How bad are tears? Be honest

[flossie47]

I'm 24 weeks pregnant and starting to think about labour. I'm planning a VBAC after previously having an emergency section with my ds 8 years ago.

I'm scared of vaginal birth as it's not something I experienced and mostly I'm scared of tearing or having to have an episiotomy. The thought alone makes me cringe and although people say that vaginal birth is much easier to heal from than a c section, I can't help but think that stitches down there must be really bloody painful and tough to heal from too!

So give it to me straight...how bad can tearing be and how likely is it to happen? Is there anything you can do to try and prevent it?

I had an episiotomy with DC1 (and forceps). Recovery for that took a couple of weeks. I had a natural tear with DC2 and felt fine the next day. It healed beautifully.

OP please try to put these things out of your mind. By all means do plan but sometimes choices are out of our hands.

I didn't even hear about tears before giving birth and refused to attend any pre natal classes when they had birth videos on.

Because I don't like any of this stuff and hate the very idea of giving birth in any way shape or form. My approach was to just get on with it when the time came and I actually planned on a natural birth, no painkillers and absolutely no epidural ever.

Didn't go to plan so ended up with 3rd degree tear. I didn't feel it specifically when it happened and the doctor attending the birth proceeded with stitching quite quickly. I could feel the stitching happening but it was not painful at all. This plan didn't work out very well either for some reason, she told DH it wasn't possible to finish it because it was too big a tear so I was whisked away for surgery under epidural. I didn't feel any pain from this at all throughout this whole episode from giving birth to epidural stage. The epidural was not painful either.
I did have to go for a follow up appointment where a consultant shone the brightest light ever down there - which I really really really didn't expect and made me feel self conscious obviously. But needs must and it's only a few minutes of ill placed embarrassment. I remember this more vividly than the tear and all the stitching.
I have to say that it was uncomfortable for at least a couple of weeks but not painful. I don't remember having stitches removed though but the midwife visited me and checked on progress at one point. Maybe they dissolved. I had to take baths with lavender oil for healing but I think this is recommended after all births. And I had to start kegels straightaway. In practical terms I didn't need down time and wasn't restricted because of this.

The sitting down was uncomfortable but my mother found a large sponge ring from some back and beyond pharmacy , like a doughnut and sitting on that it was absolutely perfect. No idea what it is called or where you find them. But that was the most useful item I ever used in my entire life.

It was all absolutely fine, everything healed very well and I can't tell a difference from before giving birth to now. The body has an amazing ability to heal.

Try and put it in perspective. Should this happen to you, it will be because your baby needs to come and meet you. The best bit is that you'll have all the support available to you, at the hospital. You won't be stuck up on a tree on your own with no restorative options.

Enjoy your pregnancy and try not to worry!

I had a 3b tear for my first. The surgeon effectively gave me a new vagina, and I enjoyed all the comments from gynaecologists saying, ‘You don’t even look like you have given birth’.

That said, I went for an elective c-section the next time. I had been so lucky first time round that I didn’t want to risk it. In the end, my second baby weighed 10lbs, so I am not sure that the scarring would have held. I have no regrets about choosing the c-section second time round.

I've had 3 dc and 3 different experiences. 1st was back to back and I had an episiotomy (epidural so no feeling), stitches got infected and it gaped and I felt like it would never heal. It was never massively painful and it did heal up absolutely fine. 2nd I tore, but not too badly. I felt the burning sensation when crowning, which I think was actually the tearing but then the gas and air had run out at a poor time so I had no pain relief! I healed from that with no issues. 3rd time I actually did the perineal massage, every day in the weeks leading up to the birth. I had an extremely quick labour which can result in some awful tearing but I didn't have any at all. Nothing. I was shocked. Definitely recommend the massage!! Another good tip is to not push. I remember thinking as her head was coming out, just relax and don't push, just let my body do its thing. It was amazing, no burning or discomfort this time and definitely no pain relief as I gave birth at home rather unexpectedly!

I had a 3rd degree tear with my first because I refused an episiotomy when they asked me during labour. The stitching and healing was fine but the week afterwards I was in pain and it stopped me being as independent as I wanted

Withy second I instructed them not to tell me if I needed an episiotomy and to just do it as I would of been non the wiser

I was terrified of tearing. Didn’t tear at all with first baby. With second (forceps) I had an episiotomy but as I had an epidural for the forceps, I didn’t feel it.

Then I was terrified of having the stitches removed. They mostly dissolved and came out in the bath, with a couple of small pieces of thread left. The health visitor removed those. It took about 30 seconds and I didn’t feel it!

Honestly, I know it’s scary, and people do have different experiences, but it may help to know that it was a non-event for me, and I suffered far more from needless worry than anything physical.

I had 2nd degree tear as dd came shooting out, and didn’t feel a thing (hormones/adrenaline/gas and air), had them stitched up on with numbing and gas and air - again felt nothing. Healed completely with no issues. In the days following the birthday they could feel a bit prickly but basically had paracetamol and that did the trick.
I don’t think there’s a lot of nerve endings in that area.

I tore. Had to have a spinal to have the stitches done as they left me too long and it was too painful even with numbing injections.

One of the stitches them slipped a week or so afterwards and it became infected and then it was super painful and I couldn't sit/walk/stand for a period of time. Can't remember how long as was over 20 years ago. Very painful though.

I think it just depends how it goes. People can have very easy quick healing caesareans or not. And quick healing very easy tears or not. You'll get a mix of stories.

I had grazes and tears so so needed stitches- gave me gas and air for that and put a painkiller up my bum 🤣🤣 that scared me the most.
Peeing stung for a few days but made sure you have maternity pads and not regular pads.
Stitches were fine on 5 day check

I had a very small tear after DD as it was such a fast labour and my body didn’t have time to adjust. I honestly didn’t feel it happening and I had no medications. The doctor did a few tiny stitches after, which I didn’t feel at all, I’m not sure if she even numbed it. She massaged a few blood clots out post birth which hurt a lot more tbh. If it happens again, I’m fine with doing the same. Healing was fast, stung for 2 days when I peed, but I used the squeezy sterile water bottle after to rinse, and the cooling pads and it took the pain out. Good luck for whatever you decide!

I had a emergency csection with my first, recovered well up within a couple of hours once the feeling in my legs came back (epidural only worked in my legs when i was pushing). Cut healed nicely and can barely see it now. Second i had vbac and ended up with forceps so needed an episiotomy epidural worked this time so didnt feel the cut or stitches i was also haemmoraging so had a lot people working on me so my focus was on them. 3 hours after being stitched i was told to shower before being moved to the ward i was in agony worst shower of my life and struggled to get dressed. Asked for pain relief they seemed surprised i was in pain 🤷🏻‍♀️. Had paracetamol and dyhydrocodiene ( hate codein due to other issues it causes) so asked for diclofenac which was better. Took me ages to get out of bed or reposition myself in bed the next day even with pain relief which only took the edge off. Anyway 6 days later the stitches burst i was given antibiotics and told it'll heal on its own which took forever. Id go csection everytime but its anecdotal as you can see no episiotomy or section is the same.

I have 3 children and never had any tears. So it's possible :) I really hope you will be just as lucky!! 🍀

I had a 3rd degree tear and two elective c sections subsequently. I'd take a c section any day of the week! The tear was much more painful and much harder to recover from for me. C sections were really straightforward and lovely experiences both times.

C-Section doesn't mean linger painful recovery if it is planned. I was up same day, walking next day, pain free in 5 days. Most importantly it was calm, controlled and safe. The only reason I wouldn't chose csection is intention to have multiple children after (3+)

I had a 3rd degree tear with my first and didn't tear with my second.

There was no difference in sensation of crowning. I actually thought I hadn't torn with first as it was massively painful.

I've got no issues with pelvic floor and healing from stitches was fine.

I tore naturally and just needed 2 stitches, I didn't do anything in the lead up to birth to try and help prevent tearing.

I had an epidural and didn't feel it or the stitches after.

One stitch fell out before it was healed properly so took some time and just stung when I went for a wee so nothing major.

I tore a fair bit never felt it after and never had issues going to the toilet for either after. It healed really amazingly and was never an issue. I'm hoping for the same again if I tear as I know some people had a very different experience. I hope your birth goes well and you have minimal issues with recovery x

Mine was uncomfortable for a while and I needed antibiotics. But once it healed, you'd never know it happened. Pretty amazing!

And I didn't feel it tear at the time

My recovery from my episiotomy was pretty painful. Although I think some of this may have been due to the labour and not the actual episiotomy iyswim. It was a very long labour and ended in forceps delivery and everything was very swollen down there which I think caused extra pain and longer recovery.

I had a second degree tear with my second after a very easy and quick labour and it was a world of difference. Ever so slightly sore for a few days but nothing like the pain I was in after my first.

If you have a tear/cut, lean right forward when you're having a wee. As forward as you can go. Hands on the floor. Trust me, you will come back and thank me later :)

Thanks so much for all of the replies, it really does help to hear other peoples experience. It's definitely fear of the unknown for me as I never got the to crowning/delivering stage last time. I did have several hours of contractions though!

I think I will keep an open mind and try for a VBAC if I can. If there are any complications, tears or issues then I have to trust I am in the best place to be dealt with how the professionals see fit and if that does eventually mean being whisked away for another emergency section I will know I tried. I've never thought I was someone who felt this way about birth - I always believed that it doesn't matter how they get here as long as mum and baby are both safe. But there is something in me this time that wants to feel that adrenaline and release of natural birth. I struggled to bond with my baby last time and I believe a lot of that was due to the section, recovery and how he was taken away from me so quickly after birth.

I had an emergency csection with my first baby OP and I opted to have a csection with my second. For reasons that are too long to go into, I was basically afraid that what happened with my first labour would happen again with a vbac. So I opted for the devil I knew. My elective was a calmer and more positive experience.

If you haven't already ask to go through your notes from your first birth. I did this with a VBAC midwife and she explained to me the risks of the same thing happening again as well as going through all of my options. I was recommended not to have an induction with my second child, so that meant I needed to have a section if I didn't go into labour naturally or had complications anyway. That kind of made my mind up for me. It was better for me to know what would happen than all the what ifs.

With my first baby I was so anxious about giving birth naturally and tearing that I got referred to a mental health team regarding my anxiety around having a VBAC. In the end I told them I couldn't do it so they agreed straight away to book me in for a c section as I was that petrified!

Well anyway, came to the day before my c section and I went into labour, typically! 😂 I was such a mess shouting that I needed to be taken for a c section now as the baby wasn't waiting! They tried to get me a space in theatre , but emergencies kept coming in and I ended up giving birth naturally with just gas and air as it all happened so quickly. It resulted in a second degree tear, but I wouldn't have even known I teared! The area gets numbed and I got given gas and air again for the stitching and yes I felt it but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I thought. After giving birth I was so so proud of myself and so in love with my baby that I was too distracted!

I was swollen for a few days and felt a little sore sitting down but just it was just uncomfortable more than pain. Felt completely back to normal in a week and a half, it healed so quickly!

I've always suffered from general anxiety throughout my life and honestly I'm so so glad that I didn't get a c section that day! It's changed my life as silly as it sounds! But I did it when I didn't think I could! It's given me so much more confidence and the sense of accomplishment is amazing. I'm currently pregnant with baby two and I'm planning a home birth 😊 I couldn't even begin to imagine ever having a home birth before!

You can do this 😊 Good luck!

I think the VBAC could be really empowering for you, try to focus on that. For me, birthing position was everything - stand up if you can, the gravity helps minimise pushing and everything seems more natural.

tearing isn’t nice but when it happens you’ll just be glad to be near the end. Lots of people tear and go on to have more babies so it can’t be that bad. With the stitches (you don’t always need them even if you do tear!) ask for as much local as they can give you and gas and air - but again it’s not too bad.

good luck and enjoy a good experience xx

I had an episiotomy with DS and a second degree tear with DD. I've recovered well from both and have no ongoing problems.

One mistake I made with DD was doing too much too soon. I took DS to soft play when she was 3 days old. My stitches ended up breaking down and the GP told me to lie on the sofa and stay put (impossible with a 2 year old). So if you do tear then make sure you have lots of support!