Anxiety about still birth

[hotcrossbun22]

Hi, sorry for long post.

trigger warning!

exactly as the title suggests. I have absolutely no reason to be so anxious over a still birth the only person I know to have one was 10+ years ago but the baby wasn't very well and they knew it may happen. I am 38 weeks and I cannot stop worrying about still birth. When I say worrying I mean keeping me up at night, crying, feeling physically sick, obsessing over movements and googling statistics. I have had a text book pregnancy, but I cannot stop thinking about the fact that that sometimes means nothing. I am always the type to worry about negatives rather than think about the positives and also suffer some anxiety in day to day life.

I suppose the point of this post was for a hand hold or to see I am not alone. I feel most people worry about it but it is consuming my pregnancy and my day. I was wondering if there would be anyone I could maybe speak to such as a midwife or anything someone could do to make it a little bit more bearable? Ironically I am extremely anxious to call my midwife and speak to anyone because really what are they going to do other than tell me not to worry? I am also scared they see me as not capable and a crazy woman.

Thank you if anyone got this far 😢

Hi Op sorry you are feeling so anxious, you can go into hospital any time of the day or night if you are worried about reduced or changing movements.
You say you have been in twice already did you have a scan at these appointments or just a ctg?
You are perfectly within your rights to request an elective section if you really want one.
Women do also get induced early for reduced fatal movements or anxiety.
Have a chat with you midwife or obstetrician and be really honest about how worried you are and how this is impacting on your mental health.

@Borderterrierpuppy

Hi Op sorry you are feeling so anxious, you can go into hospital any time of the day or night if you are worried about reduced or changing movements. You say you have been in twice already did you have a scan at these appointments or just a ctg? You are perfectly within your rights to request an elective section if you really want one. Women do also get induced early for reduced fatal movements or anxiety. Have a chat with you midwife or obstetrician and be really honest about how worried you are and how this is impacting on your mental health.

At the moment I am not concerned for movements and feel selfish for wanting monitoring. I did get a scan and all was fine but I cannot stop thinking about anything happening in these last few weeks😔

It’s also worth considering that intrapartum problems are very rare. The majority of stillbirth happens before delivery. I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic, you clearly have a lot of anxiety but in your case asking for weekly monitoring sounds more appropriate that an elective LSCS. Have you tried some meditation? Birth is a normal, physiological process and you will be well looked after. As previous posters have said being mindful of movements and signs such as bleeding or waters breaking are the practical things you can do. Certainly ring your assessment unit and let them know how you feel. Their job is to help.

Hi OP, I think you need to call your midwife team or GP today and be completely honest with them about the level of anxiety you’re feeling. Don’t worry about them thinking you’re being silly at all - if you had a physical issue that was affecting your life this much, you wouldn’t hesitate, so why act differently just because this is a mental health issue? They will absolutely want to help, and there are things they can do to lessen and to help you manage your anxiety. Take the help!

Remember, at the moment you’re focused on stillbirth and you may feel that once the baby arrives you’ll be fine. But the reality is that the worry may not go away - you may instead simply feel exactly the same level of anxiety about SIDS, or the baby getting ill. You can’t keep living your life with this level of anxiety OP. Please do reach out and get some support today.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can get the help you need to manage this!

@hotcrossbun22 i understand what you mean, please know it is normal to worry about things like this. Does that help make you feel a bit better? I think for you though it is taking over your thoughts too much, do you have anyone you can talk to? Can you talk to your mum, partner, a friend about your worries as that can help? Do you have a support system?

I think you should also be referred from mental health support but there will likely be a lot of waiting for that to start, but good to get the ball rolling now so do tell your midwife or GP.

Sorry please can you remind me how many weeks you are right now? Is there any reason why you have to wait until 40 weeks for a CS, is it due to not being able to fit you in at short notice?

Just wondering if you could try to get in sooner, but I’m not sure if it will actually make you feel much better as you will probably just worry about whatever the next thing is. Were you working before, and have you gone on Mat leave now?

I know it’s easier said than done but as long as baby is moving well and you’re not having any worrying symptoms like bleeding or pain, chances are everything is fine. Best thing to do would be to talk to someone and try to distract yourself from constantly thinking about what might go wrong. I know it’s not easy though x

@CentralLondonPregnant

Hi OP, I think you need to call your midwife team or GP today and be completely honest with them about the level of anxiety you’re feeling. Don’t worry about them thinking you’re being silly at all - if you had a physical issue that was affecting your life this much, you wouldn’t hesitate, so why act differently just because this is a mental health issue? They will absolutely want to help, and there are things they can do to lessen and to help you manage your anxiety. Take the help!

Remember, at the moment you’re focused on stillbirth and you may feel that once the baby arrives you’ll be fine. But the reality is that the worry may not go away - you may instead simply feel exactly the same level of anxiety about SIDS, or the baby getting ill. You can’t keep living your life with this level of anxiety OP. Please do reach out and get some support today.

My heart goes out to you and I hope that you can get the help you need to manage this!

Thanks for replying.

I would quite like to maybe speak to the midwife or someone about how I am feeling but I am very concerned about who I am supposed to tell. The only number I have is a front desk for a unit I have no idea how to get in touch with my usual midwife😢

[quote Cafeaulait27]@hotcrossbun22 i understand what you mean, please know it is normal to worry about things like this. Does that help make you feel a bit better? I think for you though it is taking over your thoughts too much, do you have anyone you can talk to? Can you talk to your mum, partner, a friend about your worries as that can help? Do you have a support system?

I think you should also be referred from mental health support but there will likely be a lot of waiting for that to start, but good to get the ball rolling now so do tell your midwife or GP.

Sorry please can you remind me how many weeks you are right now? Is there any reason why you have to wait until 40 weeks for a CS, is it due to not being able to fit you in at short notice?

Just wondering if you could try to get in sooner, but I’m not sure if it will actually make you feel much better as you will probably just worry about whatever the next thing is. Were you working before, and have you gone on Mat leave now?

I know it’s easier said than done but as long as baby is moving well and you’re not having any worrying symptoms like bleeding or pain, chances are everything is fine. Best thing to do would be to talk to someone and try to distract yourself from constantly thinking about what might go wrong. I know it’s not easy though x[/quote]
Hi thank you for replying.

The c section is over 40 weeks due to lack of time. However I don't think that would fix anything as I would still be concerned about baby dying whilst waiting for the c section. I am surprisingly not too worried about the birth, apprehensive yes but not enough that it is effecting life. I am 38+1 today so a little while to go. I have support and I am on Mat leave now so I feel a little stuck inside worrying with my own thoughts. Last night I was obsessively googling about things going wrong and a poster had writ a story about her still birth the baby had our chosen name and she was 38+1 I cannot stop thinking about it and seeing it as a sign which I know is irrational which I suppose is a good thing.

My partner has suggested speaking to someone today but just very concerned about how I get a hold of anyone and what to say to the person manning the phone 😕

Yes, you can 100% request a C-section. They don't make it widely known that it's an option, probably due to the additional risks of surgery, plus the time and money it takes Vs a vaginal birth.

Your fear is, to at least some extent, normal.

In my experience when I was pregnant with DD I made myself face that fact, that until she was born, alive, and in my arms, nothing was certain.

And then when was born, a whole new raft of fears, SIDS, sepsis, meningitis, congenital diseases, development...

The bottom line is that once you have a child, there is the ever present and often unspoken fear you will lose them. And it's debilitating to even think about.

That fear is normal, but how you deal with it is something that you can address via therapy to make sure your emotional response is commensurate with the actual risk.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon I am so sorry to read about your experience, I can’t imagine much worse. It happened to someone in my family and like you they’ve gone on to have a second baby and all went well but that is an incredible sadness to bear.
OP - sounds to me as though you are experiencing a level of anxiety that is beyond what is typical prenatal worry and it would be helpful to contact your midwives as this may be resolved on birth or may turn into postnatal anxiety which can be very debilitating, so seek help now, as like you observe, once you get to a certain point you can be too anxious to ask for the support you need. Good luck.

Hi OP, if you only have the number of the midwife unit front desk, call that! Explain the situation and that you urgently need to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. Call your GP too as then you can get both balls rolling at the same time.

This page explains the help available and also has some links to websites you can look at in the meantime, e.g. Tommy’s and MIND: www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/mental-health/

Thank you @AutumnVibes

Hi OP, if you Google your area and perinatal mental health team do you not get any numbers coming up for those teams directly?

[quote CentralLondonPregnant]Hi OP, if you only have the number of the midwife unit front desk, call that! Explain the situation and that you urgently need to be referred to the perinatal mental health team. Call your GP too as then you can get both balls rolling at the same time.

This page explains the help available and also has some links to websites you can look at in the meantime, e.g. Tommy’s and MIND: www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/mental-health/[/quote]
This was very kind and helpful of you😢very much appreciated thank you💖

I would also seek out a doula / hypnobirthing coach who can help support you through this.

Hi OP. What an awful worry to have. I had exactly the same.
The increase of this happening when overdue is something like several weeks over. I don't think it's to be worried about when you come to term either. It's not an exact science.

Abs please believe me, I was absolutely petrified of something happening all the way through. I went two weeks over and was induced. Being induced and having my waters broken caused me to get an infection in my womb through labour. So that was great, I was on antibiotics for ages after (you asked any negatives about induction, that was mine).

The longest few seconds of your life is when baby is born and you wait to hear them cry. Believe me. I can still remember my panic.

I have a healthy 6 month old boy (super, super healthy)

Please try to not worry too much (as difficult as it is) as there are a whole heap of new worries coming for you...

Good luck with the birth, I hope all goes well.

OP, I agree with others that you probably need to be under the perinatal mental health team. Your anxiety is much more extreme than the pregnant lady worries we all have.

With all of these things, the sooner you speak up the better, as they can make sure that you are being supported by the correct people.

I don’t know what money is like, but I have heard of people getting discounts at private ultrasound clinics for booking multiple sessions. I don’t know if that would help, or it would be a better use of time to speak to someone about your worries.

After your baby is born, there is a chance that your anxiety will redirect to other issues (a pp mentioned SIDS). I think biting the bullet now, and allowing your maternity care to include mental health support will be good for you. They absolutely won’t judge you, and you don’t need to worry about your baby being taken away because you’re struggling with anxiety.

Good luck, and I hope you manage to get the support you need

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I have spoke to the midwife today and was honest about how I felt it wasn't my usual midwife and she seemed to just brush it off as 'everyone gets anxiety especially in pregnancy. She discussed a C section but I have decided it wouldn't be for me as I am actually not too worried about labour and delivery I am more concerned about something going wrong in these last 2 weeks so awaiting a c section wouldn't fix that.

What would make me feel a lot better would be a CTG this week and next (taking me up to my due date) where I have a sweep booked. She said this was not possible unless I was concerned and they wouldn't just do that cause I am 'worried' personally I feel a lot more than worried and that it consumes me but I also understand people will have genuine worries for their babies health which so far I don't.

I agree with PP that the anxiety could spill onto new things once the baby is here which both me and my partner are concerned for. We are not exactly tight on the budget and could afford some nice private help which I think I will look into.

Family gifted us a lot of items so we didn't actually spend as much as we thought we would and do have some spare cash to get checked privately just for my piece of mind. My question is can you pay for private CTG's or is a private scan best? I don't actually know what I am expecting but I think just being told everything looks normal would be a good start.

Can I just ask if i was to go over due can you say no to waiting 12 days for your induction and get it done earlier? I don't think I could handle another 12 days on top 😩

You need to discuss things with your midwife.

If you go overdue, there’s a chance that it’s because your baby isn’t ready to be born. I don’t really understand rushing your baby out purely based on your anxiety. The health and needs of your baby are paramount, your feelings should be secondary.

For your first baby, you should be offered a sweep at 40 weeks. My midwife said they do a sweep at 40, and another one at 41 if it hasn’t been successful in starting labour.

You can. When I was 39 weeks pregnant with my daughter I sprained my ankle and I was miserable at not being able to move or take anti-inflammatories. At my 40 week appointment they allowed me to be induced a few days later because i was so miserable. I am sure anxiety would be under the same umbrella. I think I was 40+6

I was terrified about being induced but it was the quickest simplest birth ever, she was ready to come out within 45 minutes 🙈. Anxiety is no joke, i have had it since becoming a mother it's debilitating at times. Please look after yourself, voice any concerns even if you think they are silly. I found internalising things only made it worse. Good luck xx

So sorry to hear about your fears OP. I can totally empathise. I'm currently trying to conceive and am already anxious that something will go wrong in the pregnancy and not even pregnant yet!

You can absolutely request a c section based on mental health reasons. You could also ask your midwife for a referral to the perinatal mental health team to access some support, potentially after the birth too in case your anxiety about something bad happening to the baby etc continues x

Op, I hope you're feeling a bit better. I'd suggest getting help for your anxiety, speaking from experience it's unlikely this will stop after the birth. You can self refer if you are over 18 and in England.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

How are you feeling op?
Second the poster that mentioned the perinatal mental health team, you can ask your gp or midwife for a referral. Your area should also have a consultant midwife who can get involved with individual women.
And you can always go in and say you have reduced movements, and have a chat about your anxiety when you are there too.

@Borderterrierpuppy

How are you feeling op? Second the poster that mentioned the perinatal mental health team, you can ask your gp or midwife for a referral. Your area should also have a consultant midwife who can get involved with individual women. And you can always go in and say you have reduced movements, and have a chat about your anxiety when you are there too.

Hi,

I have felt better for a few days. The day after this post was made I was admitted with high BP and low iron. Eventually it went down and after monitoring and a growth scan I was allowed home with monitoring every 2 days for BP. Although I am naturally worried about the BP it has reduced and my scan went well so I am glad in a way I now have monitoring every 2 days hopefully to put my mind at ease. I am mostly concerned about going after 40 weeks due to seeing some things that still birth goes up 63%. I'm not sure if you are allowed to ask for an earlier induction due to anxiety about that but I am feeling a lot better than I was when i writ this post. Thank you for everyone asking💗

Op glad to hear you are having more monitoring and feeling a little better.
You absolutely can ask for an early induction if you want x