Completely overwhelmed with thoughts I'd rather not be here

[FrancesFlute]

Posting here as MH board looked quiet. Don't think I could take starting a thread and noone replying.

31 weeks pregnant and feeling completely numb and overwhelmed. I have a 3 year old and a husband. I just want to run away. I can't deal with anything anymore. I've been thinking about how much simpler it would be to die. I adore baby inside me so I hope they can get him out and he'll be ok. My husband works long hours in a stressful job and so the vast majority of everything household/childcare falls to me. I'm also working part time. This week has just been too much to manage. I've tried to ask for help and support from my husband but he won't give it to me. He just expects me to carry on and sort everything out even though I'm finding it so stressful. He's too stressed himself (ironically he's a medic) and we end up arguing and shouting and he tells me I don't understand how hard things are for him at the moment. I don't dispute that but I need his support now more than ever.

Tonight I want to run away. I can't stop crying. My thoughts are negative and intrusive. I don't know who to talk to. I don't want to seem dramatic or bother my friends and my husband will tell me not to be silly. Unhelpfully we are currently self-isolating awaiting covid test results for our toddler so I can't technically even go anywhere. I've been reading about the Samaritans but I don't know if they can signpost me to anything in my area.

I've chosen the worst time to have bad thoughts as everything is shut for the weekend. I can only contact my midwife via the GP surgery which is shut til Monday. I only have a triage number for the maternity hospital and I'm not in labour so I don't want to phone them. If I phone 111 can they help me? Is this a MH crisis or do I just need to go to bed and hope tomorrow feels brighter. I don't even know what I want. I suppose someone to scoop me up and look after me and take me away from the endless responsibility and decisions. For someone to listen and maybe tell my husband that I need support and for once he might need to think about someone other than himself and his job.

Thanks

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. We're sure that lots of other MNers can relate to how you're feeling.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. PANDAs also have a free helpline: pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/free-helpline/

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Ok. Never mind then.

@FrancesFlute

Ok. Never mind then.

Please ring the Samaritans - they will listen to you AND offer advice! You are going through a lot at the moment and they wil be able to help you

Hello, I am a midwife. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Please ring triage and tell them how you are feeling, they will help you. If you don’t want to ring triage you can go to A and E. There is support out there to help you feel better again.

@FrancesFlute

Ok. Never mind then.

Apologies if the above message caused any upset, that isn't our intention. It's a standard message that we post when users are concerned about someone's wellbeing. We don't want to shut you down, we hope you're able to get support on this thread. Lots of MNers will have experienced similar feelings during pregnancy and we hope they can share their experiences too.

We post it often, and it's nothing personal - it's actually on advice given to us from Mind and the Samaritans. Just to assure you, we have no reason to doubt the OP.

So sorry to hear you're struggling and sorry your partner is not being more supportive. It sounds perfectly understandable that you're feeling so overwhelmed - pregnant, with a job, and a toddler, and a house to run, and a husband who is overwhelmed himself and not helping.

You say you don't want to bother your friends - if one of your friends was feeling this way, wouldn't you want her to reach out to you? Please ask for support from those around you.

Maternity triage will have the right contact numbers for you (there may be an OOH maternity mental health number) or can tell you if 111 is the best option- they do deal with mental as well as physical health. Or please call the Samaritans just to speak to someone who will listen and support you.

You are doing the right thing recognising how poorly you are, and reaching out - please give people the opportunity to support you in real life x

I’d try 111 option 2 (local mental health services). It sounds like you’ve got a lot going on with minimal physical and emotional support.
Also, your friends won’t feel it’s dramatic. They would want you to let them know so they can help. I know it’s a hard thing to bring up and admit though.

I couldn't read this and not reply, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I had similar thoughts in my first pregnancy and it was frightening. I'm about as far along with my second baby as you, and I can easily imagine how utterly overwhelmed you're feeling. Please try to hang on, there is help and support out there for you.

Definitely call triage - someone there will be able to give you some support. You deserve and have a right to be looked after now - just ask for it and tell them how unwell you're feeling.

Try to focus on just putting one foot in front of the other. It's OK if all you can do is get from one hour or one day to the next. Things will seem much brighter, and hopefully soon.

I don't know you, but I'm thinking of you.

Do you know/like asmr videos on YouTube? I find they help me disconnect from my thoughts when I get too caught up in them and things start spiraling.
Thinking of you! ❤

Are you OK, OP? Your post has really stuck with me, and I've been wondering how you are. I hope you've reached out to someone IRL and things are feeling a little bit brighter today.