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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Gender disappointment

44 replies

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 17:10

Hi everyone,
I don't know the gender of my baby yet officially but I have a very strong boy feeling and am getting boy from nub groups. I really believe it is a boy.
I already have a boy and I will love the relationship the two have but I'm definitely feeling some disappointment already (we will get it confirmed but I do feel so strongly that it's a boy). Anyone gone through this and have any wisdom to share?
We're not definitely "done" so there is a potential for a girl in the future.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 20/05/2021 17:12

I thought I was having a boy. She’s 2 now. I wasn’t bothered either way so didn’t find out before she was born.

You’re not alone. There are countless threads about this on here and 99% of them are upset about having a boy.

HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 17:13

I have four children - all boys. They're fab. The dog is a girl though😂

HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 17:14

Congratulations whatever you have 🎉

Original poster

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 17:19

@HarrisMcCoo ah I know that if I had a tribe of boys I'd be happy too in the end!
Did you ever feel like me? Or happy either way all the way through?

Thank you everyone! Do feel so grateful and happy to have a healthy growing baby and love my son more than words and wouldn't change him for anything! I just don't know how to deal with this feeling right now.

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reallyreallyborednow · 20/05/2021 17:22

I found it useful to think what can you do with a girl that you can’t do with a boy, and vice versa.

Answer is, nothing. You may get a boy that’s deeply into fashion and shopping, you may get a girl that plays football so you have to hang around in the cold and wet every saturday.

The relationship is based on personality, and is about finding shared interests, not on whether your genitals match :)

andivfmakes3 · 20/05/2021 17:29

You said you aren't "done" having children so it's not like this is your last chance to try for a girl....

Original poster

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 17:35

@andivfmakes3 true. We're not definite either way. We will see what we feel like when the time comes but I'm glad it's not a decision that's made already.
I know all of this logically - but it's hard to get passed the feelings.

And @reallyreallyborednow you're definitely right! Again things I know logically.

It will pass I suppose! I was just hoping to hear from someone who felt like this and was out the other side just as some reassurance even though I know i'll love my 2 little boys and may or may not have a girl in the future joining them.

OP posts:

HitsAndMrs · 20/05/2021 17:36

I love having two the same sex. I have friends with a girl and a boy and they don't play together and have different interests. I have two girls but if I didn't, I would like two boys if I could choose rather than one of each. My friend has made several comments about her boy and girl being the perfect scenario which is what she wants, but not for me! 2 boys will be so lovely.

MajorNeville · 20/05/2021 17:38

I always wanted a big gang of boys, I had one boy and was excited for another, I think if I'd had a boy I'd have tried for another. I had a girl, she is fantastic, she isn't very 'girly', whatever that means, but if for some reason she wants to be that way in the future it still won't change her character, that's the most amazing thing about her. I adore both of my children, what sex they are barely registers most of the time.

Iloveyou3x · 20/05/2021 17:40

I have two boys, always envisioned myself with a girl, but truth is they’re so cute together, like peas in a pod. There’s 4 years between them but they do play together and have fun. They are both about to be big brothers again and they’re both really excited. You’ll LOVE him the minute you set eyes on him I promise. There’s something so vulnerable and precious about a tiny newborn boy 💙 I still long for my boys as newborns even now. I’m not sure what I’m having this time around.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 20/05/2021 17:48

I think that people tend to forget that each child is different regardless of gender. I have two girls with very different personalities and looks. So I personally wouldn't worry about which gender you get . Whatever you have it will feel right and you won't be able to imagine it any other way.

HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 17:52

loveandwarmth I didn't really mind. Surprise with DC1, DH wanted to know with DC2, but after that we just had two surprises. It is always best to treat them as individuals rather than boy/girl. My youngest was a preemie so I had him under stressful circumstances and ultimately just wanted a live birth. The boy tribe keeps me busy 🙈😂

You will have the children you are meant to have. Looking deeper than this won't achieve anything, then you miss out on the lovely children you do have.

I appreciate these are valid feelings that you are having, but it will honestly all work out for you 🙌

Original poster

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 17:55

Thanks everyone! I know that I'll love them and they will be them and have their own little personalities regardless of gender.
I have obviously never wished my little boy was anything other than he is!
And I know you're all right!

My boy is confident yet quiet and careful and so sweet and loves giving and getting kisses - although he's not one for cuddles!
I do think, not a lot would be actually different if I had a girl! It's more when they get older and have kids I think.

You know that MIL grandmother relationship much of the time is not the same as your own mum if you get me?
I will obviously just be the best MIL ever and be close to the grandkids no matter what 🤣. Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:

chocolatesweets · 20/05/2021 17:55

Boys are easier 😂

Original poster

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 17:57

@chocolatesweets my boy was such a difficult newborn! We both cried the majority of the first 6 months of his life but since then he is honestly so chilled. He is easy as far as toddlers go for sure!

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HarrisMcCoo · 20/05/2021 17:57

Talkwhilstyouwalk I agree. All my boys have very different personalities.

Fundays12 · 20/05/2021 18:18

I have 3 boys all very different. DS1 is what people expect boys to be as he is boisterous, outgoing and loves bikes, dinasours, trains and cars etc and doesn't like pink. He has been like this since he was little.

DS2 loves pink, shopping and today I bought him a Barbie, Barbie car and Minnie mouse cup which had asked for. He doesn't like blue and prefers playing with girls (his bestfriend is a girl). He is 4.

DS3 is only 1 but so far loves Peppa Pig, outdoor stuff , dolls and dinasours.

Ignore the stereotypes and imagine your child as they are individuals with there own personality regardless of the sex they are born.

Moonshine11 · 20/05/2021 18:30

Just curious as to when do you find out?
You could very well have a girl, I’ve not known anyone to be disappointed before they’ve even found out 🤷🏼‍♀️

sundowners · 20/05/2021 18:44

I don't think its true that most gender disappointment threads are about having boys at all actually. The majority of recent ones here have longed for a boy, but had some fear about having a girl. Iloveyou3x I so agree with that, baby boys are adorable (as of course are girls just in a different way!). There is also something so special about mother-son bonds.

nacarlo89 · 20/05/2021 18:50

I understand what you are saying but some people struggle to have one child at all. Don't take it for granted and be happy for a healthy and happy baby ☺️

Chelyanne · 20/05/2021 18:53

We were hoping for a boy this time but we're having our 5th! girl, we do have 1 boy. I'm just happy she's doing well after losses but dh couldn't hide his disappointment despite having a face mask on, he got over it though.

If this one is a boy as you feel then you'll get your head around it. Don't think that your 1st being a bit more difficult than you expected is down to sex/gender. They're all different and you have experience on your side after the 1st so it'll feel easier.

Hufflepuffsunite · 20/05/2021 19:11

I have 2 boys and they are complete opposites. First an absolute terror from the day he was born and the second is the most easygoing child ever! I know if one had been a girl we would have attributed the differences at least partially to that, but the truth is all kids are individuals. I'm sure you wouldn't swap your first for the world and you will feel exactly the same about your second, regardless of their sex.

Original poster

loveandwarmth · 20/05/2021 21:51

Thanks everyone I know you're all right! As I said before I think the biggest things I think about are way way into the future. Them getting married, having children and the mother daughter relationship involved in those things.
As you say little ones are little ones no matter whether they're boys or girls and all have their own personalities!

I'm feeling much better now! Very positive about my 2 little boys.

And of course @nacarlo89 I am not taking it for granted at all and realise we're very lucky to be in the position we're in. Unfortunately feelings are sometimes irrational and you can't just switch them off!

@Moonshine11 we find out officially in June but we're pretty confident it's a boy from what we've seen and who we've talked to. Someone showed me the penis and scrotum on the scan and it is quite clear. It's a late first scan so things are more developed than they usually would be at the dating scan.

OP posts:

Worriesome · 20/05/2021 22:01

@loveandwarmth - I’m having my 3rd girl and I can resonate with how you’re feeling. I’m over the moon and in the end all we really want is health for our children but it would be nice to have a boy in the gang. This will be the last so I will probably have a little ‘what if’ feeling now and again. Overall I’m grateful though, can’t take anything for granted these days. Congratulations x

SquarePeggyLeggy · 20/05/2021 22:10

I so desperately wanted my girl. As soon as I saw the test, I thought to myself, please please be a girl. I had lost 4 pregnancies, all of them female. I wanted that girl!! I craved it and my husband openly said: I really hope it’s a girl!
We didn’t find out but I thought about secretly asking, because I wanted time to get as excited about a boy. He deserves an excited Mum. I really worked on it and focused on what I love about my son and husband which is a lot! By the time my baby came, on the day, I was ready and genuinely very excited to have either! It really helped that I chose a boy name that I loved, and tried to imagine having that little boy here and running around and what he might be like. I imagined both and just couldn’t wait to meet them.
It was a girl! I was like: hm, that’s great, is she healthy? The gender issue that had been HUGE was just not important in that moment.

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