C section and visitors

[Cafeaulait27]

Hey everyone, having my first baby by c section in October (no medical need, just elective).

I know it varies for everyone but I wondered if anyone could tell me when you felt up to having visitors? I’m thinking I’ll need a week after the birth to start to feel a little better before having people visit but really not sure. It’s going to be hard to keep MIL away but I really don’t want to have people over when I don’t feel ready as it’ll be overwhelming. I’m already overwhelmed at the thought of everyone descending on us!

Had an EMCS 4 weeks ago. For me it depends on what your visitors will be like when they are there. We had immediate family over after about 3 days but they were very much there to help, cooked us dinner, made us cups of tea, did some washing, cuddled baby while I went for a nap. Everyone else we held off for at least a week, by which time I had physically recovered pretty well.

This is obviously very individual but I've had two sections and I was absolutely fine and out of hospital after a day - with my second I went straight out for dinner (with the baby and toddler in tow). Some of my favourite memories are of having visitors in the first week, it was so lovely. If I hadn't been feeling well though I would have had no hesitation about saying so and putting off well wishers until later. Best of luck with the birth!

Agree the baby is a bigger factor than the section.

My first was an EMCS pre covid and the grandparents all visited in the hospital that evening and the next day, and then came to see us within the week when we were home (ILs an hour away, mine 2.5 hours away).

Second was a (complicated) ELCS during covid so no hospital visits. We asked them not to come on the day we got home so that DD1 could have some time with us, then all grandparents came the next day. They all booked into a local hotel and then came over again in the morning before heading home. They came again on weekends etc.

Some of my loveliest memories of that time are of introducing my babies to their grandparents on both sides.

By all means limit the length of visits, especially if they're of the type to stay for hours and hours and be of no help. Definitely don't keep your MIL at arms length for a week if your mum is there! They're both equal grandparents and you are highly unlikely to be in such a state physically that you're not up to a short visit. If I'd done that to my lovely MIL (who loves my children as much as I do and is a wonderful grandmother) it would have irrevocably harmed our relationship. And obviously my DH wanted to show off his daughters as much as I did!

@Cafeaulait27 @daffodil21
Well I'm that crazy bird who wore lace up shoes to go home after cs. Didn't find it that painful tbh even when I got an infection, but I powerlift for fun and live with osteoarthritis so have a weird relationship with pain. Looking forward to the spd/pgp easing off and not having a massive bump limiting my mobility. OCD means I really struggle allowing others to help, if they did it right things the right way (aka my way) it wouldn't bother me so much.

Good luck with yours

@Chelyanne the thing is you are not meant to do these things as it can impede recovery. There is a lot of healing to be done internally and pushing yourself too quickly can lead to long term damage.

@sheldonandamy each to their own, I recovered fine getting on with things. Doing as little as possible will also slow recovery so choose your poison.

I was in hospital for 4 days and was thrilled to have visitors. It is easier in hospital and meant we had a few days quiet at home before any more requests for visits.

I had an EMCS and we had to stay in hospital for a number of nights after whilst baby and I had antibiotics. My parents visited everyday (briefly!) after baby was born. I also had my brothers and aunts visit on different occasions. It was fine when I had one visitor per day but on one day I had two visitors (at different times) and I remember when the second visitor came, feeling like I could just close my eyes and go to sleep and was wishing they'd hurry and leave! They overstayed their welcome though a bit and everyone else only made brief visits which was good.

I'd say mainly be open minded. You might feel great and enjoy the company. I always wanted to show off my wonderful baby, I was as bad with number 4 as I was with number one.

I think whatever you choose re visitors and timings is fine and your choice but it's worth making sure you treat both sets of grandparents equally. I know many people obviously feel more comfortable having their own parents visit sooner, but it can be so divisive. Better to wait til both sets can visit the grandchild (and you!).

I had immediate family every day or so for the first week so they were spread out and didn’t overwhelm me

I left immediate families meet baby in hospital. I did have other visitors and if I was ever to have a 2nd I would say no to friends. When we came out I think it was about a week, maybe 5 days when I went to visit my parents and extended family. Four weeks later we brought baby abroad to meet husbands family. It was actually fine because they took over baby and I slept and I also wasn't hosting.
The 5 days to a week I didn't really move from upstairs - other than a daily stroll to loosen me up. It was nice to get settled on our own. However I think I would let grandparents see baby if they can't get to the hospital. If they do need to stay maybe suggest a hotel or make it clear you obviously won't be hostess.

I had my elective in 2016 so well before COVID etc. My hospital had a strict visiting policy partners are allowed in 10am till 10pm but extended family and friends had a two hour slot in the afternoon and another in the evening, the number of visitors was limited at those times also, I think it was 5 per bed something like that. I took full advantage of this, it meant I could please the MIL and have her on a time limit (there was talk of her waiting outside the maternity ward while I had the section, soooooooo not happening) it also meant that it wasn't me telling her no, it was the hospital. Bloody marvellous. I was in for 3 days all told.

As others have said it depends entirely on the type of visitor they will be, if they are going to help ie bring food, do dishes, let you get some rest etc then it may be worth keeping them in your back pocket as you may want the extra help. If they are going to expect waiting on then definitely keep them at arms length.

@ancientgran @ShoppingBasket I'm very jealous that you got to have people visit in hospital! That was my plan... have grandparents come and meet baby there, and then go home and settle... but my midwife has said being allowed visitors in hospital this year is unlikely, and if we invite them here, they'll never leave. They are that type of visitor who feels at home enough to ignore your cues or prompts to leave, and to follow you to different rooms if you move, but not at home enough to be any help or make themselves drinks...

I'm somehow really hoping that I'll be allowed to have a few short visits before we go home.

I had a section on a Tuesday, got out of hospital on Friday (I had other issues aside from the section) and had a lot of visitors on the Sunday. I was ok in that I was up, dressed, mobile but they stayed 3-4 hours which felt too long purely because I was still exhausted.

Also, just to state, I was very lucky and had no complications and scar was healing well. My son was a very easy baby so travelling was easy. I wasn't superwoman or anything, if I wasn't well or baby wasn't good I wouldn't have travelled. As the saying goes, you do you.

Whatever makes you feel comfortable and best of luck with baby.

I've had 2 sections. I didn't love it when people started turning up the same day when I was in pain and not even allows to sit up however the next day once I was up and about it was nice to have some company. Certainly didn't need a week.

@Toomuch2019

I think whatever you choose re visitors and timings is fine and your choice but it's worth making sure you treat both sets of grandparents equally. I know many people obviously feel more comfortable having their own parents visit sooner, but it can be so divisive. Better to wait til both sets can visit the grandchild (and you!).

It really depends on how you're feeling. Equal grandparents does not mean equal visiting rights at the beginning I'm afraid when the baby is with their mum, the mum who has just given birth needs to be comfortable.

If I lived nearby I would be happy for MIL to see baby for a short period and go home but we don't so my parents will be invited first. They won't be invited immediately as I suspect my mum would try to take over a bit but MIL will expect to be waited on and topped up with wine and to eat at her set times. It's not so much a mother/MIL thing, it's a personality thing. DH doesn't want to be as involved with her either.
He is comfortable enough at my family home to lie muck in and cook for himself or others, or hoover or clean up, or if he's tired flop on the sofa. The atmosphere is relaxed. That's not how it is with MIL so no we won't be visiting as often nor will she be invited to ours as often.
Too many people focus on what is fair to each family of origin to the detriment of what's right for their family unit. My sister has a wonderful relationship with both my mum and her MIL as do her children and it's lovely to see.
I think MILs can have great relationships with sons or daughters in law if they are all reasonable but it is entirely fair for a woman to feel more comfortable in front of her immediate family at a vulnerable time.

My first, I was gagging for my parents to meet her after 3hrs, and a friend if mine who happened to be at the hospital that evening came up as well. I came home after 2 nights, and found out via text message that my best friend (who lives a couple of hours away) was going to be passing through, so I invited her over. So for home guests, maybe an hour and a half, but not planned 😂

My second, again family that day, n one the second day in hospital, and then more family and then we had friends round for a BBQ, and then out to church and a pub lunch the same week.

I recover very very easily from sections though, so felt absolutely fine, was up, dressed, going out etc from coming home from hospital.

Everyone is different. See how you feel. I thought I wouldn't want visitors for a few days, and I literally lasted 3hrs 😂

I’m thinking that as we only have an upstairs toilet I probably won’t be going downstairs more than once a day to start with to avoid doing too many trips up and down the stairs

We don't either, and I planned exactly the same. I was going to basically hold court in my bedroom with visitors and recover in peace upstairs.

The first time I climbed the stairs I thought it was a bit ouchy but not as bad as anticipated. The second time much better, and by the end of the first evening, it wasn't even crossing my mind. It was ouchy getting up and down from my chair for about 4 days, but only for a second or two.

You may stick with your upstairs plan. Equally, you may be pottering about and going out to a nice care because you feel amazing. It's totally unpredictable.

@Daffodil21

I'm also having an ELCS next week, and our family lives 600 miles away so they will be staying when they visit. We're having the first week just us, with probably a visit from a couple of nearby friends which will be nice, but I will not be getting dressed for them and they can make me a cup of tea 😂 both are mums themselves and one has had an EMCS and has already said she'll come over and do my hoovering!

Then my ILs are staying with us for a week, and again, I do not plan on actually hosting! But they will not expect it. Then after that my mum is coming back for another week (by then my husband will be back at work), and I know she won't let me lift a finger so I'm very lucky, even though we will have overnight guests for a couple of weeks (with a few days to ourselves in between).

I was clear about having the first week just us though, which would have been the same if it was a natural birth. I just want the house to ourselves while we try and figure things out. My mum has been staying with us for the last few weeks in case of an early and quick labour while my husband is at work, and she knows I'm kicking her out on the day we get home 😂 I feel a little mean but you've got to do what you've to do! You'll never get this time back.

@Chanel05 I hadn't even thought of not being able to do the dishwasher!! I'm going to get so tired of asking my husband to do it 😂 definitely not his strong point!

Yep! 😬 my midwife told me that you shouldn't lift anything other than a cup of tea or baby for 6 weeks.

I've had two c-sections and for both was in hospital for 2 nights. I was in pain for the first week but able to move freely around the house from about day 4. We had immediate family on day 2 (hospital) and 3 (home) and it was fine but to be honest it wasn't the aftermath of the C-section that was the problem in either case. A week seems sensible and reasonable but even after a week, you need to be really firm that it's a short visit, realistically between 30 minutes to 1 hour, and that people can make their own tea and preferably make one for you too as well as bringing food. From day 3 onwards if you're breastfeeding this completely takes over your life until you get the hang of it, and is incredibly time consuming. You won't want an audience either with your first baby, you'll need to be completely focussed on what you're doing and your boobs will be completely on show. When you're between feeds you will want to rest and grab a little bit of sleep too. So for the first few weeks at least you will need to be assertive about asking people to leave/leave the room/give the baby back to you as they won't be able to just be held by other people for hours on end. Good luck!

My biggest regret was not having enough time with my husband and newborn 'just us'. If I could go back I'd say no visitors for more than half an hour for a week. Due another by c section in December and will be sticking to this rule 100%!

I’ve had two sections and family came along to visit at the first possible chance which was lovely. They also dropped in frequently once I got home and I was glad of the company and a chance to stretch my arms and legs while the babies were passed around for cuddles. That being said I managed just fine on paracetamol and ibuprofen both times immediately after right to the end of recovery so I wasn’t bogged down with pain.

Unless something goes really wrong you won’t be bedbound. You will be positively encouraged to get up and about pretty soon after the surgery, and as others have said, it’s important to keep moving. I was advised to walk a bit further each day (I literally walked to the end of the road and back, felt like a tit but I did it).

For most people being upright is not a problem and moving around the house is pretty straight forward.

The thing you should really avoid is lifting. Obviously you need to lift you baby but try and avoid everything else (including a full kettle). I also found bending down more difficult for a little while but honestly once I was up I could move around the house pretty easily from day 1 and was out for lunch on about day 5.

I also always felt better after a shower. No whole days in PJs for me.

It’s worth making sure you have a comfortable supportive chair in the living room for feeding. A squishy sofa will not be your friend. I found something with solid arms much easier to get up from as I could push myself up from a better position.

The visitors is a different question but I just wanted to help set some minds at rest about recovery. There really is no need to plan on spending weeks in bed (unless you want to, but I actually think it’s better to get up).