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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Want a boy but think I’m having a girl

41 replies

Sagittarius2021 · 06/06/2021 09:29

Please no judgment here I feel so guilty for having a preference in the first place and now especially

I’m about 10 weeks pregnant with mine and DP first baby and I’ve always wanted a boy first and I think I’m having a girl

I tried to not obsess over it and wait until it’s time to find out however I seen a psychic (please no skeptical comments, if you don’t believe I respect that) who said my first born child will be a baby girl and even said my due date month. I would brush it off but she has rave reviews from everyone and is rarely wrong

This has sent me into a panic and made me want to spend money to get private blood testing to confirm this

I know I’ll be a bit disappointed if it’s a girl because I want a boy so much but I want as much time as possible to deal with it so my disappointment goes away plenty of time before they arrive (this is if baby is indeed a girl)

For anyone wondering why I don’t want a girl. I really struggled growing up, I had no confidence, I had an eating disorder from primary school until nearly the end of secondary school. This led to severe anxiety and body dysmorphia which focused even on my facial looks rather than just body. I feel like being a girl/woman is so much harder and I don’t mean to stereotype I know boys can have a hard time growing up and have the exact same things I suffered from. I just had it built in my mind having a boy first. Please try not to judge I feel bad enough

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Ohhgreat · 06/06/2021 09:33

No judgement here!
Look up gender disappointment, its something many people suffer with.
And trust that you will love your child regardless. I promise!

Roadhouse111 · 06/06/2021 09:35

I think you should focus on the fact that your baby is healthy, seeing friends who have had babies with severe problems, spending months in hospital, needing around the clock care for the rest of their lives, that's heartbreaking.

I have both boy and girl, my girl was first and she is such a wee mummy to my boy, I love their dynamic she will definitely keep him right as they get older. You had issues as a child, doesn't mean any daughter will.

Coronawireless · 06/06/2021 09:42

I wanted a boy too! For not dissimilar reasons. I was afraid I mightn’t love a girl. Found out early to “get used” to the disappointment....I think it was the right thing to do. Had my DD and would not change her for a thousand boys!
Try not to worry OP. This is a time when anxieties and emotions kick in at full speed as you anticipate all the many responsibilities that lie ahead. It’s normal to want to try to control as much as possible including the gender. If you are worried that your anxieties and eating issues might be passed on to a DD that might be something you need to address with an expert to cut down the risk. But beyond that, try to roll with most things. If she is a girl she will be YOUR girl and that will change everything!

partyatthepalace · 06/06/2021 09:43

Lots of people feel like this.

Probably good to have a proper test to confirm when you can so you can get used to the idea. Trust that it will be fine, and remember that our assumptions about how are kids will be or will experience the world are often wrong.

Sleepyquest · 06/06/2021 09:57

Your feelings are valid although maybe a little extreme. You cannot change the sex of your baby so why stress over it?

L1ttleb1t · 06/06/2021 09:58

There's gender disappointment for a lot of people but this feels like more than that. I think there's a few things here you might want to think about taking to someone professional about. That's not with any judgement but just my concern that your own experiences in childhood might negatively influence how you cope with having a girl, if you do, and not projecting your feelings about growing up female into the child. I think it's better to talk about it now and work out for to deal with it pre birth. This is said with kindness and compassion for you, not with judgment.

Original poster

Sagittarius2021 · 06/06/2021 09:59

Thank you everyone. I do need to point out that even though I would be a little disappointed I will be happy as long as the baby is healthy! I want a healthy baby overall

I am considering this early blood test just so I can come to terms with it. I do need to stop stressing as the sex of the baby is already decided, but for some reason I did just think I’d get a boy first like I want

OP posts:

tukanada · 06/06/2021 10:09

If you are in the UK, testing to reveal sex is rightly only legal when there is a risk of serious genetic (x-linked) disease.

tukanada · 06/06/2021 10:10

You don't get to pick if you are having a girl or boy.

Raindropumbrella · 06/06/2021 10:12

I wanted a girl and ended up with a boy. I don’t love him any less

Original poster

Sagittarius2021 · 06/06/2021 10:14

@tukanada there is private blood testing you can pay to find out the gender. I’m sure private clinics wouldn’t offer this if it was illegal.

Also regarding your 2nd comment - I’m fully aware of that, thanks :)

OP posts:

TrashKitten10 · 06/06/2021 10:30

If you're having a boy, fantastic.

If you're having a girl then equally fantastic- you have an amazing opportunity to help her build all the skills, confidence and resilience to be able to handle any challenges she may face and not struggle as much as you have.

Life can be hard for women and girls but that doesn't mean any daughter of yours will find things as difficult as you have. She won't be a 'mini you' so try to detach your own struggles from your feelings around having a girl. I was a hideously shy child, overly eager to please, nervous, timid and self conscious and have struggled hugely through life with self esteem and confidence issues. DD is only 19 months but is so far the polar opposite. She loves socialising and is confident, fiesty and strong minded.

Every child is completely different and will have their own strengths and character traits and will face their own successes and challenges through life. Boy or girl you won't stop your child encountering difficulties and all you can do is take all your own skills and experience to raise them to face and overcome these difficulties. And I'm sure as soon as you hold your precious little baby you'll be so overcome with love you won't care one bit whether they're a boy or a girl

Iloveyou3x · 06/06/2021 10:33

Just want you to know that it’s okay to be disappointed and nervous and scared and apprehensive etc if you aren’t having the child you envisioned yourself with. Whatever you have it will be BETTER than you imagine! Promise

FTEngineerM · 06/06/2021 10:50

It’s hard to be disappointed when you’re staring at your baby for the first time in your arms after labour, maybe wait until their birth? It’s unlikely you’ll go ‘oh no, didn’t want a girl’ after birth.

mariebaby3 · 06/06/2021 11:03

I have a boy and a girl (who is the eldest and nearly a teen) already and when I found out about baby no 3 my instinct was that I wanted another boy. When I found out she was a girl I felt slight disappointment and also worry about having to go through bringing up another girl. The truth is that since then I’ve learnt that boys, they may appear simpler but we just don’t understand their complexities as well as we do a girls as we went through it ourselves. My DS is my world but as the hormones start kicking in I find myself so much more lost in a boys world that I do in DDs. I take comfort in the fact that so many girls I know, while they do pull away and go through difficult times when teenagers, they seem to come full circle and end up needing their mums again (I’m one of them).

MaybeCrazy2 · 06/06/2021 11:05

It’s funny isn’t it. You feel this way now but you won’t about after a week of the baby being here.

I was the same, wanted a boy, but she is so perfect I wouldn’t change her for a million boys.

Moonshine11 · 06/06/2021 11:07

Gender disappointment is a real thing but until you know what baby is I wouldn’t stress over it.
As you know you could well be having a boy.
Either way it’ll be the most amazing love you’ve felt but I understand it takes time to get your head round things.
Go for the harmony test if it’ll help you.

murbblurb · 06/06/2021 11:09

Wouldn't be hard for the psychic to find out the due date by cold reading and a bit of cyber stalking, and she has a 50 50 chance of guessing the sex correctly. You got ripped off by a heartless con artist and I'm sorry for that.

If you have a girl, you can do her a favour by discouraging all the girly shit and horrendous stereotypes. If you have a boy, you can do him a favour by discouraging all the blokey stereotypes ( e.g keep him away from the organised bullying of amateur team sport and the racism and violence of supporter culture). There is no boys world or girls world.

AyyMacarena · 06/06/2021 11:11

We wanted a boy, DP desperately so. Your feelings are valid. It's ok to feel this way. The only thing I can say, and it's a bit generic, once they are here it really won't matter.

Chelyanne · 06/06/2021 11:18

It's pretty normal to hope for one or the other so don't feel guilty for it. You will adore your baby either way and you can help them avoid the issues you had as they grow up.

We hoped for a boy this time but are having our 5th girl, we do have one boy too (I feel for the boy but he's not bothered).

TuvoknotSpock · 06/06/2021 11:18

It is completely legal to test for the sex I think you can have the harmony from 8 weeks. It's not usually available on the NHS though, on my if medically needed.

OP I feel you, no judgement. Sounds like the harmony test might be for you then you have longer to bond and get used to the idea x

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 06/06/2021 11:30

I wanted a boy, we had an early sex scan and found out we were having a girl. I was slightly disappointed to begin with, but then I could start looking at girly clothes and thinking of ideas to decorate her nursery and the excitement kicks in. The main priority is that baby is healthy. She's 18 months and from the minute she was born, I couldn't imagine having a boy, she has her own personality and she's a lovely little girl. Whatever you have, it'll feel right when the baby is here.

Flutterby8 · 06/06/2021 11:41

No judgement here either. Currently pregnant with my first and both DH and I would be really pleased to have a girl. Im happy to just have a healthy baby as its taken a while to get here.
But, in the back of my mind I cant shake the feeling of wanting a girl over a boy.
We have had our 12 week scan and I am sure I can see a boy nub. I havent put the pics on any 'nub expert' sites because we havent even told all of our families and it feels weird to do so. Plus, as weird as it sounds, I think I would feel disappointed if it came back as a definate boy this early on.
I have been on google and looked for ages at different confirmed scan photos and still I dont know.
Whatever the sex of the baby, it will be loved more than anything Im sure.

RainingZen · 06/06/2021 11:49

I wonder if part of your panic is because if it isnt a boy then your belief in psychic forecasts will be shaken?

I had a girl first, was rather hoping for a boy although for similar reasons to you. But actually having a girl has been great, and she is wonderful as a big sis to my DS2.

Original poster

Sagittarius2021 · 06/06/2021 12:29

Just want to say a big thank you for all of your messages. I guess I need to stop stressing as I can’t control it and realise I’ll still love them no matter what they are

OP posts:

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