No sexing at 20 week scan due to covid?

[Yebbie]

Hospital have said that due to covid they are keeping appointment times to a minimum and therefore will not carry out sexing of the baby during the anomaly scan

Has anyone else had this? Was it just on the letter or did the hospital actually not do it? I don't want to pay privately if they are likely to tell me if they see during the scan, which surely they would during the anomaly scan anyway?

Not sure why people are using this thread to act superior because they didn’t want to find out the baby’s sex. I wanted to know because I liked the idea of knowing a bit more about the human inside me. I also don’t like gender neutral clothes on babies really. I had girls so picking out tiny pink babygrows was lovely. I enjoyed it.

Tbh I was always so scared that my babies wouldn’t be healthy that I didn’t want my sonographer focused on the sex so I didn’t ask

Do you honestly, seriously think that a sonographer might miss a health issue because they'd become overly focused on the sex instead?

@Endofdaysarehere

I’m from a health board that refuse to tell you the sex of the baby as a matter of course. They have lots of signs around the waiting room saying that they refuse to tell you and will take a dim view of you asking.

You don’t need to know the sex of the baby, they are quite right.

I disagree with this

It's a woman's baby that's she's growing inside her she has every right to know if she wants too

When I had my first two you had to pay £50 for extra time to find out the sex unless you had a medical reason for it.

@HardbackWriter

Tbh I was always so scared that my babies wouldn’t be healthy that I didn’t want my sonographer focused on the sex so I didn’t ask

Do you honestly, seriously think that a sonographer might miss a health issue because they'd become overly focused on the sex instead?

Anxiety isn’t reasonable is it? A lot of women get very anxious during scans so yes it crossed my mind that the most important were the babies organs and I didn’t want to be asking anything to distract my sonographer

@Notwithittoday

Not sure why people are using this thread to act superior because they didn’t want to find out the baby’s sex. I wanted to know because I liked the idea of knowing a bit more about the human inside me. I also don’t like gender neutral clothes on babies really. I had girls so picking out tiny pink babygrows was lovely. I enjoyed it.

It is a baby - a baby doesn't care what colour their clothes are.

Also I know plenty of parents with babies of one sex who when they were dressed in blue were asked by adults if it was a girl and others that had their babies dressed in pink where asked about their son.

(I've had to teach kids not to call a baby "it" and use a pronoun even if they get it wrong.)

Also having a boy or girl doesn't mean you know their character and interests. I have a toddler girl who is very interested in machines e.g. cars, trains and likes certain superheroes and is very clear on her favourite colour.

We found out the sex of our kids mainly because we're terrible at choosing names!!! We take the whole pregnancy to go through the lists. Can't imagine having to do that for 2 names

@Babyvenusplant where is this enshrined in law?

You have no right as a pregnant woman.

In my area they will always tell you if you want to know and they can see, but the scan isn't focusing on the sex.

Did I say it was @RedWingBoots?

I was replying to the comment where the poster said women didn't need to know, but if they want to know I don't see why it should be kept a secret from them, if its clearly visible obviously

@Babyvenusplant most women don't actually need to know what sex their baby is.

There are some families with genetic sex linked conditions who do need to know the sex for obvious reasons, but for the majority of women not knowing won't harm them.

@RedWingBoots what’s your point? Of course babies don’t give a hoot what colour they’re wearing. I dressed my babies how I liked which for me was in pretty pastels not primary colours or greys and white. When they’re old enough to state preferences it’s different.

@Notwithittoday my point is that you don't actually need to know what sex your baby is unless if is for health reasons.

So health boards/hospital trusts are perfectly reasonable saying they won't tell you if they don't want to.

The reasons given on this thread e.g. choosing stereotypical clothing colours related to sex, names, are trivial reasons and aren't a good reason for a health board/hospital trust to change it's policies.

For some, finding out the sex when pregnant is a really important first step in the bonding process.

I didn’t find out with my first and honestly used to think people who found out were just impatient. Then I struggled to bond with my daughter after birth and I think it was probably because for various reasons, it had all felt so intangible when I was pregnant and I hadn’t prepared myself for the reality of a real baby at the end.

For me, now knowing the sex of my baby in advance is the first step to help me mentally prepare better for how I might feel about them after giving birth and I feel closer to him as a result.

So, actually, finding out the sex can be more than just curiosity so I also wish people would be more aware of that.

OP, I hope you do find out and agree, the covid reason is stretching it in my opinion. Good luck!

@RedWingBoots and if you read what I said earlier, I said I didn’t ask for the sex at my NHS scan. I had it done privately because it’s not the NHS’s priority. I didn’t say hospitals needed to change policies. I wanted to know so I paid to indulge that. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to know

@SweetMeadow

For some, finding out the sex when pregnant is a really important first step in the bonding process.

I didn’t find out with my first and honestly used to think people who found out were just impatient. Then I struggled to bond with my daughter after birth and I think it was probably because for various reasons, it had all felt so intangible when I was pregnant and I hadn’t prepared myself for the reality of a real baby at the end.

For me, now knowing the sex of my baby in advance is the first step to help me mentally prepare better for how I might feel about them after giving birth and I feel closer to him as a result.

So, actually, finding out the sex can be more than just curiosity so I also wish people would be more aware of that.

OP, I hope you do find out and agree, the covid reason is stretching it in my opinion. Good luck!

Yes exactly this - my friend never found out but just knew it was a girl. They referred to him as a her, chose a name, she created this baby girl in her head and then her gut feeling was wrong and she had a little boy and felt she was mourning this little girl that never existed. Most people will have a gut feeling one way or another and it can be hard to then be wrong.

Anyway I want to find out so that we can talk to toddler about his little brother or sister, choose a name so that he gets used to the idea slowly. I also am convinced I'm having my second boy and find myself referring to bump as 'he' without thinking. I'm not prepared for a girl! I want to know.

It's funny how people that choose to not find out act a bit holier than thou about it. You don't love your child anymore because you didn't care what the sex is, just like we don't love ours any less for wanting to know.

We wanted to find out sex with DC1 and will with DC2 in a couple of weeks but we were happy to pay the £60 to do it privately as our NHS area doesn't offer it and because it's not really clinically necessary.

Given there are other options to find out if you are inclined and it's not necessary for the health of the baby, I personally think NHS trusts would be better just with a blanket not offering anyway. You see on here how upset people get when they think the sex has been inadvertently revealed, so I can only imagine how upset people get when the sex is given as a courtesy and turns out to be wrong. Just seems like an unnecessary additional risk factor for complaints against sonographers and disgruntled patients.

@Curiousmouse

I found out with my second and thoroughly regretted it. I ended up having a caesarean so I knew the date and sex in advance. Nothing like as exciting.

Conversely that’s exactly why I found out. We’ve had a really tough couple of years of infertility so we don’t need any more surprises. Being pregnant is frankly exciting enough.

@elelel once baby is born it's quite easy to look for yourself to see what you have. My husband told me when the kids were born.

@SweetMeadow @Yebbie really interesting, we didn’t find out with DD and now I know I’m having a DS this time it’s definitely helping me feel more bonded with baby. For starters we know his name now which is lovely

@Porridgeislife agreed! If anything I cared less about DD’s sex when she was born because it was dwarfed by ‘omg, a real baby!’. I’m just as excited by DS’s arrival which will be by ELCS - surely a baby is the most exciting thing in the world either way!

Had nothing like this on the letter, but when I had a 20 week scan back in about August 2020, they said basically they would say the sex if they could see it but wouldn't spend time hunting for it.

That's exactly why we found out second time @yebbie as we wanted to tell DD if she was getting a brother or sister (and to sort out baby clothes a bit...). I do think it helped.