Boundaries - new baby, did you set any?

[Tilly18101]

Hi

FTM here, and first grandchild/baby in the family! So lots of very excited family members and friends.

DH and I have started to talk now about what we might want any hospital visits or home visits to be, so we can manage everyone’s expectations without being overwhelmed and having our own time to bond with our baby. I ideally don’t want hospital visitors due to Covid and having vulnerable in laws, unless we need to be kept in, I’d rather keep visitors to at home.

Did you set anything with your family in advance? I’m not talking like being a dictator here I.e 10 mins slots or anything, so far we’ve discussed no overnight guests until we feel comfortable (both families live over an hour away) but not unreasonable to travel for a few hours etc. We’ve also discussed that we won’t be travelling to anyone the first few months unless local and we are happy to ‘pop round’ but certainly we aren’t thinking we will be up for bundling new baby/post-partum recovery me into a car for 2 hrs to see people either?

How did you manage seeing everyone, grandparents first and then everyone else? I’m a little worried with Covid and don’t want lots of people mixing at the same time in our home and will of course want to limit risks as much as possible, I was also thinking of reminding everyone esp. grandmothers - no kissing etc!

Did anyone agree anything in advance with partners, so you have a united front! Or am I thinking about this too much and panicking for no reason!

@MindyStClaire I think you are totally right - I am definitely overthinking. We absolutely want to keep it fair between both families, and sets of friends too but without having them all mix in our home together as much as we can avoid.

I think we’ll definitely agree on the no overnight visitors for now and leave it there until baby is here and we can see how we are feeling. I want to be super clear on the no overnight confirmation for now, because I’d rather say no and then change my mind to yes than the other way round. I know both sets of grandparents would love to stay over, but I just don’t know how I will feel so I don’t want that commitment just yet. X

@TakeYourFinalPosition I can’t comment completely as I’ve not had baby yet, but I am super close to my parents as is my DH, he’s really close and I suppose I am too but we certainly see my side more.

I do know that I want my mum to be the first to meet baby, and then in-laws after because I know how special it will be for her (she’s very hands on even now both me and my sibling are grown up and have been moved out well over 10 years!).

Do you have a close friend or other family member you could let be the first to visit? X

@Tilly18101 we had both sets of parents come to visit at hospital and my in laws met my daughter before my parents as they got there first!
As I've said previously that we're both close to our parents. I didn't give a hoot who had met her first as I was so happy to introduce her to our family.
I wouldn't go differentiating between your or your OH parents as they are both the same relation to your child and the child is equally your partners as well as yours.
I'll probably get the MN replies saying that the women gets to say as she gave birth.

DH and I discussed between us how we thought we wanted things to go. We didn't make any firm decisions or issue any rules with people as that would have been really over the top and also it's nice to have flexibility and decide at the time what you want, based on how you feel at the time. The 'first person to see the baby' really isn't a big deal to us, eventually everyone will see the baby and technically the midwife is the first person to see the baby! A few local friends saw the baby before any family were able to travel to visit, and now, several years on, it really didn't matter who saw the baby when.

@Metallicalover oh I get what you’re saying, I certainly don’t preference one over the other and I’d absolutely hate for either set to feel like that.

Just for this situation being first GC on my side, my mum is bursting at the scenes to be involved and from my own personal preference I’d want her to be the first visitor and then in-laws either same time or just after. In-law have done this already as have 3 GC’s already, so I also know they’ll understand letting my mum be the first.

Personally NO hospital visitors as after birth can be unpleasant in terms of (period type bleeding but on a bigger scale), discomfort walking, trying to establish breastfeeding....yes once you are established you can do it with nothing much showing but the first while you may want to see exactly what's going on and not be doing it in front of visitors! (If you are BF). I also found that with prolonged hospital stays any spare minute I had was for getting a nap and catching up on sleep I had no wish for visitors! But everyone is different I guess. I'd make it clear now though if you think visitors are a bad idea....I'm pretty sure covid means none anyway...