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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Nursery or Office - please help settle argument

45 replies

PunCana · 07/11/2021 10:04

Hi everyone,

Found out a few weeks ago that we are expecting our first child together and currently 7 weeks pregnant.

DP and I currently live in a 2 bedroom flat. We have been hoping for a while now that we can move into our own home, but things have gotten in the way of that right now, mainly the fact that my mother died earlier this year and the estate is being contested by her partner. So we're having to wait until that is sorted out. So, looks like we're staying put.

The one thing that we are not agreeing on is the 2nd room we have. At the moment, it's DP's office (he is still working from home since the start of the pandemic). However I'm keen to turn it into a nursery. Here lies the disagreement!

He is suggesting that we keep it as his office and a nursery, so having the baby's cot in next to his desk. I should add that DP works in IT, so it's not just one desk and computer - it's a HUGE desk with three seperate monitors, printer, two hardrives/servers, printer. The whole shebang really. I just can't imagine having our wee one in with a bunch of wires, having to work round DP working during the day etc.

DP's parents live a couple of streets away and have a couple of spare bedrooms and have offered DP to move his office in to one of their rooms, which I thought was a great idea. But my stubborn DP isn't so keen.

Oh, and he has also said that he wants the 2nd bedroom/office/nursery not to be decorated at all and for the walls to remain pure white so we can sell the flat in "pristine condition". Another thing thats annoying me.

I suppose a big part of me wanting the nursery is the excitement and process of having the nursery all done up and decorated for our wee one. But I also feel we need the space for all the baby's clothes, nappies and all the other million things a baby needs. Also, I would like to have somewhere to breastfeed at night and a room for the baby to transition to after the first 6 months.

What is everyone's thoughts on this? Both me and DP are pretty stubborn so don't see any of us giving in anytime soon. But perhaps some of your advice can help me (or him) sway in a different direction.

Thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dementedpixie · 07/11/2021 10:09

I agree with him tbh.
Baby is going to be in with you to begin with for at least the first 6 months if not longer.
They don't care what colour the walls are either.
Would you not feed baby in your own bedroom rather than go to another room?

Gazelda · 07/11/2021 10:09

I think you've got plenty of time to sort this.

You've got another 33 weeks of pregnancy, and then at least 6 months of bs y sleeping in with you. Why disrupt his workspace before then?

And by which time you might be in a position to move, so it would make more sense to keep the room neutral for prospective buyers to see the potential.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. Enjoy this time, but don't fret over things that aren't relevant right now.

Bonnealle · 07/11/2021 10:11

Honestly we didn’t use the nursery before 6 months and the baby is still not sleeping in there yet! I think it’s unfair in your partner to have to give up his office for a baby that won’t need it. Especially if you’re going to move soon, pristine white is better as it gives sellers an option on how to use the rooms visually (it’s easier to imagine what you want with a blank canvas). It’s a bit mean to kick him out, you may want the support. It’s been great having my partner at home, they can hold the baby between meeting so I can get myself together, have a quick coffee in peace! Also, you don’t want to be moving into another room to feed. The less disturbance the better, just pick them up, feed and hopefully you can both go back to sleep. At least wait until a few months after the baby has arrived as a compromise. That way you can see what you need and how things work.

RuthW · 07/11/2021 10:12

I think an office is more important than a nursery, so I'm with your partner.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 07/11/2021 10:12

I agree with him too.

Baby won't care if there are wires or the walls are white and they will be in the room with you for at least 6 months often longer.

You also really won't want to traipse in there to breastfeed in the middle of the night, you'll most likely want to stay in bed where its warm.

Having the room as multipurpose seems like the most logical solution.

Bimblybomeyelash · 07/11/2021 10:13

Sorry I’m with your DH here. The baby will be in with you at first so really doesn’t need their own bedroom. And he’s right that a neutral room will make the flat easier to sell.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/11/2021 10:14

Yeah he’s right.

We left our second bedroom as office and with a double bed in there for now and baby is 8months - it’s better like that as we can have my parents come to stay etc
Alsi been great having a second bed if husband needs sleep for work next day and I end up co sleeping or something but on a bad night!

Plan to eventually is probably move baby in there and move his desk to our room but not for a while I’d say

T0rt0ise · 07/11/2021 10:14

Another one that says leave it as his office. We're expecting our second and eventually my husband's office will become the bedroom for number two but there's no need to turf him out until we actually need it when baby is around 6 months.

COL1N · 07/11/2021 10:15

My baby is 21 months & I am just looking to turn the spare room into her nursery now 🤣

Welshiefluff · 07/11/2021 10:15

I think you both need to give a little.

The first few months at least the baby will be with you so there is no need to change the second room yet. Then when the baby can start sleeping along after 9 months or whatever DP should take the offer of using his parents because he can keep a dedicated office and work in peace.

I do not see the point painting the room blue or pink if that is your plan. The baby will not give a shit and it will be better in the long term to present a neutral room for potential buyers.

bookish83 · 07/11/2021 10:16

Ooh I do agree with why you want to though OP. You want to feel excited, nest, and perhaps feel a bit trapped for not being able to move. I can see his POV too

I agree you don't need a nursery for at least the first 6 months but then the exciting part of planning for baby is nesting so you are not BU either

Original poster

PunCana · 07/11/2021 10:19

Oh wow lol! Everyone agrees with him?! Well guess that's that settled then lol.

Awk I could always see his point of view... Think I was just excited to have the nursery all done as it's our first.

If the majority agrees with him then guess that's the right way to go!

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:

Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/11/2021 10:20

Also I never once got up out of bed to feed the baby in the night - I just lifted her from next to me cot and fed her in bed then put her back and went back asleep

NuffSaidSam · 07/11/2021 10:21

I think he's right that the baby doesn't need a nursery. He's definitely right about the walls! Just leave them as they are.

However, I do think it will be better for everyone if he is working outside of the home when the baby is here, so an office at his parents house seems ideal. Maybe get a recording of a newborn baby crying and play it outside the door of his office while he works and see how he feels about it. If it doesn't bother him, then fine. If to does, he probably needs to be elsewhere. You don't want the stress of feeling like you have to keep the baby quiet at all times because he's working.

Also, I don't think you need a nursery, but a spare bedroom so you can sleep separately early on can be invaluable. That way one of you can sleep with baby and do the night feeds etc. and the other can get a good night's sleep. You don't both want to be sleep deprived.

I think him moving the office to his parents is a great idea, but I'd use the space as a neutrally decorated spare room (with baby stuff in it too).

HalloweenScrooge · 07/11/2021 10:25

I think this is just your nesting instinct (or maybe a bit of panic about how baby will fit in given you’re so early). Practically speaking he’s right. You’ve got 12-18 months before you really need a nursery. I’d say a better compromise is to put a single bed in his office so that there is somewhere to escape to if baby becomes too noisy overnight, but sounds like the goal should be on moving, which should happen before a separate room is needed exclusively for baby b

Becks9800 · 07/11/2021 10:26

The nhs advice is that baby should stay in the parents bedroom / not be left unattended for naps for first 6 months (at least) to avoid cot death risk. Also I would wait to see what sort of baby you have and what style of parenting you adapt to..for example, we spent a fortune on nursery furniture and decorations and ended up cosleeping with a bad sleeper for the first year! She still comes in every night after 2am at 21 months old!

I get where you’re coming from and you do need space for the baby’s clothes and changing table etc at least but just wait and see after the birth for the rest? I’d recommend getting a side car cot (like a small cot with one side taken off so it goes right next to your bed) for first 6 months as it’s much easier to pick them up in the night without having to get out of bed.

When baby is older if you do want to move into own room you can then maybe discuss the option to use an office at the parents house that offered

Flutterby8 · 07/11/2021 10:28

We had a similar situation to you.
DH has been working at home for almost 2 years due to covid and I am pregnant now with our first baby.
We have a 3 bed house, 2nd bedroom has a double bed and wardrobes and 3rd was storage/office space for him.
We are not planning on moving anytime in the distant future so needed to use the 3rd bedroom for baby.
DH now uses the large kitchen space for his work and the 3rd bedroom is for the baby. Its working well currently.
I do appreciate baby will be in with us for at least 6 months though but wanted to sort the room out before her arrival because Im the one who does the DIY!

If you are planning on moving in the near future I would leave DP in his office as baby will be in with you for at least the first 6 months. You wont want to get up and move to a different room overnight to feed.
If you are moving i also wouldnt decorate the spare room because it can put potential buyers off if they have to change the decor.
Personally id leave things as they are and once youve moved sort baby a room of their own. By that time your partner may even be back working in an office somewhere?

Angeldelight21 · 07/11/2021 10:30

My hubby is keeping his office, I wouldn't even consider to kick him out. I love him working from home. Also, I won't decorate, a nice canvas on a white wall looks beautiful.

CreepySpider · 07/11/2021 10:33

Another one agreeing with him and at one stage whilst wfh, we did use our toddler’s bedroom as an office - he just slept in it and has no use for it during the daytime as all play was elsewhere. My older children have a use throughout the day for their bedrooms but I think that only started around the age of four.

Motherland101 · 07/11/2021 10:37

Team DH here, because:

1.) We furnished / painted and set up a nursery for DS which we then (10 months down the line) turned into an office as we were NEVER using it, apart from the occasional nappy changes. He slept in our bedroom from day one.

2.) DS is now a toddler and he is still not using any room as "his bedroom".

3.) His bed is in the guest room as the only time we are upstairs is pretty much when he is sleeping and all his toys are downstairs in the living room / kitchen-diner bar a few books and soft toys!

We are lucky as we have 3 bedrooms but if I had to choose between and office snd nursery, I'd go for an office any day!
I don't believe having their own room is necessary (it's certainly nice, I'm not denying the fact but my point is necessity if you are struggling for space) until they are of an age when they are happy playing in their room by themselves or with friends.

TheVanguardSix · 07/11/2021 10:37

Keep it as an office.
Plan on moving house in a couple of years. You'll likely be thinking of DC2! The nursery may not happen in the flat you're in. If it does, wait until your baby is 6 months old.
I have 3 kids. None of them really had a nursery. They moved into bedrooms, shared bedrooms, made do. Sometimes, that's just the way things go.
Congratulations, by the way!

Phrowzunn · 07/11/2021 10:42

I think from films and magazines and things you have this lovely idea of ‘decorating the nursery’ - I was the same. You think it will be this beautiful zen space with a rocking chair where you sing lullabies to your baby and keep all their beautiful things. In reality you feed the baby in your bed because you are so utterly exhausted there’s absolutely no way you’re getting up unless you absolutely have to. Baby’s arrival is still 7 months away and then will be in your room for (at least) the first 6 months, you guys may well be in a position to sell by then, and it definitely makes sense to keep the room neutrally decorated for selling. Sorry OP!

CreepySpider · 07/11/2021 10:43

Also, I don’t think any of my children went into their own rooms until they were around a year and even then, they frequently spent half the night in bed with me anyway.

DGFB · 07/11/2021 10:46

Baby will be in with you for 6-12 months. If anything you need a bed in the spare room so you can take it in turns to catch some sleep

Moonshine160 · 07/11/2021 10:49

I also agree with your partner and I think it would be unfair for his office space to be at his parent’s house.

He definitely needs to compromise though - If there’s not enough space in your bedroom then it would be useful to have some drawers/changing table in the office. The baby will be in your room for the first 6 months anyway, and by that time you may be ready to move out.

I also wanted to make sure the nursery was all done when we had our first baby but the room ended up pretty much unused until he was 7 months old.

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