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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Stepdaughters mum has covid

60 replies

nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 10:16

Hi all!

Looking on some advice Grin

My stepdaughters mum has tested positive for COVID, however as she's under 18 she doesn't have to isolate and is still going to school etc. I'm 10wks pregnant and we are due to have her next weekend. I'm nervous to be around her as children can still spread COVID. There doesn't seem to be much information online as everything just says there's no evidence around pregnancy. Other than early labour in third trimester.

I would hate to do anything to put my pregnancy at risk but I also don't want to be over anxious which then stops my partner seeing his daughter.

What would you do? Any advice would be appreciated ConfusedGrin

OP posts:
middleager · 26/09/2021 11:05

@ANameChangeAgain

If you are vaccinated then you'll be fine.
I'm double vaccinated and have Covid. I've felt quite poorly with it and it's been much tougher than anticipated.
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 26/09/2021 11:05

If feel how you do OP and err on the side of caution. I was t vaccinated during my pregnancy though as it was even less clear. If I were then it might be ok.

She needs to be tested. I wouldn't be moving out. Maybe your DH could see her on the basis you're both vaccinated and you're then two removed from the infected person.

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 11:17

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

If feel how you do OP and err on the side of caution. I was t vaccinated during my pregnancy though as it was even less clear. If I were then it might be ok.

She needs to be tested. I wouldn't be moving out. Maybe your DH could see her on the basis you're both vaccinated and you're then two removed from the infected person.

Thanks @BunnytheFriendlyDragon ! It's comforting to know I'm not the only one who would feel like this. I will speak to my partner and find out about getting her tested ☺️
OP posts:
Bennetgirl · 26/09/2021 11:33

I have two daughters who are are secondary school. It's rife there now.

I'm testing my girls every day with lfts. They're at their dads this weekend. He knows they've been super close contacts in school but are happy so long as their negative and have no symptoms.

But, if anyone were positive in this house I would not expect them to go if they weren't comfortable with it.

I'm 33 weeks and double jabbed. Absolutely bricking it but am happier we're able to keep testing x

Scirocco · 26/09/2021 12:04

Could you reschedule the weekend she visits so that she would have been separate from you for the duration of time she would have to isolate if she tested positive?

There's a big difference between brief contacts in public (where people can wear masks, socially distance as much as possible, etc) and living with somebody. I've isolated from someone I live with before and it's hard enough to coordinate as adults, let alone if one person is a child who presumably is keen to spend time with her family who she doesn't get to see every day. Rescheduling could allow you all to have a nice weekend together, just a bit later than planned.

I know a lot of people are acting like Covid isn't a big deal anymore, but it really is. It's entirely reasonable to take precautions to keep yourself and your baby safe.

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 12:16

@Bennetgirl

I have two daughters who are are secondary school. It's rife there now.

I'm testing my girls every day with lfts. They're at their dads this weekend. He knows they've been super close contacts in school but are happy so long as their negative and have no symptoms.

But, if anyone were positive in this house I would not expect them to go if they weren't comfortable with it.

I'm 33 weeks and double jabbed. Absolutely bricking it but am happier we're able to keep testing x

Thanks @Bennetgirl ! That must be so difficult with two girls at school! I would be bricking it too! This is my first ever pregnancy and it's so hard to know when you are doing the right thing or not. Wish you all the best in your pregnancy ☺️
OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 26/09/2021 12:18

Can she be tested before she comes to you?

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 12:23

@Scirocco

Could you reschedule the weekend she visits so that she would have been separate from you for the duration of time she would have to isolate if she tested positive?

There's a big difference between brief contacts in public (where people can wear masks, socially distance as much as possible, etc) and living with somebody. I've isolated from someone I live with before and it's hard enough to coordinate as adults, let alone if one person is a child who presumably is keen to spend time with her family who she doesn't get to see every day. Rescheduling could allow you all to have a nice weekend together, just a bit later than planned.

I know a lot of people are acting like Covid isn't a big deal anymore, but it really is. It's entirely reasonable to take precautions to keep yourself and your baby safe.

Hi @Scirocco ! Yes I think that is going to be the safest option. That's exactly my fear is having her living here for the weekend is very different to seeing her outside and maintaining distance. I know we wouldn't be able to maintain distance either as she's only 8 and adores her dad so is attached to him when she's here. Funnily enough I've heard and know so many more people who have caught COVID since restrictions have lifted and had the vaccine so it is still as you said a very big deal! X
OP posts:
Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 12:24

@toomuchlaundry

Can she be tested before she comes to you?
Yes i need to get the OH to ask her mother to get her tested x
OP posts:
timesachangin · 26/09/2021 13:26

If OP went to stay in a hotel or B&B theres bound to be someone working there with a positive family member at home. Now there's no isolation for family members we'll be encountering them all the time.

I know we're not supposed to use up PCR tests unnecessarily but in this instance I'd get her a PCR test midweek to check if she's become infected then assuming it's negative she comes to stay but minimal contact I.e. no hugging or close contact

timesachangin · 26/09/2021 13:28

I think at 8 she's old enough to understand mum has a highly infectious illness and step mum is at risk due to carrying her baby brother or sister so there won't be cuddles this weekend.

She's not 2

Ozanj · 26/09/2021 13:34

[quote nicolelou86]@dementedpixie yes I've been double vaccinated now. Oh I'm not sure actually, she's not had any symptoms so I don't think the mother has had her tested. I don't speak to her mum directly really but I'll find out x[/quote]
Then you should just carry on as normal unless you have CEV or another immune issue that would make the vaccination useless.

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 13:36

@timesachangin

I think at 8 she's old enough to understand mum has a highly infectious illness and step mum is at risk due to carrying her baby brother or sister so there won't be cuddles this weekend.

She's not 2

She doesn't no I'm pregnant yet. We ideally didn't want to tell her yet or let the mum know
OP posts:
Lindy2 · 26/09/2021 13:42

As you're 10 weeks pregnant I think you are entitled to be extra cautious.

I'd ask her to defer her visit. Surely that's not an unreasonable request in the circumstances and something your DH should understand and organise.

timesachangin · 26/09/2021 13:46

@nicolelou86 ah I see. Could also make it difficult to put the visit off then without explaining. Bugger.

ThanksItHasPockets · 26/09/2021 13:48

I think you may have to consider disclosing your pregnancy to them a little sooner than you might otherwise have wanted to.

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 13:56

@ThanksItHasPockets

I think you may have to consider disclosing your pregnancy to them a little sooner than you might otherwise have wanted to.
Yes you may be right. I want to try and avoid it if we can as we aren't sure how her mother will react and we don't want any unnecessary stress. My OH and her don't have the best relationship. However I would hate my SD to think it's because we just don't want to see her!
OP posts:
Lindy2 · 26/09/2021 14:01

I'd go with saying that it makes sense to defer as the mum has Covid. DSD may not have to isolate but is supposed to reduce contacts where possible. You might find they agree anyway.

If they don't agree I think you might need to disclose the pregnancy. It is perfectly reasonable to be more careful when pregnant.

timesachangin · 26/09/2021 14:09

It's horrible having to share personal information with a near stranger. It's a very bizarre and awkward thing that only really happens when your partner has children with an ex. But I think in this instance you may just have to

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 14:17

@Lindy2

I'd go with saying that it makes sense to defer as the mum has Covid. DSD may not have to isolate but is supposed to reduce contacts where possible. You might find they agree anyway.

If they don't agree I think you might need to disclose the pregnancy. It is perfectly reasonable to be more careful when pregnant.

Thanks @Lindy2 really comforting to know that I'm not just being dramatic haha! Can't believe how incredibly protective I feel already x
OP posts:
Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 14:18

@timesachangin

It's horrible having to share personal information with a near stranger. It's a very bizarre and awkward thing that only really happens when your partner has children with an ex. But I think in this instance you may just have to
Yeah I think you may be right Sad I hoping as as a mother to 2 herself she will then understand regardless of her feelings towards it.
OP posts:
SouthSideSally · 26/09/2021 14:21

Hmmm. It's tricky. Unfortunately when you have children you can't really pick and choose when you get to look after them. I am currently living with two who both are sitting next to children in school who have had covid and we're back at school despite their siblings, parents having covid. She really does deserve to see her Dad and her Dad really does need to continue to parent his child through your pregnancy. Covid is going nowhere so will you cancel her visit every time she is close to someone at school with covid?

BluebellsGreenbells · 26/09/2021 14:30

She’s likely to have been a close contact at school and sports clubs etc already, yet you wouldn’t be known and accepted her visit.

Her mother is poorly and she’s due to spend the weekend with you - then that’s what you need to do!

You can’t migrate the risks when children attend school!

Original poster
nicolelou86 · 26/09/2021 14:35

@SouthSideSally

Hmmm. It's tricky. Unfortunately when you have children you can't really pick and choose when you get to look after them. I am currently living with two who both are sitting next to children in school who have had covid and we're back at school despite their siblings, parents having covid. She really does deserve to see her Dad and her Dad really does need to continue to parent his child through your pregnancy. Covid is going nowhere so will you cancel her visit every time she is close to someone at school with covid?
It's not the fact that she's at school it's the fact she is living in a house with her mother who does have COVID with the likelihood of continuous contact and no measures in place. I may be wrong but that feels different to me. Also I think if the shoe was on the other foot and one of us had COVID, I don't think the mother would allow her to come here at the risk of taking it into her household with her little sister. I would say it's choosing not to parent! I'd say it's marking a decision as a parent as to what is best for the safety of everyone. There seems to be lots of arguments for and against and I feel I'm going to have to go with my gut on this one.
OP posts:
SouthSideSally · 26/09/2021 14:42

But that's the thing. It's not really entirely up to you. You're saying you need to go with your gut. But you can't make decisions about your partners relationship with his child. You can do what you can to keep yourself safe for example, staying elsewhere. But you can't insist that he doesn't care for his child in her own home. Because that's what her dad's home is - her home too. She's not a visitor.

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