Third girl...surprise...positivity needed

[GirlyGalore]

Hi, I am desperately looking for some POSITIVITY from those who have been there and done it...because I'm not finding much within myself or from friends/family.
I'm 25wks pregnant with my 3rd (all girls) and I'm struggling to feel excited, which saddens me. Hubbie and I had been on the fence about having 3 for quite a while and we hadn't decided when we were careless and I fell pregnant. Previous 2 pregnancies were planned and I adore our two girls although they are currently hard work toddlers (15month gap)
I feel out of control with this pregnancy and have buried my head in the sand about it & don't often discuss it. Our girls will only be 3.5 and 2.25 when baby is due and hubbie is now working overseas until due date then again until baby will be 8months old.
I'd really love to hear some positive experiences of:

• Coping with 3 x three and under
• How having 3 girls is awesome (In truth I was hoping for a boy this time)
• That we aren't totally reckless and environmentally selfish to be having a third child, which is the impression some family have given us.

It'll be wonderful. Lucky you.

I’m one of 3 sisters - this isn’t exactly the viewpoint you’re after but we are really good friends as adults and I’m so grateful for them both. I hope the same for your 2 (soon to be 3!) DDs.

Well, I was just like you with the age gaps, a 16 month gap between my first two and them being about the same age as your two will be when their sibling arrives. It was fine actually, much easier than when DC2 arrived and I was coping with two babies. Your first two will be entertaining each other much more by the time the new baby arrives. I also had a DH who travelled abroad a lot, but I coped - somehow!

The difference is that all my three are boys, and I genuinely didn't care whether I had a boy or a girl so I can't help with that.

What I can say is that having three the same sex is awesome. They are a little team, being close together in age they like doing the same things and clothes and toys get shared. Now mine are grown up they are still great friends and very close.

Having had mine in the 90s nobody was giving too much thought back then about environmental concerns, which of course from today's perspective isn't great. Most of my friends back then had three children, it was more about whether you could afford to have them. Remember it's none of your family's business how many children you choose to have.

You'll be just fine.

Have 3 girls, with a boy on either side of them. Well girl no3 was to be my last. I was convinced she was a boy, had a scan confirming she was a girl, still in my mind ‘she’ was a boy, I so wanted her to be a boy and bought boy clothes and thought of boy names. When she was born, I asked them to double check just in case she wasn’t a girl 🙈🤣 my dd3 is the kindest, funniest, calmest, most caring, girliest girl I know! She has a real witty sense of humour and is a smaller version of myself! You are going to love this lady just like your others. Never mind what anyone else says…thoughts are not facts, they change all the time! Enjoy your new bundle x

Thanks @beccahamlet @Haus1234 @DramaAlpaca I really appreciate your comments. I love seeing dd1 and dd2 playing together and think another DD will make a lovely little team for them growing up. I think partly the reason I was hoping for a boy was just to avoid all the thoughtless comments we've had from people about a third DD ("poor hubbie" "will you try for a boy after this" "oh well, 3 girls" "teenage years will be hell" etc etc.) just micro aggressions that wear me down when I'm already feeling wobbly - I sense nobody would have questioned us having 3 if it had turned out to be a boy. 🤷

@FluffyPinkSocks ♥️ this

Oh, I got all the comments:
'going again for a girl?'
'are you disappointed?'
'never mind, you can have a girl next time'

• that sort of crap.

You'll develop a very thick skin. And you'll look at your three lovely children and feel so very proud that you have a gorgeous, matching set who are the same sex but each totally their own individual, different person. That's what I do, anyway. They are wonderful.

I actually didn’t get any of those comments - and expected to!

I had a lovely comment from a friend who said “They’re going to be the Doyle Girls! People will say ‘oh do you know the Doyle Girls?’ And they’ll say ‘oh yeah I know the Doyle Girls!’

Similar-ish gaps here and it’s grand. Right now your third is an idea, a concept - not a person. When she arrives that personality and character will bring a new dimension to the family and you’ll never be able to imagine life without them.

Having three is brilliant. It’s hard, and the first three years have been my hardest - but also wonderful. And so enjoyable now.

There is a reason they say three is a magic number ;) you’re going to love it!

I am only expecting my first but I honestly think 3 girls IS awesome.

You have loads of clothes and hand me down already - tick
No getting peed on in your face - tick
Getting baby stages done fast - tough but also a tick

My adult friends who have all sisters really like it and it "keeps the family close"
My adult friends who are parents to 3 girls love it and their house is full of love and lively in the best way... and everyone dotes on baby 💕💕

I have 3 girls and I think it makes it easier ( being all same sex) as they're into same sort of stuff and clothes. My husband wanted a boy to go to football with and we tried for a 4th but it didn't happen

Grateful to have 3 amazing girls

Congrats!

No matter which sex a child turns out to be, some people will always have a comment about it.
That comment may or may not be intended to be hurtful.
It doesn’t help if you as the pregnant person is sensitive to your own family set up.
It’s so important not to ever transmit to your children or child that you had ever wished they were the opposite sex.
I was told that as my mum had already got two girls, I “was meant to be a boy”, and even had a male name picked out for me.
As an adult, I now joke about it, but at some moments, it still stings a bit. Even though she was a absolutely wonderful mum to me.

Mum of 3 girls here, 4yo and twin 2yo. I love it! The first 18m was tough, but now they really are a posse. I hope it stays that way as they get older, I think same sex siblings generally stay closer than mixed sex. You'll be fine eventually - plus there is nothing new re nappy changes etc, so you're already a dab hand! The hand me downs are great as well. My eldest loves seeing the things she wore on her sisters.

I laugh thinking about the teenage years, it's going to be one hell of a ride, as I'll likely be peri menopausal too. My husband takes all the jokes with a roll of the eyes. We didn't/don't get any environmental comments probably because 3 wasn't an active choice for us.

I have 3 girls. I honestly can’t imagine a boy in the mix as they’re all just amazing. Yes they bicker but they’re so close. My age gaps are different (18, 16, 12) but I wish I had planned the 3rd earlier. They were 6 & 4 so I was rushing them to and from school, wanting to take them to the cinema and do things that they were able to do but couldn’t with a new baby. I think your gap is great!
Something I wish I’d thought of when my 3rd was born is an au pair especially as DH not around and no family nearby. They’re not crazy expensive and if you’ve space could be a huge help. It’s honestly worth considering.
Your concerns are totally understandable but it will be fine. Better than fine.

Just to add that DH feels exactly the same. They’re incredibly close to their dad. Wrap him around their little fingers though! Get your DH to be the bad cop sometimes.
Someone’s mentioned teenage years. To be honest they give each other SO MUCH support. They get it. Get each other. More than a parent can. Give each other advice and really come into their own. I’m an only child (hate it) and it’s lovely to see.

I have 3 children and since the birth of my third have had quite a few comments about how "many" children I have, which I think is ridiculous because 3 really isn't that many. It doesn't feel like many to me anyway. I love having 3, I'm one of 3 myself and I think it's important for children to have a choice of siblings.

Tbh I didn't give any thought to the environment when we decided to have a third. Birth rates are below replacement rates in most industrialised countries, it's around 1.4 I think where I live. Me not having a third will change absolutely nothing in environmental terms, I can't save the planet all on my own. Besides, most people in the UK don't have a leg to stand on as far as the environment goes - living in houses instead 3 flats, driving every day, general overconsumption, food waste etc. So it's highly likely that someone who criticses your choice of having 3 children is actually a massive hypocrite.

If you had a boy now people would be all ‘oh what a shame you can’t hand down the lovely things your girls have’. You can’t win.Tell them that it’s more environmentally friendly having another daughter 😊

I'd love 3 girls. Have 1 and would like another but no way I'd be allowed 3.

I have 3 girls. I was mildly disappointed about not having a boy, knowing then I'd never get to experience parenting a boy. I found it best to be honest about this in order to process it emotionally. I personally don't fall in love with my babies for a bit, but I knew I would. Interestingly my eldest also expressed disappointment about not having a brother. Both at the time and later (she has suggested both a 4th and adoption strategies).

And I have fallen in love with her. And 3 girls is fabulous, they are great friends, and play well (though fight too of course). I can see how their friends sometimes envy the relationship. It was fabulous during lockdown for playing together. Also we end up with insane toy collections they work together to build up eg Barbie. Multiple gifts over several years. They bounce off each other, they inspire development of thinking. They care for and support each other. I mean this can happen with different sex siblings too, but these kids are lovely with each other. It makes for such a happy family home.

I was friends with a family of 3 girls growing up, and they had (and still do) the most amazing friendship. It a blessing their entire lives. Its honestly lovely. I really hope you get to see this beauty too.

My Dsis has 3 girls (all grown up now). Yes, she got some horrible comments -
"What a shame"
"Oh dear"
"Teenage years will be hell"
Her FIL declared it was "not good enough" (very old fashioned misogynistic horrible man who still believes that you need a BOY to carry on a family name etc"

All my Dneices are completely different and great people. No huge problems with teenage years.

I have two dcs - a girl and boy. Comments I got were
"Oh what a shame they won't be able to play with each other"
"Oh dear, they'll never be close siblings"
"You won't know what's hit you with a boy"

Mine are teens now. They used to play/have fun together all the time when little. They are still very close and laugh a lot. My girl has been an easy teen, my boy has been a lot harder and is much more moody and sensitive.

Enjoy your girls. It'll be hard the first few years but they'll give back so much. It'll be great!

Similar gaps to mine but I had a much older DD too

14 months then just under 2 years.

No jealousy, baby just slotted in and watched them being busy. Great for all be the "right" age for the playground, toddler groups, same bed time.

Baby didn't revel in being a baby once she walked she was treated by her sisters as a "big girl" de pretty much weaned herself 🤣

All got through primary school quickly rather than multi pick ups and drop off etc etc.

Teen years have been "fun" 😉 emotionally challenging but lock down has been a big factor in that TBH.

Mine played lovely together when little, very different personalities and interests but generally supportive of each other and growing closer again now they are all older teens.

Shouting girls is easier then "children".

We were thrilled to have all girls tbh.

Oh between them mine do hockey, rugby, Footie and athletics so erm no escape from standing outside freezing areas off in winter and the mud and rain.

Watching rugby in hail and snow and cold cold weather on Mother's Day - fun times!

I have 3 boys

16 to 40 weeks of my pregnancy with DS3 I experienced intense gender disappointment to the point where I was looking at costing up a trip to Cyprus for IVF and googling what an abortion would be like at 10 weeks (earliest you can find out for a blood test). It was intense & it came out of nowhere as I was fine with not having a daughter before I got pregnant! I’m ashamed of it now but it was an awful time. I cried at so many pregnant announcements where they had girls!

I have never told anyone the depths of my MH crisis (& I will call it that as it was completely irrational) & I shrug off any stupid comments because I am so lucky.

My boys are angels, you will love your girls to bits. I’m also an only child & I’m actually so jealous of their relationship!

I am still tempted to ‘try again’ but I don’t want to risk that again. I’m now content with my 3 beautiful boys (I have wobbles every now and again about never having a daughter but nothing like I was)

Hand me downs also make things so much easier & cheaper! Good luck

Practically you will save ££££!!
I have 2 dd's 15 months apart then a ds . Had 3 x ds's close together twice. 3 of the same gender was so much easier!!
3 girls will be great op!

I have 3 girls and I couldn't be happier with my lot. There's under 4 years between all 3 and they're such a team. They have each others' backs and really support each other. And they're such fun! Honestly, you'll be fine, more than fine.