The dreaded Birth

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Embracelife · 31/08/2021 22:55

Discuss pain relief.
You can have epidural ...no pain

SouthwestSis · 31/08/2021 23:00

My midwife recommended the positive birth book, I'm only a couple of chapters in but seems good so far.

DramaAlpaca · 31/08/2021 23:03

Do lots of reading to prepare yourself, knowledge is good. Talk to your midwife about how you're feeling. Ask for an epidural as soon as you can when you get to hospital. If you want to be pain free, you can. Best of luck.

SLT90 · 31/08/2021 23:08

I found the Positive Birth Company book really useful to read in the last few weeks of pregnancy. It's called 'practical ways to make your birth better'.

thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/hypnobirthing-book

It feels like a big deal when pregnant, but now looking back I found the birth such a small part of the whole pregnancy and then baby experience. Try not to be anxious, there are plenty of ways to safely have your baby and plenty of great pain relief options depending on what you choose or need at the time.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 31/08/2021 23:35

I can’t stand the Positive Birth Company for a few reasons but mainly, they are trying to sell you an idea of an ideal birth that may not happen and then the upshot is that you’ll feel shit about it and like it was something you did wrong!

It’s important to be realistic and know that you might not get things how you picture it, but that’s ok. I had hoped to go into labour naturally in the midwife led unit, but the baby is breech so it’s a booked c section. No amount of positive thought is going to change that.

I’m just saying that having a very solid plan in your mind about how the birth is going to go might not be a great idea, things can and do change and it’s better to approach it with an open mind and a bit of flexibility.

8dpwoah · 31/08/2021 23:51

Agree re: PBC stuff. Sells 'the dream' and then when the reality hits with the need for proper pain relief, intervention etc. people often say how disappointed they feel especially as they seem to target FTM. My SIL sunk a lot of money into hypnobirthing etc (and then sunk a lot of time trying to lecture me and effectively guilt trip me about my first medicalised birth like it's a bloody competition) and ended up with a c section as her induction wasn't working out. But they were both safe and well.

Nobody should feel disappointed about their birth experience, you successfully grew and delivered a human being! Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill is much more all-round in my opinion.

IdblowJonSnow · 01/09/2021 00:02

If you are frightened of the pain then you need to be looking into an epidural or a c-section which you can select to have - though unfortunately you may need to put up a fight for this.
You don't need to have pain/much pain.
But do get the ball rolling.

Lovethewinter · 01/09/2021 00:58

I know this is not the typical response but I just try not to think about it until it happens! Maybe I'm in a bit of denail 😅 I know about medical options etc which is important but thinking about it lots just stresses me out so I'll face it when the time comes - it's happening either way! I do have hospital bag packed etc though which gave me something to do which was within my control.

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/09/2021 01:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TR888 · 01/09/2021 01:25

I agree with the poster above. Get an epidural. I didn't for any of my three births and wished I had. All three were quick and free of complications, but I'd still recommend the epidural.

Why?

Because all I could think about when pushing my beautiful babies out was about my pain, rather than about my babies. I just wanted the pain to stop -that was the one and only thought that consumed my mind (and these were easy labours). I feel I would've been much more "present" and connected to that unique moment of their births if I hadn't been in that kind of pain.

We're lucky to live in a society where pain relief is available for mothers - so take it. When hearing statistics about potential risk to the baby though epidurals (very low), consider this - what about the much higher risk to the mother's physical and mental health that can result from long, difficult labours? Don't mothers matter? Difficult labours can result in bonding issues, which can in turn be very detrimental to the babies.

Please elect an epidural.

TR888 · 01/09/2021 01:36

To be clear, I don't mean to scare you about the pain. My point is that the pain is unlikely to let you enjoy the birth. Meeting your baby will be such a special moment. You don't want your first thought to be "thank fuck that's over".

SundayTwizzle · 01/09/2021 01:46

Epidural all day long!

Alfxn · 01/09/2021 02:04

@TR888

I agree with the poster above. Get an epidural. I didn't for any of my three births and wished I had. All three were quick and free of complications, but I'd still recommend the epidural.

Why?

Because all I could think about when pushing my beautiful babies out was about my pain, rather than about my babies. I just wanted the pain to stop -that was the one and only thought that consumed my mind (and these were easy labours). I feel I would've been much more "present" and connected to that unique moment of their births if I hadn't been in that kind of pain.

We're lucky to live in a society where pain relief is available for mothers - so take it. When hearing statistics about potential risk to the baby though epidurals (very low), consider this - what about the much higher risk to the mother's physical and mental health that can result from long, difficult labours? Don't mothers matter? Difficult labours can result in bonding issues, which can in turn be very detrimental to the babies.

Please elect an epidural.

Yes, yes, yes!! Why should women be expected to suffer? The bullshit surrounding "natural labours" with no pain relief etc is MADNESS. By all means I think hypnobirthing etc and preparing yourself mentally is a good idea, but combine that with an open mind towards the reality that often interventions ARE needed and that's not a failure - it's a wonderful, life saving thing and we are so lucky we all have access to modern 21st century first world medicine.

user1465146157 · 01/09/2021 02:04

Just speaking from my own experience- biased as I'm now trained as teacher, but Hypnobirthing really helped me and I was feeling exactly the same as you when I found out I was pregnant.

I was literally terrified.

HB sounds like it's about being hypnotised or something but all it is really is educating and preparing yourself for birth - research what is happening to your body at each step so you understand why your body feels a certain way.

You wouldn't run a marathon without training first, yet people give birth with zero preparation.

First thing is to not be scared. Fear creates tension, and it's the tension that causes most of the pain. If you can let it go and trust your body, it will help you.

Do your homework OP- relax as much as possible and trust that your body was designed for this.

Each to their own with childbirth- there's no right or wrong way, do what feels right for you.

You can do it, I'm proof that the most scared person can do this

mayblossominapril · 01/09/2021 02:18

You are unlikely to be terrified of birth by the time you get to the end of your pregnancy. By the end I just was so fed up of being pregnant I couldn’t wait to go into labour.
I would consider what you would like to happen in your birth plan and consider all options including emcs just in case. Better to have done some research before hand.
I was too knackered first time after a long labour and emcs to have a bonding moment first time, I held him for a few mins then went to sleep. Second time VBAC, I was too knackered and glad the pain was over to even bother holding her, the midwives were a bit worried. Dh cuddled her. It was fine no effects on bonding and I didn’t miss the special moment

PurBal · 01/09/2021 02:31

I didn’t have the birth I anticipated but I still felt euphoric afterwards. Definitely consider an epidural, I didn’t until the day but it was great, DH and I just spent the entire labour chatting and laughing. The midwife said if I wanted an epidural then to have it early, no point in spending most of my labour in pain if I wanted one. I had wanted to take things as they came but after two nights of contractions (stop start) I decided to be easy on myself.

Chica1990 · 01/09/2021 03:26

I totally agree with what people are saying in regards to pain relief and I do plan to have the epidural, but what about when I'm at home waiting to go into hospital? Would doing a HB course benefit me then?

Createdjustforthis · 01/09/2021 04:05

NCT classes helped me prepare. I had all of my children at home and found birth fine right up until crowning where it was too late to do anything about it! Breathing is important.

Pain relief is available though and is fabulous. Just know all your options.

Asherline · 01/09/2021 04:22

I have had 3 kids and not once was an epidural discussed, given as an option, even mentioned before birth, during, at all. My kids are 5-10 so not old. This should all be talked about, every option and every effort to comfort a soon to be mum because the thought of labour is terrifying! Knowing all the options is the best way and not being scared to change the plan is something that should be encouraged. The goal is to get the baby out as safe as possible

Willthewashingeverend · 01/09/2021 05:06

I would read the Positive Birth Book by Milli Hill (not linked to the Positive Birth Company that a few others have recommended). It is very informative and shows how all types of Birth can be positive. In contrary to what a lot of others have said, I wouldn't be asking for an epidural straight away. I would see how I was going and then work up the pain relief ladder...water or tens then gas, morphine if you want to try and then an epidural. You may only need gas or you may need them all. You need to find out what works for you as it will be different to others on here....just as every labour is different. Have a chat with your midwife about what is available at your hospital and if you have any contraindications.

2021mumma · 01/09/2021 05:32

Hypnobirthing gave me a sense of control over myself and the impending birth and actually some of the techniques learnt helps with things in every day life too.

I think not having a birth plan and being open minded to whatever is the safest delivery for you and the baby is the main thing. I think too many people get disappointed things didn’t run to plan. Just educate yourself in all situations.

SukonthaM · 01/09/2021 05:40

@IdblowJonSnow

If you are frightened of the pain then you need to be looking into an epidural or a c-section which you can select to have - though unfortunately you may need to put up a fight for this. You don't need to have pain/much pain. But do get the ball rolling.

Everyone’s frightened of birth, that doesn’t mean they NEED to be looking at elective c sections 🙄

Roselilly36 · 01/09/2021 06:27

Usual to feel scared of the unknown.

I have two DS’, labour was actually much better than I anticipated, first labour 10hrs, second 2.5hrs. I wouldn’t say I have a particular high pain threshold but I found labour ok, I didn’t need any pain relief or gas & air, I found it manageable. I was happy to try anything going to help though should I have needed it.

I think just approach labour and be flexible, as long as you are ok and baby arrives safely, it really doesn’t matter. Good luck.

SLT90 · 01/09/2021 06:41

I see there are a few PBC negative views posted after me and just wanted to clarify that I don't actually agree with the company's views (particularly recent views) but that the book is extremely helpful, an easy read and doesn't just cover 'whale music' but how to mentally prepare for any type of birth whether it be at home or a c section or anything in between. It did make me feel calm about going into birth.

And it's easy to say 'get an epidural as soon right at the start' but I was in labour for 3 days at home with just Paracetamol and a tens machine before they would admit me in hospital in active labour. Apparently very common for first labours and an epidural wasn't going to help me then! Gas and air felt more than effective after that.

Also epidurals are not necessarily the easy option. I have had a high number of friends give birth in the last 2 years and of the ones who got epidurals only one had no complications. All have ongoing back pain at site, a couple had epidural migraines (one friend was hospitalised afterwards for several days while they got the fluid leaking under control and she had to have a further 3 epidurals to manage the pain) and one ended up having a section because her epidural went 'the wrong way' and ended up sedating her. So yes it can be an amazing pain relief but it is not without risk and not always an easy route.

HungryHippo11 · 01/09/2021 06:43

@Serevai

The title sounds so bad!

Of course I am excited to meet my son, but, I am so scared for the actual birth and the pain! My anxiety is through the roof, anybody got any tips to mentally prepare? I have an estimated 2 months yet

Read the positive birth book, or do their online course. Change your mindset.