Saving for mat leave and wondering what is fair.

[Allthesweets]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. I am earning quite a bit more than my partner, probably about 1k per month more. So, I am making sure that I save about £850 per month from my salary until my pay/mat leave pay stops and I go onto SMP/no pay, so that I have enough to cover myself and my part in the mortgage/bills while I'm on mat leave. I will have 6 months full pay, then 4 months of SMP and then nothing until 13.5 months when I go back.

I'm not expecting my partner to save any money or pay any extra towards the house at any point even on mat leave, as I can save enough to cover my bills and any money that I will need while I'm on mat leave. So I won't be dependent on him. I will be expecting him to contribute to buying things for the baby, but he won't need to pay any extra than that for living etc.

I just wondered if you think that this is fair that he doesn't pay any extra in living/bills etc. and whether anyone has any of their own experiences of this to share?

Hopefully I have explained this properly. Terrible MS is making my brain go to mush.

Thanks x

My own personal experience is that all money went into one account and all money came out of that account. So when I was on maternity leave we were not doing sums to see who paid what or who paid more.
Has he offered to pay extra? Has there been any discussion around finances?

It's his child too, though - why wouldn't he cover the shortfall from you not earning money as you're looking after your joint child? Same as you should cover his loss of earnings if he went on paternity leave - is he doing that?

You’re a family, just share your money. If it’s his child then he’s as much to blame for your drop in earnings so why shouldn’t he be paying more?

He absolutely should be covering some of the costs of your mat leave. As well as baby items, and childcare when you're back at work.

I’d be charging him 50% of the costs of

1. Loadings for 9 months inside of you for his child
2. Food/drink for his child for 9 months plus however long you breast feed
3. Wear and tear and maintenance cost on your body due to you growing a parasitic human from entirely your own bodily resources and then breastfeeding (if you are doing that)
4. Compensation for pain, discomfort and stressed caused during the birthing of his child from a rather small hole in your body
5. A complete refusal to do more than 50% of domestic duties whilst on leave- including care of his child
6. Night shift allowance

I’m sure there’s more Stop minimising the impact of your pregnancy and recovery from that to him. Of course you need time to recover and time to breastfeed (if that’s the case) . You are not going to be passively carrying a baby and then being on maternity leave. You are growing a baby and then you will be working harder than you ever will in your life again. He needs to contribute 50%. You are having a child togther. You need to start adulting and share your resources like money togther,

It's not fair, as all the financial burden of mat leave is falling on you alone, when he benefits from you creating and then looking after your shared child. I would expect him to contribute a proportion of the amount needed per month based on your relative salary differences. That's assuming you don't want to simplify things and pay both your salaries into a joint account as family money.

If you need childcare at any point, he will also be responsible for his fair share of that cost too.

How will the household survive when you return to work, and nursery fees need to be paid?
You both need to look at how money is going to look after maternity, and work back to how money needs to look from now. It shouldn't be you making all the sacrifices while your partner carrys on spending as normal.

This sounds bonkers to me. Why are you not considering the costs of having a baby as joint? One of the costs is your loss of income.

My DH and I have both of our salaries paid into our joint account. All bills come out of that account, food shopping and anything our two DDs need. Money that’s left over is split between savings and our own accounts.

I earn more than my DH but he does a lot to facilitate my job so why shouldn’t he benefit from the extra money from that? When I went on maternity leave, he also had to make sacrifices to cover the shortfall as he is also our child’s parent.

That sounds fair to me since he earns £1k a month less than you.

You’re acting like you’re having this baby alone and live with a flat mate so need to keep covering costs. Of course he should help with the shortfall. You’re carrying his child and will be jointly raising it, You’re not adopting a puppy against his wishes.

In my view 2 able working people should split all the costs 50/50. I personally don't see the issue with your approach, but I like my financial independence and I am sure lots of people will disagree

You need to manage your resources jointly. Set a budget for now, during maternity leave, and then when you go back to work. Pool your incomes AND if you need to your savings.
Stop with the I’ll pay for this and you pay for that millarky….it is way too difficult once the child is here…and while you’re at it get married to give you and your child legal and financial protection …you are not a single women anymore

I just want to say I don’t get paid maternity only SMP, I earn more than my partner only starting in June last year but there’s about 1k between our wages now. I’ve managed to save 8k whilst he is terrible at saving. Sometimes I feel like it shouldn’t have just been me saving, but I’m planning to take a year off and don’t want him struggling.
When it comes to monthly bills when I’m off I’ll contribute from my savings and he may need to pay a bit more per month as 8k won’t last a whole year.
To comprise I’ve said he can pay for furniture, prams, etc.

Well the cost of you going on mat leave is a joint cost - but if you earn more and your suggested arrangement is what is most feasible for you as a household then I think that’s fine as long as you are happy with that. I think though that if he can save he should save at least some.

Why are you covering the cost of having his child. If you don't want to pool money then charge him 50% at least.

You are already taking the physical and career hit, why the financial too?

He should be going havles on everything including maternity clothes, pregnancy yoga etc.

I think the fact you're asking if it's fair makes me think that you don't beleive it is. However, I disagree with everyone here about sharing finances. As an ex banker, joint accounts can cause massive problems especially if you have one partner who is better at managing finances than the other. I'm doing the same as you with my partner. We both have our own houses, in different cities, and work in those cities. I'm covering the costs of SMP by saving my wage and he isn't contributing because he has his own bills etc to pay for. I'm also the bigger wage earner. You don't have to conform to the status quo 😃

I agree with your approach and will be doing the same. My partner earns much less than me and would struggle to support us both. It is what it is.

If I took the stance that he should support us both, we would struggle massively and why would I cut of my nose to spite my face when I could have just saved and had a comfortable mat leave? So I've been saving for a long time in preparation for having a baby!

Also just realised it probably makes a big difference that I get enhanced maternity pay which is 3 months full, 3 months half pay, 3 SMP, 3 nothing.

If I didn't get that, of course maybe I'd be thinking differently.

Equal disposable spending money after bills are paid is often touted on here as a good approach.
Saving in this way sounds like it will mean that this is achieved?
This is only the case because you earn 1K more - I would not be suggesting this if you earned similar amounts.
Interesting that some posters are saying he should pay more during your maternity leave as he will be earning more - but don't seem to think the same thing applies in reverse pre maternity leave.

Personally I think once you have children you need to pool the joint income, pay the bills and divvy up the rest. Unfortunately it's not great for the higher earner, but that was OK when it was usually the men

You should have the same amount of spending money for yourselves, after all bills and child costs are paid. If you were married I'd suggest pooling everything, paying bills from a joint account, deciding whether to save any money, and then splitting the rest. But since you're not married you'll want to consider whether this is wise or not. Seriously recommend marriage - such a sensible way to protect yourself now and in retirement. Weddings don't have to cost much.

@Grinnypiggy

You should have the same amount of spending money for yourselves, after all bills and child costs are paid. If you were married I'd suggest pooling everything, paying bills from a joint account, deciding whether to save any money, and then splitting the rest. But since you're not married you'll want to consider whether this is wise or not. Seriously recommend marriage - such a sensible way to protect yourself now and in retirement. Weddings don't have to cost much.

Marriage wouldn't protect OP as the higher earner, it would protect her DP

You won’t get 4 months of SMP as it can only be paid for 39 weeks and kicks in when you start maternity leave.

My partner and I are basically doing what you are doing (putting aside money for when on mat leave) but we both earn the same amount so we are contributing equally.

As we don't know how you currently split your bills we don't know how much your partner has left over each month. Maybe it's not realistic for him to save while it is for you? If that's the case then this seems fair, especially if you want to continue to have finances split after you return to work.

But I do agree life might be easier having joint finances, especially when thinking about how much you are willing to spend on nursery fees!

I think you do what ever is right for the both of you & your situation. As long as you both agree and are happy with that. I have a 4 year old & am due next month. Before having our 1st are wages were pretty much the same and we split everything down the middle then the rest was our own money to do as we pleased. I’ve been working part time for the past 3 years or so and my partner pays for the mortgage, gas, electric, council tax, broadband. I cover a few smaller bills like water, tv licence & then pay for food. Anything our child needs we usually pay joint for. I’ve saved just over £2000 to help while I’m on maternity this time. My partner never asked me too but its something I wanted to do for me. I like to feel I have some control over my own finances and would hate to have to go to him for money (maybe the ex banker in me). I know my situation is different to yours but what I’m basically saying is do what makes you happy & comfortable