I used to think that the reason you offered pregnant women seats was because they were big and uncomfortable

[AnguaVonUberwald]

Now I know that while those things are true, its actually because they are sodding terrified of falling over/knocking the baby/being banged into.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ITS FINE TO SIT THERE SMUGGLY, EYING THE BUMP AND SMILING AT ME, WITHOUT OFFERING ME A SEAT?

And why is it only women who actually give up their seats for you? (on the rare occassion it actually happens)

You can get a badge if you are on the underground, but personally I'd barge up to them and announce loudly "would anyone mind if I sat down, I'm pregnant" - I can guarantee you people will get up looking sheepish and at least one of them (being Brits) will say 'sorry;

Soo painful having to stand up on trains... And it was only ever young women who would offer a seat.
Once I was standing on a packed train and the lady standing next to me shouted "is anyone going to give this pregnant lady a seat!?" very angrily. She was awesome.

I had this problem when pg wih ds1 9 years ago.

but last time i was in london, I wasn't even pg but has 3 little ones with me and I was astonished how many people offered me their seats, offered to help me on the stairs etc. no one helped 1st time round, 9 years later they seemed to be scrapping over who could do more for me. Mybe you need to look more frazzled and stressed out, or borrow half a dozen kids

I am 25 weeks pregnant and almost never get a seat on the tube when I do, it is ALWAYS young men who offer me a seat... I think I have been offered a seat by a woman no more than a few times and I often see women look at me and then look back to book/paper/ipod.

My dp's theory is that men will still look at a woman who gets on the tube and 'eye her up' and only stop doing that when they notice the baby bump and then proceed to offer seat.

Makes me angry how few people will get up for you etc. I remember being about 5 months with Ds1 and I had walked to Mothercare which was about 3 miles out of town...struggling back with four bags of shopping, I managed to get a bus halfway and nobody would stand up for me...some old bastard started having a go at me for taking a seat the next time someone got off, I didn't look pregnant with a coat on (or off really!) but I was obviously knackered. people assume you're being selfish, doesn't even occur to them you might be at fainting point.

I have only had one man offer me a seat, although once, when a man got to a seat just before me, I did say "Oh don't mind me" and he kind of went - "oh, you are pregnant, would you like the seat." - as if he hadn't noticed!!!

I always thought I would have the bottle to say "I am pregnant can someone offer me a seat", but now I actually am pregnant, find it really hard.

ASK FOR A SEAT!!!

Say, in a big voice, "Will somebody please give this pregnant woman a seat?"

I am just so frightened, especially on buses, that I will fall over, or bang the bump, and people just seem quite happy to look straight through you!

I noticed on the underground in barcelona that the seats nearest the doors have signs on them telling people to give them up for the elderly, disabled and pregnant women. I really think the tube, trains and buses here should adopt a similair policy. Perhaps some do?

Sympathies Anqua, you are a bit more off-balance when pregnant and so are probably more likely to fall. If I were a bus driver I'd be very worried if I saw a pregnant woman standing on my bus.

when i was pregnant i had trouble with my back and was much more comfortable standing, esp after a day of sitting in meetings.

one nice man offered me his seat and, when i politely declined, spent the rest of the journey seething with embarrassment as he clearly thought he'd mistaken me for being pregnant when in fact i was just fat.

he has probably never offered a pregnant woman a seat again. so it's my fault, sorry.

Angua - I really wouldn't worry too much about being bashed into etc, amniotic fluid is a great shock absorber! I fell down a flight of stairs and my doctors told me not to worry as it takes a MASSIVE fall to affect the baby.

They do have signs on the tube and bus but I don't think anyone pays much attention to them!

It's weird isn't it how some people seem to get seats from different demographics of people. Also, another way to get a seat is by wearing bright colours, I have some bright pink tops and people notice me more in those than they do when I am wearing black and if I have make up on people seem to notice more too.

Or there is the just asking option that I do resort to these days but yesterday I asked a man for a seat and he told me no because he was staying on until the end of the line

Which are you more frightened of, asking for a seat or banging your bump?

It was a no brainer for me - not nice to feel you have to ask for a seat, but needs must.

lol lulu25

"so it's my fault, sorry."

i have to say that i find this ridiculous.

yes you have a right to a seat as you have paid for it BUT just because you are pregnant doesn;'t mean you have more rights than anyone else. What if the people you are glaring at are travelling for hours? does that mean they should stand for part of their journey? what if they are on their way home from a night shift?

I am 24 weeks pg myself and if i want or need a seat i ask for one, its not a given that i should get one because i am pregnant.

I had low blood pressure when I was pregnant with my first DC and was working in London at the time and commuting. I fainted once at a bus stop, and got the warning signs that I would faint several times on packed commuter trains. I found saying, "I feel a bit faint, could I have a seat" worked a treat - people can move VERY quickly sometimes!

should apologise for my bluntness...mixture of hormones and a Bad Day

Sorry

I can think of people who deserve a seat more than a pregnant woman - eg someone very elderly or ill - but normally, anyone healthy and able should automatically give up their seat for a pregnant woman. You don't have any more rights by law, but it is common decency and an indicator of a healthy society if people do let you sit down.

However on the tube or a packed bus I do think it's reasonable that some people, who may be busy/exhausted/distracted, are in their own world and don't notice. But what is bad is when an older person gives up their seat and a load of fit young things all around don't bat an eyelid or offer instead - that used to make me cross.

One thing you can do if you're desperate is wail "please help, I'm pregnant and I feel very faint, is there somewhere I can sit for a minute?" Takes brazen guts but someone will leap up rather than let you faint.

x-post Surr3y!

I always ALWAYS got offered a seat when I was pregnant

but then I was a shameless 'bump pusher'

shove your stomach out so it is HUGE, hand in your back like you are in pain, smile and I bet you get offered a seat

ham it up!

ClaphamLauren: I can't believe that someone could be so thoughtless and actually refuse to get up for you when you summon up the nerve to ask... Honestly, some people...!

The other day I had a guardian angel standing next to me (a woman) who asked me if I wanted a seat. I said I would be okay (too embarrassed to say anything else). She then looked at me, marched past a couple of people standing at the edge of the aisle and asked people sitting down if they could stand up for me! What a hero!

Re the men v women ratio, I have to say that for me it's been pretty half and half actually. Some people are just more polite than others, I would say!

Aww MoM, hope your day improves! These hormones are rubbish aren't they?

I see what you mean but I do think it's good manners to give up a seat to a visibly pregnant woman, especially on the tube, I always have. I really struggle some days and I know it's silly but I hate asking, plus I can never normally get to the bits where the seats are!

Of course some people are travelling, back from night shift etc but sometimes I've spent 4 hours on trains that day, been doing loads of travelling and I'm pregnant so could really do with a seat too.

Far short of people qualifying how tired/achey/exhausted they are prior to sitting down there isn't really a way to do it.

I had to stand half of the way from Leeds to Manchester the other day when 35 weeks pregnant. I was barged out of the way in the rush to get seats, then stood in the middle of the carriage looking pale and unstable and being very much ignored until after half an hour and gave in. I said politely that I needed to sit down, or I was going to faint - I half expected several people to jump out of their seats to help, but only one (fairly elderly) bloke offered me his seat, and he seemed fairly reluctant about it.

I spent the whole of that journey being amazed at the selfishness of people.

Oh, and there's no way anyone could have thought I was just fat - I look like the side of a house at the moment!

And had I left it another 30 seconds, I probably would have fainted.

I've been driving to work mostly recently and can usually get a seat on the tube when I do use public transport (I reverse commute so it's normally fairly easy to sit), so haven't had any real problems with needing a seat yet. But on the few occasions where it has been busy, the only person who has so far stood up and actually offered me their seat was a teenage boy wearing a hoodie...

I think the thing is, we're not any more entitled to a seat than any other fee-paying passenger, but common decency suggests that you should give your seat up to somebody less able to stand - elderly, disabled, pregnant, parents with small children, people with tonnes of bags etc. I've given my seat up while pregnant to a man struggling with a toddler - he was incredibly grateful and they definitely needed it more than me.

I agree- it's not about one's RIGHT to seats, it's simply about kindness and caring for other people.

If someone feels better in themselves sitting smugly on a seat while someone who could use it stands nearby... that shows a lot about their values, doesn't it?

CL- that's a good idea about getting norticed in bright colours. Will try that tomorrow!

p.s. those badges? They're much less obvious than a big bump!