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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I used to think that the reason you offered pregnant women seats was because they were big and uncomfortable

61 replies

AnguaVonUberwald · 28/11/2007 09:08

Now I know that while those things are true, its actually because they are sodding terrified of falling over/knocking the baby/being banged into.

WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ITS FINE TO SIT THERE SMUGGLY, EYING THE BUMP AND SMILING AT ME, WITHOUT OFFERING ME A SEAT?

And why is it only women who actually give up their seats for you? (on the rare occassion it actually happens)

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Original poster

AnguaVonUberwald · 28/11/2007 10:47

I agree about the badges, I feel like the great big bump says it for me! - shocked that you can ask for seats and only one person, reluctantly, gets up, thats why I hesitate to ask, I think if I did ask and no one responded, I would probably burst in to tears (aren't hormones great)

OP posts:

Kathyis6incheshigh · 28/11/2007 10:49

I always made sure I was wearing clothes that made my bump obvious. And you can carry a pregnancy magazine too

CatIsSleepy · 28/11/2007 10:50

I actually found the tube wasn't too bad for people offering seats, and there was a fairly even mix of males and females offering seats.

On the other hand i was never offered a seat on a commuter train, even when I was 8+ months pregnant. Could have been invisible.

MoM- you don't have more rights than anyone else when you're pregnant but you are probably tired and have back-ache and are desperate to sit down before you keel over...

I was never brave enough to ask for a seat when I was pg, I wish I had been. I will be more militant next time

CatIsSleepy · 28/11/2007 10:52

actually I was offered a seat on the tube when I was just 16 weeks pregnant-is that a record?

mrsruffallo · 28/11/2007 10:59

I became so tired of standing on the tube and arriving home with swollen ankles that I just strated marching up to people and demanding a seat. It embarassed them into standing up for me.

orangina · 28/11/2007 11:09

I found I was so tired and emotional after a long day at work, that I didn't dare ask for a seat in case I just burst into tears . The only people who EVER offered me a seat on the bus, were young asian men, who hopped up the minute I set foot on the bus. Nicely brought up lads who thought of their mothers/sisters/wives....

Aquasea · 28/11/2007 11:10

This drove me crazy when I was preg 6 months ago (and made me very sad for the state of the world). I lost count of the amount of times I (being massively pregnant) actually stood up for very elderly people on the bus while posh young yummy mummies sat there with their selfish children taking up seats. What are they teaching their children? I always found that if I was offered a seat, it would be from the person I least expected to offer one. I too always thought I would have the guts to ask for a seat but found it very difficult when I was pregnant to do it for some reason. There was one time on the tube this girl was sat there with all these badges all over her - stop poverty, save the rainforest etc etc. She looked directly at me, saw my huge belly and then quickly went back to reading her Big Issue! Nice to be profess to be so caring while actually being a selfish cow. Sorry, bit of a rant. Will stop now!

ManchesterMummy · 28/11/2007 11:18

I gave up on public transport when I was 6 months pregnant and drove to work instead. The last straw came when I got up to let the person on the seat next to me get off the bus and some woman in her 50s actually shoved me out of the way and tried to pinch my very briefly vacated seat! I stuck out my bump and said "Oh yes, you go ahead, do sit down". She was so embarassed. Actually, I think what she did was out of order in any circumstance!

Kathyis6incheshigh · 28/11/2007 11:21

Orangina - I had a group Asian teenage boys ushering me to the front of the queue in a sandwich shop once.

MsSparkler · 28/11/2007 11:34

When i was pregnant once i walked into a busy chip shop and ordered, then stood there for ten minutes while everyone a had a comfy seat. Then after being stood there ten minutes a man said to me "would you like to sit down? You can have my seat"

I said "No because if your going to offer me your seat then do it when i walk in, not ten minutes later" He looked embaressed.

DaDaDa · 28/11/2007 11:45

"he'd mistaken me for being pregnant when in fact i was just fat.

he has probably never offered a pregnant woman a seat again. so it's my fault, sorry."

This is a real problem. I always offer my seat to pregnant women, but did it the other day and was mortified when I realised the woman was just a bit of a apple. She did have lots of bags with her too, and was huffing and puffing.

She looked so bemused, then I saw the penny drop for her and I had to leave at the next stop (pretending I was getting off) and get back on the nexxt carriage. Maybe I take social embarrasment a bit too seriously!

So the moral is, stick your bump out proudly so there can't be any doubt, or just ask for a seat.

LaBonnePetiteSouris · 28/11/2007 11:54

I'm dreading becoming pregnant again because of this. Oh and the labour too but that's a different thread entirely. My hourly commute to work became a nightmare. I fainted regularly as I had extremely low blood pressure, cracked my head open, sprained my ankle and still had people stepping over me in the rush. I asked for a seat a few times (whilst heavily pregnant) and was called a 'fat lazy b*tch' by a group of young men.

I was quite happy to stand while I could but when I was sweating and collapsing towards the end I used to end up in tears because nobody would offer.

Next time I'm just sitting on somebody. As hard as I can.

Anchovy · 28/11/2007 12:04

MsSparkler, TBH I think that is ungracious and sort of perpetuates the "climate of fear" for offering people seats. (Even though I may agree with the sentiment )

I commuted through 2 pregancies with variable offers. Completely disagree about it only being women who offered seats though - there were a lot of hollow eyed young men with sick stains on their jackets who offered seats as well. I thought it was interesting that on my route anyway there was no discernible trend as to who offered seats and it was genuinely heart warming when the most unlikely people did - "street" young men in their late teens/twenties and the like. Was an eye opener for me as to how thoughtful and well mannered some of the younger generation actually were.

fifisworld · 28/11/2007 12:29

I had to stand on the bus home from town yesterday, i was at the front as i had ds in his buggy and there was 2 women sitting in the front 2 seats where the pushchairs go, i got the buggy in but they didnt offer me a seat, even though there were seats further back.
Its not as if they didnt notice im 37+1 and huge.

DaDaDa · 28/11/2007 12:58

So what's the etiquette with small kids on the tube/bus? Should they/their parents give up their seat for adults, or just those who need a seat, or not at all?

I think I was always made to give my seat up when I was little, or sit on my Mam's lap, but they don't seem to now.

I don't really have a firm opinion on it, just interested.

PurlyQueen · 28/11/2007 16:04

Hearing these stories makes me so grateful that I don't have to take a train during the rush hour any more.
It makes me really sad that people are so selfish and don't have any manners any more. I always used to offer my seat to obviously pregnant women/disabled/elderly etc as I knew I would be spending most of my working day sitting on my behind or at home plonked on the sofa.

I have even taken to driving into Central London at the weekend. Parking is more expensive but its the only way I will be guaranteed a seat of my own.

PurlyQueen · 28/11/2007 16:05

And another thing

I don't believe those 'baby on board' badges work either. If someone can pretend not to see a bump then the odds of them noticing a badge are minuscule.

MerryKerryXmas · 28/11/2007 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

legalalien · 28/11/2007 16:24

After my bad experiences commuting while pregnant (I did actually faint once after saying "could someone give me a seat I think I'm going to faint" (no response)) I have turned into the person who loudly demands that other people give up seats for pregnant people who they're trying studiously to ignore. Also elderly people and people with small children. Becomes a bit of a game after a while, trying to catch people's eyes. I do, however, try and ask the person "do you want me to get you a seat" before embarking on the exercise........"

taliac · 28/11/2007 20:42

Its weird but on the tube i always get offered a seat - agree its usually young men but often older women. But on the bus, i've been ignored even when extremely pg.

No idea why. Maybe tubes are better lit!

PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt · 28/11/2007 21:02

I remember getting up to allow someone to get out and a mother thought I was getting up to offer her 6 year old my seat and was about to shovel him in. I said that I wasn't offering him my seat as I sat down again and she gave me the FILTHIEST of looks. FGS - why should an adult give up their seat for a perfectly healthy 6 year old????? It makes me SO cross that parents today think that children have equal rights on the seating - it's basic manners.

hfl · 28/11/2007 22:04

I'm at 26 weeks and get the tube to work every day. Never been offered at seat at all.

I am quite lucky though, I am not tired and aching or need one... I just want a seat!
I've always wanted a seat even when not pregnant.

abibatousmum · 28/11/2007 22:19

My message is to ask for a seat if you need one- it is horrible if people are rude but if you are pregnant you have every right to ask- people have the right to say no (unless they are sitting in the 'priority seats' in the bus) but then you haven't lost anything by asking.

ibroughtcake · 28/11/2007 22:26

I tend to find that it is other women who will offer seats up.

I got on the bus recently with DD walking and DS in the sling, DS was screaming the bus was ram packed and a lovely lady who had two children of her own standing gave me her seat so I could bf DS (I would of done it standing but couldn't hold DD's hand at the same time). I would always offer my seat up to anybody who did not look fit and healthy regardless of age. It doesn't come down to rights in is common decency to offer your seat so somebody who needs it more than you.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/11/2007 22:28

I once had a young man race me for the last seat on the tube. I was about 8 months pg and very big. He won and I stood, looking daggers at him while he pretended not to notice me.
DP, to his credit, always offers his seat on the train to pregnant women, old ladies, anyone who looks like they need it.

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