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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How are u managing once baby arrives?

74 replies

Rubyrecka · 29/06/2021 19:51

When DP goes back work (assuming that husband is going back to work & mum is staying on maternity leave) with the night feeds etc.

I've just been promptly informed that he'll need his sleep when he goes back to work after his paternity leave (umm hi your having a child, bye sleep) so I've told him he's having a laugh if he thinks I'm doing all the night feeds. Is that unreasonable?

He works in HSE and starts a new job so
I get why he's said it but also I would prefer to sort some kind of rota out - what did u do/planning to do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TBC45678 · 29/06/2021 21:02

I exclusively breastfed. My DH took the baby after I fed him about 9/10pm, I went up to bed and he brought him up to me when he woke around midnight. I then did 12-5ish (co-sleeping) and DH took him back downstairs at 5/6am for me to sleep for a couple of hours before he left for work. Neither of us got a lot of sleep but DH managed to get through work on 5 solid hours and co-sleeping saved me! This lasted about 12-16 weeks when the baby started sleeping longer stretches. Something like this has continued in the mornings (DS now 18 months), DH always takes him for a couple of hours before he goes to work so I can have a bit of time to myself to sleep/shower in peace before I have him all day at home.

You'll find what works for you both!

Amichelle84 · 29/06/2021 21:04

With our 1st I done the night feeds as I was pumping as he wouldn't latch. He got in to a routine pretty quickly and would feed every 3hrs. Once we established a routine my BF would either stay up and do the 12am which meant I could go to bed early or he'd sometimes do the 6am and it worked really well actually.

It's good to share but he needs his sleep too.

covidcloser · 29/06/2021 21:04

I bottle fed and I did all the night feeds when DH was back at work. There was little point 2 of us being awake and I just grabbed a 20 min kip on the sofa if I needed it.

Trinacham · 29/06/2021 21:05

I was thinking I'd do all the night feeds as my DH will be working full time (I have the same job as him currently and it is physically exhausting, not to mention all the overtime we're expected to do!) but perhaps I am being a naive first time mum!

Lalliebelle · 29/06/2021 21:09

We split the night. I would breastfeed at 10pm then hand her over and go to sleep downstairs. He would give her a bottle on the second feed, then wake me and we would swap at the third feed. I would do the rest of the night. This was the pattern when I was on maternity leave, and when he was on paternity leave. It didn't matter that one of us had work the next day, we both needed to function.

That one bottle was her only bottle daily, I breastfed the rest of the time. It was, in retrospect, blood brilliant to have done that as if/when I had to be away for any amount of time, it was really easy for him to look after her and feed her with the bottle. I highly recommend that approach and honestly don't know why they don't teach this sort of combination as standard! It's just brilliant for everyone (except the patriarchy of course..).

Chocolatebuttercream · 29/06/2021 21:14

I do all night feeds, Mt husband's working 13 hour shifts. But you need to make sure you catch up on sleep when he is off work.

Also, co sleep!!

motogogo · 29/06/2021 21:24

I did nights as breastfeeding but exh would do the witching hours 9-11pm ish when they would cry and not settle so I could get a shower plus couple of hours sleep. I would feed them from about 8pm- 8.45 then leave him to it. He's naturally a night owl. I did 90% of care because I wasn't working

AliasGrape · 29/06/2021 21:24

I wasn’t able to breastfeed which I was heartbroken about but it did have its advantages.

We split the nights - I’d go to bed about 8 and get a few hours, DH would keep her downstairs till 12ish, later at the weekend, bring her to me fed and changed then he’d go to bed in the spare room and she’d be with me till 6 ish when he’d take over again for an hour or two before work (depending on what shift he was on) so I could sleep some more or get a shower or whatever.

When she started going longer stretches and only having one or two wake ups it changed to me doing them through the week but he would still come in at 6 and take her for a bit before work or at the weekends he’d take her for as long as I wanted to lie in basically. I was rubbish at this and would always end up getting up because I missed her. He also frequently suggested me going in the other room and him doing the night wake ups at least at the weekend and I could never bring myself to do it because I was so anxious at the thought - looking back I could kick myself and have no idea what I was thinking!

Ameteurmum · 29/06/2021 21:29

Sunday-Thursday I would get up and do night feeds as husband had work and he would do Friday and Saturday night. Expecting #3 and he’s now permanently working from some so I am not sure if the dynamic will shift. With #2 (when we didn’t argue over who got to do things for the baby) he would stay up till 11/12 and do the last feed so I could go to bed at 9 so I got quite a few hours before I was woken. Also once you have more than one you are not a martyr about napping and it seems more manageable by day. When I went back to work we took it in turns during the week. Again I’ll be WFH so who knows

RowanAlong · 29/06/2021 21:35

I breastfed so did the nights. But DH got up early with the babies so I could get another shift of sleep at the end of a broken night. He also did all the main cooking and washing up etc for ages.
Best tip - make sure you’re up and showered and put a wash on, before he leaves for work, then the day starts well!

Heyha · 29/06/2021 21:37

BF so did the nights, DP had her for a few hours early evening so I could have a bit of a sleep and again at weekends, and with a baby that small you can sleep at least some of the time they do.

I took the view that I was on maternity leave for a reason and didn't want him driving and working exhausted.

Rosesareyellow · 29/06/2021 21:40

I did them all when DH was working. Me and LO would catch up on sleep during the morning when he was at work. DH did night feeds at the weekend. I’m back at work now and would really struggle to concentrate, even drive to work on the amount of sleep I got when first having DS and doing night feeds.

dopeyduck · 29/06/2021 21:42

I BF so I did all the night wakings ... and still do - plus I'm back at work full time now.
You get used to it.

DP would do the early morning stint once DS was awake so I could have another couple of hours. I literally slept when the baby slept - he picked up the household jobs.

I co-sleep to reduce faff in the night.

ivfgottwins · 29/06/2021 21:42

YABU.....He's at work.....you're not....so night feeds I would say are your job (I had twins).

Although they are 5 months old and I'm now back at work and night feeds are still my job 🤣

olderthanyouthink · 29/06/2021 22:09

I did input (boob milk) DP did output (nappies). Bedsharing made it easier for everyone to sleep.

Even now DD is 2.5 and doesn't sleep through and and can't have some crap nights (just sleep or illness) and we trade off or tag team, I sort her and he changes the bedding or I look after her in the night l so he can sleep and then I dump her on him in the morning for a couple hours to sleep.

I'm pregnant with DC 2 and we will just have to mush the two together, I boob and he changes or we take a child each.

We are and will both be tired

ElmtreeMama · 30/06/2021 06:11

I plan to do the night feeds once ny husband is back at work, and he can do weekend so I can catch up ! - that seems fair to me

Nat4392 · 30/06/2021 06:54

I do every night feed. My husband flies planes for a living so it’s important he gets sleep as fatigue is obviously dangerous for him. To be honest I even do night feeds when he’s off work (he’s only off one day a week). It’s just the routine we have.

EssentialHummus · 30/06/2021 07:10

Recently had baby2 and DH now back at work. We follow the same routine that worked with DS1 - DH does the late "dream feed" at about 10:30pm and I go to bed early to get a few hours in.

This for us too. I'd go to bed at 8pm and sleep at least 8pm-2am (when DD woke for the next feed in the early days).

hauntedvagina · 30/06/2021 07:15

Night times are my job, have been for almost ten years now.

I perform better on less sleep, I also feel rested if I've slept in small blocks. I go from asleep to awake much quicker than DH. Most women I know are the same.

Of course DH will happily chip in if I need him to, and he's happy to get up at 5am with kids if needed to allow me to sleep a little longer.

You'll be on maternity leave, you can catch up on sleep through the day and on weekends.

shivawn · 30/06/2021 07:23

My husband is amazing so I know he'll do whatever I want.

I would hope that I'll do all night feeds on the nights that he has to go to work the next day and then he'll do some at the weekends. He'll be working full time so I would definately see nightfeeds as my job. I'd be worried about him driving to work if he was sleep deprived in the mornings. He does have the first 4 weeks off though so we'll share jobs then.

Is your husband frontline staff in HSE?

Thefaceofboe · 30/06/2021 07:41

I wouldn’t expect to do everything and do all feeds alone if I needed help or were exhausted, but once my partner goes back to work, I won’t be expecting him to do an equal share of the feeds when I’m the one who doesn’t have to go to work in a few hours.

MrsXx4 · 30/06/2021 07:48

I combine fed mine but breastfed at night as it seemed to be less faff than making up formula, so I did all the night feeds. Also my DH works long hours and I felt he did need the sleep at night whereas I was at home with baby and could nap when the baby napped (never really happened but the thought was always there).

My second is due any day now and I plan to do the same this time. It’ll be harder as I have a 2 year old now too, but I think I’ll still do the majority of baby feeds at night and DH will most likely attend to toddler if needed as he settles quicker.

Brunilde · 30/06/2021 07:56

I BF but even if I hadn't I would have done night feeds and will do again this time however feeding works out. I don't think it's fair for someone to have to go to work if they haven't had a decent amount of sleep day in day out. Whilst looking after a baby is hard work in a different way, it doesn't require the same level of concentration as working at most jobs and I think most people's performance would suffer after a while. I can't see many employers being understanding of this. As long as he helps out and gives you and lie in and let's you catch up on sleep at other times I think the person off work should take the brunt of the night shifts.

felulageller · 30/06/2021 07:59

If you're not BF he can do the night feeds on his days/nights off.

During the week he can do the other stuff like sterilising, bathing baby, nappy changing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry.

Marauder1994 · 30/06/2021 07:59

I currently do all the nights as it's just easier for me, I'm awake anyway and partner works in a job where he needs to sleep well. Otherwise him being tired can risk the safety of himself and others.

However. He comes home and helps with household chores etc, and does more than his fair share at weekends

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