Which visitors can I say no to? When baby is here

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Greenbuttonsbluebuttons · 15/08/2021 19:46

It’s entirely up to you and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want people to sanitise.

However, I had my ds during a lock down last year and I would have loved to have visitors and to show him off. We still have people who’ve not been able to meet him.

bunhead34 · 15/08/2021 19:54

Of course you can ask people to sanitise!
And I think visitors not kissing a newborn is quite normal - you can always just say not until baby have had their jabs.

Only do what you feel comfortable with, some people love visitors right away and some don't.
I was glad it was still lockdown when I gave birth as otherwise it would have been a mare trying to keep the in-laws at bay.
You don't know how you will feel post birth and what recovery will be like. We had two weeks just the three of us, and I 100% needed it.
Congrats on your baby!

Yummymummy2020 · 15/08/2021 19:59

Not one bit unreasonable! I have had two lock down babies (must be mad😂) and both times I wanted another of time before visits. First baby I was tooafraid of offending people so put myself through a lot of stress and suffering having people in and out staying too long and having to entertain them because they were family! Looking back I was mad to do it. This time I said no bloody way. Literally been a fab experience. I am healing at the speed of light and so relaxed. I have done a few outdoor meetings at my leisure and that’s it. My advice to you is only do what you are comforts with and remember you should not be a host at this time. If someone is coming to offer to make you tea, great. If they are coming for you to wait on them hand and foot they can wait a few weeks. Also with the no kissing on the face rule, very sensible and don’t budge on it. There is no need for it at all. We haven’t even had anyone hold the baby outside of us on the advice of our doctor. Everyone has their own level of risk they are willing to take and as the child’s parent that’s your decision to make don’t worry about anyone else! We got looks over the hand sanitiser I asked if people could use or to wash their hands with our first and nobody cares now, in fact the past few months gave me confidence we were right at the time for sure! But you are also right about the other bugs circulating that time of year too, you don’t want a new baby catching things so young especially when you can’t even give calpol!

happytoday73 · 15/08/2021 20:01

My parents met our baby on first day... To be honest I needed my mum... And they were excited but also my mum later told me she wanted to physically see I was OK after a long hard labour (she was worried about her baby)
My SIL brought my PIL around about day 5 for very short visit... DH took baby while I had a sleep.... I actually felt better day 2/3 so that was bad timing.

Other met baby after few weeks.
To me it's what works for you... But often quite difficult to tell till baby arrives...
My parents came and helped every other day...

MojoJojo71 · 15/08/2021 20:03

Even before COVID I’d expect people to wash their hands before holding a new baby and definitely no kissing on the mouth/face. Tell them the midwife said so if you feel you need an excuse ( I am a midwife so you won’t be lying)

Weredone · 15/08/2021 20:04

We asked people to sanitise pre-COVID (about 2 years before actually!) and not to kiss baby on the face so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Babies literally don’t have any immune system until around 6 months.

EileenGC · 15/08/2021 20:04

You can do whatever you want and feel comfortable with. Don’t be afraid of being blunt and telling people ‘no, let’s reconsider in a couple of weeks’.

Don’t people ALWAYS wash their hands when coming into a house though?? Even pre-Covid, it would’ve never occurred to me not to wash my hands when I got in, be it my house or someone else’s.

Newchances · 15/08/2021 20:05

Pre covid i visited people with new babies where sanitizer was in place. I also have ages friends who had babies during lockdown who are only letting vacinnated people visit

IfIwasablackbird · 15/08/2021 20:05

None of them! Only see who you want.

My first I was far away from family and actually found it much easier than with my second where people wanted to hold him all the time and things. It really stressed me out.

IfIwasablackbird · 15/08/2021 20:06

Sorry, I mean all of them.

Original poster

DueInWinter2021 · 15/08/2021 20:07

Thank you everyone :)

I have always washed my hands and sanitised before meeting newborns! Even pre Covid. I believe it’s good manners. And I’ve never dreamt of kissing them.

Regarding visits, I’m hoping to be open minded! My only reason I think I’ll want some time is that I’m quite scared about hormones dipping, and I usually get stressed while playing host anyway and I KNOW if people come around I’ll attempt to play host!

Another question, SIL has 3 kids (all under 5) we have a lovely hyperactive dog and I’m quite nervous about that visit simply due to the fact any time the kids have been around before they’ve got the dog worked up and it’s madness. This is fine - they’re kids playing with a dog! But if I’m recovering/not feeling the best, is it rude if I suggested we visit them with baby?
This has swirled around my mind to ask DP nearer the time but I have thought about it already.

OP posts:

Saidtoomuch · 15/08/2021 20:09

Of course you can ask them to. Last time I visited a new baby, pre Covid, we all washed our hands. Hell, we were even asked to sanitise our hands when visiting puppies!

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 20:10

We had hand sanitiser out this was pre Covid times and people were fine, most done it without being asked.
Regarding kissing, that's a big no for babies.
We did tell people but tbh no one really goes to kiss a new born unless your immediate family, in my experiences anyway but grandparents were fine and understood why!

Regarding visitors after, I needed my mam and MIL more than anyone when I first got home.
Uncles came and our closest friends in the first week, everyone else came from the second week.
No one could prepare me for what it was like and I welcomed help with open arms.

hemhem · 15/08/2021 20:10

Don't make any plans until baby is here and you know you're both healthy and well. You'll be massively sleep deprived for at least the first 6 weeks, you might struggle with feeding, might have various follow up hospital appointments or maybe even have to stay in hospital a few days e.g. if you have a section. Don't feel under any pressure. I had my parents visit for a couple of hours on day 3 with my first and on day 2 with my second (to play with my eldest) and then noone for a month. I needed the time for myself and the baby, noone else!

TwinkleTwinkle11 · 15/08/2021 20:12

But if I’m recovering/not feeling the best, is it rude if I suggested we visit them with baby?

Not rude in the slightest op.

Pissinthepottyplease · 15/08/2021 20:13

@MojoJojo71

Even before COVID I’d expect people to wash their hands before holding a new baby and definitely no kissing on the mouth/face. Tell them the midwife said so if you feel you need an excuse ( I am a midwife so you won’t be lying)

Me too. I even before I had children I would do this. Although I would always ask if I could sniff the baby’s head - nothing smells as good.

Lou573 · 15/08/2021 20:14

I had my first baby well before covid and kept hand sanitiser on the coffee table. If people thought it was odd they didn’t say anything. I was really happy to see friends who came with food and didn’t outstay their welcome, wish I’d been stricter with my mother in law but she took me by surprise!

ParityJ · 15/08/2021 20:15

I do t o ow rules with Covid it when daughter was born we said no hospital visitors at all, wait until we get home and we're settled a bit.
The you can come and see us all and have coffee and cake.
I bought a cake and put a candle on in the shape of 0 and had like a mini birthday party. It was fun, they stayed an hour, then everyone left and we were free from visits for a week to enjoy baby. 😁

SGChome20 · 15/08/2021 20:16

Your baby, your rules. You’re not having a baby so that other people can have baby cuddles so I wouldn’t worry about saying no. Obviously you can be tactful about how you say it. I’d go down the route of ‘it’s what midwife/HV has advised’ and if they are pushy then just say ‘well they’ve advised I need to do what I’m comfortable with and I feel we need a bit of time as a family of 3 first’ I had a lockdown baby and I’m really glad people couldn’t come to visit. You sound a bit like me too OP. I’d stress about keeping house tidy, making coffees, breastfeeding in front of people, people staying too long etc etc! Every visit would have been a stress for me!

Katefoster · 15/08/2021 20:17

Whenever I've visited babies I've always been asked to wash my hands first they're tiny and vulnerable before their vaccinations! Tbis was pre covid

TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/08/2021 20:17

@DueInWinter2021 I think both of the things you’ve suggested are sensible even without Covid - washing hands is always a good idea, and my midwife told me not to let people kiss the baby as they can spread infections that the baby can’t fight, unknowingly. Cold sores are pretty dangerous for babies, for example.

We’re FTPs too, due in December. We were hoping the in-laws could visit us in hospital, they’re so excited to, but I don’t think they’ll be allowed to… so we’ll probably go to them, or meet them somewhere in the middle. Other than that, I don’t think we’ll have many visitors, we’re going to have a couple of weeks just the three of us when the grandparents have had a cuddle and met the baby. We’ll see how we feel about friends at the time, mine will be excited but also have their own older kids so may well be distracted with Christmas etc.

We’re aiming for low key and what feels comfortable for us, I don’t think you can go far wrong then.

GalaxyGirl24 · 15/08/2021 20:21

You will potentially be feeling vulnerable, tired/in pain and a bit shocked after birth and may want space. It's up to you who you have round, do not let your DP decide this for you. This is one of his first lessons in making sure he does what's right for his new little family.

I personally had my parents and sister to visit when I came out of hospital so she was 1/2 days old. DHs mum came to visit around 2/3 days old for an hour or so. His siblings then came when she was about 5/6 days. That was enough for me. Everyone had to wash their hands. Nobody kissed her face as it was the start of covid so common sense was applied.

Most of my family still haven't met her and I haven't been arsed to arrange it.

NameChange74567 · 15/08/2021 20:37

Nothing you have said is unreasonable, just sensible. Your baby, your rules. Do what you are comfortable with. Dd1 ended up in hospital, in HDU on oxygen and being fed through a tube for a week when she was 6 weeks old because some idiot decided to visit when they had a cold. Since then no-one with even the hint of a sniffle has been allowed to visit any of my 3DC.

121gigawatts · 15/08/2021 20:37

I had my first in lockdown and delivered via emergency c due to having covid pneumonia. We spent a few days in hospital and doctors did want me to stay longer but to be transferred back to general hospital without my baby which was just was not happening. DH is from a large family and they pretty much all came in the first week with no regard for the fact I had covid although I was over 2 weeks positive test by the time I came out. To be fair my DH probably told them to and didn't care at all but it made me overwhelmed. One night family came at 10pm who already been numerous times, just to pop in, at that point I was really annoyed. I was struggling with bf'ing due to circumstances of birth and still being ill myself and feeling very emotional and I don't think people really think about mums and what they're going through and sometimes you do just want to be left alone for bonding. I did make everybody sanitise their hands and definitely no kissing on face! My niece was hospitalised at 19 days old for meningitis, even before giving birth, it always played on my mind how vulnerable newborns are. If there is a next time for me, I would do it differently and on my terms and not worry about others so much - probably let immediate family come, but not constantly and everybody else can wait a few weeks. You definitely need that time to heal and bond. I know it's difficult as everybody is excited and wants to meet baby and they will get to, but you definitely need to do things at your own pace and what you're comfortable with otherwise you just end up getting annoyed!

JLQ1020 · 15/08/2021 21:37

@DueInWinter2021

Baby is due this winter. It’s mine and DP’s first child. We’re ecstatic, but I am also quite anxious!

Baby is due in winter, so general bugs go around anyway but I’m worried COVID-19 cases may rise again. I mentioned having sanitiser on hand for visitors and DP said we can’t ask families to do that as they’ll be so excited to meet baby.

I also mentioned no kissing the baby on the face and he kind of agreed but he’s quite hesitant to ask his family to do these things, I think he thinks they’ll be rude about it.

This then led me to think, I do only want close people visiting the baby. DP has a big family, I do not. I would like some time post birth (about a week or so) for us to start settling in as a family and for me to recover a little bit before seeing people.

Am I being rude? I feel like I have a very specific idea in mind of how I’d like visits to the baby to be when baby is here, also quite concerned I’m being uptight and a paranoid mum?

My sister had her 1st last April during the first wave. And we went to visit and only seen the baby through the window the 1st few months. The first time I went into her house to hold the baby she asked me to sanitise and I was all " of course happy to I can wash my hands and wear a mask as well". Some ppl might look at u a bit funny and chuckle and first time mum worries. But u are definitely not being rude and ppl should respect ur rules. Do what is most comfortable for you and ur baby.