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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How are u managing once baby arrives?

74 replies

Rubyrecka · 29/06/2021 19:51

When DP goes back work (assuming that husband is going back to work & mum is staying on maternity leave) with the night feeds etc.

I've just been promptly informed that he'll need his sleep when he goes back to work after his paternity leave (umm hi your having a child, bye sleep) so I've told him he's having a laugh if he thinks I'm doing all the night feeds. Is that unreasonable?

He works in HSE and starts a new job so
I get why he's said it but also I would prefer to sort some kind of rota out - what did u do/planning to do?

OP posts:

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AnonymousXXIX · 30/06/2021 09:10

@Lalliebelle

We split the night. I would breastfeed at 10pm then hand her over and go to sleep downstairs. He would give her a bottle on the second feed, then wake me and we would swap at the third feed. I would do the rest of the night. This was the pattern when I was on maternity leave, and when he was on paternity leave. It didn't matter that one of us had work the next day, we both needed to function.

That one bottle was her only bottle daily, I breastfed the rest of the time. It was, in retrospect, blood brilliant to have done that as if/when I had to be away for any amount of time, it was really easy for him to look after her and feed her with the bottle. I highly recommend that approach and honestly don't know why they don't teach this sort of combination as standard! It's just brilliant for everyone (except the patriarchy of course..).

That's roughly our plan as well (haven't had the baby yet though so will see if it works!).

cornflowersandpoppies · 30/06/2021 09:12

I do the nights as was pumping for the first few months anyway.

But haunted I must say, I’ve slept in the day the grand sum total of three times since having ds, and he’s six and a half months!

Original poster

Rubyrecka · 30/06/2021 09:23

@shivawn

My husband is amazing so I know he'll do whatever I want.

I would hope that I'll do all night feeds on the nights that he has to go to work the next day and then he'll do some at the weekends. He'll be working full time so I would definately see nightfeeds as my job. I'd be worried about him driving to work if he was sleep deprived in the mornings. He does have the first 4 weeks off though so we'll share jobs then.

Is your husband frontline staff in HSE?

No not front line staff but he's a manager and he's starting a new role in a new sector that he's hasn't worked in before! So I do understand. Think it was just the way it was said

made me wonder how other people have managed this.

OP posts:

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 30/06/2021 09:27

He would do the last feed before midnight then I got the rest as he had to be up and out to work by about 7am while theoretically I could have a lay in (Ha Ha Ha) or at the very least spend the day in my joggers dozing or staring into space like a zombie in 10 minute increments on the sofa. We did even splits on Friday and Saturday nights and took it in turns to be the first one out of bed in the morning at the weekend.

I went back to work FT when DD was 9months old at which point all night wake ups were split evenly as we both had to be up and out for work in the morning.

PrimeraVez · 30/06/2021 09:58

I breastfed all of mine, so did all the nights. I also went back to work when they were all 15/16 weeks, so DH couldn't use the 'but I have to get up and go to work' excuse.

To be honest, we both just tried to be considerate of each other's needs rather than have a strict rota or get into a 'who's more tired' competition.

Easier said than done for sure but as long as you are each pulling your weight, whether that's in terms of cooking, cleaning, laundry, night feeds, nappy changes or whatever, then you will muddle through!

Girlmama3 · 30/06/2021 10:35

I used to go to bed at 7/8 and sleep. Dp kept baby downstairs and did the 10/11 feed then came up to bed with baby. I’d do the night feeds and he did one at weekends.

It worked really well because I could get a good chunk of sleep in.

bananabread2000 · 30/06/2021 10:47

I did all the nights as I was BF and DH really struggles with sleep at the best of times (he's a hopelessly light sleeper and suffers from insomnia) where I can sleep any time/anywhere! the deal was I did the nights and would catch up on whatever sleep I could get in the day but he did all the cooking, cleaning etc and made sure I got breaks at the weekend and when he got home from work.
We've pretty much continued with this even though DS is now 4 - I get up to night wakes, do most bed times etc but DH does all the cooking and a good chunk of the housework.

Thirtyrock39 · 30/06/2021 10:57

I did all night feeds. Dh would do nappy changes at night if school holiday or weekend. I was on maternity leave so expected that the bulk of nights etc would be me. Even though it is knackering having a newborn I definitely couldn't have gone to work after some of the broken nights especially in a demanding job like dhs . At least if on maternity leave especially with your first you can spend the day on the sofa watching tv after a hard night . It bothered me a lot more when he was out with his mates in the newborn phase and coming in drunk than the night feeds.

ReallyRatherBlonde · 30/06/2021 11:01

In the early days my husband did the last feed of the day 10pm ISH and any wake ups or nappies etc up to midnight, so I could go to bed early and get a few hours head start if I wanted. I then did the rest of the night on weekdays. Weekends 50-50. He also did all the cooking, and was fully 50-50 in house chores etc after he'd finished work. So he pulled his weight in that respect but he's in a job that really needs his full attention or its dangerous so I didn't feel that him potentially being up all night was fair if I had the opportunity to catch up on sleep in the day when baby napped. If he had a job like mine I would have felt differently.

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/06/2021 11:12

My husband and I did shared parental leave but when he went back to work he stayed up and did the last feed (11pm-midnight) and I didn’t the 3-4am one as it meant he could still have a solid chunk of sleep before work. I think if he is in work the next day you need to be taking the worst of them then he can step up on days off.

India999 · 30/06/2021 12:08

Wow looks like I'm in the minority here but we split it 50/50. Husband has work but looking after a baby is pretty tiring too! What worked for us was husband doing feeds up until 3am ish (usually a 10pm and 2am feed) and then I'd do anything from that point onwards. We had an early waker so I'd be up super early, go to bed early, and so the late night feed made sense for husband as he was still up.

I bottle fed so it worked well for us.

Fispi · 30/06/2021 16:15

DC1 I breastfed so did all nights, went back to work at 6 months and it was really hard so if possible to protect the sleep of the person working then I would (DH is disabled and couldn't do much at night anyway). DH made sure I got breaks at other times. There are other ways to share the load. Most important thing is to never ever discuss who is more tired!

MrsMiddleMother · 30/06/2021 19:07

We had a routine where husband would feed and look after baby from about 7pm to 11/12 then put baby to bed and whenever baby woke up in the night I'd get up and see to baby. It meant I got a chunk of sleep every night but he also got a decent sleep so worked well. We combi fed x

SillyBry · 30/06/2021 20:55

I breastfed my first, so did all the feeds. But in the first months, when nighttime nappy changes were never ending and she was difficult to settle, my husband would absolutely muck in.
I expressed from 6 weeks, so then he took on the 10.30pm feed so I could go to sleep earlier. He also did the cooking.

It’s important to respect that a. he has to work and can’t nap in the day… but b. It’s teamwork and it’s important not to get into a competition over who is the most tired and who is the hardest working! He does need to respect that his job is 40 hours a week (for example), yours isn’t possible to switch off from, so he needs to support that!

Peach01 · 30/06/2021 23:20

I did the night feeds, DP had to be alert for work and the commute. I got to go back to sleep with baby.

K821 · 01/07/2021 00:18

My OH is currently adamant he will help with all night feeds as he is so excited and wants to be involved with everything. However I do feel that if he will be working, it's only fair he gets more sleep and I am more than prepared to take on the night feeds . He is an early riser and cannot lay in (I am the total opposite) so weekends I know he will take over and let me sleep in. I know its maybe unrealistic but I think at least I may have more chance of having a nap or 2 during the day in the week as the one staying at home. He has a very manual job and drives to/from work so I would worry if he hadnt had much sleep. I say this now, but once baby is here I may feel very differently!!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 01/07/2021 01:48

YABU

you can sleep during the day, a dad working FT can't.

once I stopped ebf and either mixed fed or fully ff kids DH did do a few feeds in the night (especially when I was ill or it was all hands on deck because of other kids being awake or ill) and on some Fri and/or Sat nights so I'd get a better night.
he's always been the lighter sleeper and has naps at the weekend so he didn't mind taking over when needed.

but on any given regular "school night" it was my job by choice.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/07/2021 02:39

YABU

you can sleep during the day, a dad working FT can't.

Exactly. Your husband is working full time and needs a proper sleep schedule.

ame88 · 01/07/2021 08:01

My fiancée works nights so I will be doing it all! We haven't really spoken about how the rest of the time will
Work but I imagine we'll get into a good rhythm! We're a team!

BastardMonkfish · 01/07/2021 08:13

Not sure. With DC1 he used to go downstairs and make the bottles when he woke then I would feed him and get him back to sleep. I guess we'll just see how it works out.

Allthegranola · 01/07/2021 08:18

We FF so it was fairly easy to share. I would go to bed early and DP would do any feeds up til midnight. I did all the ones after that.

SunnySideUp2020 · 01/07/2021 08:19

I do all the feeds (day and night as BF).
It's hard i am not gonna lie.
You will be tired.
People who say nap during the day... well it s hard. You have house chores and you need to eat... when i do have an hour to myself most of the time i just cannot sleep. I either overthink everything or just try to watch some tv or be on my phone to unwind.

That being said i used to sleep 10 hours a night before and now running on broken 7 but you kinda get used to it. And it's worth it!

sociallydistained · 01/07/2021 08:24

I am planning to breastfeed so think I’ll be doing it all but DP has said you’ll have to express so I can do some. I don’t think it’ll work like that. He has long hours starting early morning but he plans to do everything else when he’s here and on weekends and trust me he will be

Pinchoftums · 01/07/2021 08:26

I breastfed so night feeds could be done lying down and I fell asleep. They all slept through quite early on (apart from bastard 4 month regression). It is tiring for the first year. Your DH needs to step up around other bits.

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