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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Seven weeks pregnant and still feeling so flat

28 replies

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 31/12/2021 12:20

Please don’t feel the need to read and comment if you think every baby is a blessing etc.

I feel so stupid. This is a planned pregnancy but I feel so flat and negative about having a baby.

I hit my late 30s and my biological clock kicked in. DP and I decided to start TTC but we didn’t talk enough about it I think. Now I’m pregnant and both of us are terrified.

I can only focus on the negative. What I’m going to lose, all the things I won’t be able to do anymore. I literally can’t imagine any of the good stuff of having a child anymore. DP is a workaholic and selfish about his time when he is home and I’m doubting why I thought he’d make a good father. I’ve spent the last few days with my newborn nephew and just felt nothing.

I can’t tell if this is normal anxiety or a sign I’ve made a terrible mistake. I can easily imagine booking a termination but I don’t know which option I’ll regret more. And I worry that the fact that I can think like this means I’ll be a terrible mother.

OP posts:

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Cakecakecheese · 31/12/2021 12:29

Honestly these thoughts are completely normal. The idea of becoming pregnant can be very different to the reality, not forgetting you'll have a lot of hormones which often doesn't make things easy. I'm sure there's been some similar threads on here so do have a search. You do need to talk these feelings through with someone so you can make the right decision for you.

Somerandomgirl · 31/12/2021 12:34

Theres so much love coming with having a child, dont let your thoughts at the moment win. And its different when its your own cant compare with looking after someone elses. And theres so many other things u can do in life with child by your side. Your man can have his job you didnt expect him to quit and be home always did you?

PennyPinkPineapple · 31/12/2021 12:59

I felt like this when I got pregnant even though it was planned and I never really got excited about any of it and started to wonder if we had made a terrible mistake. It sounds like a cliche but when she was born the rush of love I felt for her was like nothing else. Our lives are very different now and while some days can feel hard I love being mum and we have so much fun. I think it's normal to panic xx

Roeslein · 31/12/2021 15:20

Honestly it's not as bad as people make it out to be. Having a child won't change your lifestyle that much if you don't want it to! I'm still a fairly successful professional (more successful than pre-DC anyway), we still travel a lot as a family and have done so since DC was 3 months old, I have learnt a new language since he was born etc. I always carried him and never used a pram so could go anywhere without issue. I was a bit limited in terms of business travel for the first 9 months as I was breastfeeding but that's it. You will still be the same person! And if course he's a great kid and really fun to be around!

AtticusF · 31/12/2021 15:43

I had to reply. I am 16 weeks with a longed for IVF baby, and felt almost identical to you throughout the first trimester. I was so sure it wasn't going to work, and had myself well prepared for a childless life, that I completely panicked when I found out.
The overwhelming negativity around pregnancy and what I felt I was losing, was horrendous and very different to how I felt beforehand. What has helped me enormously, to the point that I'm almost excited now, was a few sessions of counselling. In particular, when I mentioned a dark cloud blocking me, the counsellor pointed out that this was probably hiding the light, and so it has proved. What I've also noticed is that I was subconsciously seeking the negativity around pregnancy and motherhood, and I've had to consciously redirect my thoughts. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 31/12/2021 16:08

Thank you for the replies, it’s helpful to know this isn’t entirely unusual. I think I do need to seek out some counselling.

@AtticusF congratulations on reaching the almost excited stage .

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BabyB19 · 31/12/2021 16:14

I was so scared about what I would lose too and vowed to 'stay me' once baby arrived, but the truth is once the baby arrived I didn't want too, I changed and my life changed but I welcomed it, I have enough supposed around me that my life could have continued with minimal change but in the end that's not what I wanted. Tonight being NYE for example, previously I would have been a couple of proseccos down while having my hair and make up done ready for a night on the tiles, there are tonnes of babysitter offers on the table for me to be able to still do that, but the only person I want to ring in the new year with is my beautiful little girl. I hope once your hormones level off and you're over the initial shock you will feel differently but if you don't I am completely pro choice, just get some help before making such a big decision 💓 good luck 💓

HappyMeal564 · 31/12/2021 16:43

I did this both times! I think it's a combination of shock and hormones. You'll be fine, honest 🙂

mummyh2016 · 31/12/2021 17:11

Completely normal to feel like this, I'm 35 weeks now but during the first trimester I lost count of the number of times I thought what the fuck am I doing!

rainbowbaby33 · 31/12/2021 17:14

31 weeks but spent most of the first and second trimesters thinking wtf am I doing!

Original poster

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 31/12/2021 17:17

When did it flip for people who did feel like this?

I stupidly thought hormones made you pro pregnancy, not turn against it.

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Original poster

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 31/12/2021 17:19

@BabyB19 I know it sounds silly but hearing a stranger affirm that it’s ok to be pro choice has really helped. Thank you.

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Fredstheteds · 31/12/2021 17:24

Ok life is going to change but 2 years on I look at how much my son has brought- he is my end and my beginning. Yes I can’t walk out with my phone and my purse but hey ho. It took me a while to adore him but he is wonderful

RedRobin100 · 31/12/2021 17:25

The first trimester is hard OP

It’s exhausting and hormonal and also very hard (I think) to feel excited about something that you can’t see, feel, connect with.

Don’t worry - give it a few more weeks and I bet you’ll feel a lot better!

BabyB19 · 31/12/2021 17:29

At the end of the day @Flatwhitepregnantlady the same people that would judge an abortion are the same people who would judge you for bringing an unwanted child into the world and not being the mum they want you to be, so make your choice for you and nobody else. I think had doubts (albeit not as strongly as you currently) right through the pregnancy and if it means anything at all, I am now pregnant with my second and my first is only 16 months old, planned and very much wanted. Give it a minute, I'm sure you will feel better once the initial shock passes 👌🏼

Rgyoga · 06/01/2022 06:34

Reading these posts thanks to Flatwhitepregnantlady and as her own nickname reads it's so nice to speak to honest down to earth ladies , reading your posts , knowing these feelings are normal, anxiety depression and fears and regrets all mixed together and being human makes me feel better , all you see is perfect mum's looking happy and makes one feel bad for not feeling good. thank you for the strenght to see that the light will shine

mightbeyesmightbeno · 06/01/2022 06:50

@Flatwhitepregnantlady exactly the same as you with my first pregnancy and anticipating it to be the same again with the next. Also more than half way through 30's. And it came down to a decision that DH and I would regret it more if we didn't have children than if we did.

For me the turning point was in second trimester. I felt excitement but still "oh god what have I done moments". My DD is now 19 months and whilst I love her and she makes me and DH laugh in ways we never thought possible, I still don't feel anything towards other peoples / family children. Don't find them cute, don't feel the need to ask friends about their children etc. Just totally not interested.

By the time DD was 14 months ish, I felt like I had some of my life back - part time work which means my own time, DH great with her (which by the way I didn't expect at all before she came along, I didn't even know if he'd change her / hold her!) but now I go away for weekends with friends / family etc.

Stuff has definitely changed, for sure. But we still think we'd have regretted more had we not had her. It's good different - this is the way I sum it up.

Mattieandmummy · 06/01/2022 08:09

I was definitely unsure about whether children were a good idea, my DH is also a selfish workaholic. I went ahead with the pregnancy and have so much love for my DD but still have to fake enthusiasm for the majority of other people's children if I'm really honest. I wouldn't judge how you feel about other people's kids as a factor as to whether you should or shouldn't go ahead with your pregnancy x

Mattieandmummy · 06/01/2022 08:11

Meant to also say I wasn't actually honestly enthusiastic about my DD until she smiled at me once she was born.

Original poster

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 06/01/2022 10:50

Thanks for sharing your experiences. (And I’m pleased it’s been helpful for you too @Rgyoga).

The regrets one is interesting. I have said to DP that a lot of my reasons for fearing a child sound absolutely tragic if I reframe them as reasons why I didn’t have a child ten years down the line. I like my flat stomach and “enjoying” a hangover in peace, but I don’t want to turn round at 50 and say I didn’t become a mother so I could stay thin and drunk.

In deciding to TTC I put a lot of store in a friend’s wise words that no one makes a rational decision to have a child, you have to go off instinct. I definitely had an instinct to get pregnant, but in some ways that’s why I’m so thrown for my emotions to be going the other way now.

OP posts:

Rgyoga · 08/01/2022 09:35

@Flatwhitepregnantlady how are you ? I am thinking of you alot x are you feeling a bit better ? the hormones /anxiety dont help but you are not alone

Original poster

Flatwhitepregnantlady · 08/01/2022 16:04

I’m not feeling as flat although I’m still not excited.

I had a session with a counsellor yesterday, which I found really useful to help me understand that it probably is anxiety and how anxiety manifests itself. I do think that the fear is squeezing out everything else and I need to find a way to stop my “what if” doom mongering feeling like the logical outcome. I do recommend talking to someone professional if you can find someone.

How are you doing?

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Mattieandmummy · 08/01/2022 16:38

It's absolutely fine not to be excited, I am pregnant with no.2 right now and I'm not excited either.

Some people love being pregnant and some people just don't and that's no indication of how much you will love your child or what kind of mother you will be. X

Rgyoga · 11/01/2022 12:05

I agree anxiety is a big factor as the minute I find light area that lasts a few minutes and I am calm it is than that I am happier and excited and than anxiety kicks in again ... but it goes to show counsellor definitely right :)

Rgyoga · 03/02/2022 20:54

Hi I am thinking of you .. hope you are you feeling better. have the sessions helped ?you are
on my mind xxx

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