Baby's room V sleeping together

[cat709]

Hi ladies

I'm posting it in the 'pregnancy' section as hoping to hear from second time mums or mums pregnant with 2nd where they might do things differently.

My baby is 5 months. She is ready to go into her own room in terms of size/sleeping full night etc. But when you google it, every site says wait at the very least 6 months. But any experienced mum I talk to put their baby in their own room way earlier - some a couple months.

She sleeps in my room for 5 hours before I even go up for the night. We have a video cam and breathing monitor. So she spends half the time away from me anyway.

Just don't know what to do. Have any mums done it way earlier and not let their anxiety take over?

Cat x

I have 2 young DC and I don’t really know anyone with young DC who has done it earlier; all the people I know who did it earlier was before the guidelines were in place. In the circumstances you describe why would you not just wait until 6 months? What’s pushing you to do it earlier?

My kids slept in their own rooms from first day. There wasn't this six months recommendation then.
As you say she already is sleeping half the night on her own. I always wondered if the advocates of this six months thing just sit there staring at their baby from 7pm?
It's a recommendation, not a law. If you think she is ready, move her.
Advice changes, these guidelines have been in place for a long time so your children must be quite old. My Mum was told to keep my sibling in with her in the mid eighties after what was referred to as an interrupted cot death so the idea was around then.
SIDS rates have reduced since the recommendations were brought it. Surely that is a positive thing.
I didn't sit and stare at my babies after 7, they slept downstairs and I carried them up when I wanted to go to sleep.
I can't imagine having to get up and go to another room to deal with newborn night feeds and wakings, it must've been hard work.

@Livingintheclouds

My kids slept in their own rooms from first day. There wasn't this six months recommendation then. As you say she already is sleeping half the night on her own. I always wondered if the advocates of this six months thing just sit there staring at their baby from 7pm? It's a recommendation, not a law. If you think she is ready, move her.

I go to bed at 7pm with my 5 month old baby. We do bottles/bath and we're down by 8pm. Then I stay with her and I use that time to read, catch up on the news, but mostly an early night. It is only 6 months of my life that I'm missing out on telly after 7pm, but it means I'm with her, she is settled in our bedroom and in a lovely routine. So yes, I stare at my baby after 7pm and I LOVE IT. I will miss her when she is in her big girl bedroom in a few months!

DD is still in our room at nearly 1. No plan to move her soon as this is working. We have a big room with plenty of space for the cotbed though and the only other bedroom is jam packed with my husbands work stuff since Covid - there’s barely space to turn round as he needs lots of equipment. He’s just got a new job that needs less equipment and will have more time in the office so we’re going to work on turning that into DD’s bedroom once he starts but I’m still not in a mad rush.

6 months is the guideline for all sleep. I wouldn’t have dreamed of moving her before and don’t know anyone who did. Naps were all in the room with me too (let’s be honest naps were and pretty much still are all ON me because I had a Velcro baby who will only really contact sleep so didn’t get much choice in the matter) and I wouldn’t put her to bed and leave her in the evening either - but that’s because it simply didn’t work and cosleeping or at least having her in the bed whilst I watched tv quietly or read or whatever was the only thing that worked. We’re changing it now and it’s going ok.

That said - it’s a guideline - it’s worth reading up and understanding it fully (because it’s nothing to do with monitors or you hearing the baby and more about them using you to regulate their breathing). The risks are small though. So you would need to weigh it all up for yourself to come to the decision that worked for you. But don’t do it on the assumption that monitors breathing sensors etc mitigate the risk, they don’t.

I had DS in with me until he was 18mo, I was a single parent and we both slept well, him in his cot and me in the bed.
DD is 8mo and still in with us, we can fit a cot bed in our room, it’s a bit snug but it makes it easy to feed and settle her.

The risk of Sids goes down a lot at four months, so I don't see any reason to wait until 6 months exactly. The risk for a 2-3 month old even in your room is probably higher than it is for a 5 month old in their own room.

Use your common sense and combine the guidance with what works for your family. It's not about following every piece to the letter.

@Jobsharenightmare

No. I followed the SIDS advice including for naps.

This.

First baby was ff and was in her own room at 15 months, second baby was ebf and was in the room until 14 months, but even after being moved into his own room ended up sleeping in our bed a lot until he was 3ish

If it makes you anxious then don’t do it.

All my babies slept in their cots in their own bedrooms when they outgrew their Moses baskets. Always had the monitor on Probably around 12 weeks

Is the baby's bed right next to your bed? I found it helped me to move the cot away from my bed at about 5 months just so I got used to not being right next to LO but still in same room.

I'd also check the guidance for your moses basket/crib as some of them say not suitable once baby can roll.

Mine was in her own room for naps from 4 weeks and through the night from 6 weeks.

Thank you to those have replied so far!

I think there is no clear cut answer, as everyone knows their own baby and what suits the household.

Perhaps I'll be more confident with a second baby and reduce the time that I go to use the baby's bedroom.

You can't follow every nhs rule - some make sense, some too harsh, and others I feel aren't backed up by vast statistics. I.e, I'd be interested to know what nhs would say to us mothers who choose to put baby to bed and come downstairs for the evening - at a time when it's the baby's deepest sleep. I do this because I also have a relationship and other commitments, plus I don't want to be upstairs from 7 every night!

Someone asked my why I wish to rush it - she has outgrown her next 2 me cot, is incredibly loud, and we must wake her at times during the night. My more experienced friends put their second baby in their own room from 8 weeks. And it does make me think that my baby spends 3 naps a day in a different room to me, plus 5 hours in the evening. Food for thought.

Cat x

It's your choice as parents whether to follow safe sleeping guidelines or not, but no point in imagining your lo will be as safe if you don't - or that experience makes you somehow immune!
I was more cautious with my second than my first as I understood the risks more.

@cat709

Thank you to those have replied so far!

I think there is no clear cut answer, as everyone knows their own baby and what suits the household.

Perhaps I'll be more confident with a second baby and reduce the time that I go to use the baby's bedroom.

You can't follow every nhs rule - some make sense, some too harsh, and others I feel aren't backed up by vast statistics. I.e, I'd be interested to know what nhs would say to us mothers who choose to put baby to bed and come downstairs for the evening - at a time when it's the baby's deepest sleep. I do this because I also have a relationship and other commitments, plus I don't want to be upstairs from 7 every night!

Someone asked my why I wish to rush it - she has outgrown her next 2 me cot, is incredibly loud, and we must wake her at times during the night. My more experienced friends put their second baby in their own room from 8 weeks. And it does make me think that my baby spends 3 naps a day in a different room to me, plus 5 hours in the evening. Food for thought.

Cat x

Second babies aren’t at any less risk of SIDS. If you want to move your baby then do so. No-one here can give you permission.

Breathing monitors don’t reduce the risk of SIDS, by the way, and the Lullaby Trust is clear about this.

I don't really know what to say, it's your risk to take. I personally wouldn't do it. If my baby died of SIDS and I'd disregarded the most clear and basic safe sleep guidance I literally wouldn't be able to live my life. My life would be ruined.

The lullaby trusts and NHS guidance is clear.

I think if people don't know anyone who has lost their baby to SIDS the risk doesn't seem real. It's like one of those things that would just never happen to you. I can understand it, but in my job I see lots of families whose babies have died from SIDS and it's the most horrific thing.

Their babies are gone forever, and they have to try to go on and live with the guilt. Quite often there are just very minor things they've done that don't follow the safe sleep guides, but however minor, they blame themselves completely. I can't stress how upsetting it is to see. Even the parents where the sleep space was perfect, they still blame themselves! So imagine how much worse I would be if you hadn't done absolutely everything in your control to prevent it?

I'm haunted by their cries, it's a sound like no other. For that reason, I will always follow safe sleep guidance to the letter, and advise all other parents do the same.

DS was about 7 or 8 months. He always went up before me, but as they get older they become more alert and wake more easily, I started disturbing him and waking him up as I got ready for bed.

I mean people have to do what’s practical though. We were quite fortunate that we moved house when DS was 3 months so we had room to put a cot in our bedroom for him - in the house we’d just moved from we could only fit the Moses basket which he definitely would have outgrown at 6 months.

You have to do what is right for your baby and they are all different. If she is contented in her own room, that's fine, but many babies are extremely unhappy not being near their mother/parents. You can tell.

Mine slept with me for ages, there would never have been a question of sleeping in 'own room' at five months, or six, or....., but I knew people who put their baby in another room as soon as they left hospital.

There are no hard and fast rules, just be baby led.

@Livingintheclouds

My kids slept in their own rooms from first day. There wasn't this six months recommendation then. As you say she already is sleeping half the night on her own. I always wondered if the advocates of this six months thing just sit there staring at their baby from 7pm? It's a recommendation, not a law. If you think she is ready, move her.

Mine slept midnight till noon. She’d have to be really poorly to be in bed at 7pm and has only done so a handful of times in her almost-11 years.

But yes, she was with me when she was sleeping, either in bed with me, in my arms on the sofa, in a bouncy chair or pram.

So glad I read this as I’m due my first in January. Maybe I’m misunderstanding but do most people go to bed with their baby at 6/7/8pm? I can’t imagine the baby going to sleep in the living room with us - even if the TV is quiet it would surely disturb them?

We used to put DS to bed around 9ish, then we'd watch tv in bed in the same room. I know Mumsnet isn't a fan of TVs in bedrooms but I like it and it worked for us. As he's got older and is napping less he's going to bed earlier. About 8pm but he's 19 months and in his own room.

@vanillaSpiceCandle All 5 of ours have slept soundly in the living room with TV on. We have a noisy house when the kids are home so baby will quickly learn to sleep through it. Going to bed at 6/7/8, I struggle to get the youngest to bed by 8 especially this time of year. I hate the "how is it bed time? It's still light out" argument we have.

For the sake of one more month, I would wait it out.

I know if something happened to my baby, even if unavoidable, I'd always blame myself if I hadn't followed safety guidance.