C section and visitors

[Cafeaulait27]

Hey everyone, having my first baby by c section in October (no medical need, just elective).

I know it varies for everyone but I wondered if anyone could tell me when you felt up to having visitors? I’m thinking I’ll need a week after the birth to start to feel a little better before having people visit but really not sure. It’s going to be hard to keep MIL away but I really don’t want to have people over when I don’t feel ready as it’ll be overwhelming. I’m already overwhelmed at the thought of everyone descending on us!

This is exactly me, it’s next week. I can cope with my mum visiting because I could stay in my bed but really anyone else I would feel I’d have to be up and dressed which I just don’t imagine will be what I want to do when still recovering. I feel like my MIL might just arrive but I’m hoping when my husband phones to say the baby is here he can say he’ll let people know when I’m up on my feet or something so she knows she’s not allowed to just turn up. The thought of people just chapping the door terrifies me when I’m in that state 🤦🏼‍♀️

@sarah13xx yes totally. Is it your first baby? I’m hoping we can put people off for at least a week. I don’t want to offend anyone but my recovery is important! Also my parents live far away so if they visit it’ll be an overnight stay. I have no idea how ill feel, but I’m 99% sure right now that I’ll just want to enjoy it/recover/get to grips with it all with just my husband and the baby and not feel like I’ve got visitors suffocating me especially when I’m likely to be wandering around in pyjamas/underwear with my boobs and belly hanging out!

Good luck for next week xx

I've told people it'll be a week
I'm not sure if they were put out or not.

I just want it to be me, my husband and our baby in a little bubble for that time.

I welcome immediate family within days of surgery, hopefully will be home the day after. I felt pretty normal after elcs with our twins so it wasn't a big deal for me, this time I'm coming home to 5 kids and that's more taxing than other visitors anyway. My parents will be looking after the kids at our house so will be there when I get home too, they've visited at hospital with our others but that's not possible atm. Extended family and friends will filter through after the 1st week but are usually pretty good and don't stay too long.

@Cafeaulait27 yes it’s my first! I’ve looked it up a few times and there are a lot of articles from people saying they didn’t want to offend anyone so allowed visitors and ended up resenting the fact they did. There’s no one more important than the mum and baby. Everyone else just wants to see the baby for a hold and expects you can sit there for hours on end probably really uncomfortable. It’s making me anxious even when my in laws are messaging saying they can’t wait to see the baby etc. I feel like we should maybe have said something sooner about how I’d like a week but they’ll just have to deal with it. To be able to stay in your pyjamas for a week and not worry about people arriving unannounced is bound to massively help you recover. I don’t even plan to be going up and down our stairs more than once a day and visitors would mean I’d have to. The idea of sitting there potentially bleeding heavily, still looking pregnant, feeling so bloated and having to just politely smile and say I’m fine fills me with dread! I also think I might feel like I don’t even know my own baby yet and I’m introducing him to all these people and having him passed round etc when I just want to hold him myself. As well as just getting to grips with changing nappies, feeding, naps etc without being given a running commentary on it. Any respectful family member will surely be able to work all of that out and not push to come early the second they hear it’s a c-section 😬

Honestly I don't think it matters now the baby is born, you are not obliged to have any visitors until you're ready. If people are messaging you can just say you'll let them know when you're ready to have them over.

I was swarmed after my first baby at the hospital and it was awful. Had an emcs and really traumatic birth and had pnd. This time I'm having a ELCS and I've already made it clear I want time just with immediate family and to ask before turning up! Do what is right for you x

Tbh, with two planned sections, I found having a newborn baby is more of a limiter on visitors than after effects of the op! You may well be in a better physical state than a mum who's gone through labour.

Are you expecting many people? I don't think anyone other than my parents and IL came over in the first week anyway, and all our siblings are local.

@ElmtreeMama same! I think I’ll tell them it’ll be at least a week but we’ll keep them posted.

Some friends of mine said they had their parents and siblings come to stay for a month from the birth etc and the thought of that fills me with dread, but I felt like ‘am I weird for just wanting it to be me and my husband and the baby?!’

But it’s our baby, we went through miscarriages and pain to get to this point and I feel like I want him all to ourselves at least at first xx

I was in hospital for 5 days after my section and I was desperate to get out and show off my dd at that point. Also, if people are coming round they should be doing things for you. Folding washing, clearing dishwasher. Things you just can't do after a section.

I'm also having an ELCS next week, and our family lives 600 miles away so they will be staying when they visit. We're having the first week just us, with probably a visit from a couple of nearby friends which will be nice, but I will not be getting dressed for them and they can make me a cup of tea 😂 both are mums themselves and one has had an EMCS and has already said she'll come over and do my hoovering!

Then my ILs are staying with us for a week, and again, I do not plan on actually hosting! But they will not expect it. Then after that my mum is coming back for another week (by then my husband will be back at work), and I know she won't let me lift a finger so I'm very lucky, even though we will have overnight guests for a couple of weeks (with a few days to ourselves in between).

I was clear about having the first week just us though, which would have been the same if it was a natural birth. I just want the house to ourselves while we try and figure things out. My mum has been staying with us for the last few weeks in case of an early and quick labour while my husband is at work, and she knows I'm kicking her out on the day we get home 😂 I feel a little mean but you've got to do what you've to do! You'll never get this time back.

@Chanel05 I hadn't even thought of not being able to do the dishwasher!! I'm going to get so tired of asking my husband to do it 😂 definitely not his strong point!

There's really no reason why you'd be confined to bed - you'll have got up and showered at the hospital once they've removed your catheter.
Obviously, when you choose to have visitors is a completely personal choice, but the c section itself probably won't impact on whether or not you'll feel up to seeing anyone.

I think it’s a combination of it being my first baby and feeling relatively strongly that we’ll want to enjoy it ourselves without others involvement to start with, and also I’m thinking that as we only have an upstairs toilet I probably won’t be going downstairs more than once a day to start with to avoid doing too many trips up and down the stairs. I plan to be active and not just sat in bed but am conscious of not wanting to overdo it, particularly not just because people want to come over and can’t wait a bit longer until I feel more human ☺️ Xxx

I had a csection nearly 6 weeks ago. My parents, siblings and MIL came over the day I came back from hospital but thats because I encouraged them to as I wanted them to meet baby straight away. They didn't stay long and bought lots of goodies as well as made food for us etc, plus it was invaluable having mum there for support. After that it was just me, DH and baby for a few days which was glorious.

It was over a week before anyone else visited which I think was just right. Also the worst thing you can do is stay in bed all day after a csection so having visitors means you are at least up and about within reason.

I would tell people you'll let them know after the first week for any kind of birth if it's your first as you can't know how you will feel. If you want them to come sooner then I'm sure they will.
Pre covid my family have always been the type to be in the hospital very soon after the birth but I don't live near them so will probably ask my mum to come a few weeks after the birth, just as DH is returning to work.
He will do all the housework anyway so not really worried about that, more wanting to get comfortable feeding and have some time together before anyone else comes.

I had one in 2019, so pre covid... everyone turned up at the hospital and MIL and aunt where dolled up to the nines while I looked and felt like I'd been hit by a bus. I had 9 uninvited visitors at the hospital alone, I felt terrible and overwhelmed.

I then ended up hosting family and making cups of teas whilst hunched over in agony. I even wakes to MIL house because everyone said it would be good to get out, it wasnt.

I'm going in again next week, no visitors allowed at the hospital and I won't be hosting anyone. MIL and my parents will likely visit, as they're helping with childcare with my toddler DS but I won't be hosting them. DH has took maternity leave so he will be helping out too

DPIL came to stay for two or three days when DD was three days old. It was fine, they were easy to host and are nice people who took account of the fact I'd just had major surgery. I took myself off upstairs for naps when I wanted and was able to rest more because they helped DH with light household stuff. They went out for a walk when the midwife was there, all in just very sensitive to the situation.

FIL died of COVID just after DD's first birthday and them meeting for the first time are some of my favourite memories of him. I'm really glad I went by what I knew of my PIL rather than having a blanket ban. You know your family, and if you think you'd be better off alone for a bit then you've got the perfect excuse with COVID.

@Luckyelephant1 that sounds lovely. I think I’m conscious that my MIL is relatively close (about half an hours drive) whereas my parents are more like 4 hours drive away, so I also feel I don’t want my MIL to ‘take over’ and have my own mum feel a bit left out.

@Arecklessmanor that’s a good idea. I don’t know why I’m worrying about it now when the birth is still 9 weeks away, but I’m fretting! My husband was saying let’s just say we’ll let them know when we’re ready for visitors. Like you my husband will be doing all the housework, cooking etc as he is taking 3 weeks off so I’m not worried about that, it’s more just a feeling of being overwhelmed at the thought of visitors when I want to get to grips with being a mum myself first and take it easy so I can hopefully recover from the c section well.

@ajja2021 sorry you went through that! At least one positive from covid is no one will expect to visit me in hospital …

Some of it depends on the type of visitor they are likely to be. There's the type that want to sit around and hold the baby while you make them a cup of tea, and there's the type who show up with a ready made dinner you can eat when they've gone, peep at the baby, and make you a cup of tea. It'll be longer before you want the first type round than before you want the second!

@Cafeaulait27 We're planning the same - we've told everyone that we're going to be recovering and getting used to being a family of 3 for a few weeks, but we'll let them know when we're up for visitors. To be honest, MIL hasn't really responded yet, but she knows and that's the important thing! She's got her time to get her head around it.

If it's sooner, we'll text and let people know.

I don't think it's unusual to have a few weeks, everyone has recommended it to me.

Can't do washing or dishwasher after surgery. Good grief I would go mad if I couldn't muster the strength to do those things after surgery, managed them fine last time.
DH said to me after I mowed the lawn (about letting him help) what are you going to do after surgery and you can't do these things? I told him not to be so ridiculous!!

@Chelyanne I was thinking more about the bending down for the dishwasher rather than lifting mugs etc 😂 but I haven't had a CS before so no prior experience and I guess everyone recovers differently.

I will certainly be looking for any excuse not to cut the grass though 😀

@Chelyanne I personally am looking forward to having everything done for me for the first few weeks ☺️ I guess we’re all different! Xx

@TakeYourFinalPosition well done for saying that - I think that’s what I want too, I think we’ll say at least a week but we’ll let them know. Need to get my husband to plant the seed with the in laws before they start thinking they can come over straight away! Xx