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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

nervous about first baby.

36 replies

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 19:13

help,my first baby is due on the 16th of march and i am so nervous.I'm the last in my family to have kids so i have alot to live up to and i'm getting so much conflicting advice from everyone.what do i do?
oh and this is my first time on mumsnet and iv'e probably left messages in all the wrong places,sorry!

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motherinferior · 17/11/2004 19:17

Hello and welcome. What exactly is making you nervous - if that's not a silly question?

I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. I think it's quite normal!

Tessiebear · 17/11/2004 19:25

the best thing i found was to read everything i could get my hands on about what to expect. I figured that if i could work out in my head how i would cope with different senarios it helped me not to panic so much.

tammybear · 17/11/2004 19:26

welcome shortiemum and congratulations. i was the first to have a child out of my family, so i just had my mum given me advice. i find what is best to do is take it on board and think about it but do what you feel is best. my mum has different methods of parenthood to me, and although she brought us all up well, i prefer to do things my own way iykwim. plus now i have mumsnet to rely on too What a godsend this was, pity I didnt find it whilst I was pregnant! i was nervous too but like motherinferior says i think its quite normal. xxxx

Poo2 · 17/11/2004 19:35

Shortiemum - welcome welcome welcome. No need to be nervous any more as you have finally found the oracle of baby stuff! There's no question too big, no worry too small for MN. Try not to get your knickers in a twist over all the different ways of doing the same thing. I thought this was wonderful, as if the first thing I tried didn't work it didn't mean I had failed, I just had a bash at the next one.

Lonelymum · 17/11/2004 19:36

I read a Miriam Stoppard book about pregnancy and childcare every day of my first pregnancy as I had no experience of babies at all until I had mine. It gave me lots of ideas, but I have to say, you learn a lot during the first couple of weeks of being a parent. Decide for yourself how you feel about certain parenting issues, but don't be too inflexible. If you have lots of family members who are experienced, you would do well to listen to their advice, but don't be bamboozled into doing things you don't think are right.
Don't be nervous about having your baby. You will be amazed at how quickly you become an old hand at parenting, and there is always Mumsnet to help you out.

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 19:41

I'm nervous about everything from the actual pregnancy to the birth(i really don't do pain!!!)I don't even know what to call it and me as me and my boyfriend can't agree on any names and then there is abnormalitys and cot death I know i'm worrying too much but I can't help it.am i going mad?

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tammybear · 17/11/2004 19:44

not at all shortiemum, i worried over everything under the sun and brought so much stuff to prevent things and make sure i had everything that half of it i didnt end up using!! i was very worried about the labour, but when i was actually given birth, i was very lucky. i had no pain relief and didnt find it as bad as i thought i would have! the worse part of it was the days after as i had stitches and found going to the toilet was worse than giving birth!!

Catbert · 17/11/2004 19:47

Completely normal to feel like this! I would about people who take it in their stride, but you know? I've never met one! Except dads. And bless their hearts, they are always felled by the birth of their first. They just don't have the same feelings that parenthood has already started, like you do when PG.

DD2 was due exactly the same date this year. She turned up a week early. CONGRATULATIONS!

Unsolicited advice is par for the course for the newly pregnant person. You will even get it from people in the street. You have to create your own advice filter. It's the only way to survive! It doesn't stop when you have the baby either. You just nod. Smile. Say "oooh - that's lovely...", ignore what sounds crap or worrying. Tuck away for later anything that sounds interesting.

I am a great advocate of reading. Books and the internet don't tell you everything, and you shouldn't accept everything you read - but get a selection of books, and read them stage by stage through your pregnancy. Don't skip to "labour and birth" straight away. You've got plenty of time before worrying about that!

Take it all one step at a time. You will be as brilliant as you can be. You will doubt your abilities as much as the next mum, but cope amazingly anyway. You will definately feel what all mums here have talked about - a sense of doing something so utterly amazing you cannot believe you actually did it - and that you can feel so much love for another person!

Good luck - and keep posting!

motherinferior · 17/11/2004 19:49

Well, the birth almost certainly will hurt - you could opt for an elective C-section but they're not without risks. There is pain relief out there, though. I was terrified of the pain in my first pregnancy and was absolutely clear that I'd be opting for an epidural - epidurals are very good at quelling pain in vaginal births (although be warned that they don't always work fully - mine didn't). On the other hand you may find that in reality you'd prefer to keep going with the other pain relief options.

Abnormalities - some of them can be screened for. But if you go down this route, it's a good idea to have some idea of what you'll do if screening finds an abnormality. The rest of it is, sadly, out of your control. Apart from knowing that if you put the baby to sleep on its back you'll drastically cut down the risk of cot death. Parenthood means constant worrying, I'm afraid. Better get used to that now.

But that doesn't mean you can't do something to cut down your worries. I am a bit crap on reading up in advance on babies (odd because I'm usually Missis Prepared) but it's a good idea.

Keep an open mind about lots of stuff - yes, get informed, but don't decide in advance that you'll DEFINITELY follow a certain routine, have a certain type of labour, bottle/breastfeed for definite, and so on. You just can't tell.

Names - hey, girl, you've got months and months and months. Honestly. You may not believe this but my partner and I were still arguing vaguely about what to call our second baby (and we didn't know the sex) the day I gave birth. I swear we only went for the name we did because when I said 'oh yes, what about XXX' (I'd been reading a book by someone with the same name, and remembered that I'd always liked the name and meant to call a daughter it - durr-brain or what, I'd already had one girl) and we didn't have time to argue about that one too.

Does any of that help ?

Poo2 · 17/11/2004 19:51

Shortiemum - please don't panic about the birth. The midwives are all lovely ladies who will drug you up to the eyeballs if that's what you want. I managed mine wihtout so much as a whiff of gas and air as nobody believed I was in labour, and I coped fine. There's been some lovely threads on names on here - try and find out how to search on threads. Have you got any family names you like?

tammybear · 17/11/2004 19:52

oh and with names, me and exp agreed that if the baby was a girl, he would name her, and if a boy, i would. good job exp's grandmother had a very pretty name that dd was named after!

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 19:53

I am also finding how rude people can be,i'm almoast 21 but look younger than I am and now i'm really begining to show(i'm 23 weeks)people really look down their noses at me especialy other women.why do they do this?

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motherinferior · 17/11/2004 19:56

Because everyone wants to give mothers advice. Believe me. I'm 20 years older than you, and it happened to me.

How short are you, anyway? Are you shorter than me? I'm 5ft.

tammybear · 17/11/2004 19:56

i was 18 when i had dd, 20 now, and still have people looking down their noses at me. please try to ignore it! some people are just not very open minded. i always smile at them which freaks them out lol. i also look about 12 when i have no make up on, and about 16 when i do!

Lonelymum · 17/11/2004 19:56

Worrying about every aspect of pregnancy, birth and child-rearing sounds absolutely normal to me. I think it means you care for your baby and want to do the best for it. I certainly wrooied about everything you mentioned and a few more besides (which I won't mention in case you haven't thought of them yet!) The only thing I would say about the birth is that it won't last that long. The pain is usually bad, but it is soon over and done with (and the best bit is, you have something to show for it when it is over - believe you me, that helps!) Try not to do what I did though and that was worry about the birth for nine months. After a labour of a few hours, I realised how silly I was to worry for nine months about something that in reality was so much shorter.

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 20:10

I am 5ft tall aswell and begining to look like a weeble.

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motherinferior · 17/11/2004 20:13

Been there. Unfortunately I can guarantee that (a) you will get even more weeblish (b) everyone is going to comment. I suggest you brush up on some not too polite responses NOW.

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 20:19

ok any sugestions?also any tips for backache.

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tammybear · 17/11/2004 20:32

for backache, a hot water bottle on my back helped me, and sitting on a very comfty pillow.

Mirage · 17/11/2004 20:46

Shortiemum,I am the world's biggest wimp when it comes to pain & was a bit anxious about giving birth.

But when it actually happened,I can honestly say that it was no where nearas bad as I'd thought.I gave birth with no pain relief at all as there wasn't time.The one thing that stuck with me,was that when you get to the stage when you think that you can't possibly do it any more & want to get up & go home-that is when the baby is about to arrive.

DD is now 14 months & I am expecting No2 in June next year-I must be either mad or stupid

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 20:47

I may well sound like a right numpty but iv'e been reading some conversations and what does Dd or Ds stand for?feel free to laugh at me!

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tammybear · 17/11/2004 20:49

dont worry you'll get use to it. if you click on Acronym List at the top where all the links up, it comes up with what the abbreviations mean. ds = darling son, dd = darling daughter

tammybear · 17/11/2004 20:49

that was meant to be where all the links are. its the 2nd one from the left on the bottom row

nailpolish · 17/11/2004 20:52

just a quick hello and to wish you all the luck for your labour, birth and new baby. its good you are nervous, i wasnt in the slightest and boy, did i get a shock! please dont worry about people looking down their noses at you, they probably are just jealous! and if you start to receive unwanted advice from every corner, do what i did and nod and smile then do what you want. looking forward to hearing all about your new baby next year xxx

shortiemum · 17/11/2004 20:58

thanks so much every one.I stumbled across mumsnet by mistake and now i'm so glad i did.i feel a little more relaxed now,and you have allbeen so helpfull and so nice,i will definatly bee using mumsnet alot.and i'll keep you all posted on how i'm getting on.

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