Do I plan pregnancy around family wedding abroad?

[Finallybroody]

My brother lives abroad and his wedding is planned for summer 2022, after being cancelled twice already due to covid.

It’s a long haul flight, and the trip away will be a total of 3 weeks. It’s also in a Zika virus area - pregnant women advised not to travel there and I wouldn’t want to fly long haul during pregnancy anyway. Myself and DP are hoping we are able to start TTC in a few months time, as we don’t want to delay any further as I turn 35 this summer.

I have a very small family, and a couple of them have already said they won’t be going due to cost, and my parents have said to me “thank god you are coming otherwise there will only be us two there from your brothers side, I can’t believe X & Y are missing out”. I have floated the idea to my parents of what will happen if I couldn’t make it and they’ve said how terrible it’d be.

I don’t want to broadcast my TTC plans to my family as it’s something I wish to keep private but I feel under enormous pressure to make the choice to either let my brother and my parents down by TTC before we go and risk having to not go because I’m pregnant, or delaying TTC to next November, because you have to wait three months from arriving back to U.K. before sperm is clear of any infection.

I’m torn between not wanting to let my family down and have my brother upset that only his parents are there for his wedding (when his wife’s entire large family will be there), and not wanting to lose a precious few months TTC time when I’m already anxious about turning 35 very soon.

Has anyone else been in this situation before and what did you do?

When he moved abroad then these things are sometimes inevitable. I wouldn’t delay TTC at all.

At 35 wouldn’t delay ttc for this.

As I understand it, there is a blood test your partner can have on return to test for Zika so I don’t think you need to wait on return.

That said I wouldn’t just crack on. Why do you need to wait until later in the summer? If you got pregnant quick you might all be able to go, baby and all.

You have no idea how long it will take to fall pregnant. It took me over a year. Theoretically could you wait until Nov 2023 to fall pregnant?

In your position I would start TTC and take the chance. When you book a wedding abroad you have to accept the risk of people not being able to come for a number of reasons.

And I’m sure news of a grandchild would outweigh any disappointment on your parents part that you couldn’t make the wedding

Why not TTC now? The baby might be here in time for the wedding. I doubt your brother would meet them until they're several years old otherwise.

But no, I wouldn't not TTC for a wedding.

There's no way I would delay TTC for a wedding. You have no idea how long it would take and it's a big assumption on your brothers part to not think that you could be wanting to start a family.

In your position, i'd be honest with my family about it. A reasonable person would understand.

That said I wouldn’t just crack on. Why do you need to wait until later in the summer? If you got pregnant quick you might all be able to go, baby and all.

Sorry, meant WOULD crack on!

I wouldn’t delay TTC, you don’t know how long it will take.
Also we don’t know what the covid situation will be like in summer 2022. What if the wedding is moved again!

Frankly I'd be trying to get pregnant this month. Baby due end of March/start of April 2022 will make things bit easier to work round.

No way would I delay, even if I was younger.

I wouldn't delay.

I was 26 when I started TTC, stupidly I thought it would happen quickly, I'm now 28 and just about to give birth. I wish I had started trying waaaaay before I did.

Your making the assumption that you’ll get pregnant straight away. With my first at 26 I did. Four years later we’re on cycle number 5 with no luck yet. So no, I wouldn’t delay.

you could try.
I wouldn't

I wouldn't delay TTC, I'm sure your brother knows that by getting married where he lives there's a risk that a lot of people from his home country won't be able to make it so it shouldn't come as a surprise if you couldn't be there for any reason.

You don't know how long it'll take to get pregnant, we started trying for dc2 when I was 25, he was born a month before I turned 30. That being said I'm currently pregnant with DC3 who is due just before I turn 32, for pregnant while breastfeeding as assumed we'd never get pregnant without trying for a long time. So you never know, maybe you'd be attending the wedding with an extra guest 👶🏻

You do not delay TTC when you are 35. I would be trying right now if I were you.

I would no way delay. You don’t know how long it will take, you don’t know if wedding plans will change etc etc. I would ttc if you want to- the rest will get figured out in time.

Do not delay. How would you feel if you found out you had fertility issues and didn't manage to have a baby? It is, ultimately, just one day vs something so important.

Don't put it off. TTC is a big deal and if you are both ready for it now, then you certainly don't need to give consideration to anyone else. There's absolutely no need to put your family planning on hold. It's a pity if you miss the wedding but the upshot will be that you will either have or nearly have a new baby - that trumps a wedding any day! Your brother and family will surely understand the health risks involved and will just have to get over it.

Don’t wait. You would need to wait at least 3 months after visiting a Zika country to TTC so you are presumably looking at delaying over a year which I wouldn’t consider at 35

I wouldn’t delay TTC. It may take a while or you may need something like ivf which has an age cut off date in the NHS so if you wait till after the wedding then try for a year you may find yourself too old for ivf- cut off date in my NHS area is 37.

Don’t delay. You don’t know how long it will take and if it does take a bit of time then you will probably be quite resentful of your brother. Irrationally but TTC doesn’t tend to bring out many rational thoughts. Don’t book anything yet. If you’ve not got pregnant by the time you need to book, that is when I would tell your parents that you’re TTC and have been for a little while. I wouldn’t tell them now but after a few months you might want the support, it gets quite lonely. You might decide you need a break from TTC if it’s still not happened and the break for your brothers wedding might be what you need.

FWIW, it took us 10 months to get pregnant. I’m currently due 5 days after my BILs wedding, which is only 40 mins down the road. I certainly wasn’t planning on getting pregnant that close to his wedding but at 10 months I wasn’t prepared to delay. It’s likely we won’t be at the wedding. I feel bad but not bad enough to have delayed TTC or stopped TTC.

I wouldn’t delay. I wouldn’t even delay till the summer tbh.

(took me a year, at age 31)

Do NOT delay TTC. It could take you a few years, you just never know.