and that this feeling is irrational. But I don't know quite how to deal with it (I've been trying to for nearly 9 months now!) or even why I feel this way. Has anyone else felt like this? Can you reassure me that I will love a little boy, however ridiculous that sounds?

I never admitted it to anyone but my dh but I felt like this through my pregnancy with ds and I just want to reassure you that I absolutely adore him and now we are ttc #2 I actively want another boy rather than a girl.

My experience was that when ds was actually born and it became reality it didn't matter even a jot what sex he was, he was just my baby. In my exp the sex only matters before they are born - afterwards they could be anything and you love them!! So even though I have a preference for a boy this time I know it won't matter what sex it is when it is born.

I understand why you're worried about this but I honestly think it will not be an issue when the baby is born.

Good luck!!

Oh yes and I also meant to say that I think this feeling is fairly common amongst women because it is easier to imagine having a girl because it's what you know (being a girl that is). Having a boy seems alien just because males generally are alien!! So I think your feelings are natural and you shouldn't be ashamed of feeling that way.

Absolutely agree with Nooname - was distraught at thought of son but he is absolute delight now he has arrived and you will love him. Don't give it a second thought and good luck with everything.

I had DD when I got pg with DS and I really did not want a little boy, it just seemed unimaginable, me being mum to a son and I certainly didn't want one.
Of course, he was a son I must ahve said to a million people, 'Just my luck it'll be a boy as I don't want one'.
I now have the most adorable little mummys boy I could've wished for. I honestly believe once it is born, boy or girl, you'll forget your worries. You may be desperate to try again so you get that little girl you've dreamed of, but even if you get her, your son with be just as cherished I'm sure.
Good luck.

I have 4 girls and a boy who is now 1 year. When I got pregnant I really didn't want a boy at all. I had 4 girls, knew what to do and loved them to pieces. Every boy I saw through pregnancy was either really energetic and in your face or just plain naughty and I dreaded having one

Ds1 is the most fantstic baby I have ever known including his 4 sisters
He is adorable, cute, cuddly, loving, sweet, easy to be around, fun and I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. I look at him every day and fall in love even more.

I do agree that once your baby is born you will melt with love when you look at him or her xxx

Fallingoffrocker - first time round I wanted (and got) a girl. This time round I'm convinced it's a boy and I feel fairly neutral about boys myself - I grew up with brothers and no girls and I just am not sure I understand boys at all. But hey, parenting is a learning curve whatever you get and I'm sure whatever is ahead, we will all cope with it and love our LOs just the same, whatever the plumbing arrangements!

Has anyone else noticed that when preg friend says that she is having a girl, everyone cheers wildly and gets really excited but when the announcement is a boy you almost feel obliged to commiserate? So unfair .

I can't tell you how helpful I have found these messages - my outlook before wasn't helped by a MIL who would love us to have a girl, and who has admitted that she found it hard to love her boys initially (ie several years) because she was so disappointed that they weren't girls! It made me think that perhaps I really might struggle with a boy, but having read these messages I really am feeling a lot more positive, so thanks so much - and happy new year!

I have 2 boys, am pg with a girl.

My boys (esp my 3 year old) are the fabbest things EVER. EVER ever ever!

I wanted girls when i was having them, this time i wanted a boy and got a dd!

First time I really wanted a girl and spent nine months convincing myself I was having a boy so as to not be disappointed. Felt a bit wierd (but ok) when she was a girl. Second time I wanted a girl but less strongly. For about five seconds after ds was born was slightly disappointed but then fell instantly in love and have been happy ever after. He is now 10 months, the happiest smiliest baby and if I have another one would be totally happy with either a boy or a girl. (in fact might even slightly favor a boy as my dd was hard work as a baby!)

I had two dds and found out at 20 weeks I was having a boy. Dh screamed and punched the air in celebration - I cried my eyes out as I wanted another girl. ds is now 16 months and it was amazing how much love I felt for him the instant he was born - so much more than for my dds. He is adorable, cuddly, gives me lots of kisses and he has a very special place in my heart (as do my girls).

Don't forget what they say about Mothers and sons, and how special the relationship is meant to be.

I think you sort of fall in love with boy babies, because they are so different to you

If it is a boy, it won't be just 'a boy', it will be your boy, and that will make all the difference.

FlameNFurter's post made me well up!! Beautifully put. I do think that it is true that no matter which sex your wee one is, you do slightly mourn the baby you imagined if it had been the other. I have a 9 week old ds and was convinced I was having a girl, but he looks at me with his enormous brown eyes and I just melt. Plus, I won't have to deal with a teenage girl