How bad are tears? Be honest

[flossie47]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and starting to think about labour. I'm planning a VBAC after previously having an emergency section with my ds 8 years ago.

I'm scared of vaginal birth as it's not something I experienced and mostly I'm scared of tearing or having to have an episiotomy. The thought alone makes me cringe and although people say that vaginal birth is much easier to heal from than a c section, I can't help but think that stitches down there must be really bloody painful and tough to heal from too!

So give it to me straight...how bad can tearing be and how likely is it to happen? Is there anything you can do to try and prevent it?

I've recovered really well. They numb the area so you don't feel the stitches. I would recommend the positive birth company's digital hypnobirthing pack if you're feeling anxious.

I had an episiotomy and stitch’s and honestly I’d have that 100 time over rather than another section (section with DC2).
It was a but uncomfortable for a few days but healed so much quicker then the section scar.
I can feel where the stitches are and if I get especially dry down there if can feel a ‘tight’ (not sure how else to describe it lol).

I remember my recovery from the section taking a few weeks. I wasn't able to do much. But now I have literally no after effects. My scar is tiny and barely visible, I do have the unfortunate over hang of tummy fat but that's fine.

I'm really unsure which way to go with birth this time. As scary as a section is I know I got through it before whereas vaginal birth would be totally new to me and might not end up going to plan anyway.

I had an episiotomy and 3rd degree tear the first time. I had no problems healing. I was stitched up by a doctor in theatre.

Second baby, i had a 2nd degree tear and was stitched up by a student midwife. That was not as pleasant as the stitches were left long and kept catching when i walked. I had a couple of weeks of discomfort. I've healed fine since though. If we were having a third child, I wouldn't hesitate to give birth vaginally.

A lot of these things are scary in the abstract but in practice can be much more straightforward. I was scared of tearing before DC1, then learned just how common it is (I think 80% of first vaginal births…? Something like that!).

I’ve had two 1st degree tears and two 2nd degree tears. Tbh I didn’t notice the difference between any of them, they all healed well, and I didn’t ‘notice’ tearing during labour (if that makes sense; the most noticeable sensation was the contractions). Take it relatively easy in the early weeks to give your body time to heal, but I think that’s good advice after all births!

Lots of perineal massage in the run up to DD, no tears and baby was over 9lb.

I had a good labour and birth with a second degree tear but I didn’t really notice it either before or afterwards. I never dared get a mirror to look down there so couldn’t tell you how bad it looked stitches wise but everything felt ok, sore all over of course and could always tell when the painkillers had worn off like clockwork, but it didn’t feel extreme/unbearable and I recovered well. I was also extremely unfit and overweight (obese) too. So it certainly isn’t a guaranteed horror story. Of course you will hear of good and bad experiences but nobody will know what experience you will have.

I’ve not had a C-section so couldn’t compare but I think overall I was very fortunate with my experience so a C-section would probably have been worse.

I had an episiotomy and 3rd degree tear, didn't feel the episiotomy as I was numbed quickly first, and then had a spinal while I was stitched in theatre.

I healed absolutely no problem! I don't remember pain, just a bit of itchiness and discomfort a few days in when they were healing. That being said, I'm pregnant again and I am 100% set on an ELCS this time lol

I believe around 4% of births end up in a 3rd or 4th degree, so not many. Not sure if that is all births or vaginal births only sorry.

I had a 3C tear (and an episiotomy but that is nothing in comparison) and it was what it was. Nothing to compare it to as it was my first birth. Had an hour and a half of stitches (birth was 40 mins), had to sit on a haemorrhoid cushion for a few weeks which was really helpful actually. Had a year of pelvic floor physio, still pretty weak 7 years on. But it’s ok. Good sex life. Could be worse!

Dd (dc3) was a vbac. She came out big and fast and face up. I tore badly - didn’t feel it at all at the time, and by the time the MW (at home) realised I needed to go into hospital.
Examined there (horrendous). Given offer of breast specialist on duty overnight doing the repair work or waiting for the morning. And the colo rectal specialist coming back on duty - guess which I chose?! 😂
Never dreamed I would need one of those, but had a GA and repair work done and no lasting effects at all.

Was warned of faecal incontinence which horrified me but didn’t come true at all.

It was a 3c maybe? I forget now, she’s 10. Pretty bad anyway.

The only painful time was the exam in hospital later on when the adrenaline had worn off.

So, hopefully I’m saying, don’t worry!

C section recovery was far quicker for me but more impactful in the short term - I wasn’t allowed out of bed for over 24 hours whereas with tear I was up immediately, I couldn’t get out of bed for the first few days without DH hauling me up etc. But post c section I was driving at 4 weeks etc so that was fine too.

I had a second degree tear both times.
They gave me plenty of anaesthetic in the area before stitching, it was still not pleasant but only took about 20 minutes I would guess.

The whole area felt very swollen for a few days, not sore unless I moved. I was up and walking after a few days, although not that far. I was able to drive 20 minutes and walk from the car park into the birth centre for my daughters 5 day check, so certainly a much quicker recovery than from a section.
Compete, 100% back to normal recovery i would estimate less than 6 weeks but I can't really remember.

I had an episiotomy first time and that did take a bit of time to recover from. The community midwife was quite shocked how big it was and the stitches got infected. At the time though I was very pleased to have it!

Second time labour was very quick so I did tear a bit and had a few stitches. It was like night and day - easy recovery and healed in no time.

@LivingInaBuildingSite that really scares me! I have ibs issues (urgency) already and this has led to a lot of anxiety for me surrounding visiting places where a loo isn't easily accessible. If I were to have any damage that might affect my bottom or create incontinence issues I really don't know how I'd cope mentally as well as physically.

There is just so much to weigh up and ultimately nobody can predict how their birth experience is going to go. I feel like a section would be the calmer, possibly safer option at the time of birth but afterwards the recovery would be tough. But I do have that desire to at least attempt a VBAC and I'm not even sure why. The release of hormones perhaps? Accomplishment? Quicker healing mostly.

I tore, quite badly apparently. Never felt it - well, not separately from everything else. I had to be stitched up and had a spinal block for it, which was absolutely brilliant! Hasn't given me any trouble since.

Another one who recovered well from a second degree tear - IIRC it was a clean ‘cut’ rather than a ‘rip’ and was due to v rapid pushing stage. Was in a birthing pool so midwives were fairly hands-off and I was following what my body wanted me to do. Uncomfortable for a few days but fine after a week or so with no lingering issues.

I was obsessive about keeping clean and had 2 baths a day.

I tore and had stitches, I have to say I did feel the tear as it happened, and it wasn't a delightful experience, but it was over quickly.

I didn't dare even look down there for a few days. It wasn't too painful, the whole area was swollen and mostly numb from the swelling to be honest. I didn't take any pain killers throughout the whole healing process or do anything down there at all except wash it.

By the time I plucked up the courage to have a good look down there, the stitches had dissolved and I couldn't even tell where they'd been! To this day I have no clue how many there were or where they were.

Obviously some people have a worse experience. But personally I wouldn't worry, just focus on how excited you are to meet your baby

@flossie47 oh I didn’t mean to scare you sorry!

I didn’t feel the tear at all and it was fairly bad I’m told.

The surgery worked wonders and fixed everything.

I was originally told I couldn’t leave the hospital until I’d done a poo, but I just couldn’t 🙄 so discharged myself to my own bathroom and I was fine. Really truly it was fine.

After dc2’s CS, I was both an emotional and physical wreck. I’d had a home birth for ds1 so had planned for that. Ds2 was breech, ended up blue lighted and emcs.

Couldn’t drive for weeks, felt like my insides were falling out, etc.

A major tear, properly repaired, was nothing in comparison.

Also, tbh, after ds1, at one point ididhavefeek down there and was horrified how swollen I was. And that was a textbook vaginal delivery, if slow.

After DDs arrival and surgery, I was fine. Worried about needing a circle cushion they gave me which is didn’t really use after day1 at home. And being embarrassed in front of my PIL discussing various ‘repair’ work. 😂

I did sort of try the perineal massage but can’t say I committed to it. But maybe worth a try?

I had 2nd degree tears and like most PP I was pretty unaware of it at the time. Stitching up was fine (local anesthetic) and healed with no issues. But uncomfortable on around day 5 but that was it. I had a couple of showers a day and was pretty careful on changing pads/liners very frequently.

goodluck whatever you decide

I had no tears with first birth and 2nd degree with second, had stitches with second..didn't hurt at all but was quite annoying being 'worked on' when I just wanted to bond with baby (obviously can't be helped!) no pain after either but did take a bit longer to feel comfortable having sex than with no stitches...

It is worth having a look to see if there are any 'refresher' antenatal courses in your area. I did one with my second and it was great, really helped me emotionally prepare for birth again and a bigger adjustment going 1-2 kids

Vaginal birth with ds, second birth, some tearing, had a couple of stitches, mostly because I was so eager to get him out I pushed too quickly.

I was up and about almost straight away, down the park with him and his sister 2 days after birth.

With my first it was a much longer birth, she came out with her hand on her face and I tore internally although not through the vaginal wall entirely. Wound scarred, which made sex uncomfortable for quite a few months, but it eventually healed and all was fine. Other than the scar I recovered from the birth really quickly. I actually felt an amazing sense of achievement and a huge adrenaline buzz after giving birth, I had no worries about my second birth after my first.

I had a second degree tear and some 'grazing' but I didn't even notice it happening during the birth and it all healed quickly without leaving any trace behind. The stitches were done by the midwife and didn't take long, they numbed the area and I was too busy having skin to skin with the baby and attempting our first feed to notice! There was only one painful bit where she had to put a stitch in an additional part she hadn't numbed but it was over quickly. I took painkillers for the first day or two because everything was a bit tender down there, but I think it would have been tender anyway without the tear! I'm due my second baby in April and am not apprehensive about tearing again.

I had 3rd degree tear and was stitched up in theatre. I was worried about peeing afterwards but I really the thought of it was worse than the deed. I bought the super duper big padded maternity pads and used them for a while for cushioning. Other than that no really problems with healing or stitches etc.

Meant to add, I think the tear might have happened because up until that point I had been letting my body do the pushing spontaneously and the baby was coming down slowly/steadily but just before he was crowning I was stupidly worrying about the fact that the midwife was working over her finish time to complete the delivery so I added in a bit of my own pushing effort along with the contractions and the head delivered quicker than she was expecting, so I think I maybe went against what nature intended and didn't give my skin the time to stretch!

I've torn with both of mine, didn't even feel it happening as that's the bit when the baby actually comes out as opposed to the ring of fire feeling when the head is coming, in a way it's a weird relief!

With DD1 2nd degree perennial tear. Stitched up by midwife which was painless as I'd had anesthetic. In my opinion she stitched me up too tight (more than I was naturally) and it healed fine but sex hurt for a good couple of years after unfortunately.
Second time round I had another 2nd degree perennial tear although this time it went much further back, as well as a 2nd degree labia tear. That did hurt when it happened but it was over very fast. This time round a doctor stitched me up and did a brilliant job, it's healed really well and I'm 6 weeks postpartum now and all feels and looks good!

After speaking to friends who had C-sections I would much rather give birth vaginally than have a section and have to give myself the anti clotting injections afterwards I think.

Good luck whatever you decide you'll do great.