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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

35 weeks and partner still going out

31 replies

AmandaGnn1989 · 04/08/2021 05:27

Hey,
So my me and my partner are pregnant (35 weeks). Before I got pregnant we used to do drugs and drink. I found out at 2 weeks the night before NYE and I stopped smoking, drinking and doing drugs there and then. I haven’t touched anything since. Since then near enough every
Weekend or during the week my partner would go out drinking or stay in drinking and get drugs. Not to mention he smokes around 15-20 spliffs a day. He has a full time job. I simply asked him not to do cocaine around me and not to go out for hours on end and not tell me where he was going or what time he would be in - he never kept to the time anyway. he rock up off his head and I’d pack my bags and go to show him that he can’t keep being like this or we would leave. Last Friday evening I moved back in with the baby furniture and we said we would make a last go of it. I ended up in hospital as I couldn’t feel the baby move. He was stoned and I couldn’t wake him up. Long story short I had no sleep and we went back the next day for a scan (thankfully she was ok). We went for a meal where he downed 3 double gins and was on his way. His friends rang and asked him to go out for a few drinks in town. I was tired and said he could go just don’t stay out all night and don’t do sniff. He promised he’d be back for 10pm latest - he left at 5pm. He didn’t get in contact with me for 15 hours and rocked up out his head at 8am. I’d not slept as I was worried. He thought I’d be fine. We needed up argueing and both said nasty stuff. His sister has come out with the fact the baby isn’t his a few times (shoes got issues). She is 100 million percent his baby and we both know this. We brought it up and I said ‘oh well who knows.’ I was angry with him. He jumped up put his fist through my TV, threw some baby stuff down the stairs and kicked the cot railing and some of it snapped. He then pushed me and said I’m lucky I’m not at the bottom of the stairs also. we continued to argue and I was in floods of tears. We kept saying things back and forth. I got my parents to get me and now I’m at there’s. He’s saying it is all my fault after what I said but I said if he had just come home or got in contact this wouldn’t have happened. I’m heavily pregnant. He said he had a great time with his mates and I’m over reacting - this is every weekend and sometimes during the week. Am I out of order or is he?

OP posts:
BlithePilgrim · 04/08/2021 05:32

Just leave, and stay away.

jessieb90 · 04/08/2021 05:34

You are 1000, million percent not out of order! Excuse my language but he sounds like an absolute arsehole (and that's putting it nicely). Everything I've just read is bang out of order and you should not be going through any of this! I know this is so simple for me to say but it sounds like you're better off leaving his waste of space arse and staying with your parents for a bit! Like I said so, so easy for me to say as raising a child is no mean feat (they say it takes a village and all that) but the baby sounds like they'd be better off without him - sorry if that sounds harsh! Sending hugs to you! Remember your worth hunny!

HappyintheHills · 04/08/2021 05:36

This isn’t your first post about this is it?
He isn’t going to change.
You need to concentrate on looking after your baby.
Positives are that you are away from him, have supportive parents and you aren’t married. Good luck.

Rainallnight · 04/08/2021 05:37

The problem isn’t that he’s still going out when you’re 35 weeks pregnant. The problem is that he’s a violent drug abuser (and possible alcoholic) and you would be very unwise to continue to live with him.

What would this life be like for a one year old? A three year old? A seven year old? And so on.

lilmishap · 04/08/2021 05:43

He jumped up put his fist through my TV, threw some baby stuff down the stairs and kicked the cot railing and some of it snapped. He then pushed me and said I’m lucky I’m not at the bottom of the stairs also. we continued to argue and I was in floods of tears

Ignore the description of a terrorist toddler you wrote and reread this
said I’m lucky I’m not at the bottom of the stairs also
You are lucky. He was off his face and it was luck that stopped him shoving you down the stairs this time. You were lucky that he chose not to.

He's still going out because he is a cunt of the highest order. Thats also why you were in tears while pregnant. Thats also why you were terrified while pregnant.n He is a cunt of the highest order.

He will hurt you at some point, stay away.

AuntLucy · 04/08/2021 05:52

Hi Amanda. It is absolutely not you. He is telling you loud and clear that you and your (very very reasonable) needs are nothing to him. He will hurt you if you let him. He will hurt your baby if you let him. Please don't let him. Choose differently. You have a chance to start out a new life with your darling baby without all this shit in your life. There will be love and trust and happiness - in this fresh-start life that doesn't have him in it. Please please grab this chance with both hands xx

RLOU30 · 04/08/2021 05:58

I’m really sorry but you need to take control of this situation on behalf of your unborn child and get as far away from this dangerous man asap. If you do not, can you imagine what he would do in his coke brain with a (lets say) a colicky 4 week old baby? I wouldn’t even leave him alone with child while I jumped in the shower. Fuck me please make this change before it’s too late.

NeonDreams · 04/08/2021 06:02

The problem is you have changed - he hasn't. He is still a junkie, alcho, stoner. He is a deadbeat loser scum and becoming a father hasn't woken him up. He doesn't want to change. He is violent and is showing you that you are worthless to him, you and the baby are worthless to him and mean nothing to him. Just because you've changed and decided to become a decent human being and get yourself together doesn't mean he automatically will, and clearly he has chosen not to change. Unless he changes, you both are completely incompatible and won't work together. And he won't change. Not even his own child is enough to make him change.

He is a write-off. You and your baby are better off without him. If you go back to him both you and the baby could end up dead. Write him off and keep him out of your and your baby's life. You've had a lucky escape. Keep it that way for your and baby's sake.

DoodleBelle · 04/08/2021 06:05

Do your mum and dad know the full extent of the problem or anyone else in real life? You need real support here so tell them the full story or show them this post. This is a very dangerous situation. Please leave him and never let him be alone with your baby. You are so much stronger than he is, you can do this!

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 04/08/2021 06:07

He pushed you and threatened you Op? You need to leave it, you will be a million times better off on your own. DV always escalates, it’s never just a one off… that is not the environment you want your child to grow up in.
He’s clearly not ready for any responsibility and the baby arriving isn’t going to change that.
Honestly get out OP, stay at your parents house and don’t go back. Your safer on your own.

girlmom21 · 04/08/2021 06:12

He's an abusive drug addict. Please get help from your midwife and stay away from him.

Clarinet53 · 04/08/2021 06:18

He has shown you what his priorities are and it's not you and your daughter!

You will be parenting alone while he's doing so much in the way of drink and drugs. You'd never be able to leave her with him whilst he's using. You will find it easier to move to a new home and raise your daughter without the stress of what state he's going to come back in.

Fml2015 · 04/08/2021 06:22

Do not have your child around this man or in this environment. Serious safeguarding by the sheer amount of weed he smokes. Not fit to look after a baby. Let alone the emotional and physical abuse towards your self. Stay away you will cause your baby so much harm

emlouwat · 04/08/2021 06:34

What a waster. He will no doubt be worse when the baby comes along so you are best to just get rid of this trash now.
You do not want a baby around this monster

Velvian · 04/08/2021 06:41

If you stay with him you risk having your baby taken away from you. It is not an acceptable environment to bring a baby into. He is never going to be the person you want him to be.

Stay away this time, enjoy your baby. Flowers

ElizaDoolots · 04/08/2021 06:59

So sorry OP, what a horrible situation. Glad that you’re with your parents now. You will soon have your baby and need to put her first, you absolutely cannot allow her to be in that environment, it’s damaging and not safe. I’d suggest speaking with your midwife to see what support is available.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 04/08/2021 07:03

Your baby deserves better than a dad who gives up cocaine but does all the other selfish things that you list. He's not a child any more so you should expect better from him. He's a prime example of why druggies shouldn't be parents. He's a selfish and immature loser.
If you stay with him you risk social services being involved with your life and taking your baby away. Move out and when she's born don't go back to alcohol and drugs for her sake.

ElmtreeMama · 04/08/2021 08:55

Please. please please stay away from him!!

CurryLover55 · 04/08/2021 09:00

100% what PP’s have said! That’s absolutely shocking to read OP. Focus on your baby once she’s born. You can do so much better than that complete waste of space! Good luck 💐💐💐

JackJack84 · 04/08/2021 09:03

This man is very very dangerous, please get away from him however you can. I was in an abusive relationship for 9 years & I know it's hard but making that break is the best thing you will ever do for you & your baby.

When I was still in my relationship someone said to me 'do you want to look back in 20 years & wish you'd left sooner?' The thought of a lifetime of hell was the push I needed to go. He won't change & you can't help him so please get the support you need to get away. Wishing you luck.

Earlydancing · 04/08/2021 09:05

I used to see this on Jeremy Kyle, mothers telling their partners that they're not the father. I've argued with my husband and never once has it occurred to me to deny that our children are his. Why do people do that?

Honestly, neither of you seem grown up enough to be having a child, never mind bringing her into this mess.

MrsMcNtobe · 04/08/2021 09:10

Sorry to be blunt but I feel like if you don’t step up and take action ie leave him then you’ll be stuck like this forever.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/08/2021 09:15

He’s an abusive dick and you need to stay away from him. I wouldn’t put up with the drugs (wouldn’t have done before pregnancy either) and there is no way they and the constant drinking will stop suddenly when the baby is born.

Him telling you you were lucky to not be at the bottom of the stairs is all you need to know. DH and I have had fights and never once have either of us thrown things or smashed anything or threatened the other with physical violence. Neither have I ever told him our children might not be his so you’re not innocent there. You say he knows for definite the baby is his but the only person who can 100% know (without a DNA test) is you. He doesn’t know if you had sex with someone else.

MistyFrequencies · 04/08/2021 09:25

Fucking hell. LEAVE HIM. Never ever go back. Report any dangerous behavior (e g threatening to throw you down the stairs) to the police. Ask yourself what you would want your daughter to do in your situation. He is an abusive prick. You have done nothing wrong and don't let him make you think you have.