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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

16 + weeks miscarriage

57 replies

Calbooo · 23/11/2021 10:40

Hello, I just wanted to share my heartbreaking experience that has just happen to me. Mumsnet has been the place for me to always find other peoples experiences so here’s mine.
The moment I found found out I was pregnant I worried, as last year my baby was sick with DS and other things that my baby would not live to full term so I had a terminate at 17 weeks. So I had many scans this pregnancy, 5 weeks strong heartbeat, 8 weeks strong heartbeat, 12 weeks I was so scared for my scan but I got the all clear. 14 weeks scan all good, saw baby moving and good heart beat. 16 weeks I booked a private gender scan and my world broke with I’m afraid it’s bad news. No heartbeat. I couldn’t believe it cause I thought I was out the danger zone and my anxiety was not expecting that.
I went hospital to confirm this and it was correct. I had to take a tablet to induce my labour and to come back the next day.
I got put on labour ward but a Special room that was really nice to deliver my baby. They inserted my second tablet in me. I asked for the strongest pain relief which was morphine.
4 hours later my baby had come while I went toilet, holding on to the morphine rail that had to come with me I cried my eyes out saying to the midwife, how can life be so cruel. She asked me to push as the placenta was nit coming out but I just couldn’t. I sat in the bed weak and dazed, with no words.
Few hours went by and the midwife cut the cord and laid my baby in a white basket with a white knitted small cover and put my baby next to me. I asked for time to myself, I was scared but brave to say goodbye. My baby was tiny but all was there. I had so my questions to ask but I know I was getting nothing for now.
The night wasn’t over as I was sick and Losing blood, heart rate dropped so put on a drip. I was exhausted. They inserted the tablet again to get the placenta out but I was just bleed I got and weak & only bits was coming out. My partner watched everything & this would had been his first baby. I have a 6 year old with another person. So we was all looking forward to this precious human coming.
The next day doctors came around and said they had no one to scan me as it was Sunday. I wanted to leave as I had no sleep and couldn’t be there another night. So Monday scan was booked to check for placenta and tissue.
We go again with another round of tablets under my tongue and was not ready for them to get the rest out with another procedure.
I am broken, I know time will heal. So many people are pregnant around me. I keep thinking is it me as I’m 36 years old and my eggs ain’t good enough now.
I have to wait for a full report which takes up to 12 weeks. My baby came in at 17+ 5 weeks weighing 28 grams so I’m confused as I should only been 16 weeks. Maybe a growth problem. I got really bad migraines a week before my miscarriage but iron levels was spot on. I also said to my midwife I could t feel baby that much of that week either. Has anyone had a baby come out bigger than there gestation?
💔

OP posts:
wavecatcher · 23/11/2021 14:17

I'm so very sorry what an awful heartbreaking loss. I'm hoping more can be explained to you hopefully when the report comes back.
I would recommend counselling to help process this awful experience.

welshladywhois40 · 23/11/2021 14:28

I am so sorry for your loss. This must be devastating. Please don't blame yourselves or age. 36 is still the right side of 40.

I wish I had some wise words to help - take the time to remember your baby.

wombatspoopcubes · 23/11/2021 14:46

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. To me it felt like a piece of me had died and it all seemed so pointless. I had therapy and EMDR which really helped me to come to terms with it.

To answer your question, my dd was taller than her gestation at 18 weeks.

Did you have a boy or a girl? Did you name your child?

DiamondSnow · 23/11/2021 14:53

I am so so sorry for your loss. Nobody deserves to go through such sadness. Flowers

AdrianeMole · 23/11/2021 19:29

just wanted to say sorry for your loss and that you are not alone, I am also going through a missed miscarriage today at 16 weeks. I think we will be OK I just don't feel like that at all yet x

Calbooo · 23/11/2021 21:09

Thank you for your kind words.
I went to find out the gender and she didn’t tell me, only that there’s no heartbeat and to go straight to hospital.
I saw the baby and I couldn’t work out so there saying they will give me it in the report.

I don’t have any names yet as I only starting to think about that.

❤️

OP posts:
Calbooo · 23/11/2021 21:11

Oh I’m so sorry. I just have no words. People keep asking me how I feel and I just go blank.
I know life go’s on and time will heal. Did you have a private scan or did you miscarry naturally ? ❤️

OP posts:
Calbooo · 23/11/2021 21:15

@wombatspoopcubes I did post but not sure if I @ you.

Did you get a report ?

OP posts:
Letsbekindplease · 23/11/2021 21:15

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you both so much love ladies. Xx

AdrianeMole · 23/11/2021 22:12

Thank you @Calbooo I found out at a private scan, I haven't had any management or surgery yet. I might have surgery on my insurance. I am tired but too scared or upset to sleep yet. I know that time will help us both, but it will take a little while. Sending hugs x

Calbooo · 24/11/2021 09:55

@AdrianeMole I hope all go’s as well as can be. If you need to ask me anything I’m here. ❤️

OP posts:
AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 11:07

Thank you! How are you feeling today?

Calbooo · 24/11/2021 13:04

@AdrianeMole I feel dazed and tied. My 6 year old keeps me going. I’m over thinking a lot about the future & my partner who I’m with now as he don’t have children, I keep thinking will he leave as he might think I can’t have anymore. I’m just all over the place.

Have you booked in yet ?

OP posts:
AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 13:30

@Calbooo I'm sure you will feel tired for a while after all that. Glad you have your 6 year old.
I know what you mean, neither of us has kids and we are quote old, I keep thinking he should dump me for someone 10 years younger. I even told his family that today. I don't think this is rational thinking though, it must be part of the grief and guilt. I am going for an appointment later

AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 13:30

I meant me and my partner are quite old -not you!!!! You are young!

Calbooo · 24/11/2021 14:30

@AdrianeMole I definitely think it’s a grieving process, I think your mind just over thinks of everything. My partner is 4 years younger than me, I have t spoke to him how Iv been feeling as it’s all still so raw.
You have the next couple of days to be the strongest with what you will go through. I’m sure your partner will be there for no matter what age.
Did you go through your insurance?

OP posts:
AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 14:40

Thanks @Calbooo 4 years is really not much of an age gap. I'm sure he is there for you. I feel better when I tell my partner how I'm feeling even if it does sound mad.
Yes I have AXA health through my company and they cover miscarriages which is great and means you can choose a private hospital. This is my second loss and they were both missed miscarriages so nothing started yet on its own, I just found out at a scan. I think if I was already passing the pregnancy I'd have to attend a normal A&E department and continue in a normal hospital.

wombatspoopcubes · 24/11/2021 14:47

[quote Calbooo]@wombatspoopcubes I did post but not sure if I @ you.

Did you get a report ?[/quote]
I'm not in the UK so I don't know what you mean by report. Due to the medical circumstances, shortened life span and quality of life of my dd we decided to induce the birth too early to let her go. She had various rare diagnoses that had nothing to do with each other so they did look at all her genes (took 6 months) to see if it correlated with some kind of super rare syndrom but they didn't find anything.

It was really, really hard. A very difficult and emotional time for me.

At first I really had to survive each day. When I felt overwhelmed (which was often at first) I did a mindfulness exercise. I concentrated on 5 things I could see, and in my head really describe them to myself, including colour and shadows, then 5 things I could hear, then 5 thing I could feel (clothes on skin, hair in face et cetera). It sounds wishy washy but it helped me get through the next ten minutes if I felt I was drowning. I needed that exercise to sometimes just stop thinking for a few minutes.

Therapy really helped, can't recommend it enough. Some things are too heavy for a person to battle through. I do have to add that my family was/is useless so your situation might be different in that respect.

Calbooo · 24/11/2021 15:52

@AdrianeMole 4 years is not but I do panic about my eggs. Last year our baby was sick and we had a termination. I just dont know.

Ah bless you, when it keeps happening you just start to wonder. Don’t give up. You will get there 🌈
Will you try again ? Did they have any answers for you the last time ? Xx

OP posts:
Calbooo · 24/11/2021 15:56

@wombatspoopcubes yes that’s what I ment a medical report. Sorry.
I had the same last year with the baby having things wrong and wouldn’t live to full term. I’m sorry.

I start concealing next week and I hope it helps.
Thank you for your response. ❤️

OP posts:
AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 17:39

I think 36 is a great age, we had our embryos frozen at 40 so we are in more of a risky situation.

Re trying again, I guess we will but I'm trying not to get too invested or think too much about that just yet. Need time to recover and find some happiness again. Will you?
Had my appointment today and will have surgery tomorrow. I'm relieved really. I think maybe the private clinics do more surgeries because they all get paid more for that.

Calbooo · 24/11/2021 18:03

@AdrianeMole did you do IVF ? Did you get a good few good out of it? I thought that’s what they do, only implant a good ones.
Yh I would try again but I’m so nervous what will be the outcome, not sure how my partner feels about it, he’s seen so much this weekend so I think I will leave that conversation.
With the surgery will u be put to sleep ? So you won’t actually have an induced labour ?

OP posts:
AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 18:21

@Calbooo yes we did IVF a few rounds and froze the best embryos. We even had the embryos tested for chromosomal errors PGS testing but I am really not sure if that's worth anything now that three have not worked. We still have some left. I just don't know how much more I can take of all this trying! I will keep trying as I know partner wants to, I think I still want to but my heads not straight yet.
Yes I'll be put to sleep. I still will take some of the pills but then they will do a small op. I realise I am very lucky to have this option.

AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 18:26

I'm sure the conversations about trying again can wait a little while @Calbooo, maybe try to shelve that for a month so at least your body and cycle has a chance to calm down x

AdrianeMole · 24/11/2021 18:42

@wombatspoopcubes so sorry for your loss Flowers