Bad experience with no 1 / home birth for no 2 ?

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Currently 29 weeks and realising that baby no 2 is actually going to have to come out some time.

I had a pretty unpleasant experience with my 1st. Was transferred from birth centre to labour ward at 9.5cm after about 30 hours of long pre labour and about 8 hours of 'official' labour for having a very marginally raised temp I think it was 0.1 over the birth centres line. This is fair enough obviously they have regulations.

On labour ward I was strapped to a monitor and forced onto my back. I wasn't allowed back up again as baby then went into distress.
Emergency cord pulled
Room full of people
Lots of shouting at me / me screaming and fighting the midwife who was holding my legs shouting in my face.

2x failed attempts to get baby out with ventouse - both times the cap got pulled so hard it fell off his head.
He came out by himself after that and was fine.
They put him on my chest and I felt nothing and didn't feel anything else for about 4 months.

DP was convinced baby was going to be born dead so is also scarred by the experience.

The idea of going into hospital is really frightening me at the moment.

DP thinks I should go in and get an epidural and it will be much calmer but I am so scared of being stuck on my back again and frightened of a needle in my spine.
I am so scared of going to the birth centre again and coming across the midwife who transferred us - (all the others at mat centre were great all day, this midwife - I really got the vibe she couldn't be bothered and didn't want to be there) I still get flashbacks to his birth when Im feeling low - I was also date-raped as a student and being on my back gives me flashbacks to this, its not something I ever thought much about before but the memories have meshed in my mind.

I don't know if i want a home birth or if I'm just so scared of going back into hospital that that feels like the best option. DP doesn't like the idea because a transfer from home to hospital will 100% be worse than a transfer within the same hospital which I agree with although I think the call to transfer would probably be made much earlier in the case of a home birth.

I don't want to get stuck on the labour ward after and DP be sent home, I've been looking for the current covid rules but nothing is clear on what will happen.

Im likely to be strep B positive.
Im also currently a bit anaemic - don't know how anaemic
Im currently flagged as high risk - I think for the previous PND/PNA but it's not actually clear as there is nothing physically wrong with me or baby. So would I even qualify for home birth?

I know i need to ask my midwife all these questions at my next appt but I guess my question is about peoples experiences with 2nd babies and going on to have home births and how those went or experiences going back into the hospitals where you had a bad experience the 1st time round?

I also had a lot of trauma from my first birth. I didn't want to risk a home birth personally (I see the appeal, but I have serval close doctor friends who said in no circumstances would they have a home birth as things can and do go wrong so quickly).

I opted for an elective CS and it was the best decision I ever made.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, OP.

thanks for replying. I think how you felt about the home birth risk is exactly how my DP feels about it, he wouldn't feel safe if we were at home. I feel like I would feel safer in my own home and the risks look lower for second babies with home birth but still not ideal.

C section - I'd also be frightened of being on my back/having a spinal and having things "done" to me.

Aw, I'm so sorry OP, you're in such a difficult situation.

Are you under the care of the perinatal mental health team? If not then ask to be referred to them quickly. They were brilliant with me (I had v similar issues). A mental health nurse spent several appointments talking me through all my options and suggesting all sorts of useful things, and I also had a few appointments with a psychologist who helped me practise mindfulness etc for during the operation and whilst unable to move much on the postnatal ward. The mental health nurse also visited me regularly on the postnatal ward and I had a clearly signposted mental health plan that she wrote for me in the front of my notes for all of the midwives to see.

The help is there, but you do need to ask for it.

I've been referred to the mental health team since my last midwife appt -

I had a call from them yesterday actually and have an apt in october. I also need to ring up the hospital maternity councillor this week. I'm also planning on requesting a birth debrief/run through of my notes from last time with my midwife - I asked for this after the birth of no1 but never got a call back.

I had a similar experience needing blue lighted to the hospital whilst head apparently visible and the experience was horrendous. I would never attempt a home birth after that ambulance ride, I actually have very few memories because I was passing out. He also had trauma from forceps which failed to get him out anyway and it was an emergency c-section. I know for these reasons I do not qualify to give birth in the midwife led centre and would assume home birth is not an option to.

The relief from the section was enormous. I understand the fear and it was far from what I had planned for but I 100% will be requesting an elective section. I hope with some counselling and information you'll be able to make an informed decision regarding how you want to labour. It is extremely personal but I would seriously take into consideration the time a transfer would take in an ambulance from home to hospital would take and if it is a safe option. Really hope the mental health team give you the support you need.

I had an awful experience in hospital with DC1 so opted for a home birth second time round. I had a water birth in my lounge and it was the most amazing experience. I think I was calmer as I was in comfortable surroundings and was relaxed.

My midwife made it clear that if she felt that there were any complications I would be blue-lighted without discussion or argument!

I remember going for a check up 7 days overdue and being told I needed to be booked in for an induction and nearly had a panic attack there and then at the thought of being in hospital again for the birth. Luckily the doctor checked my charts and agreed for me to be given more time to have a natural labour.

I would recommend going with whatever option you think will help you remain calm and feel in control but be prepared to change plans if needed. We are all different and react differently. You know your body & mind better than anyone so tune in to yourself.

Good luck

I had a traumatic experience when I had a hospital birth with my first child. It resulted in me experiencing horrific panic attacks and anxiety throughout my second pregnancy. I had a home birth as I couldn’t even think about going to the hospital without having a full blown panic attack.

It was the BEST decision I ever made and was a lovely, calm birth. I felt very safe and had the option of going to the hospital if needed but everything was fine. I wholeheartedly recommend a home birth although it does depend on your personal circumstances. I honestly felt like my care was a thousand times better at home than it was in the hospital though.

Also, I would just say that while it’s nice to take your DP’s feelings into consideration it is YOU who will be birthing this baby and it’s YOU that should ultimately decide where you feel most comfortable doing this.

Please don’t allow yourself to be swayed if your gut is telling you that home is where you should be. There is a lot of research which shows home births are very safe unless you have particular complications.

Hi, op some parts of this sound familiar - strapped to monitor stuck on back for hours and traumatic end to birth - my first was like that.

As I needed intervention it never crossed my mind to consider home birth and being high risk would they allow this?

Couple of thoughts:

Midwifes - at my nct course they were very clear you can ask for a new midwife if you are not happy. So if you get into that situation again speak up.

I was also very pro want to keep moving so again I told everyone possible that I wanted to be mobile for my next labour.

However I ended up with a c-section and frankly it was a relief not to have to push again and risk my baby getting hurt again - sore head the first time.

Would you consider a elective c-section? Although recovery wasn't as quick it did mean I focused on spending a lot of time sitting and cuddling my new baby and not exhausting myself trying to do everything

@welshladywhois40
re-guarding the high risk label - I really don't know why I am.

I was not high risk last time and my midwife hasn't explained it. I think she put it in so my 20 week scan was checked extra carefully for a very common heart defect which affects my mum and brother - this has come back totally clear and apart from slightly lower iron levels and a bit of SPD I have nothing wrong with me.

The consultant I saw after the scan seemed puzzled and thought it was because of the PND from last time so who knows? Hopefully I can get them to explain or change it.

Though I do know that low iron levels can prevent you from having a home birth so I need to ask about that.

DP has said it is 100% my choice re-guarding the home birth, but I know he would be very anxious about it and selfishly I wouldn't want to be worried about how stressed he will be while I'm in labour.

If I decide to go down to home birth route I will ask him to come to a midwife apt with me and also discuss the risks/what ifs with her.

I think I have lots of different questions to start asking.

Thanks for all your support on this thread - last time I posted about my birth with no 1 I had to ask for it to be removed as I was told to stop being silly for being upset over it.

I had mine at home due to similar fear of hospitals and also I attended a friend’s induced birth in hospital that was very traumatic and badly managed by the hospital in my opinion. So I then had fear of THAT hospital which would have been the one I went to. So you wanting one is completely understandable and I don’t see any reason why you could not try for one.

You could send your husband the studies showing the safety of homebirth with qualified midwives. That might help reassure him. I think taking him to an apt is a great idea too. My DH was similarly against it due to fear for me, but he was very reassured by the midwife explaining how they would handle all the “what if” scenarios he could think of.

Traumatic first birth, lovely calm home birth second time round. I won’t be having another baby but if I did I’d have a home birth every time.

Speak to your midwife. I was anaemia and had to have iron to get it above a certain level before they would agree to HB.
I also lived close to the hospital which was reassuring for me and DP.

I had a somewhat traumatic first birth in hospital.
Went to a stand alone midwife led centre for 2nd and it was a dream and so different to the first experience.
They can't force you to do anything so please remember you can say no! When I went in on my third I refused to lie down on my back and said they could use continuous monitoring but only if it didn't get in my way/interrupt me. By number 3 I'd learnt to be assertive and feeling in control is really what makes the difference. Trust yourself and do what you want!

I've just rung the drs to try and book my flu jab (no luck there lol)

I also found out my iron levels - currently sitting at a 12 I think i was about 20ish at my booking bloods.... from a quick google the cut off for home birth is 10 so I will need to start hammering the iron supplements if I want to keep it as an option.

It's unlikely you'll be able to have a home birth at the moment. There's been a massive baby boom and many hospitals have put a stop to it as they don't have the midwife or ambulance capacity to manage it. it's worth asking but don't get your hopes up.

As for epidural you can discuss a walking epidural which means you won't have to be stuck on your back

@Bells3032 thanks for that.

I don't think thats the case with my trust and there is 0 info online about wether this is actually the case in my area. The only info online seems to be from January in the south east.

Yes I'd definitely recommend peri-natal mental health team.

Also Have you looked into possibility of having a doula to support you through your birth? They can really help in advocating for what you need, and being there for you and DH. And are available in ways the midwives simply are not able to be because of their workloads. Made such a difference for us having that familiar a d consistent person. Good luck x

I am seeing my midwife tomorrow and will ask about home birth and options.

currently on my list is:

• based on iron levels would a home birth be possible
• what is the situation with strep B + home birth / hospital birth
• can we go through notes from previous birth next appt and discuss what would happen if the same thing happened in a home birth situation.

in case i decide to go to hospital or need to go to hospital

• is a walking epidural possible at the hospital Im registered at?

those that have had home births - is there anything else i should be asking at this point? any ideas or suggestions appreciated, I'll be 31 weeks tomorrow....

I am incredibly pro home birth, I've had 2 myself. But in your circumstances I would be very wary.

Is it possible for you to just labour at home for longer, rather than having all the time in the hospital.

And as for iron, yes minimum is 10 for a home birth, with DC3 I only just got mine high enough.

How far are you from there hospital and how quickly could you get there from home if something went wrong?

I had my second at home (also a water birth) and it was a much better experience than the first time round, so as a general rule I'd recommend it. However, my first birth was relatively easy and I was low risk. It would have taken at least 30 minutes to transfer me to hospital. In your position I definitely wouldn't want to be that far away.

OP, have you considered the transfer time to hospital, given the current ambulance problems?
Here in Scotland we have had to call in the British Army to help out. Average wait time for an ambulance is 6 to 8 hours. One elderly patient died at home after waiting 40 hours for an ambulance.
Regardless of your iron level, if you have a massive intrapartum haemorrhage at home, the midwife will not have any donor blood available to transfuse you. You could lose your whole circulating blood volume during transfer.
If your baby develops severe fetal distress, the home midwife cannot even perform a simple forceps lift out, let alone a Caesarian section.
Surely the safe option is to have a mental health review, with an agreed birth plan attached to your notes, for a “minimal intervention” hospital delivery, and a six hour discharge home.

I'm less than 15 min from the hospital.

No history of haemorrhage from last time obviously it is a risk but no greater than anyone else I think.

Did you have strep B with baby no.1? With strep B, you are recommended to have antibiotics at least 4 hours before birth through an IV. Not sure if they’ll offer you that with a home birth but worth checking.

Sounds horrible - birth trauma is very real!

My first was awful too, tonnes of monitoring and a horrible induction and then emcs. I have strep B so all combined I’m only allowed on the delivery unit. I have instead opted for csection (which I found so call and reassuring after the past 36 hours of labour!) but realise that’s not for everyone.

For what it’s worth, I had a homebirth booked in for my first and found the care very reassuring. Just work out the journey to the hospital with the midwife.

@SubParbanMum I have no idea if I was positive at my first birth the strep B was only picked up a few months after I actually had him when I went to get checked for some nerve pain I was getting from where I had a slight tear.

So I have no idea if I even still have it after 2 years as I know it can come and go - I will ask about getting re-tested at 37/38 weeks or something. From what I have heard/read it is possible to home birth as it depends on your trust I think dr would be asked to prescribe the antibiotics for the midwives to use in your home.

my birth 1st time round was very long - was nearly 30 hours of latent phase with no sleep and 2 trips to hospital before they finally admitted me so I was totally exhausted. I think after that it was 9/10 hours of 'active' where I was fine in the pool with gas and air + intermittent monitoring.

It was only the last hour after my waters broke and I was transferred where everything went a bit to shit for me. So I think I need to better understand the reasons for that transfer as it really wasn't clear at the time.

Mostly I just want to explore all my options. I would feel safe at home but obviously if there were additional risks from last time that I'm not aware of I would reconsider.

I’d start asking questions about it atleast. Eg. Does your area have dedicated Homebirth midwives?

Regarding high risk I had a home birth (first baby!) and was told throughout pregnancy that regardless of the outcome of any tests (GD for example) or how over due I went then it was always my choice if I wanted to birth at home. Nobody would have to say if I was ‘allowed’ or not.

I don’t know what they would have said if for example the baby was breech but they wanted to avoid the possibility of people birthing outside of the system completely. Obviously doesn’t apply in your case but interesting to know.

I had a Homebirth because I’d been in hospital a lot before with pre existing conditions and hospitals don’t make me feel safe. I’m so glad I had my baby at home it was 100% the best option for me.