Saving for mat leave and wondering what is fair.

[Allthesweets]

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this. I am earning quite a bit more than my partner, probably about 1k per month more. So, I am making sure that I save about £850 per month from my salary until my pay/mat leave pay stops and I go onto SMP/no pay, so that I have enough to cover myself and my part in the mortgage/bills while I'm on mat leave. I will have 6 months full pay, then 4 months of SMP and then nothing until 13.5 months when I go back.

I'm not expecting my partner to save any money or pay any extra towards the house at any point even on mat leave, as I can save enough to cover my bills and any money that I will need while I'm on mat leave. So I won't be dependent on him. I will be expecting him to contribute to buying things for the baby, but he won't need to pay any extra than that for living etc.

I just wondered if you think that this is fair that he doesn't pay any extra in living/bills etc. and whether anyone has any of their own experiences of this to share?

Hopefully I have explained this properly. Terrible MS is making my brain go to mush.

Thanks x

As long as you both agree and are happy with the decision it doesn't really matter? I earn a lot more than my DH and I covered the shortfall on my earning from savings when I was on 50% pay during ML - he just simply wouldn't have been able to.

You don't have to stay off 13.5 months with several months unpaid? presumably you want to?

As long as you intend to split the cost of childcare fairly I don't see anything wrong 😑 in what you have proposed?

How much do you trust him financially? If you had joint accounts do you think he'd spend more on himself?

I did exactly what you're describing and it worked for us. Honestly there's no right or wrong - it's what works for your family and you feel is fair. If you're asking because you have a little niggling feeling of something not being right you should work that out with your partner. Or me I'd worked sooo hard to be financially independent (my mum was completely dependent on my dad) - I didn't want to let go of that during maternity and was in the fortunate position that I don't have to. It also meant I felt I could be more challenging about how much DH helps with our baby - he does loads more than most Dads I know - because we're sharing the financial burden equally. Not sure I should feel that way tbh but I do so that's what worked for us.

I never understand posts like this. We just put everything into the same pot and have everything come out of that pot. Why should you face the shortfall and not him.

Look at it as family income and outgoings. We were paid into same account, outgoings paid out of that account and the nursery fees by the time we needed that. Why is it all your salary and having to budget for that when it's a joint baby?!

Have you had a conversation about money on maternity leave and where you (as in both of you) might be able to cut back, especially in the unpaid bit?

You’ve just got to do what’s right for you, I earn a lot more than my husband so I’ve just worked out if we’ll earn the same or not when I’m on MAT and we will so during my MAT leave we’ll pay 50:50 for household bills etc whereas normally I pay more because it seems only fair. Works for us but you just gotta do what works for you both

I would tend to say having one account is far easier to work with than trying to divvy things out. It seems to me that that is a recipe for upset. I don't really understand separate bank accounts for married couples, but I do have friends who do this and it works for them.

You mentioned you earn more than him so perhaps in the long run you prefer to keep finances separate.

If that the case and you would be reluctant to put everything into a pot to be shared, I would stick to paying your full share and keeping thing separate rather than asking him to cover your mat leave and then switching back to it being yours and his money when your salary increases again.

@Warblerinwinter

I’d be charging him 50% of the costs of

1. Loadings for 9 months inside of you for his child
2. Food/drink for his child for 9 months plus however long you breast feed
3. Wear and tear and maintenance cost on your body due to you growing a parasitic human from entirely your own bodily resources and then breastfeeding (if you are doing that)
4. Compensation for pain, discomfort and stressed caused during the birthing of his child from a rather small hole in your body
5. A complete refusal to do more than 50% of domestic duties whilst on leave- including care of his child
6. Night shift allowance

I’m sure there’s more Stop minimising the impact of your pregnancy and recovery from that to him. Of course you need time to recover and time to breastfeed (if that’s the case) . You are not going to be passively carrying a baby and then being on maternity leave. You are growing a baby and then you will be working harder than you ever will in your life again. He needs to contribute 50%. You are having a child togther. You need to start adulting and share your resources like money togther,

This… don’t underestimate the ‘work’ you will be doing. It’s an enormous job. Im two weeks in to our first newborn, with a very supportive DH who pays more than 50% and contributes a huge effort day to day.. and I still feel I’ve given so much in comparison. Even just a straightforward pregnancy, c sec recovery & breastfeeding is a Herculean effort. Start fairly; as you mean to go on Xo

I'll be doing the same as you. I have 20k saved to cover unpaid mat leave. I will have 30k when I go on mat leave. This extra 10k will cover baby bits and 3 month nursery overlap before I got back to the office.

I am the high earner and my DH cannot afford to service our basic outgoings without my input.
We could live on my salary. We can't live on his.
All this "charge him 50%" nonsense is all good and well but 50% if nothing doesn't pay the council tax or gas bill.

If he was off buying a PS4, £500 pairs of trainers and out at gigs/generally wasting money I'd have questions, but if he is pulling his weight what more can you ask for.
Fair isn't equal.

I agree with others you should have similar disposable income.

I'm just planning out finances too.
My husband and I have been together for 14 years and ALWAYS have had separate money.
He used to earn more than me, and always took care of bills etc.
now I earn way more than him - maybe double.

We work our household where I pay the bills, he covers food shop and all the extra things we do in the month (eating out, fuel, days trips etc)

For mat leave, I'm currently saving to fund myself for as long as possible. He will be buying everything for the baby and furniture etc.
He'll then help out and cover bills etc for when my savings have dwindled away.

Everyone has their own system, to be honest, this way is how I want to work it. I value my financial independence and so does he, so I don't really want to start combining money - but we will work together to make sure everything is paid for and so that I can take as much leave as we need!

Good luck working it all out x

However you organise your finances is really between you two and what you both think is fair. It's not really for us to comment as every couple's situation is different. I do agree, however, that when you have a child together and one of you is out of work for a bit, then sacrifices from both sides would be fair - in proportion. If you're financially comfortable to save so much monthly then that's great, but I think he should chip in some too. And instead of splitting things like bills in half consider maybe looking at what proportion would be fair when considering both your incomes - for example if mortgage and bills would eat up 90% of your maternity pay but only 30% of his salary, then that seems unfair and unequal. You may not be earning a wage but you are doing a job that benefits both of you when you are looking after your baby, you being on maternity leave enables him to keep working full-time, and that should be taken into consideration too.

@Iwonder08

In my view 2 able working people should split all the costs 50/50. I personally don't see the issue with your approach, but I like my financial independence and I am sure lots of people will disagree

But my high salary will be NADA for a year whilst I'm birthing and nursing my our child. Why should I worry about my 50% for that time period? Whilst he's being financially unaffected whatsoever - all whilst having a child delivered to him my the wife.

Plus don't forget that the year I'm taking for mat leave - is a year in the workforce for my husband. Which means he will progress in that year career-wise, whilst I will not. He will get the usual bonus, the standard pay rise, and I will not.

We're in this together. We both take a hit. We pool the money and spend it together.

I LOVE my financial independence, but I love being treated fairly just as much.

Why should his life remain completely unchanged whilst you go through a huge physical change and pain as well as scrimping and saving so you can stump up 50% of the financial aspect too? Meanwhile losing out on a year of career development. It’s completely unfair. Don’t short change yourself in the name of ‘independence’ he needs to step up.

Why on Earth would you think that it's fair that he has to bear very little cost to bringing up your joint (? Presumably though it's a bit unclear due to your thought process) baby? Of course he contributes more financially whilst you can't work due to looking after your joint baby.

Also if you earn more than him, wouldn't it make more sense that he's the main carer (after breastfeeding if that's the plan)

I think if you want to have a year off on maternity leave then you should save to help with the bills during that period - having a year off isn't compulsory it's a choice - so long as then childcare is split 50/50 or fairly depending on earnings

You pay into a joint account proportionate to what you earn % wise by DD and this is spent on all joint household bills and childcare going forward. (Adjusted during mat leave of course so you will pay less during this time). Re-adjusted when you return to work.
The rest of your monies are for each of you to spend or save as you wish.
You will very very very likely be left as a LP with this child if it all goes wrong. As a woman, always think worse case scenario and don't short change yourself now.