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Original poster

Please can someone help - termination today

30 replies

Needsupport111 · 23/05/2021 10:15

Name changed

I’ve got to be quick

I’m in absolute bits. Found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with baby number 4 last weekend.
Phoned EPU and arranged termination - I’m due in at 11am for first tablet, scan & bloods
Back Tuesday and have to stay in all day. 4 tablets and then repeated every 3 hours if I don’t loose the pregnancy

I don’t know if I can do this
I haven’t slept I can’t eat I can’t stop being sick. I don’t know what to do. It’s head v heart
Please has anyone been in this position

I’m usually much more articulate than this but I can’t think straight and can’t stop crying
Only me and my husband know I don’t have anyone else who knows I can’t beint myself to tell my mum or sister

We have 3 DC already
1 DD age 8
DS age 3 - my son has autism, GDD & SPD. Very dependant still, non verbal, in nappies. Will be going to an IR pre school in September
DS age 2- toilet trained, no concerns with development

I don’t know if I have the capacity for another child.
Financially it isn’t an issue and our house is big enough
But it’s the other stuff
Running 4 around to clubs
Getting ready in the mornings with 4
I don’t know how my son will be with another baby, he is doing really well at the moment and making fantastic
Progress but what if he struggles?

We never planned for 4. Our family is so happy as we are and we are at a lovely stage now the youngest is a bit older

Someone please help. I don’t think I can go through with this but I don’t know if I can cope with 4.

I’m 8 weeks tomorrow. I’ve had 3 c sections.

Sorry for such a ramble post. I’m trying to get everything down.

OP posts:
Waitingforbabypage · 23/05/2021 10:18

Didn't want to read and run,
I am so sorry you're going through this- unfortunately only you and your husband can answer if this is the right choice for you.
If you feel too rushed, are you able to move your appointment to a different date to give you more time to talk it through and really think about it?
Hope you're ok. Xx

Original poster
Needsupport111 · 23/05/2021 10:20

We tried for 3 years for DD, then 4 years for DS1 then conceived really quickly with DS2
Which makes it even harder
We tried so hard for our family

OP posts:
Original poster
Needsupport111 · 23/05/2021 10:20

Thank you @Waitingforbabypage I could yes. In my mind 8 weeks is already quite late and I don’t know if I could do it any later. If that makes sense? Thank you for replying to me x

OP posts:
somersault · 23/05/2021 10:21

I'm so sorry you're in this position. It doesn't sound like you are sure enough. I would tell them you want to postpone the appointment and have a think before then. Flowers

Topseyt · 23/05/2021 10:22

Do you need more time? Maybe it would be a good idea to postpone the appointment for a couple of weeks and try to get some counselling?

Moules · 23/05/2021 10:24

I don’t know you or your situation and I don’t want to make your regret any worse if you go through with this, but you will cope fine with a 4th child. Once they’re here you won’t be able to imagine life without them.

Topseyt · 23/05/2021 10:25

You actually don't sound very sure that you want to go through with this, so maybe doing it today is too hasty? Definitely consider postponing it to have time to think.

sarah13xx · 23/05/2021 10:25

Go and read the post from the lady about a termination last week. She took the first tablet then instantly regretted it and was trying to save the baby 😰 Just make sure you are really sure before going to the appointment, which you don’t sound like you are. It’s your decision to make but it sounds like you may end up feeling like her. Can you speak to your husband about it? What is his view? x

FlannelandPuce · 23/05/2021 10:27

It feels reading your post that you are not sure what you want to do and haven't made a decision yet. Maybe try to delay the termination until you are in a better position to know what you want. It's a big decision to rush into and the effects can be long lasting. Lots of people have 4 and manage, but only you and your husband can decide if you can cope.

Bubbles1st · 23/05/2021 10:28

You need more time. Don't do it just because you booked it. The baby doesn't sound unwanted just unplanned and there is a big difference to consider.

Big hugs and see how you feel if you cancel. It will probably help you make up your mind one way or another, you'll either feel relieved or concerned.

I hope you make the best decision for you.

Whythesadface · 23/05/2021 10:28

You can go and sit and think before you take the pills.
Decide what you want, either way it will be your choice and that is allowed, this is your body and no one needs to know you ever went to the clinic, you can just not say.

Tokyo87 · 23/05/2021 10:29

If you are so unsure, I would say wait, even if it's just another week, so you have some
more time to think.

Only you and your husband can decide, but whatever decision you make it won't be the wrong one, it will just be the path you have chosen to take.

I would say try to think about how you will feel in a few years time in both scenarios - eg having this baby and not. How does each scenario make you feel, what are the pros/cons of each, how do you think you're other children would feel, etc. I would try my best to use a mixture of head and heart when making a decision like this, but ultimately I think I'd go with my heart. Good luck to you xx

Mumoftwo2021 · 23/05/2021 10:29

So sorry your in this situation. I agree it’s a huge decision and it sounds like you need more time.
I would say to discuss again with your DH and about the impact of both situations.

I am pregnant with my third which wasn’t planned & my oh wanted an abortion but I just couldn’t I had a termination at 20 years old and it’s never left me, I couldn’t do it again.
I showed my OH a video on termination because he didn’t understand what it entails, therefore his decision was more practical.
From there we decided to keep the baby as neither of us could live with the decision to terminate. Although we can’t comfortably afford it or have the room at home, we will make it work.
Everyone’s decisions are different and it’s your choice and your life that will change, weigh it all up and make a decision that you feel comfortable with and not rushed into xXx

KurtWilde · 23/05/2021 10:29

I'm sorry you're going through this. If you're this distraught I'd say you're not ready to deal with a termination. It can take a massive toll on your emotional well-being going forward if you're not 100% sure.

Original poster
Needsupport111 · 23/05/2021 10:29

You’ve all made my cry thank you for being kind.
I have the coil in this is a contraception failure. I never imagined being in this position it’s breaking my heart.
My husband has the same pros and cons as me and will support whatever decision I make. He’s been great. He is also struggling to decide either way. It hurts so much.

OP posts:
GeorgeandHarold66 · 23/05/2021 10:31

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also think you should wait. Maybe give yourself another week to reflect. You don't sound ready.

Waitingforbabypage · 23/05/2021 10:32

@Needsupport111

Thank you *@Waitingforbabypage* I could yes. In my mind 8 weeks is already quite late and I don’t know if I could do it any later. If that makes sense? Thank you for replying to me x
I completely understand, but it really does sound like you do need more time. I would absolutely hate for you to rush in to this and then regret it.

I've been there. It's not good.

As someone else has said, it doesn't sound like the baby is unwanted, just unplanned.

ICECream821 · 23/05/2021 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlannelandPuce · 23/05/2021 10:34

I have a few friends who had terminations and have struggled to come to terms with it many years later, so make sure it's what you definitely want. We have 2 DC when I fell pregnant with 3. It wasn't planned and I was very scared of having another one after 2 very difficult pregnancies and labour, and the effect on our family. But, we have coped and our youngest and middle child in particular have a very close relationship. I could not imagine life without him and although a surprise he was a lovely gift for our family.

StartupRepair · 23/05/2021 10:38

I hope you can take a bit of time to think it through. Feel for you being in this tough situation.

mummygonemad · 23/05/2021 10:57

Hello, I was in this position a few weeks ago. I have decided to go ahead with pregnancy. Baby number 2. But each situation is different. Go with your gut and don't feel guilty for doing what's best for you x

ChilliChaos · 23/05/2021 11:01

Hi OP. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

I’ve never had a termination so my opinion is only based on what I think I’d do. But, I do have a 3 year old DS with the same conditions as yours and understand completely why you’re worried (I also have a 2 year old dd and he is really only just coming to terms with the fact she’s here to stay. She is also going through the system for suspected ASD)

If I were in your position I would be broken-hearted but I would terminate the pregnancy, for the sake of us all. Raising a child with additional needs is so hard and although a pregnancy is a blessing to most, the needs of the children who are already here need to come first.

L1ttleb1t · 23/05/2021 11:16

Hi op

I'm so sorry - this is in sure agonising for you.

Did you know about nupas? They offer free confidential counseling on your choices. They don't push you either way ( some services you find online are pro life and will try to influence you on religious grounds so watch out for them). Nupas has a telephone service - I'd definitely give them a call.

Love and strength to you whatever you decide. There is no right or wrong choice. Just do the best you can with the choices you have.

www.nupas.co.uk/

Original poster
Needsupport111 · 23/05/2021 11:18

@ChilliChaos thank you for your post. You’ve really articulated how I feel; that my existing children need to come first no matter how hard it’s going to be.
My eldest son is the same with the youngest; he tolerates him but only just. I worry it would cause further regression for us to change his life so much. When my youngest was born he wasn’t quite 2. I feel he would struggle more this time.
I’ve just arrived for my appointment.
It’s so hard but I just don’t think another child would be fair on the 3 I have:
My DD is so understanding of the time I have to spend with my DS1. She amazing with him and we ensure she has quality 1-1 time with us too. I don’t think I could stretch myself to do that with another baby.

Thank you all so much for your kind posts. It really means the world to me to have some support.
I have no doubt this will be hard, but ultimately I know I’m doing what’s best for my family.

OP posts:
SinkGirl · 23/05/2021 11:29

OP, can you delay a little just to give yourself space?

I have twins who are autistic and globally delayed and I don’t honestly think I could cope with a baby even though I desperately want another child. I understand how difficult this must be.

I don’t think you have really had the time and space to come to this decision though and I think it’s best that you give yourself more time and some counselling. Even if you reach the same conclusion.

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