Telling family early because of Xmas

[durdledoo]

Just found out I'm roughly 5 weeks pregnant. It was a big surprise for us as we were convinced our family was complete.
Very confused and worried and just not sure what to do but...

One of my main concerns is we go away with extended family for 2 weeks at Xmas/ new year. They'd be bound to notice and I wouldn't want to try and hide it for all that time with people trying to pour me drinks etc, I'd usually be the first on the Prosecco, they'd guess.

Problem is I don't really want to tell them, the people we go away with (dh's side) aren't particularly supportive, won't be excited for us and have a habit of making everything a drama (we have been together 10 years , have a mortgage, two children, a dog and stable careers and they got very upset when we got our home/ actually cried because they were worried we couldn't afford it). Very anxious people to say the least, who when we told them we were having dc2 weren't exactly happy!

Just for context ^^ as to why i dread telling them any big news.

I wouldn't even have had a 12 weeks scan by Christmas and it all seems very quick and early and just not ideal at all!

Anyone else been early stages of pregnancy over the festive period, what did you do?

I managed to hide not drinking over my whole 40th birthday weekend with about 20 people in a house… accept drinks, wander around with them, don’t drink them, every now and again throw some away/replace with a soft drink (easier to do if you have g&t or vodka & coke etc)

It’s actually easier away with lots of people than it would be in a pub on a night out, honestly nobodies actually taking any notice.

Dont draw attention to not drinking and people are unlikely to notice. If someone offers you a drink just say not at the moment.

Yep I also managed to hide it when having guests to stay in early pregnancy. Have some nosecco around and make sure you do the pouring, hide the empty bottles until guests are gone.
Gin and tonic is another good one, just put a different garnish in your one with no gin so they know which one it is.
Belvoir also do a winter spiced fruit punch that is non alcoholic but looks and smells like mulled wine when put in a wine glass.

I've never understood the hiding drinking, I'd accept a drink, as others have said, wander around a bit with it, pour some out. It's not hard, no one is specifically looking at you.

I could definitely do the whole wonder around with a drink for a couple of days but 11 nights? Over xmas and new year. It's me, dh and our two girls in a cottage with my mil and fil. I just don't see myself getting away with it for that long.

Could you say you are on antibiotics/ painkillers for something and the doctor warned you they aren’t to be mixed with drink ?

@durdledoo

I could definitely do the whole wonder around with a drink for a couple of days but 11 nights? Over xmas and new year. It's me, dh and our two girls in a cottage with my mil and fil. I just don't see myself getting away with it for that long.

Will you all be drinking every night?

Wow they expect u to drink everyday?....
What ... and u dont have to explain to anyone anything if u dont want to. Just pretend to drink if its that important to drink lol

We'd definitely usually have some Buck's Fizz on Xmas morning and Boxing Day. New Years I'd usually drink.
Probably a glass of wine with dinner and they like to play Baird games and mil usually makes me and her gins. We wouldn't drink heavily but my in laws also aren't stupid and my mother in law would most certainly notice if I was tipping drinks down the sink or not touching it.

I think your choices are a) tell them and ignore any chuntering or b) cancel trip.

Tell them you're alcohol dependent, that way it will also be a relief when they find out you're actually just pregnant.
This is a joke, but if they're that awful why are you spending so much time with them?

Congratulations! Id just tell them. So what they're dramatic? Presumably you are happy?

But more to the point, good luck! 11 days with in laws in a cottage? Sober too 🥴

Can't you just be a bit ill? Like a tummy bug or touch of food poisoning? If telling them is the only option then yes, I would do it before Christmas so they can get over the drama before.

Terrible, chronic, painful UTI. Continue at length with much detail on symptoms until even your mil wants to know no more.

I had this but without the dramatic in laws - found out I was pregnant at the end of November 2019. We scheduled a private scan just before we went away, and took the view that if we saw a heartbeat on the scan we should just bite the bullet and tell MIL. I didn’t want to tell her and then learn at the 12 week scan that things hadn’t progressed as they should, she’s lovely but it would have really upset her so an early scan seemed the best bet. I did the Nosecco thing for work Xmas parties, NYE with friends but I agree, it’s too much for a stay over days and days and if I wasn’t drinking it’d have been a dead giveaway.

Also obviously it’s your call but I would and did have the occasional small drink during pregnancy

I went away to a cottage with in-laws over the summer when newly pregnant. It wasn't ideal. I did tell them, but then they are reasonably sane.
We are certainly expected to drink every day while with them so it was just the easiest thing to do! Still- not exactly one of the best weeks I've ever had
You'll get through it. I would tell them if you're going to have to deal with the drama at some point anyway. It's still a few weeks away and you'll be more certain of your feelings by then?

I’d second that your choices are going to be to cancel or tell them. I wish it wasn’t that way but it’s always really obvious when someone stops drinking. The excuses are all so well used.

It doesn’t matter, of course, but making the presumption that people lie because they don’t want people to know yet… I think you definitely risk that people work it out, and then you’re relying on them being too polite to mention it… and a lot of people aren’t anymore.

Do you have to go? 11 days seems full on even if they were lovely, it seems insane if they’re not.

They sound really horrible. It's very sad that you are so sure they would be unsupportive of you and their son having DC. And crying that you wouldn't be able to afford the house you bought?! Wtf? Unless there is a huge back story here that you are keeping from us, they sound like utter twats.

Why are you even going on holiday with them?

Cancel with them and go and do something with your DC that you'll actually enjoy in the company of people who will be excited for your news.

Thanks everyone.
I really do think we will just she to I tell them. The idea of an early scan makes sense to me so too.

There is a big old back story I won't go massively into but they're difficult people. We are fine when we keep them at arms length. This holiday was meant to be something very different (abroad and lots of space from one another with other people going too) and when that got cancelled due to the pandemic we just ended up booking this and feeling s bit uncomfortable not inviting them as dh is and only and they'd have spent Xmas alone. Our friends who were meant to come with us ended up not being able to for various reasons so ended up just being us an the in laws! Guulllllp.

Not being able to drink my way through will be tough but I've got through worse over the 10 years I've been with their son.

My Aunt guessed I was pregnant when we stayed one night. She didn't say anything though, just let on to my mother she suspected it when she told her a few weeks later. The refusing the champagne was the first clue... the others being I was looking pale, not eating much, and looking ghastly in the morning. We had just said I was exhausted due to non sleeping toddler.

Just tell them. If it was a few days you could come up with an excuse but for nearly two weeks it is impossible. They will know something is up and with the secrecy it would only add to the drama. Let them know you are pregnant and tell them it is still early and you do not want to talk about it at all yet. They need to respect that.

How would they have spent Christmas alone, presumably they are a couple so have each other?
I would not go away for so long even with people I do like.

Antibiotics is a huge giveaway.
I agree that it shouldn't be this way bit people do suspect if you don't drink.

I've done a lot of fake drinking but not over such a long time period.

Depending on the distance I might just cancel in your shoes.

@Unicornflakegirl
Yes ok. Not alone. But not with anyone but each other. I guess at Christmas I try and include family regardless of whether I find them blimmen hard work.

Don't get me wrong Id rather not be in the situation but here I am, we will tell them a week ish before we go and just say it's very early days so we aren't telling anyone else and don't want to talk about it as all unknown this early on.

Right at the start of my pregnancy I told everyone I had a water infection and was on antibiotics so couldn't drink. I bought loads of alcohol gins, beers etc and no one questioned me 😂

Could that work? I understand it can be difficult