First baby - breastfeeding

[loolylau]

Name changed for this one, first baby due mid-autumn. I still want to do more learning/reading around the subject but I can't help but feeling guilty/crappy that I don't want to breastfeed.. like at all... for reasons I can't properly put my finger on I just don't have the want or urge to do so.

Is that bad? I know a lot of woman who both have breastfed and haven't and I'm having no pressure from either side. I'm just a bit worried about if the midwives/others ask me why.... 'I just don't think I want to' is a pretty shitty response!

It’s you body, OP. Don’t let anyone dictate what you do.

The midwives will push you to, so be prepared for that and say no. Have your bottles and formula ready.

Your baby, your body, do what ever you feel you want to. I’m going to try it but no pressure on myself at all to stick with it.
To many people like to voice their opinions on these kinda subjects but it just comes down to what you want to do.
No matter how they get it weather it’s formula or breast, a full baby is a happy baby ☺️ X

Your body, your choice. Don't do it if you don't want to.. Biggest piece of advice is that you will struggle more if you're doing it out of duty and it's not something you actually want to do.

Agree with all the above. Only thing I will say is that I felt the same before bf’ing my first but managed 11 months of it. Didn’t hate it or love it. Found it hard work not being able to share night feeds etc and being more tied but less work not having to mess with bottles and formula. Having previously been close to my sister who formula fed I was also a bit taken aback at how much longer breastfeeds take than a bottle, especially at the beginning. Once I stopped I found the sight of other women breastfeeding a bit disgusting and still do. I suppose what I’m saying is that something might shift hormonal or or emotionally for you to make something really unappealing seem okay or even nice. It might not and either way is totally fine. I feel very indifferent to the idea of breastfeeding now I’m pregnant with my second. If it’s easy like the first, I’ll do it, but there is zero chance I would struggle through some of the obstacles I saw some friends dealing with and getting so upset and exhausted and ill with. Truly believe that you should do whatever makes you happiest and most comfortable in your new role. Good luck.

I’m the same OP. I’ve wondered what I’m going to say to the midwives when they bring it up, I think ‘I don’t want to’ is just fine, because it’s the truth!

Not bad at all.

I planned to breastfeed but it didn’t work out and the guilt nearly killed me, mainly because of all the “breast is best” stuff, plus I hadn’t met anyone who didn’t or wasn’t going to breastfeed (or so I thought). Please don’t go down that guilt route, it’s so unnecessary. My GP told me that 50% of the babies she sees are not breastfed, which made me feel a bit better but I still ended up depressed and this was a big part of it. I respect anyone who makes a decision for themselves and goes with it. Do whatever you want to do and good luck.

I was worried about this, due very soon! It didn’t help that when my mum continually made presumptuous comments about how I would be breastfeeding and I corrected her she said ‘you should at least try’ then went on to tell me how it was best for the baby. For me the bit I don’t like the idea of is a baby physically on my boob. I know you’d probably get over that in time but I’m a really private person so would feel weird even doing it infront of my husband never mind visitors. The other reason is I want to be able to enjoy the first part without feeling absolutely done in beyond belief as well as having sore nipples, possibly mastitis etc. I know some people won’t have that experience but for me I would rather protect my own sanity and bond with my baby better by getting a good routine going. I felt like I was the only person on earth not breastfeeding and was feeling really guilty about my decision. It wasn’t until my friend gave birth and someone asked her if she was breastfeeding that I realised she wasn’t and had formula fed from the start. I was then talking to my beautician and she said she didn’t attempt it either. I think more often than not now, people don’t! I’m going to attempt to harvest colostrum in syringes before he’s born and give those in the hospital. I feel like we’ll be getting the best of both worlds then! If your reasons are similar to mine you should have a look into colostrum harvesting. You can do it from 37 weeks, collect it in 1ml syringes that you store in the freezer then when you go into hospital you just take a cool bag with your syringes in. It might go terribly and il get nothing but I’m going to give it a go and see

Would also add, whatever you decide be firm with it. The health visitor phoned me and I said I’d be bottle feeding but then introduced the colostrum harvesting idea (NOT breastfeeding, just colostrum harvesting). She went on for 20 minutes without taking a breath about how I didn’t realise how much I’d love this baby til I meet him and then il want to do it. I couldn’t get a word in! I feel like I should just have said bottle fed and done the colostrum harvesting thing on my own without speaking to them about it. It was like I’d given her an inch and she was taking a mile, when at no point had I said I wanted to breastfeed, in fact quite the opposite 🙈 Just don’t sound like you’re undecided and they will respect your choice. My friend had the same woman and said ‘bottle fed’ bluntly and was asked no further questions on the subject

I didn’t want to either and actually never got asked at any time by a midwife if I planned to so didn’t have that awkward conversation

My midwife did warn me in advance they will encourage it, but she also said "fed is best" and just to chose what is right for me! I'm not sure yet but I'm leaning towards formula..

Not awful at all. Fed is best. Formula is absolutely fine. I breastfed my first because I felt I had to. I found it very hard and hated bf (despite doing it do for 18 months). Formula fed my second and I'm so much happier; so much easier to have a routine, have your body back, hormones settle, feel confident when working on better sleep because you know the baby isn't hungry when they cry... Happy mammy makes for a happy baby. Do whatever feels best for you, OP

Not awful but I would say as equally as you shouldn’t be pressured you should be open to seeing how you feel. You may have an urge to once the baby is here, you may not.

Would you feed at the beginning colostrum?

Thank you all so much for your honest replies! Really refreshing to read. My midwife asked me if I'd thought about how I'd like to feed this week and I said I was 'leaning toward bottle' I should have maybe been a bit more honest, she was very encouraging toward BF... I guess I'm most worried about when the time comes in hospital and I don't want to feel any pressure or uncomfortable while I'm vulnerable.

I too feel a bit strange around others BF, there's no way I could feel comfortable in front of anyone other than say my Mum or partner.... I feel like I'll have a lot more freedom and confidence when out and about and a better routine in general at home too.

OP my son is 1year old now and thriving and I knew I didn't want to BF from the minute I found out I was pregnant. I don't know why but I knew it wasn't for me.

I found all midwifes , HV etc incredibly supportive and never felt an ounce of pressure which I expected.

The only thing I found was other mums occasionally a bit judgy but mainly out of naivety as opposed to malice . At the (rare thanks covid ) baby groups we were able to attend I would get sympathetic words and assumptions BF hadn't worked out for me no one ever assumed I hadn't tried.

You have to make the right choice for you. I'd say it will be post-birth in hospital when you will need to be 'explaining' your choice as all the staff will be obsessed with if baby is feeding. I'd take formula with you so it's ready.
I had a journey with BFing that caused PND so really believe whatever is best for mum's mental health is key.

So sorry to hear about PND, I do have concerns over this as very easily feel lonely in my present life and can struggle to feel at ease socially at the best of times, let alone with baby.

I had no interest in breast feeding when I was pregnant with my first. Then when DD was born I gave her a first feed as my boobs were massive with the milk and found it so so easy that I carried on until I went back to work when she was 6 months.

I felt guilty as the mum in the next bed was desperate to breast feed but couldn't, and I found it so easy.

Don't worry too much once you get home you can do what you want.

It's up to you OP. My sister didn't feel confident enough with her first but is still feeding her second at 13 months and happy with that. Obviously less feeds now as food has been introduced. She never thought she'd do it for more than a few weeks.

I used to feel uncomfortable seeing people breastfeeding but think that was more to do with societal conditioning in the UK of breasts as being sexual, then I lived in a place where breastfeeding was the default and came round to the idea and hope I can, but if it doesn't work out I will make sure the baby is fed.

@sarah13xx
It wasn’t until my friend gave birth and someone asked her if she was breastfeeding that I realised she wasn’t and had formula fed from the start. I was then talking to my beautician and she said she didn’t attempt it either. I think more often than not now, people don’t

I don't know if more often than not people don't but would be interested to know. My impression from my friends who've had children is that very many people try it for a short time and stop, whether because of issues like pain or worrying the baby isn't getting enough, or maybe not feeling confident about feeding in front of others.
Quite a few of my friends have breastfed until the babies start weaning or beyond, some do mixed feeding too but equally pumping is not as easy as some people think.

As an aside my mum has not really been supportive of my sister breastfeeding for do long even though DN is clearly thriving so not all the pressure is to breastfeed. "With a bottle you know how much they're getting" as if there was any doubt that this chubby baby was not getting enough. She was trying to encourage baby foods and rusks earlier too. People will have an opinion however you feed your baby!

I breastfed my first until she was nearly 3. I went into it thinking I would try it, and if it didn’t work out then I’d FF. For some reason (maybe faffing with bottles, etc) I really wanted to and really persisted with it. It wasn’t an easy journey and painful but I had this drive to do it.

When I discovered I was expecting twins this time, I decided to combi feed from the start, but that I’d give them my colostrum. One twin couldn’t latch anyway so I hand expressed and combi fed for the first month, but was fully FF after that. I had an older child too so it wouldn’t have worked for me to spend all my time attached to two babies.

You can hand express colostrum for the first few days and syringe feed if you don’t want to breastfeed. But it’s also absolutely fine not to. The midwives/HV will be pro BF though.

Don’t feel guilty. If you guilt trip yourself you risk spoiling a very special time you will only have once. If you want to bottle feed, then do it. Your baby will love you just as much.

I am breastfeeding and to be honest learning to breastfeed took over the first 2-3 weeks of my baby’s life. It was painful and emotional at times when I was struggling to feed her. But it was worth it to me because I actually WANT to breastfeed. I feel bad for women who spend those first few weeks forcing themselves to do something that’s not right for them or getting guilt tripped for FF. This time is precious, do what’s right for you.

Do what you want to do OP. In all aspects of parenting your child. Ignore the noise as much as is possible. Informed is best - if you’ve thought about the pros and cons of both and made the decision to FF, then that is the correct decision for you and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy x

I think it's fine to do what suits you but the facts are IF you can breastfeed your baby, it is better for baby. That is what all the research says (see UNICEF and a quick Google) and why I'm breastfeeding my newborn for a month despite not wanting to personally. If you can't, then fed is best of course.

You might or might not feel differently as time goes on too. I'm finding it really hard and definitely needed support to get going.