35 weeks and partner still going out

[AmandaGnn1989]

Hey,
So my me and my partner are pregnant (35 weeks). Before I got pregnant we used to do drugs and drink. I found out at 2 weeks the night before NYE and I stopped smoking, drinking and doing drugs there and then. I haven’t touched anything since. Since then near enough every
Weekend or during the week my partner would go out drinking or stay in drinking and get drugs. Not to mention he smokes around 15-20 spliffs a day. He has a full time job. I simply asked him not to do cocaine around me and not to go out for hours on end and not tell me where he was going or what time he would be in - he never kept to the time anyway. he rock up off his head and I’d pack my bags and go to show him that he can’t keep being like this or we would leave. Last Friday evening I moved back in with the baby furniture and we said we would make a last go of it. I ended up in hospital as I couldn’t feel the baby move. He was stoned and I couldn’t wake him up. Long story short I had no sleep and we went back the next day for a scan (thankfully she was ok). We went for a meal where he downed 3 double gins and was on his way. His friends rang and asked him to go out for a few drinks in town. I was tired and said he could go just don’t stay out all night and don’t do sniff. He promised he’d be back for 10pm latest - he left at 5pm. He didn’t get in contact with me for 15 hours and rocked up out his head at 8am. I’d not slept as I was worried. He thought I’d be fine. We needed up argueing and both said nasty stuff. His sister has come out with the fact the baby isn’t his a few times (shoes got issues). She is 100 million percent his baby and we both know this. We brought it up and I said ‘oh well who knows.’ I was angry with him. He jumped up put his fist through my TV, threw some baby stuff down the stairs and kicked the cot railing and some of it snapped. He then pushed me and said I’m lucky I’m not at the bottom of the stairs also. we continued to argue and I was in floods of tears. We kept saying things back and forth. I got my parents to get me and now I’m at there’s. He’s saying it is all my fault after what I said but I said if he had just come home or got in contact this wouldn’t have happened. I’m heavily pregnant. He said he had a great time with his mates and I’m over reacting - this is every weekend and sometimes during the week. Am I out of order or is he?

Leave and don't go back. The fact you need to ask if this is normal shows how skewed your perspective has become. Don't accept his behaviour and normalise it, it will be harder to leave. You have given him another chance but it is time to put your baby first. Leave now, it will be so much harder to escape once the baby is born.

Honestly, I expected to be typing that of course your partner can have a couple of drinks and see his mates while you are 35 weeks.

Leave this man. He doesn't care about you and your unborn baby and he won't care about you and your little girl when she is born. He hasn't changed his drinking, drug use and lying to you. You have somewhere to stay and by the sound of it bringing up a baby on your own will not be anymore difficult that doing it in a relationship with him.

Hopefully you will start a thread in a year from now about how happy you are and how the best decision you made was to leave him.

Oh my God, just read this back to yourself would you. This guy is a violent druggy scumbag. Regardless of your previous habits, you have to take responsibility for this baby now. I wouldn't even entertain having a drug user in the same house as my baby. He sounds like a loser and you need to get rid.

I am a registered HCP, have previously worked with drug addicts and have done my fair share of recreational drugs in my 20s (before I became a professional and sorted myself out)

Let's get some perspective here - 15-20 spliffs a day! That is an enormous amount. There is absolutely no way that he is safe to look after a child whilst stoned out of his mind. Also, smoking increases the risk of SIDS.

Some men first start to abuse their partners when they become pregnant. You and your child are not safe around him. You must be scared. I'd be terrified to go back to the house after what he said about you being lucky not to be at the bottom of the stairs. Stay far away from him! Please!

I’ve been in your shoes and you can absolutely do amazing things without him. Giving up drink and drugs is such an amazing achievement and you will never look back. You’ll be an amazing mum and he doesn’t deserve to be given a chance to let you down again x

I don't normally ever agree with the mumsnet fetish of telling people to leave their partners but in this case you absolutely HAVE TO LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY. I know it is scary and not what you wanted but you absolutely cannot bring a child into a relationship and home like that and you won't get the support you need, want or deserve from him if you stay.