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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

so scared after scan!

89 replies

ooops33 · 19/12/2007 10:50

hi there, im new here and wondered if anyone had any experience of this before.
i went for my 12 week dating scan a couple of weeks ago, and was told my baby was very ill and i should consider terminating the pregnancy! the baby had fluid over the abdomen head and neck, i was sent to the quiet room which was horrendous waiting for the nurse to come and talk to me, she explained the unlikely hood of my baby surviving but told me i must see the specialist in a weeks time,
i cried solidly for that week! then when the specialist scanned me she said the fliud had gone and baby looked normal, she had the previous scan on the other monitor and said it was like looking at 2 different babies!!
however she advised me to have a cvs to check for chromosomes which i had done last week and so far the results are looking good,
i feel so confused!! did my baby recover ? or is there still something wrong but they cant find it??
why did the fluid go and why was it there to start with!
i have to wait now for the 20 week scan but im so worried please has anyone heard of anything like this before??

OP posts:

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ChorusLine · 17/01/2008 20:48

so sorry for you xxxx have you got someone with you?

Jackstini · 17/01/2008 20:54

Oh Ooops I am so sorry. been following this and you must be heartbroken. Your poor angel Evie. You did what you had to do but it is bound to be difficult to get through now. Have you been given some counselling? No doubt people will be along soon that have been in a similar position to talk to you.
My heart goes out to you and whether you 'do' hugs or not, I'm sending them in abundance ((((hugs))))

horseshoe · 17/01/2008 20:55

Im so so sorry to hear your news Ooops

silkcushion · 17/01/2008 21:05

So sorry oops - my thoughts are with you, yr dp and little Evie

MrsEi25 · 17/01/2008 21:11

im so sorry to hear you have had to go through this awful experience oops i have no words of wisdom for you just wanted to post my support for you and your family {{{{{{hugs}}}}}
xx ei xx

slim22 · 18/01/2008 02:04

So sorry. Bless her soul.
{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

babylove21 · 18/01/2008 02:37

So sorry Ooops, i remember reading your first post.god bless little Evie xxxxx

Original poster

ooops33 · 18/01/2008 08:58

thanks everyone for your kind words, i wanted to do the right thing for my baby and the thought of her suffering was too much to bear, i thought i could deal with it and be strong knowing it was the right thing, but i feel devastated my breasts have filled with milk and so painful but ive got no baby to feed and hold.

OP posts:

LOVEMYMUM · 18/01/2008 09:39

Please contact some kind of support group. Maybe the hospital or another mumsnetter will know of one. I really want you to have a lot of support and not be alone now.

Please be kind to yourself.

FoghornLeghorn · 18/01/2008 09:43

So sorry Ooops33

scaryhairycat · 18/01/2008 10:04

So sad for you sweetheart. LOVEMYMUM is right, support through a group or counselling may help you come to terms with the loss of your daughter, talking to someone who understands what you are going through, often someone who is not too close will, over time, help to heal your wound.
In the mean time, allow yourself to grieve, you did the right thing but you are still bereft, and need time to acknowledge your loss.{{{hugs}}} xx

poppy34 · 18/01/2008 20:22

oops- so sorry to hear about Evie. I do feel for you - I remember the bewilderment and pain after we decided to terminate my pregnancy when I was expecting Sam due to abnormalities incompatible with life.

Please take the time and any support you need to get better - ARC is fantastic, as are SANDS and I found the m/c and bereavement site here a fantastic support.

My thoughts are with you - and if you do want to talk /need to reach out to someone then there are lots of people on m/n here (.Somehow this is when the net comes into your own as it feels easier to share your feelings remotely.

And if you want to CAT me please do -it may or may not help you but I found the other m/n who had been through this a great consolation when I felt completely awash with grief.

Take care -am thinking of you xxx

cinnamontam · 18/01/2008 20:38

Ooops - I couldn't just read and go. Just wanted to say I am so sorry...

You are a brave, wonderful Mum. Thinking of you and your DP and little Evie. She won't be forgotten xx

Millarkie · 18/01/2008 20:46

So sorry Ooops.

yellowbean · 18/01/2008 20:46

i'm so sorry... an awful loss for you, i hope life is much much kinder to you in the future, xxx

Beauregard · 18/01/2008 20:46

oh oops i am so so sorry
Evie is a beautiful name
God bless her

chipmonkey · 18/01/2008 21:23

Ooops, I am so very sorry You have been through hell and back!

Jackstini · 18/01/2008 23:07

Ooops you have had some good advice on here re groups/people to speak to re counselling. When you are ready this may really help.
On a v practical note, get a savoy cabbage and put the leaves in your bra, it will help the pain with breast engorgement and you should feel better physically in a couple of days.
Emotionally, I wish there was something I could do to take this pain away but I know there isn't. My thoughts are with you x

Original poster

ooops33 · 19/01/2008 17:29

thank you all so much your support helps so much my partner wont talk about it, he hasnt shed a tear since this happened and seems so cold, he said to me yesterday that he wants to go to belguim for a week to see his family in 2 weeks time, i feel so alone.
all ive got left of my little one is a hand and foot print the midwife gave me, there so tiny and perfect i just keep kissing the prints, people keep saying time will heal but i feel engulfed with sadness i dream of her every night when i close my eyes i see her face, is this ever going to ease?? my mum keeps saying you can try again soon but i dont want another baby it wont be evie!!!!

OP posts:

cece · 19/01/2008 17:36

I lost my baby Hope on 13th Dec so know how you are feeling.

Has the hospitla put you into contact with the bereavmeent midwife at your local hospital. My one has been a great support to me and DH.

So sorry for your loss of little Evie

Original poster

ooops33 · 19/01/2008 17:40

im sorry cece you lost your baby too, the midwives keep phoning but i dont pick up the phone i cant talk or face people

OP posts:

needmorecoffee · 19/01/2008 17:44

I'm so sorry Ooops. Don't really know what to say. You did what you thought was best for Evie.

controlfreakygobshite · 19/01/2008 17:48

really sorry for your loss oops. thinking of you and of evie.

cece · 19/01/2008 18:51

oops I know exactly how you feel. I locked myself away for at least 4 weeks without really seeing anyone. Dh had to do the school runs as I couldn't face speaking to anyone. Only just got back into it this week.

However, the midwives can offer you great support so would recommend seeing or speaking to the bereavement midwife at the very least.

I would second SANDS as well. The forum is a place where you can talk to others with similar experiences.

poppy34 · 19/01/2008 19:04

oops - so sorry you're feeling this way. if you can't face talking to a midwife can you face talking to someone anonymously at cruse or similar? I found it really helpful when I was like cece (think I stayed in for about 2/3 weeks).

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