Posting here as MH board looked quiet. Don't think I could take starting a thread and noone replying.
31 weeks pregnant and feeling completely numb and overwhelmed. I have a 3 year old and a husband. I just want to run away. I can't deal with anything anymore. I've been thinking about how much simpler it would be to die. I adore baby inside me so I hope they can get him out and he'll be ok. My husband works long hours in a stressful job and so the vast majority of everything household/childcare falls to me. I'm also working part time. This week has just been too much to manage. I've tried to ask for help and support from my husband but he won't give it to me. He just expects me to carry on and sort everything out even though I'm finding it so stressful. He's too stressed himself (ironically he's a medic) and we end up arguing and shouting and he tells me I don't understand how hard things are for him at the moment. I don't dispute that but I need his support now more than ever.
Tonight I want to run away. I can't stop crying. My thoughts are negative and intrusive. I don't know who to talk to. I don't want to seem dramatic or bother my friends and my husband will tell me not to be silly. Unhelpfully we are currently self-isolating awaiting covid test results for our toddler so I can't technically even go anywhere. I've been reading about the Samaritans but I don't know if they can signpost me to anything in my area.
I've chosen the worst time to have bad thoughts as everything is shut for the weekend. I can only contact my midwife via the GP surgery which is shut til Monday. I only have a triage number for the maternity hospital and I'm not in labour so I don't want to phone them. If I phone 111 can they help me? Is this a MH crisis or do I just need to go to bed and hope tomorrow feels brighter. I don't even know what I want. I suppose someone to scoop me up and look after me and take me away from the endless responsibility and decisions. For someone to listen and maybe tell my husband that I need support and for once he might need to think about someone other than himself and his job.
Thanks