Really hate gaining weight

[wingingit33]

I'm 30+3 and really struggling mentally with my changing body and seeing the numbers on the scales cranking up, it makes me feel so self conscious and my confidence is shot. I know it's important for the baby but I've still got 8 weeks (elcs) of more weight gain and I'm not coping with that idea. I started at 8st13 and today's weigh in I'm 10st5 so I've gained 20lbs already and feel I weigh every day and that's not going to stop. Im restricting food intake but baby is moving and growing fine. I can't be the only one who hates their changing body?

Seriously, please speak to your midwife. Your mental health is a serious concern and restricting like this can have very damaging effects.

you will be actively damaging your baby if you continue to eat a restricted diet like that. the baby cannot live and grow off your " fat stores" like you can for a while.
You can either have a healthy baby, eat properly and lose any extra weight after birth, or lose weight now and quite likely have a baby with health issues.

I'm aware of the risks to the baby. That upsets me. But I refuse for anyone to look at me even my husband. I look disgusting and that effect on my mental health is damaging.

You need to contact your midwife urgently, this can’t continue. How long have you been restricting your diet?

My God this is seriously disordered thinking @wingingit33. Stop restricting your food like that and stop weighing so obsessively.

As PP have pointed out, this IS NOT FAT - it's a baby, and you need proper nutrition to ensure a healthy baby.

Wow you are beyond selfish. Please contact your midwife.

I really don't think calling OP "selfish" is going to be helpful. This isn't vanity, it's an eating disorder. Using the word "selfish" just indulges your own self righteous feelings and makes it more difficult for OP to get the help she needs for herself and her baby.

@wingingit33 I hear you- I feel the exact same. I have put on 25kgs!!! I am 37Weeks +2… I don’t know what 25kg is in stones but it’s more than a couple of stone I think - it feels huge to me because I was 57kgs to start with so 25kg is literally almost half my size again. My boobs are also enormous (D to G/H cup which makes me feel very fat.)

I have always felt fat and not liked losing control of my weight. I was healthy before but exercised- ran, ate well etc. Very hard to do anything since being pregnant!

Two things that have helped a bit:

• clear out all your clothes & get a new, capsule preggo wardrobe. Mine is black, simple and comfortable. It has leggings (H&M seamless maternity leggings are v comfortable), Big soft tshirts, long sleeve T-shirts, and some nice knitwear in neutral colours. Big pants and comfy socks. This is all I’m wearing- it takes the stress out of getting dressed, looking at all the lovely things I think I’ll ‘never wear again’. I stopped trying to wear anything from before because it’s so uncomfortable and made me feel bad re the weight/size.

Put all your normal clothes in storage bags for later on. Don’t look at them everyday it’s just stressful!

• I found my body piled on weight during months 2-7. After that honestly it’s really stabilised apart from a kilo or so a week. That’s more manageable and you know it’s the baby. For some reason I think my body piled weight on at the start because I was probably a bit underweight before going into pregnancy & my body just decided for this to work some reserves were needed. I felt totally out of control during that period but now it’s really levelled off and calmed down.

The other thing that I think has been a bit of a bonus re the extra weight is that I’ve got zero stretch marks.. I feel like I have a bit of a layer of flab especially on my bump and I’m carrying a baby that’s 97th percentile and my skin is really holding out well! I think the extra padding might be helping with that a bit.

I hope that offers you some reassurance… it’s not easy but we can worry about that later- in the meantime I’d advise you to bag everything up and get yourself a new wardrobe of things you will be comfortable wearing. Big pants and comfy bras are key! I bought some nice ASICS trainers and some a couple of nice coats to go with the basics. Also got my hair done for a bit of a change.

Congrats on your baby! Xoxo

Thank you @sjxoxo and @stalkersaga

She clearly isn't going to ask for help is she.

Please call your midwife for support. You are really unwell and it's not good for the baby. You need to take responsibility for that instead of declaring that you absolutely will continue to weigh yourself twice a day no matter what.

Honestly your lack of food intake is really worrying.

I think it’s incredibly sad that you are more concerned about how you look and how much you weigh than you are about the damage you could do to your unborn child. You need to seek urgent help and start eating sensibly. You can lose the weight when the baby arrives but if you do that child harm you’ll never be able to reverse it.

You've already acknowledged that how you're feeling is affecting your mental health, so that's good. Please speak to your midwife about getting some real help, you can be referred to antenatal mental health. But please know that restricting your diet isn't going to help, it's only going to make you feel worse - low blood sugar and being hungry never help with negative feelings, instead it will enhance them. Equally, restricting your diet now isn't going to help you lose weight right now, you're pregnant and you will remain pregnant for another 8 weeks, and you will be huge and clumsy until the baby is out. Eating less isn't going to make you smaller, it will only hurt the growing baby.

Try to accept that the weight isn't yours. It's like weighing yourself with a backpack on.

OP, having looked at your previous posting history, can see that this is your third child, is that right? In which case, you will know that once baby is born you’ll lose weight, as presumably that’s what happened after your other children?

You say yourself you are aware of how damaging this behaviour can be, and you still got a way to go before baby is born, so please, please call your midwife today, or the community number and tell them how you’re feeling. It is so important to look after your mental health, for your sake, and also for the sake of your baby. Please don’t put off making the call x

Bowl of bran flakes, two pieces of toast and a satsuma is inadequate. I have Hyperemesis so have struggled to eat much in this pregnancy and have vomited most foods up (especially in first 24 weeks) and because of limited food I have to closely monitor my ketones in urine as if you're not eating enough and go into ketosis (burning fat stores) that is harmful. You need to ensure that you don't have excess ketones in your urine. You need to eat more for sure. I can assure you that as a medical profession the significant amount of weight you're putting on is not fat, it's fluid of some sort (amniotic fluid, extra blood volume) fluid weighs a lot. You need energy and a balanced diet now that baby is plumping up. Get some help from the perinatal mental health team

@FreshBananasEverywhere yes it's my third and for both previous pregnancies I put on 3st which is gross and I'm shit scared of putting on as much this time.given I'm up 1.5st already with 8weeks to go it looks like heading the same way. I've left a message for my midwife.

But I assume you lost the weight after having your previous babies.

I hope you aren’t passing on your eating problems and weight concerns to your DC

@wingingit33 great job for contacting your midwife! Excellent first step 👏

You're literally growing a baby inside of you. Some people hardly put on weight whereas some people do put on weight. Weighing yourself twice a day and having a restricted diet is soooo unhealthy. Your baby relies on you for it's nutrients and if this is what a full meal day looks for you then it's not good at all.

As pp have said, once you have the baby you're most likely to drop the weight anyway. If you want to go on crazy diets once baby is here then no one can stop you (even though that's still so bad) but why eat like this when the baby relies on you and no one else. This was really sad to read but hopefully you're able to get help

In my first pregnancy my midwife told me to never weigh myself and I honestly didn't. Fast forward to now during the second pregnancy, I'm still listening to that advice because if I step on the scales I know I'm going to be so anxious. Please put the scales away, at least until after you've had the baby

@wingingit33 well done contacting the midwife. Big step there. Hopefully she’ll call back soon and get you some help.

Don’t be scared of the weight gain! None of us love it, but it’s part and parcel of having a baby!! I’ve had HG the whole way through (I’m 35 weeks and still vomiting multiple times a day, basically can’t keep anything down) and have had growth scans as bump is so small they were worried baby wasn’t getting the necessary nutrients, and I’ve STILL put on weight. The average weight gain in the final trimester is still only 1lb a week, and you’ve only got 8 to go. But even if you do put more on, big deal, you will lose it - you’ve done that twice before.

@wingingit33 weighing yourself twice a day is not healthy nor is such restrictive eating. Please speak to your midwife - this is a really unhealthy thing to be doing and there is support out there.

@wingingit33
You should definitely speak to your midwife & see if you can access some support for the way you're feeling.
I also really struggled far more than I expected to with the changes to my body.
Especially at the beginning when my stomach just looked a bit bigger but not obviously pregnant.
I've found it easier now I'm obviously pregnant but still don't feel like I'm enjoying my bump the way others are.
It was actually a big shock to me, I never expected to feel this way so it took a while to rationalise.
I still have bad days but the chart linked by @Glitterbug86 is relevant & most of that is almost fully developed by 30 weeks plus you need to add the current weight of the baby.
Some fat stores are inevitable as it's a hormonal response so I can't imagine that restricting calories will be very effective for weight loss right now anyway.
You need help to rationalise that some weight gain is normal & healthy during a pregnancy.
I think you're having a very hard time & the wording you use to describe yourself & the 'weight gain' is very concerning so I do think you should seek help from your midwife & a mental health professional.

It's the fact I've already gained 1.5st when many women gain this by full term

@wingingit33 all those things are an average, different women will put on a different amount of weight. Weighing yourself twice a day isn’t healthy! Restricting your eating so much isn’t healthy!