Maternity leave - does anyone else hate it?

[Sarahjct]

Sitting here feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment. I'm just starting my 3rd week of maternity leave and I really hate it (37 weeks). I was glad to give up work as I had a long commute and my job was pretty stressy at times but the thought of being here on my own for the next year is torture.

DH had a couple of days off at the end of last week and it was really nice but now he's gone back to work it's worse and I'm dreading how it will be after Christmas when everyone goes back for good.

I know that the baby will take all my concentration and I won't have time to feel sorry for myself but I've been a nanny and, although I know it's bound to be different with your own, I also know how much I hated being stuck indoors then. I know I could go back to work earlier but, financially we'd be worse off if I did so I'm sort of tied to the year.

I'm also peed off because I found out at the weekend that DH has gone against what we decided and told his entire family what name we have picked and his sister is telling all and sundry. Although it seems trivial, I feel like one of the nice bits has been taken away from me and I've lost control of it a bit. I wouldn't mind but he did exactly the same thing over the summer when we thought we were having a boy and it caused an almighty row then. He had a reprieve when the scans showed a girl but he's done it again.

Sorry, I know this is a waffly post but I just didn't expect to feel this miserable.

This is the fun bit - get your feet up, telly on, drink hot cups of tea and take nice long baths!

Sounds like you were in a similar situation to me, i.e. you don't know many people locally? This can make maternity leave very tedious indeed. Have you met people at the antenatal classes? Either way, I think I'd make a start now on organising a few groups to join. I didn't do enough of this but that was partly because I knew we were moving to another area whilst I was on leave.

Plus Mumsnet is a fantastic resource. Where are you? There are bound to be MNers locally who will be happy to meet up and coo over the new arrival.

I feel your pain re: dh telling everyone the name, I think you should deliberately "change your mind" about what name you want now! Then his sister's going to look very foolish. Definitely not fair.

Sarah - I agree with Trib - think up a new name fast!

I'm starting my 5th week of ML, so I know how you feel - it does get lonely. DH has been working long hours - if I was working I wouldn't have noticed because I was doing similarly long hours. I don't miss work mainly because I'd been put under so much stress at work over the last year, in fact I packed in 2 weeks early because of that. I find it hard because all my family live other side of the country, as do DH's family. Plus my nearest friends are 25 miles away, they all work except one who is on ML with a young baby herself.
Plus because I've been told I have to rest (had BP issues other week) can't drive any distance - couple of mile is fine, but 50 mile round trip is out of the question!
What has helped is that I made a friend through the NCT AN class, she has been visiting me and I also go to a Bumps and Babes group, again through NCT.
Plus I spend far too much time chatting to the lovely ladies on MN!
I've also been having lazy mornings in bed, watching DVDs, reading books and playing with my DS Lite (kind friend has lent me some more games for it).
No daytime telly for me, don't want my brain going any mushier than it already is!

Invite the other mothers-to-be from your antenatal class round for coffee/tea to while away the time. I did this and it was nice and you get some good surprises.

Sarah i sympathise. I was bored stupid on mat leave and it wasn't until right in the very last week that i decided to start doing things, but then DP put a stop to it coz he was paranoid i would go into labour while i was out (i was slightly over due). But still, i enjoyed snoozing and eating chocolate without feeling guilty for it.

I also dont know anyone locally either and didn't go to antenatal classes to be able to meet other people either.

Try the meet ups forum on here and put a shout out for other mums/mums-to-be in your area on there.

Good luck sweetie!

Hey Sarah, 3rd week of Mat leave for me too, and I'm really quite enjoying it! It's given me a chance to catch up with life before the LO makes a show - big long emails to friends I haven't spoken to for ages, watching terrible (but fascinating!) programmes on the discovery channel, dozing on the sofa covered in cats etc.

I'm also making a real effort to keep up with the stuff I did when I worked, so I read the guardian website every morning, make sure I read a book for about an hour a day (like I did in my works lunch break), as well as trying stuff I didn't do as often before, like cooking meals for DH. (he's always done the cooking, I've always done the washing up!).

I think you just have to keep yourself active - mentally as well as physically.

I was off for 6 weeks before ds was born and I got bored too, but once you're the 'other side' you will miss this stage!

These are the things that 7 years on I still wish I had done more of in that time (in no particular order):
Sleep. Read books. Go to the cinema. Go out and sit in coffee shops and stare into space. Window shop and go for coffee while I was out. Sleep more.

I would definitely pick a different name too.

I had 6 weeks off before dd was born, but had a lovely time pottering, decorating, sorting and so on.
In fact, did so much of the above that after dd was born I wish that I'd just done more mooching, sleeping and reading. Felt like I didn't make the most of the time really.

What was a lifeline after dd was born was the post-natal group run by my local health clinic. Started going once a week on a Thursday for 8 weeks once dd was 6 weeks. It was brilliant meeting a group of local mums. DD is now 4 and a half and they're still a great lifeline.

With ds, I started maternity leave (or rather annual leave followed straight away by ML) the day after my 23 week scan!

I am going to sound really stupid because I so looked forward to breaking up on Friday but I am so bored and it is only my first day, me and dh have argued constantly over the past week because I am feeling upset that I have to give up my job and he is doing all fantastic at work and I know I am irrational because he is working hard so I don't have to go back to work, but I feel trapped and scared at the prospect of being on my own all day!

I am not even out my dressing gown yet watching repeats of Airline!

I didn't click with people from my NCT as they were all a bit older (i'm 25)- plus all my friends are still in the getting married phase of their lives so they are working and saving hard! And are much as I am sooo lucky to have family on the doorstep I am feeling suffocated!

Saw all the girls yesterday for xmas lunch as my closest friend who I have seen for some weeks said my lower arms had got fat!!

I am waffling now and completely imposed on your thread but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, god help me when I have been off work for 3 weeks!

While I still have a couple of friends from the NCT ante-natal group, we didn't all "click" in the same was as the post-natal group run by the HVs.

I am soooo looking forward to starting my maternity leave (with #2)... really sulking that I have to go back after Christmas, in fact (DS was due in January so I knocked off shortly before Christmas that time)!

Take every opportunity to do "new mum" things once you feel up to it (certainly by the time your DD gets to 8/9/10 weeks). You won't gel with everyone you meet, but as they will all be desperately doing "new mum" things too, through them you will meet other women you may have more in common with -- so worth keeping up with anyone you don't actively hate, for the first few months at least.

You can build up a social network and calendar that will get you out of the house a lot, but you need to put a bit of work into it. (Check for nursery rhyme times at your local library -- if they have those sessions they are often a great meeting point).

lemonaid, how are you? Was worried hadn't seen you on the boards for a while!

Am fine although knackered... lost the antenatal thread off my "threads I'm on" and keep meaning to go and track it down, but then keep forgetting.

See it as an opportunity to adjust to the new pace of life. I only took a week's mat leave before DD was born, and spent most of that shopping, or in the pub. As such, I had a harder time adjusting to the Verrrrry Sloooow pace of life with a newborn. After a couple of weeks I'm sure you'll relax into it, and be all the more serene and well prepared for your new arrival.

Hi everyone, sorry I posted and ran. I drove down and made DH meet me for lunch - also meant I could continue to moan at him about his big mouth!

Everyone has such useful suggestions and I know you're all right. Last couple of weeks have been very busy - I've decorated the nursery and put all the furniture together, washed every small pink piece of clothing I can find and generally had a clear out but today has been really slow.

I think Naetha made a good point about keeping mentally active as well. I made a vow that I wasn't going to have the tv on today although I do like the background noise but I'm going to start a really challenging book otherwise I might turn into a Jeremy Kyle participant!

My antenatal group were supposed to meet today but it didn't happen for some reason. Maybe I'll send an email round and suggest something. DH has arranged for his mother to come round for coffee on Thursday, his second mistake of the week!

the cinema, definitely. barely go now that the dcs are here, difficult to justify the cost of a babysitter. Would love to be in the cinema now, nearly dark outside, large pot of popcorn in my lap..... bliss! Do make the most of it, whether it is to do useful things or just relax.... Dd arrived early and I had no maternity leave, still feel slightly resentful about it...!

Oooh yes, good point. Cinema, theatre, drink lots of nice hot cups of something (it will be months before you get to drink anything that's more than lukewarm again).

Oh, by the way, I would probably have killed your DH too. Fortunately so far the worst mine has done is not twig that if he were to tell nearly-3yo DS the name we are most likely to use, DS would probably tell everyone else (and DS wasn't paying attention when he tried to tell him, so no harm done). Are you considering changing the name, or just making him do serious penance?

Contact the NCT and ask about a local tea group. They put you in touch with other women having babies at the same time as you who live really nearby and you meet up once a week - though probably more often if you click.
Give yourself some treats. Pedicure, manicure, hot chocolate in nice cafe. Drive to see friends for lunch if you can.

Serious penance, Port. We've been using the name since September so it would feel a bit strange changing it now. Although I'm tempted by my 5 year old niece's suggestion of Geoffrey for a girl... ?!

You sound like you had a lucky escape. Men are so thick sometimes!

OK, I'm going to think of some nice things to do. I have to try to differentiate between treats and relaxing and just arsing around doing nothing though...

DS has so far suggested "Mummy" or "Cow" for a girl. Or, if pushed "Chair" or "Ladder". I don't think names are his strong point...

At least he can be excused for being young...DH's first few suggestions were things like Thor and Beowulf .

Give it a couple of years and all the cool kids will be called Thor

DH and I did discuss Beowulf... and Grendel... but at least we were joking .

God, yes, the cinema. Go go go. I've probably been three times since ds was born 2 and a half years ago. Admittedly we are unlucky in having no family nearby, but my step-dad still talks to me about films as if I went regularly and I just have to wing it and pretend I know what he's talking about

I would love to go to the cinema, and read a book in a coffee shop, and got into shops with narrow aisles that a pushchair can't reach!

I really had a hard time with the idea of being off work for 6 months last time, I felt like I was losing a lot of my identity and even some of the social mums groups just made me feel bleak (my son had trouble growing and sleeping and seeing other babies just emphasized how behind he was).

However, going back to work wasn't easy either and now I'm really missing spending time with him and looking forward to a long mat leave with my next baby (due in June).

my advice is go to lots of different groups until you find a few good friends. Then hang out with them.

I seriously don't want to sound like a killjoy 'experienced mum', but honestly - start getting into a positive frame of mind now and enjoying this leisure time, because you will NEVER HAVE IT AGAIN!

oh god, I can't WAIT to go on maternity leave (not til Easter)! Am already imagining all the lovely things I can do and looking forward to chilling out!