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Original poster

To plan go to my next scan by self AIBU?

47 replies

letsmakethishappen · 31/10/2021 17:56

So I’ve had all the routine scans and dh has always come along as he should. He also insists that dd8 comes along of which I’ve explained to him that she will get bored due to waiting times and interrupt the sonographer with too many questions and that it’s not a family day out and kids aren’t allowed!!

Told him this before all the scans and he doesn’t seem to get it! I don’t know why as every-time we go there I ask him if he can see any kids he doesn’t respond (there’s never any).

This gives me unnecessary stress as we end up arguing apparently I ‘know it all’.

Am under consultant so obviously I see the consultant after the scan. Am now not feeling comfortably for him to be around the appointment at all it’s his baby yes but it’s still confidential as I am the patient.

Next scan is in 3 weeks am on maternity leave and he’s the sort of person who needs reminding. AIBU to not remind him and just go by myself?

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Original poster
letsmakethishappen · 31/10/2021 17:57

Sorry for the heading meant to plan to go by myself

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SlugRose · 31/10/2021 17:59

I had to go by myself in the pandemic for most of mine and the only thing I'd say is that if it's bad news would you wish you'd had him with you? Can someone look after DD8, I agree it's not a suitable family entertainment activity. As for your appointment with the consultant could you ask him to wait in the waiting room and you'll get him if any decisions regarding baby need to be made?

GogCymraeg · 31/10/2021 18:00

Please don't take her. There was a girl about that age in the waiting room when I came out of the 12 week scan after been told there was no heartbeat. We were obviously upset and she had to be taken out by her father as she couldn't stop staring at me.

Megan2018 · 31/10/2021 18:05

My husband didn’t come to all my extra scans (he did 10,12, 20 and 36) I was consultant led and also in a research trial so had loads in the 3rd trimester (like every 2 weeks and sometimes weekly).
It wasn’t practical due to
his job as he could be hours away whereas I worked next door to the hospital so could pop in and out in 10 mins.
It was perfectly normal to do
The extra scans on my own, most people weren’t accompanied to these.

Original poster
letsmakethishappen · 31/10/2021 18:10

He always wants to come fair enough it’s his baby however I just don’t want him there for the next scan/ consultant appt. He’s been stressing me out everytime about dd coming I just want to keep quiet and go by myself in peace well if he’s at work. Is this selfish?

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JumperooSue · 31/10/2021 18:27

At my trust, children aren’t allowed in the maternity unit atm due to covid. There are never allowed in scans, even in normal times, if a couple brought a child one parent would have to wait outside with them!

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/10/2021 18:31

YANBU to go to the scan by yourself. However I think you would be wrong to not mention the scan to him and go behind his back so to speak as you know he wants to go to all the scans. You really should communicate with him that you want to go to the scan by yourself and why. I know you are avoiding confrontation, but this isn’t a secret that can be kept hidden. It will come out, he will know and then the confrontation will be much worse.

LakeShoreD · 31/10/2021 18:33

I didn’t think children were ever allowed at medical scans, even pre covid.

Have you asked why he’s so keen for her to go? As a compromise why not have medical scan, and presuming all goes well, book a private scan, maybe even 4D and take her to that.

SlugRose · 31/10/2021 18:35

Is your hospital even allowing kids at the moment? Have you had any appointments by yourself? My trust insisted on 1 appointment minimum by yourself even not in covid times. So they can ask about anything you can't mention in front of your partner.

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 18:44

Our hospital don't even let children in the waiting room.

Having to go to scans alone was one of the small mercy's of a pandemic pregnancy. DP loved scans but hated waiting around so I felt much calmer waiting alone.

Original poster
letsmakethishappen · 31/10/2021 18:46

Thanks for all the replies. @SlugRose exactly my point! I want ask questions etc about me but he’s always there listening obviously explaining everything to his mother. This is my medical history it’s confidential.

I don’t thinks kids are allowed as I’ve never seen any he just thinks it will be a great experience for her. But I don’t agree it’s just not a place for kids.

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T0rt0ise · 31/10/2021 19:26

Kids aren't allowed at our trust. It says that in the letter. I'd show him that and say he's welcome, child is not. (My husband only attended the 12 and 20 week scans, any others I went to on my own as he was working)

TakeYourFinalPosition · 31/10/2021 19:37

Surely the letter says children aren’t invited? They’re not ever allowed here… and right now you can only take one person due to Covid.

I think it’d be a bit unreasonable to not remind him, but it’s not at all unreasonable to put your foot down about DD going.

SpookyS · 31/10/2021 19:38

I just wouldn't tell him when your appointments are, and go alone.

SlugRose · 31/10/2021 19:38

he just thinks it will be a great experience for her. well tough this isn't about her. It sounds like he's being a bit weird about it. Have you actually said you'd rather just go on your own? It's your appointment.

PeachesPumpkin · 31/10/2021 19:39

It’s fine to go by yourself - I always did as DH was working.

2under2howscary · 31/10/2021 19:44

Could you maybe book a private scan which DD can attend? Slight compromise xx

Original poster
letsmakethishappen · 31/10/2021 19:49

@2under2howscary will suggest this to him if he ever mentions it again actually great idea! He will have to pay for it so will definitely not do it. Told him am having extra scan as am high risk not for the fun of it. He doesn’t seem to get it.

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babyboybluex · 01/11/2021 11:06

We've got our 12 week scan on Friday and booked our son into nursery for an extra day as children are not allowed in NHS scans. Despite having a son, I wouldn't feel comfortable seeing other children run around/playing whilst waiting to be seen. It's a daunting/nerve-racking time as it is and you want to be in the zone with who is supporting you at the scan. Of course after the scan and receiving good news you wouldn't think twice about noise/children around.

If your husband really wants your daughter to be at a scan, 100% book a private one and she will be so welcome there Flowers. I had a private scan a few weeks back and there were some children there and excited to see their new sibling x

EKGEMS · 01/11/2021 11:38

I'd insist on going solo-YOU are the patient not him! Honestly I'd be careful he doesn't insist on the boy be in the room for the birth

HeyFloof · 01/11/2021 11:39

Definitely not, she shouldn't be there. Children aren't allowed where I am anyway but its not an appropriate place to take a child. It's a medical appointment not a jolly. Surely she'd be in school anyway?

Even without covid, there are women hearing devastating news and having to come out into packed waiting rooms. It was hard enough for me trying to keep it together in front of adults.

Is your partner often dismissive of your opinion and how you feel?

If he's that bothered, book a private scan at a window to the womb type place. Most of those specify that they are "family friendly" and allow children.

MrsGikes · 01/11/2021 11:42

I always went on my own.

RobinPenguins · 01/11/2021 11:44

DH just came to 12 and 20 week scans with me, I had another 3 or 4 (GD) and went to those by myself. I agree it’s not inappropriate for children to come. My DSis is pregnant with her 3rd now and says the best thing about covid restrictions is the people who used to treat it like a family day out with all the kids and grandparents in the waiting room can no longer do so.

RobinPenguins · 01/11/2021 11:45

Sorry, it is inappropriate

Chelyanne · 01/11/2021 11:47

I've gone to most scans and appointments without dh, 5 pregnancies with 4 under consultant and our twins were scanned every 4 weeks. No children are allowed to come at our trust. One family were at hospital when I went and the security guard wouldn't let the dad and kid through the doors. You wouldn't want a child waiting for a consultant either, I've had over 3 hour waits for them multiple times (beyond a joke with spd hips).