Partner still not allowed to stay after birth

Louise5754 · 15/11/2021 21:23

Not covid related but my husband wasn't able to be there for the labour or birth or see her for 4 days afterwards. I'm not sure how it affects bonding but they seemed ok.

PopT4rts · 15/11/2021 21:29

Hi CatGos,

A friend told me at her recent birth that the partner could be there for the birth and some time after, however would then need to book slots to come back and visit for a short period of time, only allowing so many dads on to the ward at a time. (Lincolnshire)

Can you ring the maternity building and see what the current process is?

When are you due to give birth? I'm not due till April so really hope things are more relaxed but we're going for a home birth which will hopefully rule out this worry of partners not being able to support us.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 15/11/2021 21:38

Please don't worry OP. We had this situation last year and it didn't affect DH's bonding with DD. And compared to my first birth in 2018, it actually helped my bonding because the post natal ward was so much calmer and quieter without hoards of visitors. I could just focus on her and not get stressed out by the noisy inconsiderate idiots visiting the bed opposite. Staff were also more able to help because everything was so much calmer. They could stick heads round ward doors and see everyone, make eye contact and check we were ok.

Good luck!

Original poster

CatGos · 15/11/2021 21:48

@Louise5754 hat's reassuring to hear! I really feel for him but I'm sure you're right and all will be fine

OP posts:

Original poster

CatGos · 15/11/2021 21:49

@PopT4rts that's exactly the process here currently. I'm also due April!! So hopefully we're working about something that might change.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy

OP posts:

Sparklespangle · 15/11/2021 21:52

I had DS in a maternity unit and went home a few hours after birth so DH being kicked out want an issue. Could you try this?

Hapoydayz · 15/11/2021 21:52

I wouldn't worry about dad bonding at all. It's what help and support you need especially if the care is crap on the ward which seems standard

Original poster

CatGos · 15/11/2021 21:52

@FoxtrotSkarloey thank you ☺️. We have no family around us down here so I really would feel for him having to go back home by himself, but you're right! Maybe a bit of a calmer experience in the long run (he might even get a few hours kip!).

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Santastuckincustoms · 15/11/2021 21:54

I'd go with the flow, send DH back for his last ever uninterrupted sleep whilst you're on ward. Then he'll be in a fit state to help out more when at home. Having two people who have both stayed up for 24 hours trying to look after a newborn is a disaster.

HelloDulling · 15/11/2021 21:57

No partners on the ward makes for a much more peaceful stay. Unless you deliver very quickly, he’ll be cream-crackered and will fall asleep as soon as he gets home, then hopefully will wake up and come and pick you and baby-face up to go home.

Motherofcats007 · 15/11/2021 22:02

I had a proper covid baby in June 2020, dad was kicked out right after transfer to ward and she’s totally a daddy’s girl. A few days won’t interfere with the bonding too much. All the best with the birth x

SickAndTiredAgain · 15/11/2021 22:05

Please don’t worry about bonding for the first day or so. It wasn’t ideal for my mum, but my dad wasn’t in the same country when I was born, he got there a few days later. It didn’t affect bonding at all.

Isitmeorthemm · 15/11/2021 22:18

My dh will be kicked out after the birth too but can come back for 2 hours later intake evening.
I wouldn't worry about bonding there's plenty of time for that. I'm more worried about lack of help for me! But even so it won't be that bad, you will be fine and I hope the midwives will be helpful.
A maternity ward isn't the calmest of places but hopefully you won't be in for long.

HopelessBlue192 · 15/11/2021 22:23

I gave birth in an Oxfordshire hospital in 2018 - DH wasn't allowed to stay once I was out of the theatre, but it hasn't affected them bonding at all :)

HyggeTygge1 · 15/11/2021 22:33

I know how you feel, my second is on the way next year too. But saying that, my experience of the post natal ward and the ward I was induced on with my first was an absolute nightmare cause of other people's visitors! I'm actually looking forward to some peace and quiet this time!

EarCatVega · 15/11/2021 23:47

I didn’t think this was the case anymore. A lot of people I’ve seen have said 8am-8pm at the JR at least.

dontletthemugglesgetyoudownn · 15/11/2021 23:52

The hospital I work in had never allowed partners to stay over night. Not saying I agree with it but they have no plans on starting it either

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/11/2021 23:59

DH met our younger DD when she was 2 weeks old. He's never had any problems with bonding... its the stuff they do throughout their babyhood/childhood that creates the bond. So please don't worry about that.

Skysblue · 16/11/2021 00:03

DH was there at the birth and constantly after and he didn’t ‘bond’ for weeks I think! I’m not convinced it’s a thing, certainly nothing like mum-baby anyway.

You’ll mostly want to snooze (and eat, to help milk!) for the 48 hrs after birth, so you won’t need DH help as much as you will a few days later when baby gets over it’s post-birth snoozing and wakes up more.

So if you find yourselves apart a lot for a few days don’t worry so much.

Other option is if all is medically fine, you don’t have to stay even one night in hospital, I didn’t 🤷‍♀️ But I do wish I had cos DH was useless and I’d much rather have had a helpful nurse arouns.

Santastuckincustoms · 16/11/2021 05:52

Tbh I haven't bonded with either of mine on the postnatal ward, there was no gooey looks at them or wondering how amazing the whole process was, it's more wondering whether your bum will fall off, what will happen when you need a poo, do you need the sheets changing again because you've bled through them, your thirsty but can reach the drink, your nipples are being chewed by a tongue tie etc. It's a bit of a war zone. Forget the tea and toast. You may get them but it'll be a limp cold bit of toast 3 hours after you wanted it.

So if you want DH to be of help make sure he's packed a cracking snack bag, sports bottle drinks and some paracetamol so you can take some when they refuse because the drugs round won't be for 4 more hours.

babyboybluex · 16/11/2021 09:42

We had our first son in June 2020 (peak of the madness) and my partner had to leave within one hour of having our boy - it was awful but did not affect their relationship at all. Best of friends!

We are now expecting our second and I had an overnight stay in the hospital last week for something and partners are allowed to visit and one husband was even able to stay the full-time - it was so loud, noisy and I couldn't sleep from the snoring/loud chat.

Looking at both experiences, I much prefer having only those given birth on the ward. It's so overwhelming when you give birth and having that calm environment (even with screaming babies) is much nicer than hearing/seeing people you don't know. You will be fine and it all depends on what time you give birth/the situation x

RosieLemonade · 16/11/2021 10:50

My hospital has never allowed men to stay once you get moved.

Timeturnerplease · 16/11/2021 11:44

Eldest was born before covid, but DP went back to work the next day due to money (self employed). They are thick as thieves and the best of friends. When we went into the hospital to have DD2 in August, DD1 stayed overnight at her grandparents and then asked DP if Mummy could stay over an extra night in hospital so she could have a Daddy sleepover 😂

CheesecakeHeaven · 16/11/2021 11:58

I don't know where abouts in Ox you are but the JR has had 8am-8pm visiting hours on postnatal since July. I don't think partners have ever been allowed to stay overnight though.

applesandbananas93 · 16/11/2021 12:21

@CatGos

Anyone outside of Oxfordshire still not allowed to have partner stay after birth? Ox hospitals are making partners leave as soon as you transfer to postnatal. We are so so worried about this, about dad (in our case) not being able to bond with baby, and not being able to help me at all.

I gave birth in January 2019 and my partner wasn’t allowed to stay when I was moved up to the ward… obviously that wasn’t COVID related but I assume just standard practice.