Anxiety about still birth

[hotcrossbun22]

Hi, sorry for long post.

trigger warning!

exactly as the title suggests. I have absolutely no reason to be so anxious over a still birth the only person I know to have one was 10+ years ago but the baby wasn't very well and they knew it may happen. I am 38 weeks and I cannot stop worrying about still birth. When I say worrying I mean keeping me up at night, crying, feeling physically sick, obsessing over movements and googling statistics. I have had a text book pregnancy, but I cannot stop thinking about the fact that that sometimes means nothing. I am always the type to worry about negatives rather than think about the positives and also suffer some anxiety in day to day life.

I suppose the point of this post was for a hand hold or to see I am not alone. I feel most people worry about it but it is consuming my pregnancy and my day. I was wondering if there would be anyone I could maybe speak to such as a midwife or anything someone could do to make it a little bit more bearable? Ironically I am extremely anxious to call my midwife and speak to anyone because really what are they going to do other than tell me not to worry? I am also scared they see me as not capable and a crazy woman.

Thank you if anyone got this far 😢

Aw so sorry you’re feeling that way. I had a section for medical reasons on Monday, and I won’t lie I was relieved as I thought there chances of anything awful happening to baby are massively reduced.

Would you consider a c section? I know it’s drastic but would put your mind at ease knowing your labour is more controlled.

@Sleepdeprivedsos

Aw so sorry you’re feeling that way. I had a section for medical reasons on Monday, and I won’t lie I was relieved as I thought there chances of anything awful happening to baby are massively reduced.

Would you consider a c section? I know it’s drastic but would put your mind at ease knowing your labour is more controlled.

Congratulations, hope you are feeling well❤️Honestly I would consider anything just know the still birth part was out of the way. The problem is, is surely they do not just give out C sections for people who are anxious and have had nothing but a healthy pregnancy? I cannot stop thinking that it can't all possibly go well.

Honestly I would consider anything just know the still birth part was out of the way. The problem is, is surely they do not just give out C sections for people who are anxious and have had nothing but a healthy pregnancy?

No - they do! They really do! I just had one 😅 I’m a worrier in every day life anyway so I was you. Worried about his movements all the time but knew a few ways to definitely make him move so used to constantly check to see if he’d move. You could pay for a private scan just to reassure yourself, I know it’s really not long left. If you wanted a c-section due to the anxiety you can definitely have one, you just need to be aware of all the pros/cons of both types of birth. My anxiety was relating to a vaginal birth so that’s why I opted a c-section from very early on. You’d be best discussing your concerns with your midwife first, although I’m not sure what she could offer to reassure you. Obviously the possibility of being pregnant for almost another month when you’re that anxious isn’t good at all and most sections are in the 39th week so it would maybe put an end to your worry sooner but you need to weigh up your options. Personally for me I absolutely loved my section, it couldn’t have gone better. The worst case scenario part of me obviously presumed I was going to die during it, because why wouldn’t I 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 So I’d really worked myself up over it and actually when I survived (and almost enjoyed it) I felt like I’d been given this extra life I wasn’t expecting to get walking out of hospital with him etc 😂 I would one million per cent have another one.

Try to relax, I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine whatever you choose

@hotcrossbun22 I feel the same! Am 40 weeks now and feel the same worries. They're so consuming. I just feel like I won't be bringing a baby home which is so morbid and shocking to even write let alone think. You could ask for early induction / c section? Or try hypnobirthing? That has really helped me calm down x

@sarah13xx

Honestly I would consider anything just know the still birth part was out of the way. The problem is, is surely they do not just give out C sections for people who are anxious and have had nothing but a healthy pregnancy?

No - they do! They really do! I just had one 😅 I’m a worrier in every day life anyway so I was you. Worried about his movements all the time but knew a few ways to definitely make him move so used to constantly check to see if he’d move. You could pay for a private scan just to reassure yourself, I know it’s really not long left. If you wanted a c-section due to the anxiety you can definitely have one, you just need to be aware of all the pros/cons of both types of birth. My anxiety was relating to a vaginal birth so that’s why I opted a c-section from very early on. You’d be best discussing your concerns with your midwife first, although I’m not sure what she could offer to reassure you. Obviously the possibility of being pregnant for almost another month when you’re that anxious isn’t good at all and most sections are in the 39th week so it would maybe put an end to your worry sooner but you need to weigh up your options. Personally for me I absolutely loved my section, it couldn’t have gone better. The worst case scenario part of me obviously presumed I was going to die during it, because why wouldn’t I 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 So I’d really worked myself up over it and actually when I survived (and almost enjoyed it) I felt like I’d been given this extra life I wasn’t expecting to get walking out of hospital with him etc 😂 I would one million per cent have another one.

Try to relax, I’m sure you’ll be absolutely fine whatever you choose

Thank you for the reply.

I had a scan 2 weeks ago again everything was perfect but I have scared my self silly worrying about placental abruption, infections and all sorts. It scares me so much that sometimes there is no reason. I went in for reduced movements twice but honestly I am not sure if baby was sleeping and my anxiety made me believe that something was wrong😐. In regards to speaking to the midwife my next appointment is 2 weeks (my due date) can you just call and speak to a midwife like what is the process of asking for help🤣the irony of being too anxious to do anything about the anxiety is ridiculous 😂

Count the kicks and if you have decreased movement then go into hospital.

[quote iverunoutofinspiration]@hotcrossbun22 I feel the same! Am 40 weeks now and feel the same worries. They're so consuming. I just feel like I won't be bringing a baby home which is so morbid and shocking to even write let alone think. You could ask for early induction / c section? Or try hypnobirthing? That has really helped me calm down x[/quote]
Sorry you feel like this, it is horrendous. I cannot imagine feeling like this for another 2 weeks maybe even more. I can't help but think they will think i'm a lunatic for even suggesting induction/c section.

I had an elective section for DD2 for fear of forceps following first DD and generalised health anxiety following the death of my mum. You can absolutely request a section and if your consultant won't do it they must refer you on to someone who will.

For me a section was the best and the correct decision. My anxiety lessened so much and it was a calm and joyful procedure.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

@Cbd333

I had an elective section for DD2 for fear of forceps following first DD and generalised health anxiety following the death of my mum. You can absolutely request a section and if your consultant won't do it they must refer you on to someone who will.

For me a section was the best and the correct decision. My anxiety lessened so much and it was a calm and joyful procedure.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Thank you for responding.

Do you know who I would go about asking for a section?

Still awake 1am worrying about still birth😕I know you probably aren't all midwives or doctors but is there many negatives to having an induction/c section for a seemingly healthy pregnancy?

Count the kicks and if you have decreased movement then go into hospital.

This.

I don't think you have a concept of what a stillbirth is and that's a good thing.

Having a "textbook" pregnancy has nothing to do with it and often stillbirths are related to things not working like the placenta or cord. The risk is very low. Less than half a percent.

But the best way to minimise the risk is to monitor movements and go to be checked if they change. Even if everything was fine the day before or week before.

I also personally would not go past 40 weeks so take an induction or early c section over going overdue.

Speak to your midwife about your anxiety and about wanting a c section although I wouldn't recommend it unless necessary.

I'm not medically trained. My first baby was stillborn at 40 W and I had my second baby by c section at 37 weeks after a very anxious pregnancy. I used to go into the maternity assessment regularly for CTGs as I did to trust myself to monitor movement and they were fine with that. You could ask about that or simply call anytime you are even slightly anxious.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

Count the kicks and if you have decreased movement then go into hospital.

This.

I don't think you have a concept of what a stillbirth is and that's a good thing.

Having a "textbook" pregnancy has nothing to do with it and often stillbirths are related to things not working like the placenta or cord. The risk is very low. Less than half a percent.

But the best way to minimise the risk is to monitor movements and go to be checked if they change. Even if everything was fine the day before or week before.

I also personally would not go past 40 weeks so take an induction or early c section over going overdue.

Speak to your midwife about your anxiety and about wanting a c section although I wouldn't recommend it unless necessary.

I'm not medically trained. My first baby was stillborn at 40 W and I had my second baby by c section at 37 weeks after a very anxious pregnancy. I used to go into the maternity assessment regularly for CTGs as I did to trust myself to monitor movement and they were fine with that. You could ask about that or simply call anytime you are even slightly anxious.

Sorry to hear that💙

I have been in twice for reduced movements and in all honesty I think it was anxiety that sent me there. Even after being monitored I feel better for an hour then go back to worrying. I would quite like to speak to a midwife about it but I am unsure how it all works to speak to someone as I have only ever rang for reduced movements and the lady on phone just told me to go in. I have no direct numbers for my usual midwife😕

I’ve always had a fear of vaginal birth due to baby getting into distress/still birth, tearing, forceps, long term issues down there etc but I would say the biggest fear is worrying that I’ll have a traumatic birth and the baby will die.

I am having a c section next week and couldn’t be happier that if everything goes to plan it should be a calm and pleasant experience. As other posters have said, you absolutely can have one without a medical need (but I would say that your anxiety IS a medical need).

They try to put you off a c section by going on about the risks and longer recovery but all you have to do is make it clear that you’ve thought about it all and you still want one and they will sign it off as a maternal request providing they are a trust that follow NICE guidelines.

I know that some trusts can make it difficult, don’t follow the guidelines and refuse to give maternal request c sections but I really think anxiety is a medical need in itself even though it’s not physical, so hopefully even if they are difficult they should let you. That’s if you want to have one of course ☺️

Also regarding reduced movement - I too have been in a couple of times and both times it was fine, I keep thinking is it just my anxiety that’s making me go in. But the truth is once you have a day where you feel like less movement is happening, it’s really hard to know for sure if baby is just sleeping or changed position or whatever but fre guidelines are to always go in and that babies DONT have quiet days - so always go in. At my NCT class I found that actually lots of us had been in for reduced movement and had felt the same way like ‘am I just imagining it’ but honestly it’s always best to go in, 90% of women it’s probably fine but they want to catch the ones which are not fine. Just wanted to let you know it’s totally normal to second guess yourself.

Do you have an NCT class or similar booked? Myself and my partner have found it really beneficial, especially from a perspective of meeting others and realising you’re not alone in being anxious ☺️

Also regarding induction, we just covered this in NCT and it does make your labour more high risk as your labour is being artificially started and it can make it all happen very fast and be more painful. For me I still felt glad I have my c section booked when we went over what happens in induction.

If you do ask for a c section - just ask your midwife and stand your ground, as others have said they will go over the risks and maybe put you off but NICE guidelines state you should be allowed to have the birth you want. I am really passionate about women having a c section if they want one. The majority of women I know who’ve had one (even emergency ones) have said it was amazing and absolutely the right decision.

Good luck x

Hi OP it sounds like you’re really struggling with this anxiety you poor thing. I do understand and felt similar with my first.

If you have severe anxiety then this usually wouldn’t be an indication for an induction but you would be eligible for a c section. However if you would like to pursue this then you need to get the wheels turning ASAP. A planned section needs planning! You need to have the pre op assessment and you need to be on a consultants list etc.

If I were you I would probably skip your community midwife (unless she is easy to get hold of - none of mine ever have been and have always taken several days to reply to any texts or messages) and I would call your local day assessment unit/labour ward. Tell them you have been struggling with severe anxiety relating to labour and you would like to urgently be considered for a planned section and ask what is the pathway for this. Depending on who you get on the phone you may get a variety of responses ranging from someone trying to fob you off, someone trying to convince you that it’s normal to worry but it’s ok just call us when you’re in labour, to someone actually taking you seriously. Regardless, make sure you get the information you have asked for and don’t hesitate to put your big girl pants on and stand your ground. Unfortunately at this stage in pregnancy you will only stand a chance of having a planned section if you really “make a fuss” - if you don’t feel able to do this then you will struggle to get to see a consultant quickly enough.

Other options are trying hypnobirthing which may help or talking to GP about anxiety more generally.

I mean this gently but you may need a plan for how to manage your anxiety more long term. Parenting is a very anxiety inducing experience and for me personally, once the birth was out the way my anxiety transferred onto the baby and I was constantly checking her breathing etc and also quite paranoid about making her ill by not cleaning and sterilising her bottles properly. I didn’t get any help and it developed into PND and it was quite an awful time.

I hope you are ok and good luck

Call the maternity assessment or whomever you call about reduced movements and speak to them when you next go in. I know other mums who had late losses and it's normal for us to be anxious and want to go in. They even offer a set time to go in to be monitored every week or more if that helps. I don't see why they can't do that for anyone who is worried. Abs actually if you're worried about movement every day then you go in every days.

I also had an elective section for anxiety reasons (the same day as @sarah13xx actually - waves from the other thread 👋). It was actually because I'd had 3 mcs previously and I didn't trust my body to know what to do during birth, but this wasn't an actual medical reason so my section was classed as maternal elective request. If this is something you want, you need to speak to your midwife ASAP, they are there for reasons like this and not just your appointments. They should then refer you to a consultant who will go through everything with you. Depending on who you get, you may have to really justify why you want a section but don't back down if this is something you want, you are perfectly entitled to one. if the first consultant doesn't agree to it then you should get referred to someone who will. My consultant was lovely and agreed without a battle x

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I was anxious all through my pregnancy. At first it was miscarriage, then still birth (which escalated to almost maddening levels as my due date approsched and then passed) and then it was SIDS. That went on for the first year of her life. I have no idea why, I'm not genereally an anxious person, but it was, awful and I felt too stupid and ridiculous (and proud, probably) to tell anyone about it. Thankfully, once her first birthday passed by, it faded away completely. Don't suffer in silence, it's so distressing. 💐

Speak to your midwife.
You absolutely can request a C Section. You are entitled to whatever kind of birth you choose.
They may try to put you off, or make it difficult, but stand your ground.

Midwife here. You can absolutely request a maternal request CS, you will need to get on to your midwifery team or day assessment today though ASAP. There will be a pathway and it’s not usually a quick one. ELCS normally take place from 39weeks but at this late stage it will be a case of finding a slot which may be well over 40weeks (definitely would be the case at my trust) due to acuity and capacity.
Asp, you may read the info, discuss with the team and decide weighing up the risks for the actual CS, postnatal period and subsequent pregnancies too much of a risk and decide it’s not for you. Spontaneous labour is the ideal and the safer option versus induction but it is also maybe something to discuss. We do get women opting for an earlier induction, ie. between 40-41weeks for maternal request.
The level of your anxiety is not normal, and like others said, I think you need to look at seeking help for ongoing anxiety.
Whatever happens, and whatever you decide, I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy. Statistically, all will be well and you will have your glorious baby in your arms very soon, but I know that doesn’t stop the worries.

Hi everyone,

Thank you for your replies. I didn't get to sleep until 4am from anxiety🥲I called early this morning as per everyones advice they said I could have a C section however it would be after 40 weeks. The obsessive googling I have done has made me aware the risks are higher once you are over due which is making me feel just as anxious. I don't actually think a C section is going to make me feel any better as I am worried about the baby just dying while I await the arrival.

I am interested to know if there is anything I could do just to be monitored even once a week as I think this may help. I feel very concerned that my next appointment is still 2 weeks away. I did ask and they said they don't do anything like that but I am curious to know if anyone requested this and what you asked for.

I am trying to think logically and think about the fact worrying will never change the outcome but it is so hard I feel physically ill. I agree I think I may need support after the baby is born as I can see this anxiety spreading about SIDS but very concerned that they may take the baby from you which again I know is irrational.

I am extremely anxious about death whilst awaiting the arrival. I had not actually thought about it much during a natural birth. Should I be worried about that too?!

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so anxious. It is normal to an extent to feel anxious as you’re responsible for something so huge and going through a lot physically, plus hormonal changes. I have also read that fear feelings and bring over cautious in pregnancy are more common as the brain is preparing us to look after a baby, it can make us feel hyper vigilant.

Do you mean you yourself dying in general like in an accident? If so I can relate to that, I was in a car crash last year and since I’ve been pregnant I’ve been more worried about crashing again. I also worry about getting run over, falling over etc and worry about anything happening to my husband x

I'm 38 weeks and I'm feeling the same. It's reassuring knowing that others have felt this way and that I'm not going mad. Good luck with everything x

@Cafeaulait27

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so anxious. It is normal to an extent to feel anxious as you’re responsible for something so huge and going through a lot physically, plus hormonal changes. I have also read that fear feelings and bring over cautious in pregnancy are more common as the brain is preparing us to look after a baby, it can make us feel hyper vigilant.

Do you mean you yourself dying in general like in an accident? If so I can relate to that, I was in a car crash last year and since I’ve been pregnant I’ve been more worried about crashing again. I also worry about getting run over, falling over etc and worry about anything happening to my husband x

Sorry to hear that💙

I am concerned for my self but not anywhere near as much as I am concerned for the baby dying. I would say sometimes I do worry about irrational things such as my partner dying but never to the extreme I feel now.

My partners sister has had a baby last night who was due the day after me by emergency C section. I can't help but feel insanely jealous and wonder how it must feel to not have to worry about the baby dying inside anymore. I don't even want to see the pictures or speak about it because I cannot imagine both having healthy pregnancies? I keep thinking about if it does happen to me I would have a constant reminder. I feel awful that I cannot just be happy for her.