Just found out I’m pregnant again

[Kittty91]

I’m on birth control & I breast feed my 1 year old, I miscarried in October (unplanned surprise pregnancy)…
This morning I’ve just gotten another positive, clearly my birth control hasn’t work or I’ve messed up with taking it.

I’m a single mum. The only person I’ve slept with is the father of my daughter.
We’ve been sleeping together casually even though we aren’t together, and being together hasn’t been a topic of conversation for us in any serious context, just a joke of getting married in 5 years, having each other in our lives and which ever partners may or may not crop up…

Ultimately I am on my own raising our 1 year old 98% of the time and the world of adult responsibility (in the form of getting up before noon and having to plan your day around feeds and naps) is far from being his string suite.

I am very very early in this pregnancy, I lost the previous at 5 weeks. I’m oddly calm but concerned about 1) miscarrying again 2) whether I should be having another child (or not) 3) what families will say if it comes to that. (Things didn’t end favourably before & even his family will likely be unimpressed by the news…) and 4) I really don’t know how he will take the news he’s previously said 1’s enough due to us not being together..

He was seeing a girl who is intent on causing fallout between us, and would rather us spend no time together. But we’ve always said important dates & events will be spent as a family so our daughter knows that no matter what we’re both there.
This girl is still around but he’s refusing a relationship with her because it won’t work due to her issue with the above.

I'm reading this as follows: you already have one child (and by the sounds of it a man-child to boot) which you are raising alone in terms of anything that counts.

You still continue to sleep together even though he's clearly also sleeping with somebody else, and now you're pregnant with him for the third time.

Personally if you can co-parent for the sake of your first child so she has a relationship that's fine, but other than that it sounds like you need to cut him off... how is this benefiting you in any way? If he can't step up adequately for one child its hardly going to be better with two.

It sounds like he's well and truly dogging about doing what he wants with who he wants, while you do all the work.

He isn’t currently seeing anyone, and we’ve just been casually hooking up, mostly if I feel like it.

When he’s here with us he’s great with our daughter. He does a lot but when he’s not here he’s working long unsociable hours. He is here regularly though, and spends plenty of time with her.

I’m in a bit of an odd headspace and in shock from the positive.
Its insanely early I know for sure, so anything could happen still. I’m just trying to figure out how I would approach the conversation with him and what I want to do. A big weight on my mind is how everyone would react. Family/friends/him/the girl he was previously seeing (she lost her shit at him for spending our daughter’s birthday with us & for me posting pictures of us on my social media, so she seems a little crazy to me)…

I personally think I am good with the news. I am just anxious about everything else. If nature allows this pregnancy to thrive then it’s what is meant to be as I have been through a termination before years ago and still am not happy with myself for it.

So he's sleeping with you and therefore cheating on his would-be girlfriend? Is he stepping up and being a father to your one year old? Is he paying you money to help with your child? Doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. I know how INCREDIBLY hard it must be to raise a child alone. Can you do it with two of them? You don't have to have this baby if you think it would make your life infinitely harder than it already is - you have options. If you want the baby and think you can raise them both physically, emotionally and financially then I wish you every luck in the world. Hope things work out for you whatever you decide

His girlfriend acted crazy because he was still sleeping with you...

Decide what you want. Talk to him. Find out what he wants.

Whatever happens, after this pregnancy take extra precautions.

It’s like deja-vu. There was another poster with a very similar story to this one very recently, so you aren’t alone OP.

So the big question is, if you’re pleased to be pregnant and having casual sex with him whenever suits you but no relationship is working, what’s the problem? How others would react is a bit 🤷🏼‍♀️ isn’t it, in the nicest possible way. You’re pregnant now. There’ll probably be some negativity in terms of how you got to this point but it’ll iron itself out.

Moving forward, I’d have a good think about the casual sex with a man who seems disinterested and once this pregnancy is over, I’d swap the unreliable contraceptives for a method you don’t have keep track of so closely (eg LARC like the implant, coil or injection).

All the best

We haven’t slept together when they were seeing each other. She’s younger and acts younger, her issue was simply over me and him being in the same room as each other for our child’s birthday & we spent the day at the aquarium apparently that classed as us going on a date?

He has been paying and doing his share, when he’s not working. He co-signed a tenancy with me so that we have a suitable place to live and makes sure we always have what we need.

I know I have options, just not sure whether I’d be able to cope if I did what I did in the past and terminated, as that was soul destroying

They aren’t together and haven’t been for a little while now.
He doesn’t want it because he knows it won’t work.
Her issue was simply that it is inappropriate for me to have posted a picture of the 3 of us on my social media on our daughters birthday.

The talking to him about it is what’s giving me anxiety at the moment

If you do co-parent well, and you want another child, it doesn't sound like the worst situation.

It's better to have an accidental pregnancy with a man you can rely on.

Talk to him OP. It sounds like you can discuss this sensibly.

You sound far too immature and irresponsible tbh , not to meantiom unpleasant to be sleeping with someone else's bf regardless if you have a baby. How old are you?

No advice on the pregnancy front, but maybe you would find this helpful with regards to contraceptive choices in the future:

A new study published in Obstetrics & Gynecology explains that some women have an uncommon genetic difference that makes hormonal contraception less effective for them. In the paper, researchers at the University of Colorado School of Medicine say that around 5 percent of women carry a gene that makes their bodies produce an enzyme that breaks down the hormones in birth control faster than usual.

Spending a day at an aquarium doesnt usually by itself end in pregnancy. You sound incredibly immature. It was very unwise indeed to get pregnant yet again with this unreliable man who does not want a committed relationship with you.

@HacerSonarSusPasos

No advice on the pregnancy front, but maybe you would find this helpful with regards to contraceptive choices in the future:

A new study published in Obstetrics & Gynecology explains that some women have an uncommon genetic difference that makes hormonal contraception less effective for them. In the paper, researchers at the University of Colorado School of Medicine say that around 5 percent of women carry a gene that makes their bodies produce an enzyme that breaks down the hormones in birth control faster than usual.

It's much more likely her body hadn't regulated the contraception again properly following the miscarriage

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

It’s like deja-vu. There was another poster with a very similar story to this one very recently, so you aren’t alone OP.

So the big question is, if you’re pleased to be pregnant and having casual sex with him whenever suits you but no relationship is working, what’s the problem? How others would react is a bit 🤷🏼‍♀️ isn’t it, in the nicest possible way. You’re pregnant now. There’ll probably be some negativity in terms of how you got to this point but it’ll iron itself out.

Moving forward, I’d have a good think about the casual sex with a man who seems disinterested and once this pregnancy is over, I’d swap the unreliable contraceptives for a method you don’t have keep track of so closely (eg LARC like the implant, coil or injection).

All the best

Ty, I know, I’m just the sort to overthink the reaction of others. It’s always been an issue. Not that it impacts what I do, or how I do it lol, it just think about it and then get anxious and do what I planned to anyway 😂

I had injections and the implant before and they made me really sick, so was advised to take the pill as it hadn’t given me many issues other than weight gain when I’d used it before.

Ultimately I know it’s my decision of what to do going forward, I’m just sat here in a bit of shock because I hadn’t expected it, especially as I thought I’d had my period (clearly was implantation or something) I just felt odd so tested as I had one laying around.

The girl he was previously seeing tried to ruin the relationship between us just so we wouldn’t ever speak again. She admitted to me that she tried to manipulate things and make us fight and didn’t understand why we wanted to do things together as a family when we aren’t together. Because its ‘inappropriate’ and didn’t accept or like the fact that it was how we jointly wanted to raise our child. Although they aren’t together now, I know if and when it comes to it she’s guna have a word or 20 to say, because she doesn’t agree with him that their relationship didn’t work for the reasons it didn’t work & that it is simply because I make him spend time with his child 💀 which I find immature (she is younger than me by 8 years), you don’t date someone with a child if you can’t accept that they’ll spend time with that child and the other parent if they are able to get along in that way. (Ultimately together or not we would love to be truly a blended family in the future with any partners/future kids, so everyone can get along, no mean feat by any means but that is what we both want)

How do you know this girl? Is she someone local? You need to forget about her. I'm guessing you're 30 and she's early 20s?

To be fair to her she wasn't being immature - she was right. Even if you weren't sleeping together when they were you were more than just co-parenting. Lots of new partners would struggle with your relationship as it is.

@girlmom21

How do you know this girl? Is she someone local? You need to forget about her. I'm guessing you're 30 and she's early 20s?

To be fair to her she wasn't being immature - she was right. Even if you weren't sleeping together when they were you were more than just co-parenting. Lots of new partners would struggle with your relationship as it is.

The immaturity comes in when she actively tried to make me and him fight and cause problems between us when it comes to our child. At the time she was doing this we weren’t sleeping together, we weren’t living together, we hadn’t been for a while, we only saw one another when it came to our child. But her issue was us even being in the same room as one another at all ever. And she tried telling him how long it was appropriate for him to spend with his daughter.

The immaturity is towards a guy with a child. She tried to book a weekend away on the spot for them but it was Father’s Day so he refused to go and she tried to blame me for that, calling me and our child some horrible things in the process.

If you want to date someone and can’t deal with them wanting to be around their child then don’t date someone with a child.
She isn’t what any of this is about though.

I am just anxious of how she will react when all she has done, when they were together and since is try and cause fights between us and then suggested to him to take me to court so that he doesn’t have to see me.
He told her that wasn’t happening, multiple times, and he told her how we both wanted to raise our child, and that if she can’t cope she should leave. Her response was to say I was trying to break them up because ‘that’s what baby mums do’
So I am anxious about if this pregnancy goes ahead and how she takes it when she finds out as she has somehow seen all my social media posts even though I have her blocked so someone is acting like a spy camera for her

Honestly if she starts harassing you tell her you'll report her. It's the last thing you need.

@Viviennemary

Spending a day at an aquarium doesnt usually by itself end in pregnancy. You sound incredibly immature. It was very unwise indeed to get pregnant yet again with this unreliable man who does not want a committed relationship with you.

The day at the aquarium was an example of things that were considered to be inappropriate, we went with our child for her birthday, with family members but it was apparently ridiculous that we went and was ‘unnecessary’ and ‘clearly a date’.

@Bananarama21

You sound far too immature and irresponsible tbh , not to meantiom unpleasant to be sleeping with someone else's bf regardless if you have a baby. How old are you?

I did not sleep with him when they were together. She is not his girlfriend.

I’m in my 30’s and can assure you I am not immature, my original post is not about getting pregnant with someone else’s bf, it is about finding myself pregnant again with my ex, who happens to have an EX that has caused us problems with how we want to raise our existing child. & that has even when they aren’t together stated that doing anything together WITH our child is inappropriate.
And has hassled me previously. Stalked my social media posts even though I have her blocked. & is causing me anxiety along with others about how they’d react to me being pregnant.

Or are you not aware of tenses in writing, I have stated many times he WAS seeing a girl not that he IS.
He is as I am single

If the ex-girlfriend/fling is an ex then I'm not sure why most of this thread so far has been about her. If she's out of his life then why are you giving her so much brain space?

If she continues to harass then report her.

As for the father of the baby, he's having his cake and eating it. Personally I wouldn't have sex or any more children with someone like that but it's your decision and it's not an easy one!

I am done with this thread as I only posted here to get some advice and to talk through anxieties. Instead a majority seem to be jumping a gun misfiring thinking he has a GF when he does not, he just a young ex who has had nothing but issues with him doing even the simplest things with his child because she thought him spending too much time with his daughter or indeed any time me & his daughter was inappropriate and not unnecessary.

She is intent and has admitted this on causing shit between us so we fall out, this is without knowledge of us sleeping at all since he even met her.

I think the issue is people dont know why the ex is possibly an issue to you now.

Unless he is still speaking to her?

Why are you so worried about your baby daddy's ex? You say they aren't together and she wasnt his girlfriend.

Literally every post is about her rather than how this pregnancy will effect your existing child or whether you can provide for the unborn baby.

Can you afford another child? Will you get another mat leave? Can you afford childcare for 2? Will the father financially support you?

At least your children will have same father

Yikes, the internalised misogyny is strong in this one!

Lovely, his ex / much younger girlfriend is not the problem. I’m going to save you years of your life by telling you he is.

It is so easy to fall into a trap of being pitted against another women and competing for attention of a mediocre man. She isn’t to blame in this and your obsession with her isn’t good for you. Focus on your children and your babies!

@HopefulRose

Yikes, the internalised misogyny is strong in this one!

Lovely, his ex / much younger girlfriend is not the problem. I’m going to save you years of your life by telling you he is.

It is so easy to fall into a trap of being pitted against another women and competing for attention of a mediocre man. She isn’t to blame in this and your obsession with her isn’t good for you. Focus on your children and your babies!

^ this You sound obsessed by his ex. Is he with her notwhy is the thread about her? What’s it got to do with her? What’s their relationship got to do with you? Are you sure this pregnancy was accidental… if he’s sleeping with other women you need to get an STD test.

Why are you sleeping with your ex? He’s sure having his cake and eating it isn’t he!