My mum said she wants to be at birth to "experience it" again?

[Ekat194]

Last night after a bit of an argument (she doesn't want myself or my partner leaving the house again, even to do an essential food shop, until the baby is born to minimise catching covid), my mum said she wants to be at the birth to "experience the feelings and emotions that she will never get to again". I've interpreted this as she only wants to come as a benefit to herself and feeling like she's having a baby again rather than wanting to be a support to myself, partner and the baby. Does anyone else see it this way or am I just being negative and seeing something that isn't there?

I thought I wanted my mum there for first birth but during labour discovered that I couldn’t tolerate anyone speaking to me (including husband) or touching me...generally wanted to be left alone! I wouldn’t have her there if you’re not 100% comfortable with it beforehand as when things start you have zero tolerance and won’t be able to pretend to be ok with it! It does sound like she’s thinking more of herself...

My mum was there in the end as I felt too bad to tell her no last minute but I could telling her and husband both to stop talking! I think they both wished they hadn’t been there haha..my mum said it really upset her to see me in pain and she felt helpless so may be worth considering also.

With the not leaving the house, I think again that's based upon care and love,

What else would you accept as long as it was based on care and love? Would you let a partner prevent you from leaving the house 'because he cares'? No you wouldn't. That's abuse.

I know COVID rules are relaxing but most trusts are still quite strict, I’ll only be allowed one birth partner- I asked the midwife and she doesn’t think that will change any time soon- so depending when you’re due, that may well be the case. If you let her know that’s the case now hopefully it’ll prime her for not being there.

I agree with posters just saying be firm with boundaries now, I appreciate that’s much easier said than done though! So awkward shes put that on you though!

Tell her she can’t be at the birth because of COVID. Only one birth partner allowed. Job done!

Pre-covid, I had my mum and husband with me for baby 1 and having mum there didn’t work out so well. She was lovely, bless her, but got really panicky when things didn’t work out and I had to go to theatre. Not what you need!!

You need to get out and stay moving for your health. Being housebound is a terrible idea.

That is a hard and firm nope!! She us being very odd about wanting to be there, and somehow making your delivery about her. Very odd and very unnecessary.

For the life of me, I can't see how being present at someone else's labour means re-experiencing giving birth yourself. You obviously need to find a way to say no very tactfully, but both you and your partner need to be looking for better jobs.

If you want her to treat you as an autonomous adult you need to move out. before she takes over being Mother.
You should tell her immediately that she will not be at the birth. No question, its not happening, its not a spectator sport.

If you don't think she'll be useful then it's pretty pointless to allow her to be there. You should only have the birth partner(s) YOU want there.
My mum asked to be at the birth of our 1st but she didn't push for it, when I said I only wanted dh she backed off. Never asked with others but was always willing to be back up if he didn't make it home (he's military).

Also go out if you like. People may lovingly suggest you should take more care but it is your life to lead and you are capable of doing your own risk assessments.
My consultant suggested I isolate prior to my elcs but I will not be avoiding essential outings like shopping, will be home more as kids will be off school but that is it.

If you're in the UK than it's highly unlikely you'll be able to have more than one person present at your birth - and in my local hospitals your birthing partner can still only stay for 1 hour post birth. This is still in place despite the end of lockdown yesterday.

God no, the only person I want to be there is my husband.

Your in a bad situation there op, they could make you homeless & jobless overnight.

You need to break free

Nobody but the mum to be decides who is at the Labour.

And living with someone doesn't entitle them to control every aspect of your life.

My mum wanted to be at the birth of mine. Each time I just went and had the baby then told her after. My babies literally fly out so I just said there was no time.

You’re now prisoner in the house because of covid and she wants to be at a hospital? Jesus…

I agree with a PP - if a guy wants telling a woman she couldn’t leave the house that would be abuse!

What else will she want to 'experience' again when baby arrives?
Too involved IMO, and your DD isn't even here yet. I'd be a a bit nervous about her expectations and input in the forthcoming months tbh.
Never mind her feeling rejected, her wants don't trump yours.

@shivawn

God no, the only person I want to be there is my husband.

Same here.

I have read posts on here by people who really want their mother with them though. Understandable if partner has gone awol, which unfortunately happens, but otherwise I don't get it.