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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

so scared after scan!

89 replies

ooops33 · 19/12/2007 10:50

hi there, im new here and wondered if anyone had any experience of this before.
i went for my 12 week dating scan a couple of weeks ago, and was told my baby was very ill and i should consider terminating the pregnancy! the baby had fluid over the abdomen head and neck, i was sent to the quiet room which was horrendous waiting for the nurse to come and talk to me, she explained the unlikely hood of my baby surviving but told me i must see the specialist in a weeks time,
i cried solidly for that week! then when the specialist scanned me she said the fliud had gone and baby looked normal, she had the previous scan on the other monitor and said it was like looking at 2 different babies!!
however she advised me to have a cvs to check for chromosomes which i had done last week and so far the results are looking good,
i feel so confused!! did my baby recover ? or is there still something wrong but they cant find it??
why did the fluid go and why was it there to start with!
i have to wait now for the 20 week scan but im so worried please has anyone heard of anything like this before??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cece · 19/01/2008 19:58

oops

it was explained to me that you are on a journey of grief.

Think of it like a train but you can't get off. You have to stay on the train and do the whole journey iyswim so that you can get to your destination... Not sure what the destination is at the moment.... learning to live with it I suppose

poppy34 · 19/01/2008 20:02

cece that is a really good way of putting it - I was told that its like being in the sea when the waves are really high a first and you get submerged /can't breath -eventually the waves get smaller/less frequent but they never stop.

It is just so hard as there is no short way through this. Hugs to both cece and oops and all those others going through similar issues at the moment.

Jackstini · 21/01/2008 10:41

Ooops , you might not be ready to face people or talk to anyone yet, but there are people there for you when you feel ready.
It is just too raw at the moment. Perfectly understandable that you will dream of little Evie and yes it will eventually start to hurt a little less but time moves far too slowly at the moment. Still thinking of you x

Original poster

ooops33 · 21/01/2008 13:49

thanks jackstini, i went out for the first time today to do the school run, my mums been doing it for me everyday!
felt wobbly but knew i had to do it my kids need there mum back.
the world just carries on dosent it but my world has ended.

OP posts:

smartiejake · 21/01/2008 14:07

Thinking of you oops- So sorry for your loss. You are so brave to be holding things together in the face of a terrible ordeal. Hugs to you and your family{{{{{}}}}}}

Jackstini · 21/01/2008 14:33

Well done for doing that today Ooops - remember, keep taking baby steps, no rush.
It is terrible that part of your world has ended and it seems unfair that life goes on but you are doing well concentrating on the part of your life that does go on and being together with your dp and dcs.
dps behaviour sounds quite common, he is trying to be strong for you but needs to deal with things in his own way.
Glad you have Evie's prints, you will never forget her but it's nice to have a tangible reminder x

Kezza7779 · 21/01/2008 18:39

Awwwww oops i just wanted to say im so sorry for your loss, me and my dh recently discussed what we would do in this situation and we definately agreed what you decided would be the right thing for us. Your decision was the right one and i know that doesnt help your pain and grief but the fact you did it for your baby is amazing. I cant really find the right words but in my personal opinion you have been so brave and strong. You will never forget Evie but the pain will become easier to deal with in time. Sending copious amounts of love, strength and hugs to you x x x x

Original poster

ooops33 · 21/01/2008 19:46

Thank you kezza, it helps to hear that people think i did the right thing too, i started to question if i did the right thing the guilt i feel is horrendous i talk to Evie when im laying in bed and try to explain why i did it and that i hope she understands and forgives me.
it hits me over and over that im never gonna hold my baby kiss her or smell her hair! ill never hear her laugh, and its killing me inside. does anyone believe that the children we loose will one day be reunited with us ??? the only thing keeping me going is that one day in the next life ill be with her and be able to hold her!
or is it just wishful thinking?
i wrote on her plaque "be safe in gods arms my angel until the day you are back in mine"
i pray and hope she will be

OP posts:

LOVEMYMUM · 21/01/2008 19:48

Hi oops.

Well done on doing the school run. You will gradually, slowly get back into a routine.

I know you think your world has ended but it hasn't - it's been upset and it will take time to recover. You will get through this and come out the other side.

What kind of support are you getting?
Please don't go thru this alone.

LOVEMYMUM · 21/01/2008 20:11

After reading your last post (which crossed with mine), i am very concerned about you.

You are understandably very upset and grieving for Evie.

I really want you to speak to someone who can help you with all your emotions. Please post back and let us know how you are.

poppy34 · 21/01/2008 20:18

oops how are you? And its not wishful thinking at all - everyone deals with this differently and has different beliefs.

lovemymum is right - have you got anyone to talk to ? it does help to try and share some of these feelings. x

Jackstini · 21/01/2008 22:52

Hi Ooops - everyone has different beliefs but for me, yes, I completely believe you will hold Evie in your arms again one day. I have had 2 mc and know I will eventually see my angels again.

georgiegirl15 · 21/01/2008 23:50

Hi Oops. I have been following this and I needed to write a note to support you.
my dh and I both discussed what would happen. We would have made the same decision as you. You did the right thing. Sometimes kids survive against all odds, but their lives are marred by constant pain and need for constant medical intervention. they often have no way of telling us what pain they are in. You did the right thing for Evie.
At the moment you will feel like you are in a black hole. Keep reaching out in small ways, eventually it will be easier. Take comfort in your family and partner. Its a man way of dealing with grief. A sign of weakness to show emotion but I'm sure he is suffering too but is trying to hold on for you. Remind each other you love one another often. Touch often, even a hand on an arm. Look for support groups and keep talking. God bless you all and Evie especially.

Kezza7779 · 22/01/2008 12:38

Ooops its too easy to doubt your decision afterwards, you DID make the right decision for Evie. I think most people would agree that in a situation like this you have acted selfless and correctly. I have absolutely no doubt that given the chance of having Evie and her being able to have some sort of life of fulfillness and happyness you would of gone on with the pregnancy. You KNOW that this wouldnt have been the case for EVIE. your decision was based on Evies quality of life and not the impact it would have had on yours. WE both know that if she had a chance no matter the consequence to yourself that you would have done it. Be strong and confident that you have made the right choice. Evie is resting in a better place, a place where i know you will meet her again.

My mum lost my brother at 18 months 18 years ago and she knows she will meet with him again one day, one day when its her time to go. For now she has me and my brother to concentrate on as do you with your other children. Noone wants you to forget evie and by god you never will but you have to remember that she is safe and loved and looked after and god knows you did the right thing. again lots of love to you x x xx

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