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Original poster

Would you consider changing godparents for this?

29 replies

Samafe · 30/07/2021 17:26

Dear All,
First of all, sorry for any typo but English is not my first language :)

I am in my third trimester of my 2nd pregnancy and starting now to be more careful to avoid COVID exposure.
Few weeks ago we decided the godparents for my second daughter: my brother in law and his wife.
We decided to organize a brunch together to inform them about our decision, organizing also a small surprise box. I am vaccinated, but they are not and they are not really careful.
My husband asked them, one day before our brunch, if we could change meeting place: instead of their place (no terrace), meeting at our place so that we could eat in our garden and avoid gathering inside.
My husband explained them that third trimester is a delicate time for both mother and baby in case of covid exposure.
Their reaction was frankly really surprising, ranging from a "you have been brainwashed" " do not ever speak to me again" "we are not gonna tiptoe around your wife" etc. They then canceled our brunch.

I was really sad to hear this and I told to my husband we should consider choosing different godparents.
My husband says I am overreacting.
I find concerning that even after explaing them the risk for me and the baby, they show no comprehension at all, and our request was so small!
I am honestly not even in a mood of seeing them again if they do not apologize.

Do you think I am overreacting? I am pregnant, so my hormones are maybe playing a role...

Thanks for your feedback :)

OP posts:
Zzzzzzxxx · 30/07/2021 17:28

Yanbu but me and my husband don’t really associate with people like that. Or anti vaxers

hurrayfortherain · 30/07/2021 17:29

Yanbu,

My best friend caught covid in her third trimester because of overbearing in-laws lying about where they have and haven't been.

My best friend isn't Alive anymore nor is her baby.

I hate the "it's bullshit" camp

ShadowInVain · 30/07/2021 17:30

you have been brainwashed" " do not ever speak to me again" "we are not gonna tiptoe around your wife" etc. They then canceled our brunch.

They are the ones who overreacted. If they thought you were being over-cautious they could have said so in a reasonable way.

You don't need that kind of drama in your life, so I wouldn't choose people like that for the ongoing role of a godparent.

FriedasCarLoad · 30/07/2021 17:30

If they won't respect your preferences in this case, are they really likely to respect your preferences when it comes to your children?

And if you wouldn't trust them to look after your children or play a significant role in their lives, why make them godparents?

AntiHop · 30/07/2021 17:31

So sorry @hurrayfortherain Flowers

FriedasCarLoad · 30/07/2021 17:33

@hurrayfortherain

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't imagine how your friend's widower will ever forgive his parents.

ButYouJustPointedToAIIOfMe · 30/07/2021 17:35

Do you even need to ask? Completely overblown response from them and even if they did think that, they should have bitched about you between them and come over to yours anyway, like normal two-faced Brits do Wink Bin and choose new ones.

Oneearringlost · 30/07/2021 17:39

I think their reaction told you all you need to know. They will not enrich you or your new child's life with reactions like that.
Having said that, ( and I appreciate that English isn't your 1st language), you were going to "inform"them of your choice? TELL them that they were to become godparents?
Isn't it usual to ask people if they would consider taking on that role, and be grateful if they agreed?
Our DCs are not christened and do not have godparents so maybe I'm not best placed to ask. Forgive me if I have interpreted this wrongly.

Ikeatears · 30/07/2021 17:41

I was going to say you may be over reacting but after how horrible they were, I wouldn't ask them to be godparents to my child.

Chelyanne · 30/07/2021 17:48

After their reaction to such a simple request I wouldn't have them as godparents.

I too am unvaccinated but think they were just down right rude.

TalkingOutYerArse · 30/07/2021 18:05

Wow, some friends! Vaccinated or not, it would be such a simple thing to meet outside at yours for your safety.

PeonyTime · 30/07/2021 18:10

You weren't unreasonable to request the change, but the day before a brunch, do you think they had perhaps bought a load of food, and started preparing it?

I'd look for some other people to ask if they would be godparents tho.

Datsandcogs · 30/07/2021 18:17

For your child’s sake please choose someone else.

MrsKeats · 30/07/2021 18:25

Choose some other people who a) have some manners and b) aren't anti vaxxers.

BrutusMcDogface · 30/07/2021 18:33

@hurrayfortherain

Yanbu,

My best friend caught covid in her third trimester because of overbearing in-laws lying about where they have and haven't been.

My best friend isn't Alive anymore nor is her baby.

I hate the "it's bullshit" camp

Oh god, I’m so sorry 😢 Flowers

OP- yanbu. They are.

Scirocco · 30/07/2021 19:06

I think you're absolutely within your rights to reconsider your options for godparents.

I'm not Christian myself so don't have a full understanding of what godparents do, but my understanding was that they're supposed to support the parents in teaching children about values and help children develop into kind and moral individuals. People who don't bother enough to talk to and about you respectfully don't seem like great candidates, particularly when the conversation has been about an infectious illness that can be very dangerous in pregnancy.

Even if they were annoyed by a change in plans without much notice, they could expressed that without effectively saying they didn't care about your health. Maybe they could have said it was short notice, or if they'd got food prepared they could have suggested they bring it with them... What they said, though, was rude, disrespectful and showed a lack of consideration for the health and views of others.

bakingdemon · 30/07/2021 19:11

If he's your BiL presumably he's also the baby's uncle anyway? I prefer to ask friends to be godparents - it's a way of saying that you hope to be friends with those people for decades to come which I really like

drpet49 · 30/07/2021 19:14

* After their reaction to such a simple request I wouldn't have them as godparents.*

^This. I wouldn’t see them in the same light after this incident.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 30/07/2021 19:20

If they have no concern for you op why would you want them anywhere near your baby?
Back away and stop contacting them. Dh can do what he pleases obviously.. Assume he will support the wellbeing of his wife and dc though.

Mum6457 · 30/07/2021 19:20

Why did you ask them one day before? Maybe they bought food in and planned. It would seem inconsiderate if that's the case. I also find it a bit odd you were going that you were going to inform them of your decision. Had you asked them? It's a favour to you. You need to ask them if they would like this responsibility.

Nohomemadecandles · 30/07/2021 19:21

If you had left it til the day before to tell me I wasn't hosting brunch after all, I'd have already planned a menu, shopped etc and be a bit (very) miffed you left it so awfully late to tell us you were changing it.

But their reaction sounds extreme!

Original poster
Samafe · 04/08/2021 07:42

Thank you for the great feedback!Flowers
We are now both (DH and I) in agreement to reconsider...

Just a couple of points, I think something got lost in translation due to my lacking English skills Grin

We did not want to TELL them they are godparents, we wanted to ASK them.Blush Sorry for the confusion. I prepared for them a small surprise box with pictures of us, of the baby scan, small gadgets etc and a card saying "would you be my godparents?"
In my DHs family being godparents is really a big thing, but of course we wanted to ask first :)

Second thing is: you are absolutely right, we could have told them before. Cases were pretty low in our area and exploded right before our brunch, so we changed our mind. Btw, I was the one doing the biggest part of cooking/baking and bringing things, so we could have done the same just vice-versa.

I would have been absolutely ok with them telling No, or expressing their opinion about our point of view, or politely pushing back. But the way they literally exploded was very concerning for me, and since they did not return my DHs calls in the last few days, only sending short text messages like "we do not speak to brainwashed people", my DH now agrees in changing our plans.

Honestly I think they found some facebook groups which are "hyping" them in their behaviors.

The funny side is that, as mentioned, being godparents is considered the highest honor in my DH family (can you guess where are we from? Grin) and if they only knew what was our plan for the brunch.......

The sad part is of course my DH being heartbroken because of their behavior.

OP posts:
Original poster
Samafe · 04/08/2021 07:43

So sorry for you. Sending love. Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Samafe · 04/08/2021 07:44

Sorry, my last message was for @hurrayfortherain

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 04/08/2021 07:46

YANBU about the arrangements as they should respect your wishes

But YABU to choose and formally tell godparents before the child is even here. Why on earth would you do that.

I'm a godparent I was asked when the child was 6 months old about a month before the Christening

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