Anyone else frustrated with people commenting that you're "not even that pregnant yet"?

[halfwaythere92]

Hello, new here and first time being pregnant. I found out at 3 weeks 5 days and am nearly at 20 weeks now, so I've felt pregnant for quite some time now. I'm beginning to get so frustrated with people responding to things I say about my pregnancy with "you're not even that pregnant" or "you're barely even pregnant and you're already saying this". When will I be able to talk about my pregnancy without being judged for not being far enough along?! I have a bump, I've had morning sickness on and off and all the other symptoms and I am apparently still not pregnant enough to talk to people without them looking at me patronisingly like "oh, little poppet, you're not nearly pregnant enough to talk about your pregnancy". Ahhh! Anyone else have this problem?

Are you getting this from many people?

In the nicest possible way, could it be that you are talking about it too much to these people? 9 months is a long time for other people to be interested in your pregnancy for, and while it’s all very interesting and exciting for you, it isn’t for others.

Your partner, parents and in-laws should be interested in as much pregnancy talk as you want, but you should keep it to a minimum for everyone else.

@halfwaythere92 I'm feeling like this to a degree as well! I am 14+2 today and have suffered with morning sickness and nausea badly from about week 5, been barely sleeping as I am up multiple times in the night for a wee, tossing and turning at night because I can't get comfortable (my hips are starting to hurt me), and yet because I am 'only 14 weeks' I 'shouldn't' be feeling that bad yet, and 'surely' my symptoms (ie nausea and tiredness) are 'meant to go at 12 weeks'.

I feel like I have to constantly give reasoning for why I am still suffering with sickness, and why I am so tired I can barely open my eyes some mornings / taking naps, and why I can't sleep, and why I'm aching so much already.

I keep trying to explain to people pregnancy is different for everyone. I wish they could experience it so I didn't have to keep explaining myself!

Also, I am starting to get movement so I am naturally feeling more connected to baby, and therefore touch my bump here and there, and also rub certain spots if they are aching with round ligament pain.. but I get weird looks as if my bump isn't big enough for me to touch yet(!)

So yeah, I feel you on that one!! You're not the only one OP xx

Firstly congratulations

It depends on context really and who the people are you're talking to.

.How are you defining "talking about your pregnancy"? If you're moaning about the size of your bump and waddling about holding your back, I would think hmmm you wait until you're in your last trimester! Talking at length about every symptom you have might be a bit tedious for others although obviously this is a huge life changing event for you.

A lot of people didn't notice I was pregnant at 20 weeks although I felt my bump looked big.

@NailsNeedDoing

Are you getting this from many people?

In the nicest possible way, could it be that you are talking about it too much to these people? 9 months is a long time for other people to be interested in your pregnancy for, and while it’s all very interesting and exciting for you, it isn’t for others.

Your partner, parents and in-laws should be interested in as much pregnancy talk as you want, but you should keep it to a minimum for everyone else.

@NailsNeedDoing you see, the sad thing is, I've barely told anyone because of these comments and those I have told always start the conversations about the pregnancy! I've told my husband, and two close friends. The most recent time my best friend said something was just a few days ago when an angry postman got impatient with me at a roundabout and was trying to intimidate me with his car and I just laughed and said (jokingly, to best friend in car with me) "go on then, ram me, we'll see how that goes when you get reported for trying to bully a pregnant lady" and he (best friend) responded, "okay, calm down you're barely pregnant". It really hurt. This has been my life for the last 4 and a half months and, yes, I may not talk about it much but I still care about this child!

My husband has made little comments - like when we were waiting on the blood results from our Quad test and I said that even if there was a high risk, I didn't want to terminate and he said that I was hardly even pregnant (4 and a bit months!) and didn't understand why I was so attached (to the baby I can feel kicking me from the inside!). Although I suppose you do raise a point - it might actually be the opposite. We barely talk about it and mostly get on with our lives so I guess friends and family just forget about it so when I do occasionally bring it up, it's just a thing they hardly remember on a day-to-day basis so they think I'm being over the top! My husband is always surprised to see me throwing up on his days off - I don't think he really realises that this is everyday for me!

The other friend the other day asked me about it and I said yeah, only 4 and a bit months to go and she said "wait, aren't you only like 2 months pregnant?! How does that work?!" (she found out pretty much straight away) (also commented on how big my belly was for 2 months pregnant) so I guess people really don't care :(

The thing is, since we can find out we’re pregnant so early on it can feel like being pregnant forever- at 34 weeks today I certainly feel like I’ve been pregnant for an absolute age (and obviously have been pregnant all year)

I think to lots of people your pregnancy isn’t all that interesting or a huge talking point until you start getting REALLY pregnant. I don’t mean it to sound harsh, it’s the way it is. And the third trimester can be a whole different kettle of fish- I don’t miss lots of things from the 2nd but I REALLY miss being more mobile, more comfortable, sleeping better, being able to paint my own toenails….physically, there are a lot of changes to come your way yet.

[quote expectinglittlebear]@halfwaythere92 I'm feeling like this to a degree as well! I am 14+2 today and have suffered with morning sickness and nausea badly from about week 5, been barely sleeping as I am up multiple times in the night for a wee, tossing and turning at night because I can't get comfortable (my hips are starting to hurt me), and yet because I am 'only 14 weeks' I 'shouldn't' be feeling that bad yet, and 'surely' my symptoms (ie nausea and tiredness) are 'meant to go at 12 weeks'.

I feel like I have to constantly give reasoning for why I am still suffering with sickness, and why I am so tired I can barely open my eyes some mornings / taking naps, and why I can't sleep, and why I'm aching so much already.

I keep trying to explain to people pregnancy is different for everyone. I wish they could experience it so I didn't have to keep explaining myself!

Also, I am starting to get movement so I am naturally feeling more connected to baby, and therefore touch my bump here and there, and also rub certain spots if they are aching with round ligament pain.. but I get weird looks as if my bump isn't big enough for me to touch yet(!)

So yeah, I feel you on that one!! You're not the only one OP xx[/quote]
@expectinglittlebear yes! Exactly! (especially the 12 weeks thing). Thank you, I'm glad I'm not he only one :)

@SmidgenofaPigeon

The thing is, since we can find out we’re pregnant so early on it can feel like being pregnant forever- at 34 weeks today I certainly feel like I’ve been pregnant for an absolute age (and obviously have been pregnant all year)

I think to lots of people your pregnancy isn’t all that interesting or a huge talking point until you start getting REALLY pregnant. I don’t mean it to sound harsh, it’s the way it is. And the third trimester can be a whole different kettle of fish- I don’t miss lots of things from the 2nd but I REALLY miss being more mobile, more comfortable, sleeping better, being able to paint my own toenails….physically, there are a lot of changes to come your way yet.

@SmidgenofaPigeon congratulations! And I hope everything goes well with the birth etc.

No, I understand. It's just frustrating because I've literally only told 3 people and we don't talk about it much but it does feel a bit sad that you can be really suffering with 1st and 2nd trimester sickness or anxiety and if you do feel confident enough voicing these concerns to anyone, you get hit with a "you're barely even pregnant" kind of response, like I don't have the right to be worried or just express that I feel ill sometimes and it's rotten. Oh well! Like you say, when I get to your stage I'm sure I'll look back on all this and laugh, when it's really obvious :)

No I do totally get your point op. It would have upset me a lot to hear someone say I was barely pregnant at that stage!

It’s understandable that you’re feeling sad about this if you can’t even talk to your best friend and husband about your pregnancy. When I posted my first reply I was thinking it may be colleagues that you were getting this reaction from, which would be understandable if you had been talking about it a lot.

At nearly twenty weeks, maybe it’s time to tell more people so you can enjoy the pregnancy chat you want

Hi @halfwaythere92

I just can't understand the comments you've been getting at all. They just sound really underhand and rude to be honest. The ones from your friends are 🙄 but the ones from your partner about the blood tests are boggling. It's his baby you're carrying and I would just find that level of insensitivity unforgiveable.

No-one is 'barely pregnant' you're either pregnant or you're not. I'm only 8w+2 and so many things have changed for me already physically and mentally.

Hope they get it together and give you some support in future.

Barely pregnant 🙄 you're either pregnant or you're not.
Surely it doesn't mean you're not far enough along for it to be important because it comes across that way but would be awful if so.

Someone I know has gone on non-stop about her pregnancy for months. Everything is linked back to it and it’s tedious. She goes on days out and posts about being with her friends ‘with bump on board’ and she shows off her bump in every single photo (specifically moves her clothing to show it off I mean). There have been 100s of posts about it. I would never ever say anything to her about being ‘barely pregnant’ because you’re pregnant or you’re not pregnant. Different stages are difficult for different reasons.

It doesn’t sound like you’re like her though and those people were unkind with their comments.

At nearly twenty weeks you are approximately half way through your pregnancy so definitely pregnant.

I can understand people having reservations in the early stages but not now.

Just enjoy being pregnant but, seriously, you don't have to talk about it much or even at all outside of those nearest and dearest.

I feel for you.

This is my 3rd, youngest is 10. I'm 10 weeks.

I've been in 5 weeks of hell!! Heartburn (never got this until 20+ weeks before), spd at 9 weeks!!!, constant nausea, some sickness each day, unable to touch most foods, horrendous constipation and bloating, and needing to pee every 2 hours through the night (never happened until FAR later in previous pregnancies).

So, if someone had moaned to me about all these symptoms before i was pregnant this time, i probably wouldn't have understood their suffering.

However living through it, it does feel like forever! And i KNOW what's in store for me in my 3rd trimester, however still miserable in my first.

Some people have made 'jokey' comments about how many symptoms i have. But screw them. I'd LOVE for them to experience the 5 weeks I've been suffering.

The people saying this to you obviously aren't that intelligent. You can't be "a little bit pregnant", you can be pregnant or not pregnant. There is a fully formed baby living in your womb, babies have been born just a few weeks further along than you are. Show them the scan and ask them how they think the baby they can see is only "a little bit" in there.

This doesn't make sense to me either and I didn't find out I was pregnant until 11 weeks. I think they're jealous or disinterested or self involved; you've barely mentioned it!

Caveat: that's assuming you'd have said in your OP they're suffering their own baby loss issues. Having been there, I found it so difficult to hear about and engage with other people expecting babies at various stages.

you need to grow a thick skin and ignore comments.
people say so much entitled, stupid stuff as if one's pregnancy and everything surrounding it was public property. you won't be able to stop their bullshit so my advice is to not talk to those arseholes again.
Share only to those who can support you.

Wow with friends like those who needs enemies

Congratulations x

Sadly I found people just don't care. For me, it was the most amazingly weird (and challenging at times!) experience yet I understood that no one else was really that interested, which saddened me but I kept all my ramblings to myself. The best people to chat to are other women who've had kids recently I think as they're still in the " woah that was nuts!" Stage of thinking

Your friend and husband are being weird. You can't be barely pregnant, you're either fully pregnant, or not pregnant. And the first trimester is often the hardest part, so usually when you need a lot of support. I can't believe he asked his wife why you are so attached to your baby... especially at 20 weeks sounds like a right catch. Sorry this is happening, I'd be so pissed off with him. Perhaps he's nervous that something will go wrong so he's trying to minimise the pregnancy. No excuse for his attitude but just trying to think of an explanation.

Tell them there's no such thing as being a "little bit" pregnant.

Meanwhile, waffling on about your pregnancy to fellow pregnant women, or about anything in your life that other people around you are not quite so interested in, is what the internet was invented for! Congratulations.

Congratulations! Ime, people tend to take an interest from 7+ months.

Welcome to the world of being judged as a parent by others who want to give unsolicited advice/comments.

Says gently...maybe they are hinting they aren't that interested.

Other than close family who really is? It is like when people become parents some of them talk about nothing but their children and many just aren't interested.

What is it that you are wanting to talk about? Morning sickness, sore boobs, bump size, scans??? Sorry but that would make many people other than close family want to clamp their hands over their ears.

I just laughed and said (jokingly, to best friend in car with me) "go on then, ram me, we'll see how that goes when you get reported for trying to bully a pregnant lady"

Pregnant lady...?!

You're trying to bring your pregnancy into absolutely everything in life.

Postman didn't know or care if you were pregnant as in your car with a small bump he couldn't have seen it.

That's why people are frustrated.