Nursery or Office - please help settle argument

[PunCana]

Hi everyone,

Found out a few weeks ago that we are expecting our first child together and currently 7 weeks pregnant.

DP and I currently live in a 2 bedroom flat. We have been hoping for a while now that we can move into our own home, but things have gotten in the way of that right now, mainly the fact that my mother died earlier this year and the estate is being contested by her partner. So we're having to wait until that is sorted out. So, looks like we're staying put.

The one thing that we are not agreeing on is the 2nd room we have. At the moment, it's DP's office (he is still working from home since the start of the pandemic). However I'm keen to turn it into a nursery. Here lies the disagreement!

He is suggesting that we keep it as his office and a nursery, so having the baby's cot in next to his desk. I should add that DP works in IT, so it's not just one desk and computer - it's a HUGE desk with three seperate monitors, printer, two hardrives/servers, printer. The whole shebang really. I just can't imagine having our wee one in with a bunch of wires, having to work round DP working during the day etc.

DP's parents live a couple of streets away and have a couple of spare bedrooms and have offered DP to move his office in to one of their rooms, which I thought was a great idea. But my stubborn DP isn't so keen.

Oh, and he has also said that he wants the 2nd bedroom/office/nursery not to be decorated at all and for the walls to remain pure white so we can sell the flat in "pristine condition". Another thing thats annoying me.

I suppose a big part of me wanting the nursery is the excitement and process of having the nursery all done up and decorated for our wee one. But I also feel we need the space for all the baby's clothes, nappies and all the other million things a baby needs. Also, I would like to have somewhere to breastfeed at night and a room for the baby to transition to after the first 6 months.

What is everyone's thoughts on this? Both me and DP are pretty stubborn so don't see any of us giving in anytime soon. But perhaps some of your advice can help me (or him) sway in a different direction.

Thanks!

We didn't use a nursery until at least 18 months, and for a while the cot was a dumping ground for laundry and toys that needed to go to the charity shop.

Having an office for DP is much more sensible

Thanks everyone for the advice. So good to have people on here who have done it all before and can be a bit more realistic about things. Definitely hear what you are all saying... Looks like the office will be staying until we actually need the space (hopefully we've moved by then anyway).

I think having a spare bed in there is a good shout, so thanks for the tip. Worry about disrupted sleep for either of us if baby was to remain in our room beyond the 6 months.

Think I've just let my nursery/baby prep fantasies run away with me a bit. It's all just really exciting!!

I really feel your pain @PunCana ! I use our spare room as an office and had visions of converting it to a beautiful nursery, but we realised the other day that it's impractical. My partner works in the living room now, which would be awful when I'm on mat leave, so I will be giving him the office and then just making a bit of a corner in the living room for baby rocking/baby books etc rather than decorating a nursery. Not perfect but working from home in covid means we have much less living space than we had bargained for when we bought the place. It's a bit disappointing but I'm heartened by everyone's responses here noting that you probably won't use or miss a nursery.

If you have a second room to play with this is what I would do: Put a single bed and the baby's cot in there for whoever is doing nightly feeds to sleep with the baby, so that you don't both have to keep getting woken up and at least one of you has a hope of uninterrupted sleep.

But that is a luxury, not a necessity. It's recommended that the baby sleeps in the same room with you for at least six months so you won't need a nursery as such if the cot fits into the master bedroom.

If you're getting ready to sell then I'd hold off on decorating. You could lose more money than it costs to do. Then you can go all out when you're in your new house!

Babies don't really give a shit what their bedroom looks like until they're 2/3 and even then it's limited. Toddlers usually spend most of their time in the main living area of the flat/house.

Well....I see your point. Yes, the baby will stay in next to your bed for 6 months, but there is a lot to be done. We are making a small nursery for our first one and I didn't realised how much stuff the baby will need. You do not want to have them all over the flat, so keeping it in one room makes sense to me. Also, decorating a nursery is really something to look forward to, even just getting the furniture and organising things that you will eventually take with you to your new home.
I am probably wrong, but working from home next to a new baby is going to be difficult...he might like to work from a more quiet place so moving the office a few streets away also make sense to me.

I'm really reassured reading all these posts saying that a nursery won't really be missed. I live in a 2 bed house with my DP, I work from home and as I work in IT I have so much equipment. I had thought about converting it to a nursery, but we're planning to move within the next year so it seemed like it'd be a waste!

If you want to nest, think about storage (for clothes, nappies, toys, bedding).

Hey OP, my DC is 20 months. We have just started semi transitioning the office into a nursery now. It still has my husbands desk and screens in but he is working a couple of days of the week in the office now. On the days when DC is being put down for a nap, he has to take his laptop and work downstairs for the 1-2 hours. Obviously in an ideal world there would be enough space for everything but practically speaking you don't actually need a separate space and the two can work together with a bit of flexibility. Perhaps you can relent at this stage to be the compromising partner but on the understand that if in (2 years?) time you're still in the flat, he can then begin doing some work at his parents' and you can start kitting out the nursery the way you'd like? If you'd like to do some nesting by creating a nice cosy welcoming space for the new baby, you might consider doing this in a corner of the main living space with some nice bunting, a play mat, some nice cushions etc. If you're anything like me you'll spend the majority of the first 9 months in your living room with a baby attached to the boob/bottle while you watch Netflix!

I mainly agree with him. You won’t need this room for another 15 months anyway, by which time you’ll have moved. You can get removeable stickers for the walls. If you’re there for more than 2 years then I think he probably needs to move his office out. He probably needs to be more aware and sensitive of your need to nest and prepare but is seeing things in a purely practical way. Feeding at night you can do in bed. Switch the light on, if he’s tired he won’t wake up (and if he doesn’t like it, might make him reconsider the offer to move his office).

My eldest moved in her own room when she was 12 months (and only moved because I was pregnant). Second is still in my room and he's 11 months. Always thought I'd be so ready to get them in their own room but I'd have them in with me forever if I could. I get what you're saying with wanting their own room decorated all lovely but they'll only be in there to sleep. Especially as you're planning on moving, think of the room they can have when they're a little older and will enjoy it more!

I think it would be a good idea for him to go to his parents to work from home as he won’t realise how much of a distraction you will be with baby. I’d leave it for now, as everyone has said baby will be in with you for a long while. Once the baby supplies start stacking up he may come round to the idea. But it’s really not needed for at least a year.

@PunCana we lived in a one bedroom flat until baby was about 10 months old so never had the option of a nursery. I used my nesting hormones to create a little nook in the corner of our bedroom around where the baby's crib was. We bought removable wall stickers and a little ladder-shelf thing where I stacked up some cuddly toys etc, and I hung a sort of a wall caddy (out of reach of the crib) where I used to keep nappies, cream etc for when baby needed changing at night. I also bought some nice crib sheets to jazz up the crib a bit as they don't tend to have bedding at that age. It scratched the itch of wanting to decorate a nursery that we didn't have 😂

I'd say if you're planning to move definitely don't decorate. Baby won't use it as a nursery for at least the first 6 months (if you're lucky in my experience) so focus on ease of selling. Compromise by doing a toddler bedroom when you actually move.

For your nesting instinct, focus on decluttering and creating storage solutions in your existing space. This is my current focus in preparation for DS2 as we don't have the luxury of a spare room like we did with DS1. We won't be decorating either as we also hope to move and know it's not worth the cost and time.

Definitely agree that one of you should have the option of sleeping separately if space allows. Way better that only one of you is sleep deprived if you have a poor sleeper. So I'd either have a single bed in the office with baby's stuff stored and baby sleeping in your room or the office moved into your room with baby's stuff in the second room with baby sleeping in there and one of you in the single until baby is ready to sleep alone. Second option might allow you to create more of a nursery feel as you'd be in baby's room rather than baby in yours?

We're going for the second arrangement as it suits our layout better. We can't get office desk, double bed and baby in one room and don't want to disrupt DS1. So he is staying in his room which is the smallest. We're moving our bedroom to combine with the office which is the middle size room. In the bigger room we're selling the spare double bed to allow for a single and the cot and storage for baby. Not ideal but needs must as we know we will move and this will be short term.

I agree with you and the nursery wld so be getting decorated.

We had a changing station in her room too and obvs her wardrobe etc so I wld need access while he was working and I bet he wld be annoyed if he's in mtgs etc. We also started putting her in the cot when she was about 4/5 months old for naps and from 6months it was her room for sleeping.

I was going to say it wld be fine if a small desk etc but not if he has printer, several monitors etc.

If ur in laws don't live far I don't see the problem. It can't be his office forever so he may as well get used to it and start the transition!

We had a combined nursery/office until DD2 was 14 months and we moved to a larger house. She actually slept in our room until about 11 months so she didn't use it for long but we had a cot and some storage for her things in there. In principal it works fine until they're able to climb out of the cot or they move into a bed, after that you won't want the computer equipment in the same room for safety reasons.

Oh and DH was WFH full time at the time.

DS was in our room for about 13 months. DD is 12 months and I have no intention of moving her (into DS’ room - we only have a 2 bed) any time soon. I get way more sleep with her next to me!

I agree with you. Mumsnet can be a bit weird sometimes as I don't know a single person in RL who kept their baby in their room much past 6 months or who didn't decorate the nursery before baby was born. I absolutely loved decorating the nursery and preparing everything for DD and still adore going in her nursery. Obviously if you will have moved by the time baby is 6 months then there is no point but if you won't have then I would go for it. I definitely wouldn't have a merged office/nursery if there was a perfect good office a few mins away and I really don't see how it would work with day time naps, nappy changes etc

Tough one.
We’ve started turning our spare room into the nursery (used to be filled with my clothes, dressing table and partners work stuff as our house is quite small and storage space is lacking).
I’m glad we’ve made this decision as we’ve also put up a single bed for the purpose of me sleeping with the baby in the first six months so partner can rest properly during the week for work. Plus even after doing a big sort out of the spare room and moving stuff into the main bedroom, the main bedroom is as full as it can be and a cot simply would not fit in there, never mind all the extra baby stuff.
So I’m on the side of turn it into a nursery, especially if there is the option of an office space at his parents and you would put in an extra bed so the room would actually be used.
However we do have a very small box room my partner uses as his office so for us the spare room was a viable option but if the office was the only option for another space, I’d have said keep it as his office as it wouldn’t work as a nursery and my partner works in there a lot so very useful for him.
Is there anywhere else in the house that a small work space could be set up for him instead? Do you have another space for all the baby stuff if the room stays an office? That’s how I’d try and look at it. What is the best use of the space so that it will be properly used.