Too Soon to Tell Parents?

[DerbyDuck22]

Hi all, looking for some advice on a topic I bet has been covered a lot on here... when to tell my parents I'm expecting their first grandchild. Also, when to tell my grandmother.

I'm nearly 6 weeks and considering telling my parents pretty soon after my first midwife appointment, which will then be 8 and 1/2 weeks. I know that risk of miscarriage is still high at this point and will be at least until the 12 week mark but here are the factors I have to consider:

• I'm very close to my mum, this is my first pregnancy after several months of trying and I could really use her advice (or comfort if something goes wrong)

• At 9 weeks we'll be travelling north to attend my cousin's wedding. Taxis and hotel rooms are booked so keeping the lack of alcohol (and possible morning sickness) from them will be near impossible. It'll also be tricky to hide it from the many aunties, uncles and cousins without someone to cover for me.

• The day after the wedding will likely be the last time I see my Gran in person for several weeks - she lives in a care home and is in the early stages of dementia. I worry that waiting much longer risks her not being able to understand and I'll have missed sharing that moment with her.

My OH prefers to wait a bit longer (we're planning to tell his family at 12 weeks) but says if I'd be more comfortable telling them earlier he'll back me 100%.

So should I take the risk and tell them? Any advice much appreciated.

I told mine and in-laws 20 minutes after I found out!
I didn’t realise people waited to tell parents tbh!

But to add, tell them! Sounds like you need to mums words of wisdom and comfort! She’ll be over the moon.

Same! I told mine straight away but I could trust them to keep a secret.

I called my mum within minutes of knowing, there is no way I would want to keep it from her.

What's the risk? If something went wrong you'd need support. I told my parents as soon as I'd told DH.

Told my mum 3 mins after my positive pregnancy test!

Can you book an early scan at 8 weeks, before midwife appointment, so you see heartbeat? Rates of miscarriage plummet after you see heartbeat so might make you feel more comfortable announcing to Mum/grandparent.

Sounds like you really want to tell her, so you should! And congratulations

I didn't want to tell family etc until after the first scan, that was at 12w for me. As if I'd had a loss I'd have wanted to get on with it myself and not talk about it etc.

Tell them whenever you want. I remember people saying not to tell anyone until you are 12 weeks many years ago when I was pregnant. It felt to me superstitious as if I said something my pregnancy wouldn't last, which is totally ridiculous.

You are pregnant share it with your loved ones. Early pregnancy is exhausting enough with out worrying about this as well.
Congratulations as well.

I told my parents at 8 weeks, DH's family were told at about 14 weeks after we got the scan results back

I don't really get the 12 weeks thing. I told family and close friends when I had a positive test. If I had a miscarriage then I would tell them, I would want their support, so no risk. I think the waiting to 12wks thing is peculiar to this country, that's what I've been told anyway.

I told my parents straight away. They obviously didn't broadcast it to anyone, but I had an ectopic previously and needed their support, so I knew if anything went wrong, I would still want their support.

Congratulations!

I told everyone straight away - didn't ever think not too.

I always thought you should tell anyone who you would want to support you if something did go wrong.

@muchtoocold

I always thought you should tell anyone who you would want to support you if something did go wrong.

That was my thinking too. We told my mum straight away, and other friends fairly soon too.

I told my parents at six weeks, having known since about 10dpo. I figured I would share any struggles with them anyway and I just wanted to let them know the good news! It felt so weird seeing them and not saying anything! Go for it :)

If you'd want their support, tell them. Loads of people do.

I don't have parents and kept it a complete secret from everyone but DH until I was 10 weeks, then we told the in-laws and a few close friends.

We waited to tell the in-laws as they can be a bit overbearing; and they'd be no support if it went wrong... they'd be the last people I'd want to know, to be honest.

It sounds like you would like your mum's support now, and would also want it if things went wrong, so go ahead and tell her

Congratulations!

We told parents and siblings at 9 weeks as it was Christmas and me not drinking would have been a dead giveaway! We did stress it was very early days and managed to get an early scan on Xmas Eve which showed a heartbeat which was really reassuring. I’m not entirely sure DMil kept to the ‘don’t tell a soul’ directive but no one let on to me that they knew so I didn’t care congrats!

Announcing it to the world is different, I'd be really hurt if my dd waited 12 weeks.
Like you say, you want her advice and support whatever happens.

With DD2, my parents were told just before my 12w scan but I had had two early scans and needed my dad to take my place for something (not safe whilst pregnant but he needed a heads up that he was doing it). Told DH’s parents and our siblings at the event my dad had to take my place at the weekend after my scan. Would have preferred to tell them altogether after the scan but needs must.

Tell them whenever you want to, no need to over think it. I did so pretty much as soon as I knew.

I am nearly 6 weeks too! I have booked in an early private scan for when I will be 7+4 as we are going away with my parents on holiday for a week when I am 7+6... Also, that weekend will be fathers day, so assuming everything is okay with the early scan.. my dad will be getting a Grandad fathers day card and thats how we are going to break the news to my parents!! I can't wait to see their faces!

Also, I wouldn't be able to keep the no drinking away from them all week without telling them!

You can tell them whenever you like. I didn't tell anyone until 17 weeks including parents. I didn't feel pregnant, was busy with my life and it wasn't on my mind too much so it was easy and natural not to say anything. I feel like pregnancy is long enough without it being topic of conversation for 7 or 8 months.

If you lost the baby god forbid would you keep that secret from your mum?
If not, tell her now.

I told my mum with our 1st around 8wk but only because I didn't know what I was going to do, she came to the dating scan with me too. Our others I didn't tell them until after the 1st scan.
I haven't ever discussed my miscarriages with my mum or any other member of my family, had 5 of them between 8 & 12wk with lots of chemicals too. I only found out my parents had lost twins many years ago when I told them we were expecting our twins. It's just one of those barely spoken of things.