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Birth Choice Help

28 replies

HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 16:03

Hoping someone can give some advice… or just there opinion I guess lol….

I am pregnant and due in Feb 2022, I have 2 children already aged 9 and 4, so this is my 3rd.

I had 2 natural births with my first 2 but I am really worried about going into labour with my 3rd and not having anyone to watch my 2 children at home.
We don’t have any local family… my parents and my husbands parents both live 3 hours away, one up north and one Cornwall way… we are in the middle, it would then be a 45 min drive on top of that to the hospital.
I want to do an elective C-section just so it can be planned and someone can be here to watch my others.
However I don’t know if that’s a valid reason to opt for that.

Im just genuinely not sure what I’d do otherwise….and I really worry about it.

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needabreak5 · 14/08/2021 16:35

I don't think I'd have a c-section for that reason alone. Is there literally no one from school or a neighbour / friend who could watch your kids for a couple of hours until grandparents got there? Assuming the situation was different at the time of DC2 birth? We had a couple of neighbours on standby but when the time came I went to hospital after nursery drop off and DC was born before pickup so DH could collect and bring to meet sibling.

I was also called on last minute to watch a sleeping toddler during the night when a different neighbour went into labour. Didn't know them that well but I think most acquaintances would be more than happy to help in these situations.

Original poster
HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 16:50

@needabreak5
We have just moved house, which means my kids start a new school also in September (we are in a complete new county), that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be an option nearer the time though, but I wouldn’t ask them yet it’s a bit soon.
Yeah I guess if the timing was ok then I’d do the same lol however it’s not a definite… i just worry about it and not having anyone to have them, what I’ll do! Makes me worry which I think is valid.

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needabreak5 · 14/08/2021 17:04

Ahh okay tricky situation. Speak to the midwife and see what they say, I think you'd just have to come across pretty certain and determined re your choice for them to take you seriously though.

I'm probably not the best opinion for you, as I'd rather labour alone (with a HCP), and while DH watched siblings than have a c-section without a physical health reason. But that's just me, I know plenty of others that opt for c-sections by choice. Mainly as they've had one before or live in other countries where it's often the preference / safe option etc.

I hope it all works out for you

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HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 17:10

@needabreak5 yeah I think I’ll ask her what she advises on the next one.
I’ve had to natural labours, I haven’t had a c-section so I couldn’t comment.
I have had friends who have horror stories and some that have great stories regarding a c-section, so I couldn’t comment what the better option is.
I shall definitely speak to my midwife and will keep our neighbours in mind as we get to know them.
Thank you x

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nancybae · 14/08/2021 21:05

@HappyMummy2020 Would you consider a home birth instead? X

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HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 21:09

@nancybae I’ve never thought about that actually… I wouldn’t know where to begin but that’s not a bad shout.
Do you have experience with one of those!? X

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AHobbyaweek · 14/08/2021 21:12

There is a great homebirth Facebook group that has a lot of stories!

www.facebook.com/groups/homebirthsupportuk/?ref=share

nancybae · 14/08/2021 21:13

@HappyMummy2020 no sorry I have no experience with it! I'm pregnant with my first but I did toy with the idea of a home birth but DP isn't keen. My best friend has had 3 home births though and absolutely loves it, she's having another one soon. Definitely something worth researching though and maybe speaking to your midwife about? Especially if you have had pretty straight forward births before xx

BertieBotts · 14/08/2021 21:14

Yes, home birth could be an option.

Another thing to look into would be a local childminder. You might be able to pay them to be on call around the time of the birth. It would probably mean the children going to the childminder's house rather than the CM coming to you but could be an option?

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HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 21:21

@BertieBotts thank you, that’s also a good idea! One of my friends said that but I thought of arrival comes in the evening, they probably wouldn’t do overnight would I!? If that was the case! I might look into that too though.. seven for just until a grandparent can turn up xx

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HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 21:23

@nancybae thank you, I shall defo look I to this! It didn’t even come into my mind for some reason! That sounds lovely too!!
Tbh I agree with your DP for the first one… and then if it goes straight forward and you have another, then you could try a home one too! X

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HappyMummy2020 · 14/08/2021 21:23

@AHobbyaweek thank you!! I shall have a look at this in more detail! Can’t believe I didn’t even think of this option x

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nancybae · 14/08/2021 21:26

@HappyMummy2020 yes I thought the same, especially as I have no idea how I'll labour. But I do LOVE the idea of a home birth, so hopefully one day. My friend even bought her own inflatable birthing pool and has used it the last 3 times, it really does seem like a lovely experience. Hope all goes well, whatever you decide ☺️ xx

Urghhhhh · 14/08/2021 21:29

Is a homebirth really a good idea when you're 45 min away from the hospital?

user1488622199 · 14/08/2021 21:30

I don’t live near family either op and a home birth wasn’t an option for me. I asked family to come and stay around my due date so I would have someone around. In the few gaps I had (that did a rota!) I had friends on standby.

BertieBotts · 14/08/2021 21:52

You have nothing to lose by contacting local childminders and asking. I expect that some of them will have insurance covering overnight stays for emergencies etc, which childbirth may be classed as (because it's unpredictable if that makes sense).

You could also ask your midwife. I'm sure you must not be the first person ever to have no local childcare for your existing children, so there will have been other pregnant women in your position, so perhaps she can suggest other options.

daisyducky · 14/08/2021 22:51

I had this issue and opted for c section so I could plan to have family to look after DC1. I was having severe anxiety because of having no one to look after her. Not at nursery and no family close, friends would be working but she was never left with anyone.

I had my c section and recovery was easy for me, better than forceps delivery!

Other options given to me were a doula or an induction.

I was prepared to go alone and let my DH look after DC1 but he wouldn't have it.

Good luck with making your decision and I hope your hospital is supportive

Original poster
HappyMummy2020 · 15/08/2021 08:31

@daisyducky this is exactly how I feel, I’m too busy worrying about them at the moment to relax! I do have real anxiety about it.
Were the hospital/midwife ok with you doing that!?
My parent and my partners both work full time so they can’t take time off really for the just encase!
I used my auntie when I had my daughter and my son was at home but she was diagnosed with o set Alzheimer’s 2 years ago so for obvious reasons I can’t ask her.
My partner is also the same, I said I could go alone and you come back when someone gets there for the others but he won’t have that.

Although there are other options I do still worry about it, glad I’m not the only one! lol.
Thanks you!!

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Original poster
HappyMummy2020 · 15/08/2021 08:33

@BertieBotts yeah I’m sure your right I can’t be the first, I will ask my midwife as I do really worry about it… for obvious reasons.
I shall look up a few other options and try do some research, just thought I’d see if anyone else has been in this position, what they did x

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Original poster
HappyMummy2020 · 15/08/2021 08:34

@Urghhhhh guess it depends on how your other pregnancies and labours have been, if they have been rough and complicated then it’s probably not wise no.

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HappyMummy2020 · 15/08/2021 08:36

@user1488622199 yeah that’s really lucky, ours both work full time so I don’t know if it’s an options but we are going to ask for sure.
I had my auntie last time when my daughter was born, to stay with my son. But she was diagnosed with onset Alzheimer’s 2 years ago so she isn’t an option now. :(

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Arecklessmanor · 15/08/2021 09:05

Well OP if you would be happy enough to go to hospital and be supported by staff but your partner is insisting on coming then let him ring round childminders and nanny agencies etc and do some of the legwork and don't leave this all up to you.
Share the load.

Original poster
HappyMummy2020 · 15/08/2021 09:25

@Arecklessmanor oh he isn’t leaving it all up to me. He is very much getting involved.
Was just asking on here for other options and experiences lol! Thank you

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NerrSnerr · 15/08/2021 09:43

I had planned C sections for both my children (due to medical issues) and neither happened when it was booked for. A c section may not solve your childcare issues.

mumofmunchkin · 15/08/2021 09:44

My backup option, if things happen in a hurry, has always been that we call grandparents, dh drives me to the hospital with kids in the car, looks after the kids until grandparents get there and then comes and joins me. Grandparents are about 1.5hrs away for us, so not quite as far.

If you ring grandparents as soon as you feel things beginning, then the chances are they would be there or almost there by the time you were going into hospital (unless you've had very fast previous labours).

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