When did you tell family that you’re pregnant?

[Allthatsparkles1]

Hi!

I’m 5 weeks pregnant and only DH and I know at the moment. We would like to tell our parents that we’re expecting before we tell anyone else (we will wait until after 12 week scan to tell everyone else).

I just wondered how far along you all told your parents/family that you were pregnant?

Thanks in advance!

We paid for an early scan at what we thought was 8 weeks (turned out to be 9!) and told our parents after then because we were reassured by seeing the heartbeat and it was nice to be able to show them a picture

10 weeks for my in-laws, but only because they’re quite full on, and I’d have rather not told them for a while so that they didn’t worry… but DH really wanted to.

I’m not sure they enjoyed knowing so early, but they are a bit unusual - I think most families would love it.

And I grew up without a family and am quite independent, so I’d have wanted to deal with any loss on my own with DH, without others knowing. Their grief would totally overshadow my own, should the worst happen.

That’s how I’d decide, if I was you. Assess whether you’d want their; or anyone else’s, support if it went wrong - and then tell people based on that. It’s absolutely your call.

8 weeks - we booked an early scan so we had a photo to show. We only told parents and siblings.
It was nicer doing it earlier as I felt a lot more supported and as it's the frost grandchild/nephew.. Everyone is so excited.

First* not frost 🙄

We told two friends at 16 weeks and started telling family at 17 weeks.

We told parents the day we found out when I was 5 weeks. We’re so close and wanted that support (for first trimester symptoms but also if anything did happen). We told siblings the week after and then my best friend and my OH best friend at 8 weeks. You’ve got to go with what feels right for you. I’m a very open book and there is no way I’d be able to keep this from those closest to me and I wouldn’t want to. The support has been amazing so it was definitely the right decision for us. We’ll tell others (family/friends) after our 12wk scan next week if all is okay but not planning to “announce it” generally x

After the first trimester

The chance of miscarriage is higher in the first trimester and I didn't want people on top of me if that happened. Each woman thinks differently but that is usually the main reason for delaying.

Actually I miscarriaged at 5 weeks and DH had insisted to tell his dad (for financial reasons, wtv....) and I bled 2 days later. It was horrible knowing that he knew tbf DH also hated it and when I got pregnant the month after we waited and waited until mid 4th month which was a tricky one considering it was baby no3!!!

9 weeks, because DP couldn’t keep a lid on it any longer (apparently it felt like lying by omission to not say anything…)

Didn’t tell anyone else until around 16 weeks.

9 weeks because it was Xmas eve and we went to an early scan

It’s depends. Tell the people you would want for support if the worse happened or that need to know to keep you safe (e.g. work). So early on we told our parents and my best friend (who had suffered a loss) and my work for a risk assessment. As we got further through and reached another milestone, we told more people because our reasoning was the further we got through it, the more support we’d need if something bad happened.

First baby told family instantly at 5 weeks. This time round haven't told anyone and I'm 12 weeks waiting on my scan

Aww thanks so much everyone for your replies!

We had initially said that we weren’t going to tell anyone until after 12 week scan, but my anxiety is through the roof, and I really wish I had my mum to talk to about it. We share everything and are the best of friends, so I would really value her support.

DH and I agree that it wouldn’t be fair to just tell my parents, so would tell his too. I know both sides would be absolutely thrilled as it would be first grandchild for both sides. But then would maybe feel slightly awkward with DHs parents knowing, if things did go wrong, as although they’re nice enough we’re not close.

The private scan is a great idea, and I might suggest to DH to have in a few weeks x

@Allthatsparkles1 we didn't plan on telling anyone until after the 12 week scan but I was so ill with morning sickness that I couldn't keep it to myself. I needed my mum (and I was 35) 😂 so I told my parents at 6 weeks. I was so glad of the support and being able to ask my mum questions about pregnancy.

We told the rest of our family after the 12 week scan and everyone else at 16 weeks x

My MIL we told at 5 weeks as she was living with us at the time,
FIL and my parents at 8 weeks when my morning sickness got so bad I wasn't able to go out much

Told my mum (and dad also) within an hour of finding my out - would definitely of needed her support if anything went wrong, and like you had a lot of anxiety, particularly as I had medical condition that could worse whilst pregnant. In-laws were told just under the 12 week mark, I would have been happy if DH wanted to tell them sooner - but based on the same reasoning- ie he would want their support if anything g went wrong. He didn't feel this need so decided to wait until we saw them to share news.

I would get the idea of what's 'fair' out of you mind now, fairness should not be a consideration when your making decision about how to support yourself whilst pregnant and as a new mum. I had a planned c-section, my mum was at the hospital with me and DH, and visited everyday, even after being discharged, because I needed extra help with everything due to surgery and my medical condition. She was there to support me/us, but obviously got to see a lot of our newborn. In-laws visited on day 3 for a few hours, and were very much guests, ie didn't do anything help (nor were expected too) and then not again until a few weeks later.

Tell your mum, and anyone else you would like support from, whenever you want. Your DH should do the same. Don't tell people just because it's fair.

Oh bless you @H8theW8, I think I’ll be the same as you, I already feel like I need my mum (I’m 32!), and I’ve not got to the dreaded sickness stage yet!

We will only tell family and close friends beyond 12 weeks (and work of course), we’re not planning on announcing it to the world as we’re not those kind of people x

We told my parents at 9 weeks after a private scan. I'd had losses previously & wanted the support should the worst happen. Told in laws after the 12 week scan an MIL is very full on so wanted to feel more sure before getting her too excited.

My 6 year old told everyone when I was 8 weeks

Thanks @sohypnotic, I hadn’t thought of it like that, I have to say, but it makes a lot of sense. We are much closer to my family than we are to DHs anyway and see much more of them.
I’m sorry to hear you also struggled with anxiety and a medical condition on top of that, but so glad you got the support you needed from your mum x

@SheABitSpicyToday

My 6 year old told everyone when I was 8 weeks

😂🙈

10 weeks but that's only because it was Christmas so we thought it would be extra special. We'd already had 2 early scans which made us feel a bit more confident.

I'm pregnant again now (7 weeks). Think we'll wait until after the 12 week scan this time. Definitely not telling our little boy before 12 weeks as he is very young so will excitedly tell everybody!

I've already told one close friend but that's literally been it! She's been amazing like I knew she would be so no regrets here, very happy to have her support.

We told close family soon after we found out as those are the people we would want support from should anything go wrong. Everybody else we waited for the 12 week scan.

I told my best friend as soon as I had positive test and glad I did as I had hyperemesis and needed someone to talk to.

Wanted to leave telling family until I had a scan (10 weeks private scan alongside NIPT) as my dad was terminally ill with a brain tumour that had somewhat effected his social inhibitions and manners, so I knew as soon as I told him he would have gone through his entire contact list in his phone telling everyone he knew, regardless of being told not to. As it was he deteriorated quicker than expected at the end and so I told him and rest of family when I was 8 1/2 weeks, 2 days before he died. He still managed to tell every single visitor he had in the 24 hours before losing consciousness.

Fortunately all went well for the pregnancy.

@Allthatsparkles1

Aww thanks so much everyone for your replies!

We had initially said that we weren’t going to tell anyone until after 12 week scan, but my anxiety is through the roof, and I really wish I had my mum to talk to about it. We share everything and are the best of friends, so I would really value her support.

DH and I agree that it wouldn’t be fair to just tell my parents, so would tell his too. I know both sides would be absolutely thrilled as it would be first grandchild for both sides. But then would maybe feel slightly awkward with DHs parents knowing, if things did go wrong, as although they’re nice enough we’re not close.

The private scan is a great idea, and I might suggest to DH to have in a few weeks x

I wish I'd only told my parents first time. Told my in laws early, telling them not to tell anyone.

Had them forward messages of regret when we miscarried - so they'd told other people!

Didn't make that mistake the next time.